the inner ramblings of a sleep deprived teen

swimmer, high school senior, in a long distance relationship with a wonderful guy in college

[messy-bun]

The Sappy Love Song Playlist

Yes, I have one. On Friday, I said my last goodbye to my boyfriend who is leaving for college. I didn’t know it was my last goodbye so I didn’t think much of it until I made a decision later to not come on Saturday morning to send him off. It would be easier this way, less emotional turmoil. I realize now I really just needed one more hug. I really miss him already. Tuesday marks 11 months of us dating and that’s going to be a hard day with him not here. I believe we can make the distance work but it’ll take some getting used to and a lot of Ed Sheeran. 

[messy-bun]

i’ve realized that I'm not truly happy unless I’m around those I love

which is strange it seems, being an introvert. I like small groups of people I know well, so they understand my personality. When I’m alone I am at peace, and relaxed.

When I am with my friends and those I love, I am happy.

It was laughing hysterically with my boyfriend as he held me, the heat from his laughs blowing onto my cheek. It’s watching one boy on my swim team insist on “waffling” with another boy during the blessing before dinner. It’s trying to make gingerbread houses, but things get so messed up we have to use hot glue in the end. It’s failing miserably at Rock Band because everyone is laying over everyone and no one has the room to really move their fingers to play the notes. 

Maybe sitting in bed watching netflix is when I feel relaxed, but stepping out of my comfort zones, making contact with people is when I really feel a smile spreading involuntarily across my face.