I am a passenger in her car.
I am sitting in the backseat
I did this. This is my fault.
The trees zip by like bullets
The signal on gps phases in and out
This is stressing her out
She gazes back at me, her eye filled with what feels like hatred, maybe disappointment, maybe panic
I turn and look out the window, guardrails and road speed past me fast and faster
“I TOOK A WRONG DIRECTION”
Dread sets in as the hail beats down
We dodge and swerve and duck as the car shakes violently and jerks harder than a man possessed
She cries as our ears explode
Time ticks slowly as things race on by
Out of the forest, not out of the woods
Tears roll faster than the roads
An eerie quiet sets in slowly
Soft purr of pavement beneath
And the general sounds of the car
Things arnt going as fast now, still going
Still going, going on as the hills crawl
Steps out to use the restroom.
I’m left here. Alone. Not quite.
I am a passenger in her car.
I’m left with the sounds of us two breathing
And the clicks and buzzes of the car idle
He’s back, we should talk, “I don’t want to”
It’s not safe to drive “I don’t care”
Get out and sit in the passenger “I’m driving.”
Fine. “Fine” “lets just sit here for a few minutes”
I softly mention. She’s mad at me. He’s just here.
We’re back on the road now, slowly heading home. I apologize. The roads start speeding up.
Faster and faster until reaching a more steady rate. She has a long drive, I have a long time.
She doesn’t want to talk. That’s fine. That’s fine.
I am a passenger in her car.
I get sharp gazes back at me mixed with sadness as she goes to the road. He’s messaging me on the phone what to say, I stay quiet. Better to let her just do her thing. I put on
Her music. Try and help her feel better.
We drive through what feel like ghost towns.
Occasional truck drives past
I am a passenger in her car.
I had a nice time at the park.
It was a serene sort of quiet.
Fitting for a place out in the hills.
We talked of magic and wonder in the world
We had a lunch of sorts and wandered in the woods. Somewhere in there I hurt her. Words I said? Probably. She got tired as we walked as I
Got lost. Not literally, there was a trail. Objectively we all were fine. She wanted the trip to be about her, I feel, I don’t say that, at least not immediately. Chilly spring day turns dark.
We all head back to the car. I hop in the back so long legs isn’t as uncomfy much to his argument and amusement. She’s not having fun. I don’t think shes had a nice time at all. All I’m getting are looks. We drive out of the park and then I say the spark that ignited this fire, in a set up of me trying to find the words and express my feelings I drop the one word that lit all of this ablaze
I am a passenger in her car.
The Music becomes white noise along with the roads. Still fast and beating, but constant.
I think we all still settled down a bit more.
Signal is working again. One of her fave songs is playing. I don’t understand a thing. Both in lyric and seemingly in general. I keep my mouth quiet
Let this unroll and destress as the roads slowly become. Out of the forest not out of woods.
The roads here are awful, bumpy, tons of twist and turns, rocky and practically hazardous at times. She’s driving carefully.
Occasional truck drives past.
I am a passenger in her car.
I need to breathe a bit. My eyes fade in and out. Time passes. Tensions ease I feel. Just the sound of her music. Darkness slowly sets in, nights coming soon. My phone signal picks up and I get a small assault of messages. Nothing serious. “Does she want me to devote all I do and all of my time to her?” I say in my head. God knows what would happen if I said that out loud. “I don’t mean that do I?” Glad I’m keeping my mouth shut for once. Her album is done. I Politely offer some choices for next. She doesn’t care. I picked something comedic, I don’t think she found it funny.
I am a passenger in her car.
I make a few jokes to him, I don’t think he found them funny. Back to silence, besides of course the comedy album. I see a glimpse of her smile. She says skip the track with the damn sock puppet. I say I love you. She says I love you back, still upset. I’m glad things are calmer now.
Out of the forest, not out of the woods. Good enough. Hail turns to rain. She looks at me
I am a passenger in her car.
Jesus fucking Christ. I guess I never learn.
Lyrics of the song. Not much unlike my situation i guess. It’s getting colder, both the situation and the temperature. Rains beating pretty hard. Almost inaudible though due to music. White noise. Comedy record helped a bit, not much, but a bit. Good enough.
I am a passenger in her car.
That funny feeling comes on. The three of us sit in silence and just listen as she drives on. Rain beats slower. It’s cold. It’s quiet. It’s getting dark. Only sounds being that of music playing and white noise. “Hey what can ya say? But we were overdue, but it’ll over soon, you wait” just great. I look out the windows at the dilapidated buildings, damned, on one side of the road and glistening golf courses on the other, both fading in and out of twisted trees. Lights in the distance. Fellow people in cars and farms lights alike. Something else occasionally floating in the fields, might just be me.
