[heavensghost]

Poetry by Amrita chakraborty ( @sunrisesongs )

[unchildhood]

AZRA TABASSUM (or @5000letters)

from My Heart is Full of Open Windows;

original photos and edit

[bunlly]

painting by Lily Thula

[merpymerphero]

I’m back here because I’m so lonely it hurts me so

[merpymerphero]

[merpymerphero]

Fuck me still. You're my only fantasy.

Fuck.

[merpymerphero]

I miss you so deeply.

Can you come over? I'll split the cab cost if it's because of money. You can send me a text saying you're outside. We don't have to talk, I won't say anything. I sleep so nicely next to you. Can you come over and we can fall asleep next to each other?

We can talk whenever you'd like. Tonight, tomorrow, weeks, months. I won't keep trying to push you into talking. I just miss you.

I'll be home around midnight, 1282 Bushwick Ave.

[merpymerphero]

"These days my seriousness goes towards wherever you are standing"

if I make something alone it'll be riddled with anger. Making out of love is keeping me afloat, sincerely and desperately. I can't bear the thought of hurting someone because of my trauma again. I still feel like a beaten puppy and the love and seriousness I feel for you is keeping me from sinking.

Sincerely.

It's going to take so long to feel anything other than anger alone, I'll probably spend the rest of my life getting there. So that when I do die, I die alone and hopefully not full of anger.

In the meantime, I don't want to hurt anyone because I hurt.

I've never met someone as warm as you. I'm thankful you shared your warmth with me at all. Like the night when I cried in your bed and you wrapped what felt like your entire body around me and told me it was going to be ok. You said "it's ok I got you".

You still have me, your arms are just far away.

I'm just far away.

I'm still here, thinking of your warmth and worried what winter will be like without it.

I pray you come back. I pray me getting into therapy shows you I'll do whatever for you. I've just been left so many times and hurt, and you feel warm every time you come back.

I'm sorry i pretended in the beginning I was fine. My past caught up to me.

I miss you. Come back. Gentle and gently.

[merpymerphero]

Come to Brooklyn.

We can play music and watch movies and I won't speak for the whole night. I'll just use nonverbal communication.

I made some paintings for you. I can dance around for you. I love you so.

I miss you so.

[merpymerphero]

Finger painting and having my hand held are two very solid ways of helping me cope with ptsd Snuggles too

[merpymerphero]

If you ever showed up at my door, I would let you in. please know that.

I would make us some tea and we could smoke and talk. I know you say we aren't compatible, I want to change. You change me for the better.

[merpymerphero]

My head is spinning.

I miss you.

[merpymerphero]

If you happen to stop here, call me tonight.

I'm thinking of you so dearly and deeply it softens me to keep quiet and to hear your voice would make this whole silly world seem worthwhile.

I'm strong, I'm also southern and believe in a man sticking by my side. I believe he's you.

So deeply I believe.

Come talk to me.

[merpymerphero]

If you're ever here, revisiting, call me.

Anytime.

[merpymerphero]

I miss you dearly

Your touch, your skin,

Thinking of you calms me down in such a way I can fall asleep. Thinking about you is like counting sheep. When I touch you I remember to be gentle. The way you get sweaty and tired. I'll be working on myself for you whenever you're ready. I'll stay here for you. And I'll always be here for you.

For better or worse, I could kiss you every day.

For better or worse, I could miss you every day.

[merpymerphero]