Mercurial Days

Smorgasbord of lulz, pugs, ballet, and occasional life things as a soul-searching floater

[mercurialdays]

Vampire Weekend is back

I will never stop loving this band. I will never forget circa 2010 when CT tossed me his drumstick and I got a shoutout from Ezra.

Torontonians, anyone want to come to Echo Beach with me on June 5th?

[mercurialdays]

It’s been a while, Tumblr.

Reading the text posts I wrote in the past gives me tremendous amount of perspective on how much I’ve overcome and grown since I first experienced depression post-Leeds. I’m now at a much happier and healthier place; I love my job, I love my friends, I love my home, I love my beau, and most importantly I love myself.

I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for the support of my friends that believed in me and of course, for making effort to believe in myself even when I felt like I was just a failure and fraud. 

[yoiness]

Oksana Maslova | Principal dancer at Pennsylvania Ballet ©Vikki Sloviter Photography

[finehoney]

[brutalacademia]

The assorted glory of York University: eclectic brutalism at its very best.

[mercurialdays]

This place was so depressing to me

[botanize]

[mercurialdays]

一眨眼都已經半年了。

七月十九號我們在天王州島站第一次見面。我坐著電車一路都在緊張，因為覺得你有點intimidating…也許是太酷吧，會跳hip hop又長得帥帥的。但見了面之後才發覺你完全不是我想像中的那種酷帥哥的image。其實現實是高高瘦瘦的，打扮像青年男孩，而且還是長著一頭紅髮～ 可愛。

決定跟你見面是因為我覺得無聊，所以我一點expectation都沒有。沒想到我們真聊起來了，雙方都覺得我們倆很搭配。挺好的呀，反正我們也是差不多要離開東京了。我們的歷史就從這裡開始…

我入院了你還陪我過夜，逗我開心。 我跟家人有矛了你還很耐性的理解我。 我哭了你還不停的抱著我，安慰我。 我月經突然來了你還無私的積極的搓洗我雙血滴滴的褲子。

※※※

距離對我不是問題…但你無法接受。 我只能把你和我聚過的日子作為苦了樂參半的回憶。

我真的想你過得開心點，你就別再拿我對比其他女生了，這只是對你自己傷害。雖然我已經放棄你了，但無論我人生下半題是怎樣，我永遠不會忘記你或這份情感。你也放棄我吧。

[thequotejournals]

One day, whether you are 14, 28 or 65, you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die. However, the saddest, most awful truth you will ever come to find - is they are not always with whom we spend our lives.

Beau Taplin, Hunting Season (via wordsnquotes)

[strechanadi]

Marie-Agnes Gillot

Photo: Michel Hakimian

[mercurialdays]

stressing out over the huge school video application got me like fuuuuu goodbye long nails

seriously though, i got three days left to make a stupid one minute video of why ~they should choose me~ but isn’t cliché and boring af

ugh

[istillhaveanxiety]

20 years ago when I was 5 years old, I was in a ballet recital. The coordinators put me in the wrong group and I ended up on stage with the gymnastic kids. I stood terrified on stage while the other children did flips and bends around me. I was frozen.

I still have extreme stage fright, performance anxiety and general social anxiety to this day.

[seafoamplant-deactivated2020072]

Concept: me, spending time with my closest friends. We’re all in the kitchen while I’m cooking dinner, my apartment is cozy and it smells delicious. It’s raining outside and we’re all laughing, with no stress. 

[partylikeits2007]

It’s been 10 years since 2007…

[mercurialdays]

2007 feels like yesterday

[imstilljulie]

[niuniente]

To Anyone who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life (and aren’t good/creative/ect. enough)

“You don’t need more motivation. You don’t need to be inspired to action. You don’t need to read any more lists and posts about how you’re not doing enough. But, honestly, here’s the thing that nobody really talks about when it comes to success and motivation and willpower and goals and productivity and all those little buzzwords that have come into popularity: you are as you are until you’re not. You change when you want to change. You put your ideas into action in the timing that is best. That’s just how it happens. And what I think we all need more than anything is this: permission to be wherever the fuck we are when we’re there. You’re not a robot. You can’t just conjure up motivation when you don’t have it. Sometimes you’re going through something. Sometimes life has happened. Life! Remember life? Yeah, it teaches you things and sometimes makes you go the long way around for your biggest lessons.

