m u n j j

stuff from my brain

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

I don’ t use this account for super personal or political posts, but there are times to break that rule. This is one of them: in the United States, now, lawless agents of an anti-democratic authoritarian president are terrorizing, abducting, and murdering people in the streets. There is no neutral ground.

Solidarity with Minneapolis, Los Angeles, and Chicago, and with all the regular people risking their lives to support and protect their neighbors.

Justice for Keith Porter Jr., Silverio Villegas-Gonzalez, Renee Nicole Good, Alex Jeffrey Pretti, and for every single person who has died at the hands of ICE/CBP in the detention centers.

Justice and restitution for the survivors, known and unknown.

If you’re in the United States, call your senators and demand they refuse to vote for anything that funds DHS. Even those who have already indicated they’re mildly against what is happening. Better training and body cameras, as some are calling for, will not change or prevent what is being done to the populace. Demand your senators refuse to move forward with government funding unless at minimum additional budget for DHS is removed and until the lawless leadership of ICE, CBP and DHS are removed from their positions. ICE must be abolished.

[memelda]

i think this month my prayers have been the most consistent in a long time. not perfect ofc but at least one salah per day. may Allah keep us amongst those who are constantly repentant and consistent with our deen. feeling grateful everyday.

[kii-tty]

[kii-tty]

[memelda]

Allah never forgets His servant, but have I forgotten my Lord?

i feel like Allah does talk to me, by invoking fear and consciousness of the afterlife in my heart and mind. He probably has blessed me in many ways i cannot see. after all, belief in the unseen is a huge part of iman.

this morning, aunty talked to me about the one year mark since her husband's passing. and i started to wonder how the resurrection is for non muslims and went to researched about it. as i read about the afterlife, i got scared and got reminded that i will one day face it too, which scares me a lot.

i thought of all the people, of all ages, from young to old, that i have known who have passed away - how short life may have seemed for them, that dunya must have been so brief, and that they have already entered the next and final stage - the eternal life.

ya Allah, it is so scary to think about, but this fear stems from the fact that i know i havent been consistent in doing my best in my deen and not knowing the scale of my deeds because again, it is all the unseen.

people may say "don't stress urself too much, don't fill yourself with anxiety" but i believe that this is a good fear to have, and one of the many fears to have bc 1) it isn't about the worldly life, 2) it stems from the fear of Allah and His wrath (at least for me), 3) this fear acts as a drive to be the best Muslim, servant, human being i can be - and this i believe, i may be wrong, part of ihsan (excellence). fourthly, i'm generally not a very ambitious person but i find that my attitude is rather different when it comes to the deen and self. in conclusion, i do feel that this fear is not the toxic kind of fear to have bc what else can i fear other than Allah, my creator, the Almighty?

in juxtaposition with this fear, there is an equal hope too, but i will touch on that another time.

i wish to not end up being a person of 'no action, talk only' because this is what satan does as well. he manipulates us in the most subtle ways, before we know it. may Allah protect us from that as well.

to reiterate one of my favourite quotes, which i hope to carry throughout my life in this world, as a muslim and as a believer who genuinely wants to go to Jannah by the grace of Allah -

"To speak less is wisdom, to eat less is healthy, and to sleep less is worship."

every single sacrifice will be worth it.

/

how to prepare for afterlife? https://www.reddit.com/r/islam/comments/1c2m102/how_to_prepare_for_afterlife/

[memelda]

i really think that there’s no such thing as a perfect match in a relationship, in this dunya at least.

i think no matter how compatible two people may seem, there will inevitably be a sacrifice that they have to make. and this is called give and take, or what we call in relationships - compromise.

there will always be differences, because at the end of the day we are still individuals and we come from different backgrounds, upbringings, etc etc, the list goes on. all these made us who we are today. and on top of that, each of us is evolving day by day, whether we want to or not. it is a fact that we as human beings are influenced by our environment. our world is constantly changing, and therefore we are too.

but that’s the challenge right? differences. and then there are millions of questions that arise from this. do we embrace their differences? what differences are we talking about here? context weighs importance too. what, and to what extent, are the impacts that come with those differences?

that’s where communication kicks in and becomes super crucial. and with this, compassion, empathy, respect, basically basic manners and humanity have to be part of the genetic makeup of this communication too.

why i’m writing this is because for the longest time i always had the idea that to be compatible with someone, they have to be exactly the same as me in their worldview, their attitude, their personality, everything. i used to say “i wish there was a man version of me. that would be the perfect partner for me.” hearing that now gives me the ick and it sounds cocky. but to give past self the benefit of the doubt, it probably came from a place of frustration from not having anyone i could deeply connect with, and also from a place of only being able to be comfortable with myself. (ironically, i couldn’t stand being in my own skin either and i hated myself a lot. go figure.)

