Merx, The Wizard aka "Drew" @merxthewizard - Tumblr Blog

update and cleaning house

It has been way WAY to long since ive been on this hell site. there's no way I can scrub everything I once posted that may or may not be cringe. the simple fact of the matter is im a different person now and its for the better. I’m going to rehaul things and make a new tumblr account with my actual beyond the machina email, but for now i have this. a testament to the weird person I once was. I hope y'all are doing well. keep an eye out my friends. Drew.

pussyronin-deactivated20260120

look dude me transforming painfully into a centipede isnt a fetish thing its for work. Can you take a pictyre for my linkedin its starting hherggghh

chickensnack

TUESDAY AGAIN NO PROBLEM

merxthewizard

I am a passenger in her car.

I am sitting in the backseat

I did this. This is my fault.

The trees zip by like bullets

The signal on gps phases in and out

This is stressing me out

This is stressing her out

She gazes back at me, her eye filled with what feels like hatred, maybe disappointment, maybe panic

I turn and look out the window, guardrails and road speed past me fast and faster

“I TOOK A WRONG DIRECTION”

Signal is out

Dread sets in as the hail beats down

We dodge and swerve and duck as the car shakes violently and jerks harder than a man possessed

She cries as our ears explode

Time ticks slowly as things race on by

Out of the forest, not out of the woods

Tears roll faster than the roads

An eerie quiet sets in slowly

Soft purr of pavement beneath

And the general sounds of the car

Things arnt going as fast now, still going

Still going, going on as the hills crawl

Slow down to a stop

Gas station

Shotgun

By that I mean

passenger

Steps out to use the restroom.

I’m left here. Alone. Not quite.

But alone.

I am a passenger in her car.

I’m left with the sounds of us two breathing

And the clicks and buzzes of the car idle

He’s back, we should talk, “I don’t want to”

It’s not safe to drive “I don’t care”

Get out and sit in the passenger “I’m driving.”

Fine. “Fine” “lets just sit here for a few minutes”

I softly mention. She’s mad at me. He’s just here.

We’re back on the road now, slowly heading home. I apologize. The roads start speeding up.

Faster and faster until reaching a more steady rate. She has a long drive, I have a long time.

She doesn’t want to talk. That’s fine. That’s fine.

I am a passenger in her car.

I get sharp gazes back at me mixed with sadness as she goes to the road. He’s messaging me on the phone what to say, I stay quiet. Better to let her just do her thing. I put on

Her music. Try and help her feel better.

We drive through what feel like ghost towns.

Occasional truck drives past

I am a passenger in her car.

I had a nice time at the park.

It was a serene sort of quiet.

Fitting for a place out in the hills.

We talked of magic and wonder in the world

We had a lunch of sorts and wandered in the woods. Somewhere in there I hurt her. Words I said? Probably. She got tired as we walked as I

Got lost. Not literally, there was a trail. Objectively we all were fine. She wanted the trip to be about her, I feel, I don’t say that, at least not immediately. Chilly spring day turns dark.

We all head back to the car. I hop in the back so long legs isn’t as uncomfy much to his argument and amusement. She’s not having fun. I don’t think shes had a nice time at all. All I’m getting are looks. We drive out of the park and then I say the spark that ignited this fire, in a set up of me trying to find the words and express my feelings I drop the one word that lit all of this ablaze

“Selfish.”

She does not like that.

I am a passenger in her car.

The Music becomes white noise along with the roads. Still fast and beating, but constant.

I think we all still settled down a bit more.

Signal is working again. One of her fave songs is playing. I don’t understand a thing. Both in lyric and seemingly in general. I keep my mouth quiet

Let this unroll and destress as the roads slowly become. Out of the forest not out of woods.

The roads here are awful, bumpy, tons of twist and turns, rocky and practically hazardous at times. She’s driving carefully.

Occasional truck drives past.

I am a passenger in her car.

I need to breathe a bit. My eyes fade in and out. Time passes. Tensions ease I feel. Just the sound of her music. Darkness slowly sets in, nights coming soon. My phone signal picks up and I get a small assault of messages. Nothing serious. “Does she want me to devote all I do and all of my time to her?” I say in my head. God knows what would happen if I said that out loud. “I don’t mean that do I?” Glad I’m keeping my mouth shut for once. Her album is done. I Politely offer some choices for next. She doesn’t care. I picked something comedic, I don’t think she found it funny.

