Backroom diary

36 bi transguy starting fresh

[mephistophelescoffee]

I love that people, when given access to green pretty nature hideaway spaces in the summer, just start smooching and loving.

[mephistophelescoffee]

Day 11 of no tiktok and I can feel my ADHD kicking my ass because Im tired and it wants me to access the quickest dopamine. Which is, of course, scrolling. But I will do this day as a challenge to do everything else but scroll today so I can give it a task to work with.

-I found 2 old banjos yesterday in my apartment complex trash room and wrote to a friend that plays a lot of instruments and asked if they wanted it. They said yes!

-Went out in the sun and bought a beer to sit in the sun with. Along with tasty food and a book. ✨

-Washed all of my dirty clothes while joining feeld to see if I can make a friend in Berlin before I go.

-Fetched a parcel that I had ordered with gorgeous red cloth bunting, put it up above my bed.

-Finished a doodle about spf and how I hate it.

- Had a run and saw so many cute couples cuddling and peope enjoying the sun.

And now its midnight and I feel like I succeeded with my mission ✨️

[mephistophelescoffee]

[mephistophelescoffee]

[mephistophelescoffee]

Day 9 of no tiktok

I have just been working and then crashing in bed, but this is the last day before 2 days off! ✨✨

I am also happy to report that the no tiktok use has helped a lot with my energy during and after work. Though my switch eats up a lot of it now. In-between work and bed my brain has just logged off before I can stop it, except a second hand shop treat here and there. Playing baba is you and animal well while feeling sleepy and worn out.

I need a shot of self love today to start out my days off!

I will not set out firm goals and frighten my joy back in its shell but I want to make something ✨ And also let myself have self respect enough to believe in myself 🙂‍↕️

[mephistophelescoffee]

Tuesday+Wednesday, 23+24 of june day 4+5 of no tiktok.

Tuesday was a workday and was spent spring cleaning the workplace, talking to coworkers and providing host services as per usual. I also managed on my break to go and get some more wall hooks+amazingly perfectly cozy string lights for the apartment.

On Wednesday I had a day off, it was spent cleaning, putting up said cozy lights, being utterly delighted by how good it looked and also managing to plan and book a Berlin trip in August. My second ever solo trip! This time I'm sleeping away for 2 nights and not just one.

I also started to listen to a book about "the reading mind: a cognitive approach" which made me cry a bit because it is written with so much warm humanity and wit, played the puzzle game "baba is you" and thought about how now that my life is more stable and I have less people who stress me out and keeping my energy to myself, I heal wounds faster and my bush is thicker and more lush.

After I realized that last bit I read a bit of a scientific article about stress and wound healing, and also gave myself lots of internal praise for getting this far.

Oh and the tiktok abstinence was way less, and ive been getting creating, reading and exploring itches instead.

[mephistophelescoffee]

22 June Monday Day 3 without tiktok.

I was back at work, running errands and feeling relatively well rested . After work I stopped by the local Asian food shop for condiments and a new ice cream flavour, the chestnut paste was delightful. And I bought a whiteboard to write up stuff I need to remember (adhd tool maxing) and some super cozy lights which gave my little home a warm glow.

Also noticeable change: I managed to read a bit at work when things were slow and the abstinence was not as strong. I still miss it but it is fine 🙂‍↕️

[mephistophelescoffee]

21 june Sunday 2026 day 2 of no tiktok

My brain also felt like it was on strike, im glad I was able to wrangle it loose from the grips of tiktok abstinence to do anything at all. My kitchen is cleaner, I now have a lot more ancestors mapped on ancestry.com and I managed to hold my attention to most of a movie. Tomorrow I have work again and the tiktok ban will stand, I aim to limit YouTube when I am a couple of weeks free of tiktok, of course also while replacing it with things better for my brain.

[mephistophelescoffee]

20 June 2026, my second day off after a 8 day marathon of working, yesterday I could only rest, clean, game and exist. Today I started to plan my upcoming trip to Berlin were I am going to stay at a monestary, slept for a long time and was more present and alive 😎 I also banned myself from tiktok to try to recover my brain power and I might report how I use my many free hours. I have one more day free tomorrow and I'm so excited to use it for fun and even more recovery.