but i’ve now learned that that is not the case, especially after being in a healthy relationship with someone i consider a best friend and my best companion. he has shown me that differences can be beautiful. it actually adds elements of fun and curiosity to the relationship, and there are always things to talk about. the intimacy of exchanging thoughts, opinions, feelings, and the most random topics — it’s all very romantic actually. it keeps the relationship from being stagnant.

but having things to talk about should not be the only benefit of having differences. differences are a part of accepting and embracing your partner, and most importantly, they are part of the commitment to sustain that desire to learn about them. you and your partner are part of this beautiful companionship, partnership. this is the only time where it matters to prove yourself to someone else — that you are capable of taking care of them because it is your very duty to do so.

and to end this off, this is quiet disease that is infiltrating our modern generation, where the mindset of “why should i prove myself to someone?” and the belief that we owe nothing to anyone are normalized, and where hyper individuality is worshipped as well, which i myself have fallen victim to it too. these are mindsets we must learn to recognize, and tread carefully around, and eventually unlearn.

3 dec 2025

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

First ape to go to the watering hole with a container and put some of the water in it so that they could drink more later without returning to the watering hole must have been lauded as a fucking genius.

[lyricwritesprose]

Actually, as someone who used to study anthropology (albeit a very long time ago), I think it is generally accepted by now that the ability to Carry Containers Of Stuff is generally agreed to be one of the real tool-using leaps in human development, perhaps as important as fire. I mean, you'll get the impression that people studying early humans are basically spearhead experts, but that's just because spearheads don't decay. (And because for a long time people assumed that hunting was The Most Important Thing, which has a fascinating intersection with implicit bias and sexism and stuff, and yes I am still bitter at things like 2001 for popularizing the idea that the most important part of human evolution was the ability to bash the shit out of a thing/animal/person, but that's a whole other story.)

Carrying stuff is huge.

If you can put meat in a bag, you can carry more meat. If you can put something like nuts in a bag, then nuts abruptly become a food that you can bring back to the tribe or save for later and not a food that you're required to eat on the spot because they are tiresome and stupid to carry by hand. In both cases your ability to feed yourself and your tribe just got a whole fuck of a lot better.

If you can put your baby in a bag, you now have both your hands free to stick a spear into things, pick nuts, fish, dig tasty cicadas out of the ground, etc. Your ability to feed yourself and your tribe just got a whole fuck of a lot better, and so did your ability to defend yourself while you do it. (And let's face it, your babies were already getting downright ridiculous in terms of the time it takes them to be fully walking-ready, due to brain size and being essentially premature; inventing Multitasking With Baby is like, pure survival at this point, and your way to do that is to create a specialized bag.)

If you can put water in a bag (first water containers very well may have been animal bladders or stomachs, not pots) you can bring water to your sick tribe members and they have a much higher chance of recovering.

And then you have elaborations of the basic "thing that contains objects" idea. If you make an exceptionally loosely woven bag and put it in the water, you can on occasion finesse some fish into it. And then you have delicious fish. If you put yourself in a loose and flexible bag of animal skin, your tribe can operate in the cold better, which changes your entire migration pattern and opens up new environments to you. If you make a hard container and fill it with water and put it over your fire, you have invented a new type of cooking that unlocks whole new food types, such as vegetables that need softening in order for humans to eat them. (Of course at the same time your stomach is becoming steadily more dependent on being able to fuck with your food in this way, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing, because the less energy you spend on digestion, the more energy you have to spend on other things, like brains. And big brains are good for unlocking whole new levels of communication, allowing for fantastic new levels of foraging cooperation, passing knowledge through generations, mate selection, and even various sorts of mental recreation where you imagine something that you don't see, and then convey that to your fellow beings.)

Bags are important, is what I'm saying.