I am a passenger in her car.

I make a few jokes to him, I don’t think he found them funny. Back to silence, besides of course the comedy album. I see a glimpse of her smile. She says skip the track with the damn sock puppet. I say I love you. She says I love you back, still upset. I’m glad things are calmer now.

Out of the forest, not out of the woods. Good enough. Hail turns to rain. She looks at me

I am a passenger in her car.

Jesus fucking Christ. I guess I never learn.

Lyrics of the song. Not much unlike my situation i guess. It’s getting colder, both the situation and the temperature. Rains beating pretty hard. Almost inaudible though due to music. White noise. Comedy record helped a bit, not much, but a bit. Good enough.

I am a passenger in her car.

That funny feeling comes on. The three of us sit in silence and just listen as she drives on. Rain beats slower. It’s cold. It’s quiet. It’s getting dark. Only sounds being that of music playing and white noise. “Hey what can ya say? But we were overdue, but it’ll over soon, you wait” just great. I look out the windows at the dilapidated buildings, damned, on one side of the road and glistening golf courses on the other, both fading in and out of twisted trees. Lights in the distance. Fellow people in cars and farms lights alike. Something else occasionally floating in the fields, might just be me.

I am a passenger in her car.

Album ends. Change to just whatever. Nevermind, change to something she likes. She smiles a bit. I don’t understand a thing, this time mostly in lyrics, having gained a bit of understanding. We’re nearing home. Apocalypse towers stand in the distance. Far from the hills. Bright lights of suburbia assault the way. The roads are steady, calm, paved decently, at least for this part of town.

We drive to get our friend home, after that we’ll see where we go.

Likely home.

I am a passenger in her car.

Music is off on the final stretch.

An eerie quiet sets in slowly

Soft purr of pavement beneath

And the general sounds of the car

Night has fully settled in, rain stops.

The stars are choked out by pollution.

Occasional truck drives past.

I am a passenger in her car.

We drop him off. He gets home safe.

“Do you want to talk about it or I just be quiet for now?” “There’s nothing to talk about”

She says as her tears roll more than the roads did.

quiet again. I look out the window. Just silhouettes contrasted against a dreary dark sky. Lights in the distance. Fellow people in cars and farms lights alike. Something else occasionally floating in the fields, might just be me. Stop sign. Everything stops seemingly, sound, lights, movement, even the cells in my body. Then at once it comes back. Just a weird stop in Ohio.

I am the passenger in her car.

We drive though a downtown of perpetual Halloween, blink and you’ll miss it, we pass the ymca that’s never called me back about a job, we pass a gas station with a boiled peanuts sign, we’re getting closer to home. We pass the train tracks, and the ice cream place, and the crossroads we both nearly died at years ago. We’re almost home. Feel the bump of the curb beat the car as it all comes to a stop. We’re home.

I am no longer a passenger In her car.

A bit more than a year passes by (the epilogue)

like trucks on the road what seems like ages ago.

I am a passenger in her car.

Her and I are no longer together.

Torn apart by time and a person so vile thinking about them, and the horrors I didn’t know they committed when I asked them to be a roommate, make me sick.

I should mention, not my friend from before. we’re still good friends, but that’s besides the point.

We’re going through the process of washing my hands of those two and the mess us three are in.

I’ll be fine, like always eventually. Still have feeling for her, always have, always will, but this is for the best for both of us.

She picked me up from where I moved to after being kicked out. I see the place we called ours for so long, I see roads we walked together and enjoyed the time. I see that bastard roommates car with a new large dent in it.

Not my fault, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a bit cathartic.

I am a passenger in her car.

I will admit, and have admitted, that I was loud and mean, which can be scary considering someone my size, but in the end all bark, no bite.

She was neglectful at best, abusive at worst. Nothing unforgivable, nothing horrible. We both just need more help than we were getting. I hope we get it

The roommate, she’s a piece of work. arguably the most petty, manipulative, piece of shit, waste of oxygen, dog abusing, baby killing, no good cancer of a human being I have ever met.

I’m saying that well aware dear family, friends, and flings of mine have had cancer. That bad a person, no other way to put it.

It’s hard dealing with anger and hurt like this, especially after so much that’s gone on. Easy to reflect on it though, particularly when one is waiting to get to the destination.

