There wasn't much room to argue. Noah was right. As nice as the sentiment might have been that he wanted to do all these things, the fact remains that Austin never followed through or acted on them. He kept coming up with excuses. He had cut things off because, in the end, he thought it would be best for Noah. He didn't reach out to him with calls or texts because he wanted Noah to be able to move on without missing him. He even convinced himself, for a week, that he was doing the right thing because if Noah was aching as much as he was then Noah would have sought him out.
“I know.” He whispered; again and again. But you didn't-- “I know.” You never showed up Austin. “I know.” It was hard to hear the hurt that was still hiding in Noah's answers, and in the way he looked at him, and in the way he couldn't. “I'm sorry, Noah, I really am.” It wasn't much of an apology but at least it was a start.
Taking a deep breath after being told he had exactly one minute, he quickly blurted out a rushed “No!” when Noah asked if he had regretted what they had. “No, Noah, that is the one thing I don't regret.” His hand moved again, lifting and reaching for Noah's, but he abandoned it again and let it fall back to the space on the bar between them as he tried to explain. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I was falling, hard, and I got… worried that you were too. I got worried that if we kept going eventually your parents we're going to find out and that in the aftermath I would lose their friendship for betraying their trust and dating their son, or that they'd keep you from me. I heard people talk too, when we'd go out. Whispering about you only being with me for money, or making comments about you being my child because I'm older. People we're talking about you and it was… my fault.”
“I thought I was protecting you from all of that by leaving and cutting you off. I thought I was giving you the space to move on and find someone that fit with you more, someone better… but I was wrong. Or maybe I wasn't wrong, I don't know. All I know is I haven't been sleeping. I haven't talked to anyone new, I haven't tried or even wanted too. I can't stop thinking about you.”
