Dear Journal

Journal Entries. Created on 2015.04.17

[melodramaticwriting]

12.04.15

The worst part is that I know now I can't come out to my parents ever. They threaten go kick us out if for something so petty so if I ever came out it would be so huge they probably would kick me out right there and then. It's pretty disappointing...

[melodramaticwriting]

11.27.15

I honestly think I should have killed myself after highschool finished. Sadly I had the worst idea ever and continue to live, now I’m alive after a 5 semesters of university. I’m getting kicked out for not meeting the grade marks, all the studying I spent and it didn’t amount to anything. I wasted so much money, all that money could have just gone to my parents or if I was dead then no worries anymore. But nope, I had to spend that 10k for school and its all wasted now…I fucked up so bad.

[melodramaticwriting]

2015.06.21

Dear journal, Sometimes I get this feeling of sadness out of nowhere, or like not really nowhere but your mind wanders to those areas where it shouldn’t. I’m glad I’ve finally made memories that make me happy too! like when me and my friends cooked food, swam together, and this recently new  memory when me and 3 other friends just kind of ended up chilling in my room. We talked for hours on end and it just felt really nice and different. I never had like a hangout session that was just sitting down and talking. It was always doing something but I hate that. Not really, but its tiring and this was like the first time I hung out like that! Thanks friends for all that.

[melodramaticwriting]

2015.06.02

Dear journal, I don't think I can do school from 10:30am to 6:30pm. Sigh it's very life draining. Also the people I hangout with are kind of annoying. They're so loud and just never learn to respect others and the rules of places. I dislike this and lately I haven't been able to sleep so maybe I'm just angry sigh ...

[melodramaticwriting]

2015.05.27

Dear journal, Honestly today has been such a terrible day. My re-occurring nightmare happened, I was late to school, this friend that’s a so called religious person likes to manipulate and shit on the bible, then chooses to make the group awkward. Now there’s some weird tension that just built up, damn it. I also rushed my way home cause I got a call that my dog was hurt, very badly, his cut is huge. I ran to the store, bought some medical items and ran home. I almost got hit by a car and I’m just so exhausted now. I just wanna lay on my bed and cry or something. Today was so overwhelming. Tomorrow is stressful too, I’m forced to go hangout with supposed friends. Sigh...I need my break from people but they’re forcing it on me. I hate everything right now everything isn’t going well.

[melodramaticwriting]

2015.05.22

Dear journal, I watched Project Almanac recently, thinking about the whole concept of time travelling. I’m not sure if I want to change the world or at least change my future. I’d say I’m half and half for the idea of changing my mistakes, like I’ve made mistakes where I would never change it cause it made me better. On the other note, I’ve made mistakes where it messed me up so much even now it has haunted me still. I would risk my life and be ready for the ripple/butterfly effect. I think sometimes I’ve just lost everything and I’ve got nothing left, (that’s what I believe in sometimes) that I’d be ready to change my mistakes from the past even if I ended up with a new life when I’d return back to the actual time or whatever. I’m not sure but I’d mess up and fuck up my whole life if I got a time travel, so I’d be afraid to try and I'm just rambling now. 

[melodramaticwriting]

2015.05.16

Dear journal, Honestly today was very out there! I stayed up late talking to this boy I met, I'm not 100% sure how it went but I'd like to talk to him more. I woke up wayyyy too early, so and a crazy part of the day was when I was on the bus. There was this hornet that entered. It was three windows away from me, each stop it came closer. A window length closer. Good thing I was three bus stops till my stop...oh my I thought it was going to be the end of me. Pretty much after that life and death situation I went home and built my bed, finally done after two days of laboring by myself. My parents never helped sigh but I'm done! It feels good, looks good and feels study. Now I just have to deck it out with my photos I took and paste it on the wall and then add some white Christmas lights. Then I can turn it into my YouTube wall space as well as a awesome wall thing..

[melodramaticwriting]

2015.05.15

Dear journal, Something has been eating away in me lately. Theres this moment in life where after a couple months has passed after a break up and you believe you've gotten over your ex. You're all up and about and you get on your bus. After a few stops, you see somebody enter...and its your ex. The ex that you thought you were over but the moment you saw them again, it all came back in an instant. It happened to me, I really thought I was over him but its a lie. I can't, I saw him and it was like I needed him back. My whole days sucked cause it bothered me how I'm not even close to being over him.

[melodramaticwriting]

2015.05.09

Dear journal, What did I do? It feels like everyone is on my back trying to attack me. Hating on me. My friends, or supposedly said friends seem to dislike me. Everything I do seems to be denied, put down, discarded or ignored. Are they really friends? We all made a pact to stay friends forever, we were all good friends but I guess time does ruin things. Even the ones i believed to last forever, the ones I've told all my secrets to and poisoned myself for their sake. It all came down to me being left in the dust. What did I do to make you guys hate me so much...I guess you've found better people. I'll try to move on too then, leave the group, I'm not even sure saying good bye is necessary anymore. You guys have made it quite simple and easy to do this I guess. I'll just start over and forget our past existed. I'll find new friends I guess, thanks for the help. To push me? to find new friends.. Eh... Sorry for whatever I did...