[memelda]

ive never felt such appreciation for bags as i do now

[memelda]

i love myself best when i am close to Allah

[memelda]

the disconnecting is the hardest part of all

[memelda]

life is much better and brighter

[memelda]

artists to go back to whenever mind is blank:

- radiohead

- tame impala

- erykah badu

- nirvana

[memelda]

fleet foxes

rex orange county

[memelda]

i cant help but feel a sense of inferiority whenever i am around my friends

i consciously feel the weight of the trauma and insecurities on my shoulders almost every single moment

i am sick and tired this deep immense insecurity of my background, my family, our lack of discipline, the way i grew up.

i am ashamed to admit this, but i cant help but feel ashamed of my living conditions, my dysfunctional family etc.

i am so ashamed to be ashamed of my life and myself that it brings me so much misery and sorrow.

shouldn't i give myself more credit for all that ive been through?

i grew up conditioned to accept unhealthy habits as 'normal' and 'nothing wrong'. i grew up around laziness, tardiness, hostility, anger. negativity. parents who stayed up until 4am and woke up in the late noon.

and yet, i was always pressured to be perfect in everything i did - and especially an emphasis on excelling in simple tasks, such as bringing a cup of teh tarik to the table at the kopitiam without spilling. if i spilled the teh, it meant that i was incompetent, i was clumsy. and that would be my label from then on. emelda is a clumsy person.

and then joining band in secondary school fed into this perfectionism. i needed to be perfect, perfect, perfect. sure, we were building up our skills. if you made a mistake, you'd get a mere head shake in disappointment from the conductor. but that small gesture took the heaviest tolls on my mental health.

so these were the traumatic experiences that shaped me in my adolescence years as a young, easily impressionable girl.

and then at the same time, papa wasn't paying my school fees on time. my form teacher always had to bring me to the side and remind me of this. i did not know how to internalize this reminder from the teacher. how could i have known to react to this? they couldnt possibly have known how much i feared papa. that lead to another ringing cause of anxiety -- building up the guts to convey this reminder to my father. after all ive seen that was happening at home - the conflicts between him and mama, how abusive he could be, i could barely look him in the eye and talk to him. i always envied tiara, for her perception of him and the relationship she had with him were the opposite from mine.

building up the courage to bring myself to interact with him was the hardest thing for me to do in my life at that point of time.

i never reminded him about the outstanding fees.

so, i hung my head in shame, especially in the presence of my form teacher. the school fees were not going to be paid off.

i carried this burden from my secondary school days even until after the passing of my father. it is considered his debt, right? i now have the responsibility to pay off his debt, i thought, at just the ripe age of 17.

always hung my head in shame. all i knew how to do well.

as i was growing older and taller, so was my pile of insecurities.

----

i am turning 24 this year.

and i am doing my best in unlearning so many unhealthy habits. overcoming my trauma. regulating my

with every chapter of my life, i have met with new people and new experiences, new aspects of myself. i could write a whole book on a single chapter but i dont enjoy spending too much time on dwelling on the past.

everything is ever changing. and i look forward to what life has more to offer me.

[memelda]

wthout judgment i think its crazy that people do not give thanks to God for every little blessings, or even more mind boggling, ppl who dont believe that God exists

how do you live? what drives u in this life? and i see nonmuslims question it on tiktok too. of course if i think about it on a deeper level i will eventually be able to get some answers. i.e. people thinking of the "universe" as their God. but what about the atheists. it boggles my mind truly.

without a belief in religion or the afterlife or God i think i would have ended my life a long time ago i always say this. but in reality if i wasnt muslim i think it is still in my nature to try to live life as best i could.

sometimes when satans whispers take over my rationality and i "fantasize" about straying away and make work and generally life on this dunya my no.1 priority and be able to let down my hair and dress however i like - i imagine that i would just eventually end up giving up and killing myself bc of how depressed i would be. i honestly think the dreadfulness of life and the void in my soul would kill me. but again thats just me.

as humble as possible, i am truly thankful and grateful for all the knowledge God has bestowed upon me. and of course all the blessings He has given me.

[memelda]

none of my romantic relationships have ever hurt this much

[memelda]

i think i need to remember when i am writing down my thoughts and feelings, it doesnt always have to be clean and poetic and thought out and formatted nicely.

it doesnt always have to be aesthetic yk.

it is ok not to be ok organized

[memelda]

it breaks my heart everytime i remember how broken my brother is. how lost he feels, how hopeless he gets from time to time.

i love my siblings so much, and i want to give them a huge hug everyday of my life.

i better hug them before its too late.

treat them with kindness. we all grew up in the same home from the same pain and suffering and struggles.

meda, do better. put your ego aside.

i love my mum too.

may God bless us all, and may He reunite us in Jannah.

[memelda]

Your pain is mine

Truly

Forever and always

[memelda]

it breaks my heart everytime i remember how broken my brother is. how lost he feels, how hopeless he gets from time to time.

i love my siblings so much, and i want to give them a huge hug everyday of my life.

i better hug them before its too late.

treat them with kindness. we all grew up in the same home from the same pain and suffering and struggles.

meda, do better. put your ego aside.

i love my mum too.

may God bless us all, and may He reunite us in Jannah.