i don’t think i am ever going to get over ellie. the pain is much duller than it used to be. but i can’t help but wonder about her, and be upset when bryan has an entire folder on his computer devoted to her. which obviously is bc they have known each other for ages, and are so close. but. he never takes photos of me. with me. we don’t do anything except sit in each other’s respective rooms. he doesn’t hug me after being gone for a few days. he’s not ever going to love me like he loves her, which isn’t to say that he does not love me. but it will never mean more, or even as much to him as how he feels about ellie.
so the question is can i live with that?
sometimes i believe that i can, but most of the time, i don’t.
i even doubt whether i truly love him. feelings are so fluid. always in flux. and maybe if i really loved him, this would not even be an issue.
idk. i should stop procrastinating and finish this god damned paper though.