I am a passenger in her car.
Album ends. Change to just whatever. Nevermind, change to something she likes. She smiles a bit. I don’t understand a thing, this time mostly in lyrics, having gained a bit of understanding. We’re nearing home. Apocalypse towers stand in the distance. Far from the hills. Bright lights of suburbia assault the way. The roads are steady, calm, paved decently, at least for this part of town.
We drive to get our friend home, after that we’ll see where we go.
I am a passenger in her car.
Music is off on the final stretch.
An eerie quiet sets in slowly
Soft purr of pavement beneath
And the general sounds of the car
Night has fully settled in, rain stops.
The stars are choked out by pollution.
Occasional truck drives past.
I am a passenger in her car.
We drop him off. He gets home safe.
“Do you want to talk about it or I just be quiet for now?” “There’s nothing to talk about”
She says as her tears roll more than the roads did.
quiet again. I look out the window. Just silhouettes contrasted against a dreary dark sky. Lights in the distance. Fellow people in cars and farms lights alike. Something else occasionally floating in the fields, might just be me. Stop sign. Everything stops seemingly, sound, lights, movement, even the cells in my body. Then at once it comes back. Just a weird stop in Ohio.
I am the passenger in her car.
We drive though a downtown of perpetual Halloween, blink and you’ll miss it, we pass the ymca that’s never called me back about a job, we pass a gas station with a boiled peanuts sign, we’re getting closer to home. We pass the train tracks, and the ice cream place, and the crossroads we both nearly died at years ago. We’re almost home. Feel the bump of the curb beat the car as it all comes to a stop. We’re home.
I am no longer a passenger In her car.
A bit more than a year passes by (the epilogue)
like trucks on the road what seems like ages ago.
I am a passenger in her car.
Her and I are no longer together.
Torn apart by time and a person so vile thinking about them, and the horrors I didn’t know they committed when I asked them to be a roommate, make me sick.
I should mention, not my friend from before. we’re still good friends, but that’s besides the point.
We’re going through the process of washing my hands of those two and the mess us three are in.
I’ll be fine, like always eventually. Still have feeling for her, always have, always will, but this is for the best for both of us.
She picked me up from where I moved to after being kicked out. I see the place we called ours for so long, I see roads we walked together and enjoyed the time. I see that bastard roommates car with a new large dent in it.
Not my fault, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a bit cathartic.
I am a passenger in her car.
I will admit, and have admitted, that I was loud and mean, which can be scary considering someone my size, but in the end all bark, no bite.
She was neglectful at best, abusive at worst. Nothing unforgivable, nothing horrible. We both just need more help than we were getting. I hope we get it
The roommate, she’s a piece of work. arguably the most petty, manipulative, piece of shit, waste of oxygen, dog abusing, baby killing, no good cancer of a human being I have ever met.
I’m saying that well aware dear family, friends, and flings of mine have had cancer. That bad a person, no other way to put it.
It’s hard dealing with anger and hurt like this, especially after so much that’s gone on. Easy to reflect on it though, particularly when one is waiting to get to the destination.
My exes music plays in the car as I see storage units and apartments pass by. Her mom, I, and her, all joke and laugh and catch up a bit in the time we have. Gives one hope a bit
I am a passenger in her car.
We get to where we were going, we do what we need to do, we get answers and questions, but ultimately a way to go.
Her and I talk a bit, I take this once chance I had to fully, truly, apologize for the mess we’re in, maybe talk about how her and I can go forward into a brighter later. Get a maybe, she asks for time. I’ll take those. Those are good comparatively.
More days pass, more answers, less questions, and more of the roommates rot seeping and oozing. I’m doing what I can to just be kind to my ex who’s clearly being manipulated.
I miss her . I hope she gets better, I hope she finds better, I hope she learns better and kicks the roommate to the curb.
My sleep is disrupted every night, getting less so, but hasn’t stopped so far, of my mind wandering and fearing what could happen. good, bad, or horrible.
I hate sleeping alone. I wish I had someone here, maybe her, but anyone will do just to help. A human antibiotic to help with the pain, get rid of the infection left in me slowly.
I’ll figure it out. I’ll move as the trucks did what seems like so long ago. I’ll keep on as the rain on that night. I’ll keep driving as she did.
I’ll always miss her just as I loved her. Now Despite it all,
I wish I was the passenger in her car
And that we rode into the sunset together.