Mermaid Facts

Homepage for The Committee for Transmission of Factual Information Regarding Mermaids (COTOFIRM)

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Fact #81

While different species of Mer vary wildly on the social spectrum, none appear communal nor metacognizant enough to recognize holidays in the same way humans do. Beyond mating cycles, the day-to-day calendar of any given Mer is generally understood to be quite dull.

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Fact #80

While most Atlantic Mer species remain largely sedentary, a select few species comprise of several isolated populations hundreds of miles apart. The leading theory as to these separated populations are Mer (or their eggs) being swept away by ocean currents and transplanted into new environments that they happen to thrive within.

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Fact #79

While Mer cannot naturally metabolize caffeine (nearly as readily as humans, anyways), populations in the shallower regions of the Pacific Ocean derive a similar energy spike by pricking themselves on certain types of sea urchins.

The COTOFIRM Mer Handling Best Practices Handbook 7th Edition does not recommend introducing caffeine to captive Mer populations, as the animal shows an extraordinary preference for Trenta Brown Sugar Shaken Espressos with oat milk and vanilla sweet cream cold foam; a hunger even the richest of private collectors can hardly afford to satisfy.

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Fact #78

While Mer teeth are somewhat analogous to human teeth, their canines are much more pronounced. One of the most common hunting techniques among all Mer species is simply capturing small fish by hand, and these sharp piercing teeth are often used to dispatch prey. When threatened, Mer have been known to bite humans, although attacks in the wild are exceptionally rare.

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Fact #77

While most sharks are not territorial, those few species that stake out parts of the sea for themselves often come into conflict with collectives of Mer. Mer, generally, are the losers in these clashes.

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Fact #76

Mer are privileged among fish for the presence of tongues in their mouths. Owing to a narrow, humanlike throat, the archetypal Mer tongue is flat and broad, used to help re-orient ingested food to prevent it getting stuck. Even if Mer do not need to fear choking in the traditional sense, an esophageal blockage is nobody’s friend.

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Fact #75

Mer skin is extremely smooth from every angle. They are smooth as hell, like glossy paper. When asked for comment, COTOFIRM’s esteemed marine biologists described Mer skin as “…[smooth, like the finest silk in the land]…not…rough” and “in fact, quite [not] rough [in any way].”

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Fact #74

Mermaid tails can measure anywhere from a few inches to a few meters in length, and vary wildly in shape and function. Small inland species (such as those in the Fairyfish family) are often characterized by short smooth tails that aid in land navigation, while oceanic species tend to develop much longer and more powerful tails for swimming.

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Fact #73

The largest pizza ever consumed by a single Mer measured 18 inches in diameter. COTOFIRM does not endorse feeding pizza to Mer, and instead recommends their natural diet of coastal seafood, shallow water greens, and Mr. Pibb.

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Fact #72

Despite their long and storied history living alongside humans, documentation surrounding Mer is filled with “dark ages” of zero contact or wild sightings. The most recent of these absences ended in 1911, although COTOFIRM is unsure exactly how long it lasted prior to their re-discovery. It is unknown where the world’s Mer disappear to, or how they are capable of effectively eluding humanity for tens or hundreds of years at a time.

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Fact #71

Many mer species are extremely motivated by validation and approval, both from their own clans and external sources. When housing Mer, their social needs are just as important to accommodate as their physiological needs.

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Fact #70

COTOFIRM is the leading (and only) authority on the study of Mer, and takes great pride in the many breakthroughs we’ve made in the past decades. One hundred ten years ago, on September 16th, 1911, biologists Arnold B. Ryder and Ingrid Johansen documented the first modern accounts of wild Mer, and would found COTOFIRM the very next week.

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Fact #69

m omppih e qer imklxiir cievw eks

This fact has been brought to you by Emi.

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Fact #68

Despite their primitive appearances and apparent lack of intellect, many species of Mer communicate in a basic language made up of physical cues and sound. Efforts to comprehend or translate this language have yet to bear fruits.

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Fact #67

Mer lack the ear structure one would expect to see on a human, although some species do contain a vestigial structure in their skulls that seem to suggest they may have possessed exterior ear structures at some point in their evolutionary past.

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Fact #66

Mer fingernails are tough, and used to help dig through sand in shallow areas. While seashells and small aquatic fossils hold no practical purpose, Mer have been observed to treasure shiny novelty objects and ornament their bodies with anything they find interesting enough to carry with them. One unfortunate side-effect of this practice is that small fossils can often be carried hundreds of miles from their initial resting place, distorting scientists in their efforts to properly identity the regions of extinct aquatic plants and animals.

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Fact #65

In a 2019 study of over 10 different species of Mer in and around the Gulf of Mexico, it was discovered that Mr. Pibb is the preferred soft drink of Mer. It is currently unknown if the Coca-Cola company intends to use this fact in marketing material for the historically overlooked beverage.