HelloTalk is not a Dating App.
But try telling the people on there that. There’s a search by location feature, and I’ve been approached by a few guys on there.
This guy, who has become G in order of irl meetings, but who I’d been talking to before E and maybe even D found me on HelloTalk. He lived in the same prefecture, actually in the same city as E, not too far from me.
He switched us to LINE and started out saying we’d be friends. He got excited when I mentioned a friend in a different city, asking if they were American. I reminded him that I was also American. He was more interested in making American friends than anything else. He wanted me to introduce him to people. We talked about travel and about hanging out.
After I got back from my work trip, he said he’d show me around his city. We scheduled. My last train home is early so he said I could spend the night at his house if we drank. He asked for my picture. I sent a couple. He said “Wow. Beautiful”
I said I wanted to see his face too. He wasn’t that cute, but he also wasn’t hideous. We continued planning. We’d go to the mall and then if we wanted to drink I’d spend the night at his house.
We planned a bit out and over the next few days talked about things like bowling and darts.
Then the meeting day came. I took the train(s) to his station. He asked me to meet him at a convenience store. I went to the wrong one. He asked where I was and then went to one with the same name but it wasn’t the one I was at. It turned out I went out the opposite exit as he was thinking. I found the place he thought I’d be. We met up. He was quite a bit taller than me. We walked back to his car. He drove us to the mall. His driving didn’t freak me out.
We walked around and went to the food court and sat across from each other talking about our love lives. He’d wanted to date an American girl and that hadn’t worked out well for him even though she was the one that initiated things. I told him about A. I told him I was planning to go to a club that weekend with friends. He asked if I’d try to pick up guys. It was very obviously not a date.
We got back in his car, it was dark, he seemed completely at a loss for other things to do. We talked and ages came up and he admitted he thought I was younger than I am. I pretended I thought he was a year or two older than I knew he actually was. The options were for me to go home or go to his house and drink. We decided to go to his house and drink. We stopped at a convenience store and each bought a drink.
At his house we spread out on his area rug and played that card game where you turn two over and try to match them. I won some rounds, he won some rounds, I think I won more but we didn’t really keep track. The loser had to drink. We played Spit. We played the first game again. We had more fun the more we drank. Eventually the game was too hard for our alcohol addled brains.
He knew that I like dancing (that’s why I was going to go to the club) and so he put music on and tried to convince me to dance for him while he laid on his bed and watched. I was embarrassed but I like to dance when I’ve been drinking, so after coming to the agreement that he’d pretend he wasn’t watching, I would dance. And then I’d catch him watching and he’d pretend he wasn’t. He complimented in a roundabout “it seems as though you’re dancing well but I’m not watching so I don’t know” way. We did that for what felt like a very long time before I sat down against the bed frame. He tried to pull me up to continue dancing, so the touch barrier was broken.
Then we decided maybe we’d just try to go to sleep. He said I could join him in his bed. I laid down next to him. It was a very small mattress. Twin size at the most. We talked a little about past sex partners. We ended up cuddling. And then the cuddling turned into kissing and the kissing turned into lots of touching and more cuddling and eventually clothes started coming off and breathing was heavy and he got condoms out without me having to even ask.
I wondered later if this was the advantage of sleeping with a guy who was still pretty young. A willingness to use condoms. He’s 23. I found out the following day I’m older than his older brothers. We have a 5 year difference.
Anyhow, we proceeded to have really really good sex. I was so starved for physical affection and he just held me for a very long time like I needed, and he teased me like I love, and we spent hours just messing around and laughing and touching and going slowly. With him it wasn’t just about getting his dick wet and cumming. He really made sure I was mentally aroused and physically aroused and was just the best lover I had had in a very long time.
We cuddled so much and I wouldn’t let him go and he was okay with it and maybe even liked it. But somehow we slept without touching. I woke up early and couldn’t sleep. It was very bright and warm in the room. But he was knocked out. We’d ended up separated and I found it impossible to break the touch barrier. After he woke up things were better. It was crazy the difference between how perfectly we got along in bed and how awkward we had been outside of it.
He’d said we could do it again in the morning and after he woke up the touch barrier got broken again and things were okay. We did it again and then we took a bath together-- not just a shower like we had the night before, but an actual bath. We both got in the bathtub and played around splashing cold water on each other and touching and just being super comfortable and nice. It was very intimate. The whole thing was probably one of the more intimate sexual encounters I’ve had, even counting ones that happened inside of relationships.
