Meow's Mani Journal

[meownicures]

The problem with indies

I love independently-owned nail polish. I love patronizing a tiny venture. But the problem is that since I want them to do well, there is a part of me -- probably the crow brain-- that wants to support more than I'm ready to acquire. This is a problem, especially when things are not nearly as exciting.

I have discovered this about myself: I DO NOT like it when something I"ve bought sits there, collecting dust and not getting used. Like, I really really hate it. I think it's some leftover grandmother trauma, with the way she just hoarded pretty things and never used them or enjoyed them or anything. She kept beautiful scarves and sweaters and perfumes and cookies and cakes and lotions and all manner of lovely things that my mother would buy for her or that other people might gift her. I remember one time she held on to some cookies for so long, when she finally decided to open them, they'd disappeared and all that was left were ants inside the wrapping.

But I digress. I have several things that I neeeed to do in my mind and they can only happen in a certain order:

I need to make sure everything is tried out fully and that it gets a full manicure at least once and I need to make sure the application looks good and I need to make sure the manicure can stay on longer than a day (which is why even though I am charmed by peel-off base, it actually drives me nuts because, no matter what I do, I can't get a manicure to last me longer than a day and THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE).

I have come a long way: Now I brazenly change my manicure every four or five days-- even if it's perfect. Especially if it's perfect. There is something that can become oppressive about always looking at your hands and finding few flaws. Flaws are a bête noire AND YET they also become a comforting thing to focus on. "Next time, I will do this instead, and you won't be there!" Flaws are actually friends and reminders of our humanity and of how far we've come, that we are no longer staring at a completely flooded cuticle but instead get to focus on a tiny millimeter's worth of overflow that is invisible to most everyone else.

So now I have at least five or six bottles of untried treasure and I NEED TO TRY THEM. It doesn't matter that I have a perfect manicure on (little budding chip on the right middle, tiny bubble on right pinky, dots clumped too closely on middle left, a tiny red polish stain under left index), I'm already dreaming of the next time I get to smell those volatile chemicals and get something on that is so dazzling and beautiful, I stare at it for hours on end.

[meownicures]

A little nail mail joy.

Also, I created this fun pointillist wannabe manicure for today's Colombia match. I really like how it turned out-- daintily patriotic but definitely Colombian. How can you tell it's Colombian and not, say, Venezuelan? Because the yellow field is so much bigger than the blue or red ones, of course.

Anyway, today I did this AND also today arrived my small but delightful Bee's Knees Lacquer order. I can never resist this brand and even though they are not responsive at all on social media, I still follow them, love them, tag them, and try to buy things from them on a regular basis. And that's the thing about indies: if you are spending all your time creating freaking masterpieces in a bottle but you're not super into being social otherwise, then that's what you do. There is no large budget; there is no flock of acolytes doing all sorts of things behind the scenes. It's you and your sister, or you and your husband/kid/cousin and that's about it. And honestly, it's a delightful business model and one I have enjoyed supporting enormously.

These talented souls pour so much of themselves (literally) into every bottle. Their curiosity and whimsy shine through in every unexpected shimmer and fleck. I don't know how good the margins are-- thanks to all the crazy isolationist policies of the current government, raw materials and shipping prices have fluctuated wildly and it's been crazy to see the nail polish prices go up. Still, these small makers share their joy regularly, do incredible sales on occasion, and manage to release charity polishes to collect funds for causes they care about to a caring community that wants to support progressive causes -- you know, like people's rights to be themselves, and alive, and to lead their lives with dignity.

Well.

For the main part.

Hobbies transcend politics. For instance, you can be a racist piece of shit and also enjoy mixing beautiful lacquers that make everyone gasp in disbelief.

But... you're still kind of ugly inside, and that ruins the beauty of your product.

I don't feel like wading into the waters of controversy just yet. Just know that *most* people in the nail polish world are pretty leftist, accepting and socially conscious-- but not everyone is!

[meownicures]

Down with acrylics

For now, I'm just dropping these musings on here. I feel like I need practice because it's been so long since I've written and... *enjoyed* it.

I know. I write all the time. Tweets, texts, blogs, captions... the list is endless. But the way I feel the words flow when I'm writing about manicures is altogether different and it makes me excited.

So for now I toil quietly and in obscurity. There will be time to figure out and to cull and edit. But for now, I tell you HELL NO I WILL NEVER DO ACRYLICS.

Look, if you love them, I love them for you. But there are several things that aren't great about acrylics. Below, a short list linked to other pages. If you come across this... blog thing, and you're seeking to understand why acrylics are not great, then you can click, read, and make your own mind up.