[melodramaticwriting]

2015.05.06

Dear journal, Everyone today seems to be a prick. You know I thought I had friends who I could rely on but I'm very wrong, or just friends who want my presence. Not sure how to word it so it doesn't sound pretentious. Well I'm quite pissed off at some friends because they're one of those friends that post 50 photos to show "hey we're hanging out". Then proceed to lie and forget that to invite me, of course they post it in the group private chat. The only reason to do so is because they want the others to feel jealous. Why else would they post it to the private group chat if they're all hanging out together already. I don't like people like that, I'll probably ignore and avoid them from now on.

[melodramaticwriting]

2015.04.25

Dear journal, Today was quite long but fun. I've been awake since 6am because I had to go to work, although working wasn't enjoyable the talking part was. My coworkers and I had fun, well I did I guess. Anyways after that, I had like a 6 hour skype call with my friends, we played a lot. It was quite fun, I enjoy the whole fantasy and magic stuff. Being a summoner is also super fun and controlling ice based magic. Its my two favourite things in a fantasy game. Why? I like the whole army thing and I tend to see ice as a strong and beautiful element. If I ever got to choose a power in real life I'd love to have ice powers to create creatures, my fantasy nerd life would be fulfilled. Overall my gaming life took over today, I forgot to do chores and read the new book I bought. Which is Connor Franta's book "Work In Progress", I read about the first 5 pages in the bus. Its quite an attention catcher. I like it and I can't wait to read it again but for now I have to practice to get my L for driving, so I have to practice then I'll go back to reading.

[melodramaticwriting]

2015.04.23

Dear journal, It’s the semester break, it’s been less than a week in and I've ran out of stuff to do. I started doing tons of chores now, washing dishes, doing my laundry and even cleaning my room. It feels nice being productive but I wish I did something a bit more fun, so I've made up my mind and I’m going to buy a book. I’m interested in Connor Franta’s new book. Hopefully that will take me a month to finish and I’m studying to get my L car license now. I’m three years late...oops haha. It’s about time, I’ll need it for university even though I've already failed two classes and it’s my first years. It’s so demoralizing, I’m not sure I want to continue anymore. I have this up-coming semester to up my GPA, if that doesn't work out. I’ll be kicked out...

[melodramaticwriting]

2015.04.22

Dear journal, I've had illusions of my past or something like that. When I turn my wrists and look at it, I see my cuts again not fully healed. It's only for a few seconds at a time bug I do see it, even in my dreams I see it and it scares me. I'm not one hundred percent sure what to do, I was hoping a few days of relaxing worked but really didn't. Maybe it's because I found out I failed my psychology 102 class. It's my first university class I've failed. It doesn't feel good and I'm afraid to tell my parents. I'm paying for all my tuition from now on, so even if I fail I won't waste their money anymore. I'm a failure but at least nobody else will be hurt along the way. It will be a journey that I'll travel on my own.

[melodramaticwriting]

2015.04.19

Dear journal, I appreciate all the concerns my parents have about which bed I sleep on but I wish I had a say about it. Out of all the IKEA bed frames and beds we saw, the three I wanted were so quickly denied. I spent my whole IKEA trip moping around, I knew its bad and they just really care about my future (room wise, you know?). Seriously I'll handle with the consequences later. I'm thinking deep down, they just want me to get a good bed so they can host guests in my room. Its always been like that, I'm the one who gets to suffer. Anyways today didn't turn out too well~

[melodramaticwriting]

2015.04.18

Dear journal,

I had my last final of the semester. It went pretty bad, I’m afraid I’ll have to retake the class. I studied a lot and I doubt its enough for a passing grade, I could barely answer half the questions on it. Everyone keeps asking about how I did on it and I’ve lied to everyone. “Oh it went well!” No not at all, it was down hill the moment I read the first page, I knew I couldn’t make it out. Here’s hoping my marker is nice and tries their best to let me pass. Today sucked, I’ve drowned myself is food, anime and games. Yikes…

[melodramaticwriting]

2015.04.17

Dear Journal, This is my first entry, today was such a bore. My whole day was filled with English terms, and summaries of stories by famous writers from awhile back. They’re all so beautifully written but they don’t catch my attention, their words and the way they create their stories are amazing. I guess they’re not my type of books, I still don’t know what types of books are my type you know? I’m glad it’s sunny, studying by the window; I get the chance to day-dream. I love day-dreaming it’s quite soothing and relaxing cause I’m the one who get’s to make up whatever I want...anyways it was about this picnic that me and a few friends are going to have in a few weeks. I’m excited even though I act like it’s something I’d rather avoid going to. I just pictured us all having drinks, paper plates full of food and laughing at something we were all crowding around. Even though it’s just a day-dream, it’s kind of my high-light of the day. Probably because underneath all of this, I’m some kid who appreciates friends. Secretly of course...