My exes music plays in the car as I see storage units and apartments pass by. Her mom, I, and her, all joke and laugh and catch up a bit in the time we have. Gives one hope a bit

I am a passenger in her car.

We get to where we were going, we do what we need to do, we get answers and questions, but ultimately a way to go.

Goes well.

Her and I talk a bit, I take this once chance I had to fully, truly, apologize for the mess we’re in, maybe talk about how her and I can go forward into a brighter later. Get a maybe, she asks for time. I’ll take those. Those are good comparatively.

More days pass, more answers, less questions, and more of the roommates rot seeping and oozing. I’m doing what I can to just be kind to my ex who’s clearly being manipulated.

It’s sad to see.

It’s hard to see.

I miss her . I hope she gets better, I hope she finds better, I hope she learns better and kicks the roommate to the curb.

My sleep is disrupted every night, getting less so, but hasn’t stopped so far, of my mind wandering and fearing what could happen. good, bad, or horrible.

I hate sleeping alone. I wish I had someone here, maybe her, but anyone will do just to help. A human antibiotic to help with the pain, get rid of the infection left in me slowly.

I’ll figure it out. I’ll move as the trucks did what seems like so long ago. I’ll keep on as the rain on that night. I’ll keep driving as she did.

I’ll always miss her just as I loved her. Now Despite it all,

I wish I was the passenger in her car

And that we rode into the sunset together.

merxthewizard

Almost two years pass.

I am a passenger in her car

We’ve reconnected these past few months, we don’t hate eachother

Not like we ever did really

I see the apocalypse towers as we turn onto the highway

She got screwed over by that roommate pretty hard

Not surprised to be honest, glad karma got her

And karma got her hard

The roommate that is

Anyway

I got to see the cat, my son once, one last time, give him the goodbye I needed

We pass by flashing lights

“I hate cops” she says, we both laugh

The radio is playing whatever as I try my best to hold back tears

These mood stabilizers are working hard I can tell

We joke about 90s boy bands as backstreets croons

We recall about adventures we’ve taken without eachother

And adventures with eachother

We talk about things we wanted to do but never got around to.

Perhaps adventures for another day?

Maybe not. You never know

This very well might be the last time I see her

She’s moving home

5 years here was long enough

She’s been through so much, but she’s taken it pretty well all things considered.

I’m proud of her.

I love her so much

Her and I will never be, and will never have, what we once were.

I’ve come to terms with that.

I’m ok

I’ll be ok

We get on the exit heading to where I live now

We pass by the Meijer we suffered at

She complains about the traffic

I’m savoring each moment I get

These mood stabilizers are working hard I can tell

I am a passenger in her car

Probably for the last time

I didn’t get the ending I would have liked,

But I’m satisfied with what I got

Thank you Ashley. I love you.

Always have, always will.

bluechanas

them

dog-teeth

badweird feelings

chronicbrainfag

not to be a communist on main but these are literally the modes of alienation under capitalism that marx described

playwrongs

Okay, this is pretty incredible. A 3D artist, consulting scholars and archaeologists, worked for a year and a half in Blender to create a reconstruction of pre-Columbian Tenochtitlán, complete with the surrounding landscape. It’s staggeringly beautiful, and—at least to me—gives a wonderful impression of the city as a place where people worked and lived and worshiped

gallusrostromegalus

HOLY SHIT CLICK THROUGH THIS IS INCREDIBLE

The last text.

“This didn’t need to end this way you know? It never needed to go this way. I miss how things were, and am sad of how things are now. I have loved you so much, through so much, and have mourned the loss of that all so much. I mourn the family we didn’t have, the kids you wanted so badly that we named, I mourn the successes and failures of us going through it all together. From me being so shy I would kiss you in the hall and nervously run away, to me kissing you and telling you I love you every night for years. Nearly every step since my mistake, I have done my best to fix that, from genuine apologies with action, to your favorite soda each time I’ve seen you, leaving you alone as long as I could, to giving you the level of grace and patience I did not get. Every step I’ve been missing the person I knew and loved and have been doing my best to get her back.

I miss what was and the person I fell in love with, I miss the times spent together, both actively on dates and such and just sitting watching tv. “In another life, I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you.” As it goes

hell there’s even still time to fix things in general, but it’ll take both of us listening, understanding, and working together to fix it. It’s clear that’s not going to happen likely”

Heartburn

Is a pain to deal with.