They are usually too thick and you can spot the fake a mile away. Yes, those are two problems for me, and they may not be a problem for you. Perhaps you like nail beds that are several millimeters thicker than they regularly are. Maybe you enjoy the way the acrylate gives you an exaggerated c-curve (which is the clawlike slope that some people have on their nails naturally). But unless you have a really artistic person who is also a minimalist, your nails are going to be thick and that, in the parlance of the kids nowadays, gives me the serious ick.

If my aesthetic qualms seem quaint and even rude, then here's the big one: contact dermatitis, a.k.a. you might become allergic to the material. And, mind you, after reading several scholarly abstracts, there is not a wide consensus on how, exactly the sensitivity starts; however, it's commonly agreed that it's the materials used in the process of giving you the manicure that make it irritating: in other words, the nails themselves once applied won't hurt you-- but all the wet acrylates will react with your skin and cause all manner of sores, irritation, etc.and the dry ingredients, like the dust, will irritate your respiratory system and eyes (I liked how this abstract talked about it.) (This one is good too). In some cases, you may even have a separation of your nail from the nail bed, called oncholysis. (More here.) Some materials cause a lot more reaction than others; for instance, methyl methacrylate or MMA is among the worst offenders. (Read here about why it's terrible.)

As if the chemicals weren't damning enough, you can't soak it off with acetone, so you gotta drill, baby. Alas, drilling makes your nails really thin and vulnerable, which means you have to stick with acrylic or other methods to keep your nails artificially strong. It's not great.

Now, these days people are becoming savvier-- or perhaps just more aware of the potential for allergy from all these plastics. This means that we have newer, shinier, more flexible options, like builder gel or Builder in a Bottle (BIAB). These are still acrylates, though they are more flexible than the acrylics of yore. They can still react with your skin and give you contact dermatitis. They may not be the same acrylics girls rocked at a Y2K prom, but acrylates can still cause sensitivity, are still hard to remove (most still require a mechanical method to remove-- hello, evil buffer) and others require ultraviolet light to apply and cure, which means you can get a sunburn (or skin cancer?!) when you apply your nails.

Anyway. Yes, anytime you apply plastics to your nails, it's not great. Are regular lacquers bad? I mean... I have news for you.

Regular nail lacquers are *also* plastic. Flammable plastic. Nitrocellulose. The chemical that makes your bullet go bang bang.

I know. It's a shock to the system (not really-- what did you think they were made of?) but this plastic is not as reactive with your skin.

You may also see acrylates copolymer as an ingredient in indie polishes and wonder if it's the same acrylates that cause boils. But no, since these compounds cure a lot more easily and quickly, they don't cause as many problems. In fact, the Environmental Working Group rates it as better for you than other chemical compounds. Mind you, EWG is a bit of a Chicken Little when it comes to ingredients, so if they say it's on the safe end, I think you can rest easy (unless you're alredy sensitized from a prior allergy).

Anyway. No acrylics for me-- and perhaps not for you as well?

[meownicures]

Why DIY manis? Part Two

Back in the summer of 2024, I was getting routine manicures. No gel for me, thanks: Gel is not fun to remove by hand. I knooooooow! Terrible! I should not have been peeling off regular lacquer in the first place, but I didn't know any better: I had not encountered the resources and community that would change my life just yet. I thought going to the salon regularly was good enough. Were there terrible manicures? Sure thing. One nail tech in Montréal decided to buff (?) my nails with a drill because I guess she objected to my ridges and I was PISSED OFF. She left a divot on my ring fingernail that took about six months to fully grow out. You would think that would have made me dislike random salons, but no: I had yet to learn my lesson.

I also didn't learn my lesson when I went to a shady spot in Richmond, with crusty bottles of Chinese nail polish.

And I did not learn my lesson when the gorgeous red polish a nail tech pulled out of the bowels of the salon stained my nails an alarming shade of jaundiced red.

I didn't learn my lesson when I went to a beloved place in my neighborhood that had a remodel and built-in fans that blew acrylic dust onto my freshly painted... red (!!) manicure.

And I didn't learn my lesson when I went to a sweet little place in the Dupont Circle area where I got a good piece of advice (Vaseline on cuticles seals them well and prevents damage) and was dismayed to see the tech using a disgusting, old nail file that looked like it had been used on hooves. Ok, that manicure was pink.

The pattern is definitely that I like red manicures and that it took something more egregious than nail trauma, stains, instantly ruined application and rising costs to sour me on going to the salon.

Enter the last salon manicure I ever had.