You don’t get to control everything. You can wake up at 5 a.m. every day until you’re tired and broken, but if the words or the painting or the ideas don’t want to come to fruition, they won’t. You can show up every day to your best intentions, but if it’s not the time, it’s just not the fucking time. You need to give yourself permission to be a human being.

Sometimes the novel is not ready to be written because you haven’t met the inspiration for your main character yet. Sometimes you need two more years of life experience before you can make your masterpiece into something that will feel real and true and raw to other people. Sometimes you’re not falling in love because whatever you need to know about yourself is only knowable through solitude. Sometimes you haven’t met your next collaborator. Sometimes your sadness encircles you because, one day, it will be the opus upon which you build your life. We all know this: Our experience cannot always be manipulated. Yet, we don’t act as though we know this truth. We try so hard to manipulate and control our lives, to make creativity into a game to win, to shortcut success because others say they have, to process emotions and uncertainty as if these are linear journeys. You don’t get to game the system of your life. You just don’t. You don’t get to control every outcome and aspect as a way to never give in to the uncertainty and unpredictability of something that’s beyond what you understand. It’s the basis of presence: to show up as you are in this moment and let that be enough. Yet, we don’t act in a way that supports this lifestyle. We fill every minute with productivity tools and read 30-point lists on how to better drive out natural, human impulse. We often forget that we are as we are until we’re not. We are the same until we’re changed. We can move that a bit further by putting into place healthy habits and to show up to our lives in a way that fosters growth, but we can’t game timing. Timing is the one thing that we often forget to surrender to. Things are dark until they’re not. Most of our unhappiness stems from the belief that our lives should be different than they are. We believe we have control — and our self-loathing and self-hatred comes from this idea that we should be able to change our circumstances, that we should be richer or hotter or better or happier. While self-responsibility is empowering, it can often lead to this resentment and bitterness that none of us need to be holding within us. We have to put in our best efforts and then give ourselves permission to let whatever happens to happen—and to not feel so directly and vulnerably tied to outcomes. Opportunities often don’t show up in the way we think they will. You don’t need more motivation or inspiration to create the life you want. You need less shame around the idea that you’re not doing your best. You need to stop listening to people who are in vastly different life circumstances and life stages than you tell you that you’re just not doing or being enough. You need to let timing do what it needs to do. You need to see lessons where you see barriers. You need to understand that what’s right now becomes inspiration later. You need to see that wherever you are now is what becomes your identity later.  Sometimes we’re not yet the people we need to be in order to contain the desires we have. Sometimes we have to let ourselves evolve into the place where we can allow what we want to transpire. Let’s just say that whatever you want, you want it enough. So much so that you’re making yourself miserable in order to achieve it. What about chilling out? Maybe your motivation isn’t the problem, but that you keep pushing a boulder up a mountain that only grows in size the more you push. There’s a magic beyond us that works in ways we can’t understand. We can’t game it. We can’t 10-point list it. We can’t control it. We have to just let it be, to take a fucking step back for a moment, stop beating ourselves up into oblivion, and to let the cogs turn as they will. One day, this moment will make sense. Trust that. Give yourself permission to trust that.”   - Jamie Warron

[strangelykatie]

I don’t usually reblog things here, but I think this is a really good thing to read.

[oessa]

Auyuittuq National Park, Canada  67.2521566,-64.431817

[bibliotheksbewohnerin]

things that still freak me out: those sinks americans have in their kitchens that you can destroy stuff with