Untitled

[mewmewprincess]

I'm not going to say any names, but I beat myself up today partly because one of my classmates who I went to a special needs school with and was in my classroom (along with 6 other students) and is around my age apparently has a kid now. I'm happy for her. It just goes to show how much autism has affected me because I can't even take care of a kid. I'm pathetic. She's so much better than me and more capable of handling herself.

[mewmewprincess]

Something really stupid about me is that I can't handle playing the Mario games because they cause me sensory overload. I don't get how I'm sensitive to Mario, yet I can handle Tokyo Mew Mew. I can't handle any Mario stuff, Paper Mario, Super Mario, Mario Kart, you name it.

[mewmewprincess]

My head hurts sometimes because I slap myself and bang my head against the wall often.

[mewmewprincess]

I tend to slam my head into the wall and slap my head really hard because I'm severely disabled and incredibly sensitive I feel. I am unable to drive, unable to have kids, unable to get married, unable to live on my own, unable to have a job. I had sensory meltdowns frequently as a kid and when I was 10 I attacked teachers and staff members which I still regret. I was a 1 to 1 with a teacher meaning I had a teacher with me at all times, I was in a special needs class with only a few other kids in my class and I had speech problems. I couldn't pronounce words that had the letter r in them correctly like rabbit. I'm also sensitive because I'm mostly just into preschool shows.

I'm upset because other kids I knew were on the autism spectrum and they're able to do stuff like have kids or have a job or other things. I don't have that stuff. I'm pathetic!

[mewmewprincess]

Warning: This is a vent post. I am upset with myself.

I still have hurt myself a lot lately because of two reasons. First is me hurting teachers back when I was in elementary school. Even now, it still pains me. I was overwhelmed by kids being noisy in the small special needs class I was in of anywhere between 2 and 7 other kids, but that's still no excuse. I had sensory meltdowns, but again no excuse. I feel bad for the teachers. I hate myself.

I also hate myself because I'm only into preschool/shows aimed exclusively for kids under the age of 10 when it comes to TV shows. Tokyo Mew Mew is an exception to this and I wonder why Tokyo Mew Mew appeals to me so much when I'm only into stuff that is primarily meant for preschoolers and kids exclusively under 10 years old as in 4 to 9 year old shows or 4 to 8 year old shows.

[mewmewprincess]

I wish I could remember the artist who did this Tokyo Mew Mew fanart that I bought online. I remember I came across their Tumblr and they had an online shop and that's how I bought it.

[mewmewprincess]

I don't play video games much, but I love Webkinz and I really want 2005-2006 era Webkinz found. A lot of it seems to be lost media and I really want that information found. I have a feeling some of when certain pets came out is inaccurate and not the exact month.

[mewmewprincess]

Some more stuff about my life I feel the need to say

When I was in school, I wasn't in a regular class. I was in a special needs class. I was a 1 to 1, which basically means I had a teacher with me at all times because it was hard for me to do school on my own. I often had a teacher with me for schoolwork. I felt so overwhelmed and had sensory overload and sensory meltdowns with certain kids being noisy.

I eventually went to a special needs school for kids from age 5 to 21 when I was in middle school. There were kids in my class both in the special needs school in middle school and when I was in a special needs class in elementary school that functioned better than I did.

I literally cannot work, I am unable to hold a job and I can't live on my own. I live with my dad.

I can't even watch a lot of stuff. It's ridiculous how much stuff I'm sensitive to. Let's see, I'm sensitive to Dragon Ball, Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist, Yu Yu Hakusho, My Hero Academia, Death Note, Soul Eater, One Piece, Bleach, Ren and Stimpy, Family Guy, South Park, many of the shows Cartoon Network aired (not all of them, just a good amount) and so many others. There are also shows that just don't hold my attention but I can watch. They just bore me.

I can't even play most video games because of the sensory overload aspect. Even a game like Mario has a lot of jumping and such going on.

I did play a lot of video games at one point and watched anime and shows I couldn't handle. That was back before I fully realized my limitations. Its because of Tokyo Mew Mew that my limitations, my weaknesses, my vulnerability were fully exposed and I realized it.