The place I frequented before kissing off the salon altogether is, honestly, quite dreamy. The model is shared by a couple of upscale places, and it's simple: These places ply you with foofy drinks and/or alcohol in order to keep your business. Sure, they also promise a gentle, water-free manicure. Yes, they lure you with gentle polishes that are 3-free, 5-free, 10-free, insert-your-favorite-number free and they also promise that they will recycle the water, save the ducks, make a better tomorrow, send you home with a gift kit because they will NEVER reuse the tools they used to work on your nails and, above all, they promise that they care about your liberal causes.*

This place is a favorite in my immediate neighborhood and they are usually so, so busy that they do not take walk-ins. On more than one occasion I saw an otherwise mild-mannered white lady absolutely lose her shit because the receptionist told her simply and with little apology that the salon DOES NOT ACCEPT WALK-INS.

Had you called her an entitled, racist-ass old bag, she would have been less offended. Alas.

Anyway. It's easy to make an appointment online and I'd lately become a big fan of the Dazzle Dry system ––which, at the time, was only available at very select salons–– so off I went on a sunny morning. I can't even remember if it was summer, fall or winter. I just remember the way the morning light was hitting the shop.

I picked a pale, ballerina pink Dazzle Dry color and the tech went to work.

Now, I think this will be a separate post, but getting your nails done is a very delicate dance, where you have to accommodate for the shape of the nails and the fact that it matters whether your tech is right- or left-handed.

But yes, it's a moment of trust and vulnerability: you're trusting someone with your hands, for better or for worse.

So when the nail tech started handling my fingers roughly, I thought maybe I'd been holding myself a little too stiffly. "Must be me," is usually what I think.

And then I yelped loudly in the sun-drenched shop where no one talks. People looked up from their phones. The receptionist blanched and then promised a 10% off discount.

As it turns out, the nail tech had tried to straighten out my pinky finger. She roughly tugged on it, perhaps frustrated with me or, most likely, with her finger-painting existence. I don't blame her for her frustration, but I do think that twisting my finger into an unnatural position was the kind of move that wasn't going to go over well with anyone.

I didn't mean to scream. I was as surprised as she was when the sound came out and hung over the quiet room.

But that finger twist kind of snapped me out of my own entitlement: Salons can be great places for a sometimes-treat, sure, but if I want self-care, I need to understand what it is that I seek. Being at the mercy of someone else's bad day is not my idea of relaxation-- not anymore.

Yes, there are endless daily interactions where you are at the mercy of other people's whims (most notably, the White House) , but nail salons tend to be poorly remunerated and have tough working conditions. Supporting a salon that pays their employees a living wage is important, but it also drives the price (obviously). And many nail salons are fronts for human trafficking. No, I'm not saying that any of the salons in my area are doing that (if you're curious as to what the signs of human trafficking at your salon might look like, click here. And if you think it can't happen at your salon, think again).

Nail salons are great, really. They became a career opportunity for Vietnamese refugees, thanks in large part to Tippi Hedren and her gorgeous nails and equally lovely heart. They are third places, filled with the promise of joy and beauty no matter what your size. They are a lifeline, and I will always cherish all the hours I spent at salons around town and elsewhere.

But yeah... that finger twist made me realize it was okay not to return and to try something new.

And then, as if on cue, I started getting fancy indie polish ads on the algorithm.

(*They care about your money, honey. It's a business.)

[meownicures]

Why DIY manis? Part One.

Everyone has an origin story. I wasn't bit by a radioactive spider, but I did have a nasty encounter with a nail tech at an otherwise fancy place.

My overall feeling about homemade manicures prior to late 2024 was that they were a bit of a punishment: something I had to do because going out to get a manicure was not available. I went a little loopy during COVID, actually: I would dream of manicures. In my part of town, I was spoiled for choice, with about 10 nail salons within a two-mile radius. (A ringing endorsement for living in cities, tbh.) So when COVID pushed us all to DIY, I DI-dn't. I painted my nails sloppily on purpose-- I knew in my heart that I was self-sabotaging, because I've always been at least okay at painting my nails and suddenly I was leaving my fingers rage-baitingly sloppy. One time, I painted them red (Come to Bed Red by Butter London, which is an incredible true red if you're into that) and they looked like a murder scene. I went for a walk with an acquaintance who wasted no time ribbing me about just how *terrible* my manicure looked. I laughed and said that most of the flooding would probably come off in the shower, but I thought she could have been a little less cunty.

But I digress.

