The Hufflepuff Stoner theory
Hufflepuffs are stoners. Why do you ask? Well here is an enumerated list:
Each house has a name relevant to the mascot or what they are known for. Gryffindor have griffins, of course. Slytherins’ snakes slither in where they aren’t wanted. Ravenclaws hold knowledge in their hands. Hufflepuffs sit around and ‘huff and puff’ on their bowls or bongs or whatnot.
Next, is the mascots and what they are known for. Griffins are known to be brave and courageous as seen on many ancient coat of arms. Ravens are known to be knowledgeable and intelligent. Snakes are known, even in the bible, to twist webs of lies and deceit in order to achieve their own ends. Honey badgers? Well they don’t give a fuck. And neither do stoners.
And what about the color scheme? Red is known to represent blood and courage. Blue is a calm and wise. Green leans more toward evil. And yellow? Well combined with black, it seems more like dirty bong water and resin.
Now there is the house ghosts. Nearly Headless Nick, normal… I guess. Grey Lady, well she is Rowena Ravenclaw’s descendant. And the Bloody Baron sounds evil. But a Fat Friar? Is that like a man of the cloth who just had the munchies far too often?
Can someone explain the heads of houses and their respective classes? Snape and Potions, clearly Slytherin. McGonagall and Transfiguration, manipulating objects to achieve an end. Flitwick and Charms, perfect for any wise Ravenclaw. But Sprout and Herbology? Definitely perfect for stoners who need to cultivate the perfect kush.
Now each founder wanted something in each of their students. Godric wanted his students to face their fears and be brave. Salazar wanted pure bloods and most pure bloods in the story are bad to the bone. Rowena wanted wise students because intelligence means something too. Helga didn’t care, she took anyone, (so long as they had a lighter or knew Incendio to light their bongs.)
Lastly, the location of the dorms/common rooms. Slytherins exist in the dungeon because it’s best for being secretive away from everyone else. Gyffindors are on the 6th floor (I may be wrong.) which gives a high enough vantage point should there be an attack on the castle. Ravenclaws are located in the Astronomy Tower and it is said one gains knowledge being closer to the heavens. But them stoner Hufflepuffs have their dorms/common rooms right by the kitchen cause its easy access for when they get the ‘munchies.’
Does this clarify everything? 7 valid points as to why Hufflepuffs be lighting their bongs and bowls, then huffing and puffing their life away in Hogwarts.
Every school has to have its stoners.
Credit to my (Ravenclaw) friend River who figured this shit out.