I think one reason why I've been upset at myself is because I feel I never fully grew up. My favorite shows tend to not be shows aimed at toddlers usually as in Blue's Clues, Bear in the Big Blue House, Sesame Street, Dragon Tales, PB&J Otter, etc. I do love some shows that aim older than 2-5 like Tokyo Mew Mew, which is my favorite of all time but it still feels like a limitation that I'm mostly into shows that aim really young. I sometimes wonder why Tokyo Mew Mew is able to hold my attention so much better than many other stuff not aimed at 2-5 year olds specifically.

I also get overwhelmed so much. Even when I go to conventions, I get a sense of being heavily overstimulated. I have a lot of anxiety at conventions. I also have anxiety socializing with others in person. The reason I want to go out to different places more often is because I want to socialize more and practice my socializing more. Also because I'm not a fan of being stuck at home. I want to explore the world.

I do talk about Tokyo Mew Mew a lot and I think that's only because it's very important to me. I have wondered though if it was a mistake for me to get into the series though only because it ended up fully exposing my vulnerabilities and made me realize my limitations so much.

I did talk to a therapist recently and she said I should forgive myself for when I attacked teachers at school 15 years ago and that I should write a letter that I keep at home as a therapeutic way to cope.

[mewmewprincess]

I loved this post so much. If it's okay, I would like to know who gave me this message, because this means a lot to me. This feels so heartwarming 😭. Feel free to reach out to me. I don't mind.

[mewmewprincess]

Four shows that have had a huge impact on me for one reason or another.

[mewmewprincess]

I still don't get how I'm mostly entertained by media aimed at preschoolers (Nick Jr, PBS Kids, Playhouse Disney/Disney Junior) when my favorite media of all time, Tokyo Mew Mew, isn't a preschool specific show like a 2-5 one.

[mewmewprincess]

I'm a fellow Tokyo Mew Mew fan who has also struggled with sensory overload in school as I was growing up, and I saw your last post. I know what it's like to have sensory meltdowns that you come to regret. You were just a kid, and you were going through a lot. You deserve to forgive yourself. Sending you warm wishes 💕

Thanks 😭. When I say I mostly like preschool shows, I mean that. Since Tokyo Mew Mew isn't aimed at preschoolers, its probably weird that it heavily unlocked and exposed my sensitivity, my weaknesses and limits and vulnerability. Even though Tokyo Mew Mew is my favorite series, most of my favorite shows are stuff like Bear in the Big Blue House and Blue's Clues and I think it's because they're incredibly nice and cozy shows that are easy to follow and have songs and interaction. I like the hearts 😭. I don't know why I tend to group Tokyo Mew Mew with Blues Clues and Bear in the Big Blue House and Sesame Street since Tokyo Mew Mew is meant for an older audience, but I do that.

[mewmewprincess]

I need to post about this. I don't mind if people don't see this, I just need to let it out.

I can't take this anymore. I keep thinking about when I was in elementary school and I kept not wanting to go to school all because I felt incredibly overstimulated at school because of other kids being loud. I love the idea of school and I hate that I ended up attacking and hurting teachers when I was 10 years old 😭. I was overstimulated, but that's no excuse at all. I keep hurting myself and slapping myself because of what I did.

I also literally can only watch shows aimed at preschoolers for the most part. Tokyo Mew Mew is an exception to this since it's not exactly a preschool show, but it did feel young so that's probably why I love it. I think the reason why preschool shows is what I mostly like is because I constantly live with these horrible memories. I have so many awful memories of my childhood that watching shows like Blue's Clues and Bear in the Big Blue House is a way to escape that.

I also constantly get upset at myself for the conversations I have with others because I'm terrible at talking to others and I often stumble across my words. I'm better when texting, but vocally talking is tough.

Which brings me to this. I wonder if it's even a good thing that I ended up getting into Tokyo Mew Mew or a bad thing. I say this because watching it heavily exposed a weakness and a vulnerability inside me, which is that I literally am very limited to what I can watch 😭. I am incredibly sensitive.

I'm not kidding when I say I slapped the back of my neck hard several times today because I still feel like I deserve a bunch of karma for what I did in the past.

[mewmewprincess]

I'm so overwhelmed as usual. I always feel like I'm dizzy.

[mewmewprincess]

These are my 25 favorite shows of all time

[magicagrove]

Please read! We’re being evicted in July and need help with expenses. We’re on a low income plan and have little to spend. If you can help at all it’s greatly appreciated!

[mewmewprincess]

I need to talk to others about Tokyo Mew Mew 😭