We scrounged up some breakfast and half watched something while we ate. Then he drove me to the train station.
The Monday after (we’d met on a Friday night) he messaged me “thanks for the other night”
I said that was my line and thanked him for putting up with and answering my selfish requests.
He said it was perfectly fine and asked about the club. I told him how it was that I’d had fun and gotten hit on but hadn’t had any interest in the guy. So I just danced and then stayed up all night in a Karaoke room.
We chatted a bit more and then he told me he was probably going to move to another big city for work. I told him I was jealous and had some friends in that city. He asked if I’d introduce him to them. I said no.
I think in order to understand why I eventually blew up on this guy the way I did, you need to see what kind of conversations we had. Even so you might not understand why. I’ll let you decide.
I asked when he was going --
Me: that’s fast, we probably can’t meet again :(
G: Probably not. Do you want to meet?
G: Huh? You want to meet?
Me: Even if I say I want to meet it’s impossible isn’t it? If it’s like that, I’m not going to say it.
G: You’re right. If we could meet it’s probably only once before I move.
Me: I don’t think we can even meet once… My mom is coming to visit the day after tomorrow
G: oh? How long will she be here?
Me: Yeah, 10 days. Then I have work again the next day.
G: ah, really? I’m off all month
Me: Oh really? That’s nice--- If you’re moving you need time off.
G: yeah, but my moving date isn’t decided yet.
Me: In that case, I want to meet you again. Is that bad?
Me: I wonder when Maybe it’s impossible after all.
G: Yeah, probably! If we did meet again, what would you want to do?
Me: I wonder what I’d like to do…?
G: something that feels good?
G: then, you want to meet at night?
Me: we can do it any time~ even not at night
G; yeah lol, do you want to do it today?
Me: I want to but I can’t today. I’m at the DMV and will probably be out until night time. It’s far from my house. And I feel like I’m catching a cold, my throat hurts TT.TT
G: [hand covering mouth monkey emoji]
Two days later he sends a message:
Going to [Big Other City] has been stopped after all! I’m still in [your prefecture]!
Me: Really? You stopped? That was something you could stop? But we can meet again now can’t we ^^ Are you sad? Did you want to go?
G: You still want to meet? When?
But in October and November I’m going to be working in Tokyo! Until then I’m going back to my family home! I’m not sad!
Me: It’s okay either way but… It’ll be difficult if you’ve gone back to your family hours wont it. If I have any luck, I’m going to get a boyfriend before November. If that happens it’ll be impossible... Maybe just a one time thing?
G: What does that mean? Do you want to do it again?
Me: What about you? Do you want to do it? It feels like you don’t want to, so I don’t want you to force yourself. I don’t want to do it with someone who doesn’t want to do it with me, and I don’t want to force us into making the time for it either…
These things are good when they’re easy. If we can’t do it easily, it wont make a good memory, right? I want to make it a good memory.
When I remember it I want to think “we had really good compatibility” or “that was so fun!”
If we can do it easily then that’s good, but if it’s too difficult I give up, okay?
What do you think? Is it Easy? Difficult?
He didn’t reply for a day so I sent another message, trying to bow out gracefully:
It’s a pain in the ass (mendoukusai), isn’t it? You can’t even give me an answer about it.
I’m sorry! I killed something that was fun -.-;;
Congratulations on a lot of things! We probably won’t meet again, but if we do will you treat me nicely?
And thanks for everything. Really.
It’s not simple? We can meet in [the big city] or somewhere and do it! I’m still in the same prefecture so we can meet again!
This was the first confirmation I got that he might actually be interested in meeting again.
Then let’s meet again, okay?
Sometime ^ ^
Goodnight~
G: I can meet you next month! Are you busy? (this was the last week of the month)
Me: I’m busy, but I’m not sure how busy. We could probably meet
G: Is that so--
Then let’s meet, okay?
G: If we meet let’s do [the big city] or your house
Then we flirted and discussed the options-- love hotel, my place, how we both weren’t interested in doing it in a car, he said inside of buildings is the best and then I said I wonder if doing it with someone you’re compatible with is the best. And he asked if we had good compatibility, and I told him yes, it was fun and felt good. And he said that was good.