More so than just taking some antacids or other meds,

There’s a way of going about enjoying things

That has to completely change.

From a a faint rumble in the chest to feeling like one’s breathing fire.

An agony that’s so precise and painful, yet so mundane.

To feel it rise up and rage all due to life’s pleasure.

Heartburn.

Is a pain to deal with.

There’s a yearning for relief, for solace, for comfort,

That seems just so out of range.

To have lost so much peace one had before, interrupted by a feeling.

It flickers and flares as one struggles to comprehend the problem

Until it’s gone.

Leaving one gasping for something to remedy.

Heartburn

Is a pain to deal with.

Its more than just some stomach issues

There’s a process of sorts one has to go through from being unready to being done.

That seems like such a impossible task sometimes.

Coming to terms that what was, now no more.

But you can still feel it.

A sting at the back of your throat, a sour taste left behind

Even when it’s not as bad, it rears again randomly and violently.

Heartburn

Is a pain to deal with.

But unlike stomach issues, it’s good sometimes.

Reminds us that we’re human.

As time passes the sting subsided, and the sour taste fades.

Or maybe it never quite goes away at all?

Regardless, finding someone or something to help the pain helps.

Finding the flavor of life again and knowing you can enjoy it fully once more

It’s hopeful almost.

Hopefully that maybe heartburn won’t nearly be as bad again.

jonasgoonface

if life has taught me anything, always boil enough water for 2 cups

mtg-talk

My friend forgot to secure the latch on his magic card briefcase and all his commander decks are now mixed together. Now he’s playing 1200 card pickup and has to reorganize everything.

elspeth-tirel

Look At Me. I'm The Passenger Now.

Either this is a great meme, or my ex reaching out not understanding my poem lol. I’ll address in that order

1. I love iggy pop songs

2. I miss you. Both physically and the idea and spirit of you, this is particularly meaningful regarding this platform and how we met and started talking.

merxthewizard

I am a passenger in her car.

I am sitting in the backseat

I did this. This is my fault.

The trees zip by like bullets

The signal on gps phases in and out

This is stressing me out

This is stressing her out

She gazes back at me, her eye filled with what feels like hatred, maybe disappointment, maybe panic

I turn and look out the window, guardrails and road speed past me fast and faster

“I TOOK A WRONG DIRECTION”

Signal is out

Dread sets in as the hail beats down

We dodge and swerve and duck as the car shakes violently and jerks harder than a man possessed

She cries as our ears explode

Time ticks slowly as things race on by

Out of the forest, not out of the woods

Tears roll faster than the roads

An eerie quiet sets in slowly

Soft purr of pavement beneath

And the general sounds of the car

Things arnt going as fast now, still going

Still going, going on as the hills crawl

Slow down to a stop

Gas station

Shotgun

By that I mean

passenger

Steps out to use the restroom.

I’m left here. Alone. Not quite.

But alone.

I am a passenger in her car.

I’m left with the sounds of us two breathing

And the clicks and buzzes of the car idle

He’s back, we should talk, “I don’t want to”

It’s not safe to drive “I don’t care”

Get out and sit in the passenger “I’m driving.”

Fine. “Fine” “lets just sit here for a few minutes”

I softly mention. She’s mad at me. He’s just here.

We’re back on the road now, slowly heading home. I apologize. The roads start speeding up.

Faster and faster until reaching a more steady rate. She has a long drive, I have a long time.

She doesn’t want to talk. That’s fine. That’s fine.

I am a passenger in her car.

I get sharp gazes back at me mixed with sadness as she goes to the road. He’s messaging me on the phone what to say, I stay quiet. Better to let her just do her thing. I put on

Her music. Try and help her feel better.

We drive through what feel like ghost towns.

Occasional truck drives past

I am a passenger in her car.

I had a nice time at the park.

It was a serene sort of quiet.

Fitting for a place out in the hills.

We talked of magic and wonder in the world

We had a lunch of sorts and wandered in the woods. Somewhere in there I hurt her. Words I said? Probably. She got tired as we walked as I

Got lost. Not literally, there was a trail. Objectively we all were fine. She wanted the trip to be about her, I feel, I don’t say that, at least not immediately. Chilly spring day turns dark.

“Selfish.”

She does not like that.

I am a passenger in her car.

The Music becomes white noise along with the roads. Still fast and beating, but constant.