I would dream of perfect manicures. I would dream of being at the salon and getting pampered. I would crave the laserlike focus and adulation of a most-likely-Asian woman, who would paint efficiently and deftly and would tell me my nail beds were lovely. I missed the nerve-wracking gamble of seeing if my nails would survive intact until the nail polish was cured.

Meditating upon that, I realize I'd put manicures on a pedestal because that's the kind of thing we did during COVID. I am very much an introvert, but I am a sucker for spa services -- the kind of close-contact activity that became verboten during that strange period of time. The kind of transactional closeness that we were denied for almost two years.

The best part of getting your nails done by someone else is that they have a perspective you do not: They can see your nails as an ensemble piece-- a separate unit from you. They can see the spots you normally miss and, should you be lucky enough to get a perfectionistic nail tech, they will endeavor to paint thoroughly and carefully, making sure the coats are even and smooth. They get fat drops of plush color loaded on the brush and, with painterly strokes, they cover the surface of your nail in a way you can seldom achieve at home.

You know, unless you practice. Practice is, indeed, perfect-- or at least salon-perfect.

After about a year of steady manicures, I can now confidently load a brush and apply a rainbow of colors and textures, knowing that pushing the brush juuuuust so close to the cuticle will extend the lacquer without flooding the sides. But it's taken several frogs to get to princely manicures, and if you are a perfectionist and are looking to embark on a DIY nail journey, I cannot emphasize enough that you need to let shit go and maybe take the edge off chemically *somehow* before you get started.

But before later 2024, all I wanted was the easy button: let someone else do it for me. Focus on the curing. Focus on the mistakes. Hope the manicure lasts. Stop using my hands normally until the polish chips.

Anyway. It was the summer of 2024 and..... okay. I'm going to make this a part two.

[meownicures]

Post one

In my own deeply contrarian fashion, I have decided to start a Tumblr about my manicures. Sure, most people are showing off their nails and their manicures on Instagram-- which is easy and seamless and lets you lead with a visual. Me? I'm going to WRITE YOU AN ESSAY ABOUT MY NAILS. And probably not include any images, because that's how I roll.

(If you absolutely MUST have a visual, here is an IG highlight featuring all my manicures since January 1.)

Over the past year, I have rediscovered the joy of doing my nails and, along with that joy, I have also discovered the delightful and dangerous (for the wallet) world of independent nail polish makers. I am delighted and, honestly, surprised, that there are so many mad scientist-type people playing around with volatile chemicals in their own kitchens, experimenting with flammable and toxic substances and creating bottles of ephemeral beauty for about $11-18 a pop. Ok no. $18 is definitely getting out of the indie sphere and into another category altogether (*cough* gorgeous highway robbery *cough*), but I think you get the idea.

Along the way, a few sites have guided my pilgrimage and, if you're also looking to start taking care of your nails and learning more about this delightful little world, I'm sharing some resources below:

The Salon Life. This channel is really great, especially if you're seeking mostly to have healthy nails. The woman behind it is a nail professional who lives in Spain and she patiently explains how nails grow and interact with the elements. She shows how to care for nails and gives viewers a practical and experiential view of nail care. She also features all sorts of hands on her channel, which I feel is very affirming.

Kelli Marissa's vlogs. I know the younger set swears by Simply Nailogical and all the Holo Taco goodness/livestreams. Yes, Holo Taco is a lot of fun and creator/owner Cristine is a darling manic pixie nail polish girl. I enjoy how she is able to talk about seemingly nothing and everything all at once. Her nail beds are so beautiful. The color stories that Holo Taco tells are lovely. But Kelli Marissa has my heart. She has some really good nail painting and care tutorials on her YouTube channel and I enjoy the way she talks about polish. I like how Kelli explains things concisely and she has a lovely, steady voice. Check out her 101 video here and then poke around her channel-- and subscribe!

Reddit Laqueristas. Through friends and acquaintances I have known Reddit to be an interesting crucible of fact and conspiracy theory, seemingly with little nuance. This is partially true but also! Reddit is a delightful place for knowledge and empathy and if your algorithm is well-curated, you will find much goodness and joy within the Reddit walls. The Laqueristas is such a place. Yes, they are missing a C. Yes, on the bio line it says "the C was sold to pay for polish." It's a great safe space to share, look, learn and feel less alone in the nail universe. It's a place to laugh and relate.

I'll stop it for now. When I care deeply about something, I always seem to have something to say, so there will be more nail posts. Yay, nails!

And because I can't just leave this post without a visual, here is the stupid glowy Uno Mas Colors "Casa de Heaven" and an adorable manekineko macaron from Chiboo bakery. YOU ARE WELCOME.