At the end of the week he messaged me again: Are you free tomorrow or the next day?
I had to take my mom to the airport on one of them and I also couldn’t play late on the next one because of work the next day. I asked if he wanted to meet.
He ignored the question and asked about the afternoon on the day before work.
G: Don’t you want to meet and do it?
Me: I have to do some stuff for work. But I want to meet!
G: I see-- Then I guess we probably can’t meet
But the next morning I was really regretting that I couldn’t meet him and sent him a message saying so.
G: Today?
I moved so you’re really far away now lol
If you want to do it we’ll need to do it somewhere else
Me: I can’t do it, I just want to
G: Oh-- If we go to a hotel in [the big city] we could do it…
Me: I don’t have the time!
I felt bad for not being able to meet when he tried to coordinate.
Two weeks later I sent him a message:
Me: Yo! Have you already left [the big city]?
Me: Do you still want to meet?
G: I wonder--
Have you come to want to meet again?
lol
Me: Yes. Is that a problem?
Me: are you free next weekend?
G: I’m free, but you live really far away
Me: Oh! I forgot to tell you that I have plans to be in [big city]! I’m actually going in on Saturday but [redacted] and I thought we could meet the next day.
G: Is that so--
But I don’t live in [the big city]
I live in the same prefecture though
Me: Did I misunderstand? How unfortunate {face palm}
But if you’re far from [big city] why did you want me to go there? Before…Whatever, it’s fine. I guess we won’t meet after all.
Maybe I’ll give up?
G: Because it’s closer than where you live!
[this is a second message that came in one minute before I sent my long one, so I didn’t see it until afterwards] Do you want to meet?
Me: Isn’t anywhere closer than where I live? Lol
If it’s impossible then there’s nothing we can do about it [shrug]
I’m sorry for bothering you, okay? I wanted to meet again because it really was good. The time we spent together was fun. It became an amazing memory!
I want to meet but I don’t want to bother you :(
G 4pm: Yeah that’s how it is! I can meet, but I don’t have money [lol]
Me 6pm: I understand [crying]
I could probably pay for the hotel--
But wherever you’re coming from the ticket or gas would still cost money…
G 8:30pm: I could pay that much!
Me 11pm: Do you want to meet?
At this point I’m pretty fed up with his little game of not admitting to wanting to meet and not allowing any sort of plan to be made. I hate making plans and he is dragging this out terribly. Since I’m going all the way to the city I want to meet someone and make use of the second day. I could’ve been using this time to try to set up a real date with someone who might want to date me but instead I’m here asking this dude the same two questions over and over. I get the feeling that he wants me to beg him to have sex with me, and that’s not really something I’m into. Looking back on the encounter he really seemed to get off on me begging, so I feel like he denies thing just for the sake of frustrating me and making me ask for them multiple times.
G: Aren’t you the one who wants to meet? Lol
This just sort of throws me over the edge. I’ve finally had enough of this no you, no you business. And all his hemming and hawing is the way that you behave if you don’t actually want to do something so my pride is starting to hurt. I refuse to beg for sex. I want an enthusiastic partner. I want someone who will agree to meet me easily. If you’re going to make me beg, get me naked and in the same room as you and then play the games.
Me: I don’t want to meet someone who’s thinking they don’t want to meet!
If only I want it then it’s fine even if we don’t need to do it.
This has become mendoukusai (bothersome/a lot of trouble/a pain in the ass) -.-
Will you just forget it for me?
And have a nice life!
G: It’s become mendoukusai--
Then that’s fine!
Me: Yes. Can’t you feel it? In 3 days time we can’t make plans. Even though you’re free. Even though the other person is offering to pay. Isn’t it decided that’s it must be mendoukusai?
If it’s not then what excuse is there?
If you don’t want to just say it! If you don’t say so the other person won’t know. It’s not cute. Hiding your feelings is lame and unattractive.
And even though we’re not dating we’re having this unpleasant conversation. It’s mendoukusai.
And that was the end of that.
In rereading this I think I did sort of suddenly blow up at him when he probably thought we were doing a cutesy let’s hide our feelings game thing, but I was so so tired of it. I just wanted to finally make plans with him and he was playing the let’s wait a ton of hours between replies and then not give an actual answer in my reply game, and we both lost.