I think we all still settled down a bit more.

Signal is working again. One of her fave songs is playing. I don’t understand a thing. Both in lyric and seemingly in general. I keep my mouth quiet

Let this unroll and destress as the roads slowly become. Out of the forest not out of woods.

The roads here are awful, bumpy, tons of twist and turns, rocky and practically hazardous at times. She’s driving carefully.

Occasional truck drives past.

I am a passenger in her car.

Out of the forest, not out of the woods. Good enough. Hail turns to rain. She looks at me

I am a passenger in her car.

Jesus fucking Christ. I guess I never learn.

I am a passenger in her car.

We drive to get our friend home, after that we’ll see where we go.

Likely home.

I am a passenger in her car.

Music is off on the final stretch.

An eerie quiet sets in slowly

Soft purr of pavement beneath

And the general sounds of the car

Night has fully settled in, rain stops.

The stars are choked out by pollution.

Occasional truck drives past.

I am a passenger in her car.

We drop him off. He gets home safe.

“Do you want to talk about it or I just be quiet for now?” “There’s nothing to talk about”

She says as her tears roll more than the roads did.

I am the passenger in her car.

I am no longer a passenger In her car.

A bit more than a year passes by (the epilogue)

like trucks on the road what seems like ages ago.

I am a passenger in her car.

Her and I are no longer together.

Torn apart by time and a person so vile thinking about them, and the horrors I didn’t know they committed when I asked them to be a roommate, make me sick.

I should mention, not my friend from before. we’re still good friends, but that’s besides the point.

We’re going through the process of washing my hands of those two and the mess us three are in.

I’ll be fine, like always eventually. Still have feeling for her, always have, always will, but this is for the best for both of us.

Not my fault, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a bit cathartic.

I am a passenger in her car.

I will admit, and have admitted, that I was loud and mean, which can be scary considering someone my size, but in the end all bark, no bite.

She was neglectful at best, abusive at worst. Nothing unforgivable, nothing horrible. We both just need more help than we were getting. I hope we get it

The roommate, she’s a piece of work. arguably the most petty, manipulative, piece of shit, waste of oxygen, dog abusing, baby killing, no good cancer of a human being I have ever met.

I’m saying that well aware dear family, friends, and flings of mine have had cancer. That bad a person, no other way to put it.

It’s hard dealing with anger and hurt like this, especially after so much that’s gone on. Easy to reflect on it though, particularly when one is waiting to get to the destination.

My exes music plays in the car as I see storage units and apartments pass by. Her mom, I, and her, all joke and laugh and catch up a bit in the time we have. Gives one hope a bit

I am a passenger in her car.

We get to where we were going, we do what we need to do, we get answers and questions, but ultimately a way to go.

Goes well.

More days pass, more answers, less questions, and more of the roommates rot seeping and oozing. I’m doing what I can to just be kind to my ex who’s clearly being manipulated.

It’s sad to see.

It’s hard to see.

I miss her . I hope she gets better, I hope she finds better, I hope she learns better and kicks the roommate to the curb.

My sleep is disrupted every night, getting less so, but hasn’t stopped so far, of my mind wandering and fearing what could happen. good, bad, or horrible.

I hate sleeping alone. I wish I had someone here, maybe her, but anyone will do just to help. A human antibiotic to help with the pain, get rid of the infection left in me slowly.

I’ll figure it out. I’ll move as the trucks did what seems like so long ago. I’ll keep on as the rain on that night. I’ll keep driving as she did.

I’ll always miss her just as I loved her. Now Despite it all,

I wish I was the passenger in her car

And that we rode into the sunset together.

xholy-diverx

I painted this

#drawing #doodle #sign #artists on tumblr #artwork #doodle art #no smoking #totally smoking #smoke

guerrillatech

everythingstarstuff

fixomnia-scribble

“She began to understand why lovers baby talk to one another. There was no other socially acceptable circumstance in which the children inside her were permitted to come out. If the one-year-old, the five-year-old, the twelve-year-old, and the twenty-year-old all find compatible personalities in the beloved, there is a real chance to keep all of those sub-personas happy. Love ends their long loneliness. Perhaps the depth of love can be calibrated by the number of different selves that are actively involved in a given relationship.”

–Carl Sagan, ”Contact”, 1985

unstuckincanon

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Merx, The Wizard aka "Drew"