SENTENCE MEME ⟶ PARSNIPS, BUTTERED / pp. 0-50
always feel free to tweak the sentence to fit your muse.
‘he decided to take on the institutions.’
‘why shouldn’t i send a knob of butter to every topman store in the uk? you can’t stop me.’
‘just because i’m on minimum wage doesn’t mean i’m an idiot.’
‘he often leaves them in coffee shops, despite promising to give them a lift home.’
‘the afterlife is a nightmare beyond any human comprehension.’
‘i am here to help using my main weapon: mischief.’
‘WE DON’T NEED TO KEEP THE COFFEE FRESH, ______, IT’S ALDI COFFEE, IT NEVER TASTED FRESH IN THE FIRST PLACE.’
‘melt four kitkat chunkys together with a warm knife for a fun way to forget you are crippled by loneliness.’
‘try ‘dry january’. every time your mouth feels a little dry, fill it with gin!’
‘spice things up in the bedroom by covering your genitals in cayenne pepper.’
‘recreate glastonbury festival at home by draining your iphone and pissing yourself in the garden.’
‘recreate reading and leeds festivals at home by draining your iphone battery and shitting yourself in the garden.’
‘recreate latitude festival at home by draining your iphone battery and havving awkward, underwhelming sex with a girl called annabel from west london in the garden.’
‘add energy to a dinner party by saying ‘what do we think about brexit’ before opening a shoebox filled with wasps.’
‘i have been a mischief for pretty much my entire life.’
‘if you’re going to be ridiculous with me, i’ll be ridiculous with you.’
‘a couple of friends of mine recently made the selfish gesture of getting married.’
‘i’ve never had a credit card because i can’t be trusted not to get drunk and buy all the yoghurts in a 24-hour tesco for a laugh.’
‘that’s clearly a loaded question and i don’t like your attitude.’
‘in my life, i have spent a lot of time asleep or in the bath.’
‘i know tons of things. i know that pelicans have three eyelids.’
‘as long as there’s halloumi and high-quality ketamine available i don’t want for much.’
‘i find a useful way of getting into the skin of an alias is to create and update their own facebook profile, like a psychopath might.’
‘i’ve only ever been accused of being a psychopath a couple of times and neither of those people have said it again.’
‘i personally find when i’m petrified of everything around me i struggle to engage fully in a meal.’
‘living in the city for a fox is the equivalent of a human being with a sensitive disposition setting up camp next to a grenade-testing site.’
‘do you absolutely have to come through this door?’
‘i can’t really remember much before last thursday.’
‘i thought the law was there mainly to stop people from taking drugs and ensure wealthy people retain their grip on power, but apparently it’s also designed to spoil my fun.’
‘if you’re making a complaint, make sure the complaint is true.’
‘my main concern is to avoid getting sued ‘cause i went through that before and it cost a lot to have the guy ‘removed’.’
‘i know a fox i want to make famous but i’d struggle to get his permission.’
‘i know it is illegal to draw on a banknote, but what are the legal repercussions of creating a giant origami statue out of £5 notes depicting the queen putting her middle finger up at a newborn baby?’
‘in your professional opinion, if i wanted to have someone killed what’s the best way of going about it?’
‘i’ve drawn you with a pig’s body to protect your identity.’
‘i am my own worst critic. as in, i am not very good at criticising myself. i’m fantastic, well done me.’
‘there definitely isn’t a half-drunk bottle of scotch and a bong in here.’
‘it’s like being punched in a hot tub.’
‘how can you be disturbed by a sign?’
‘he’s a private investigator and shape-shifter.’
‘he lives in the shadows of your darkest fears.’
‘i slaughtered her as sacrifice to our beloved gods and burned the body in a tribal ceremony.’
‘i like getting paid to be daft.’
‘get off my back, we’ve all got to earn a living.’
‘what shops are open now that will sell me a bottle of glen’s vodka?’
‘did you like my shirt? it was expensive!’
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