Why couldn’t I finish a marathon?
There are a million reasons why: I’m slow, have never been much of a runner, never enjoyed running, am too big, too tall, I’m not a ‘serious’ runner, it would take forever, I wouldn’t win, ect, ect.
But for real though, why couldn’t I?
As of last Sunday, the question is irrelevant, because I’m now a marathon finisher. ME! Turbo, herself. A whole marathon under her belt.
Now that I’m reflecting on it, I have a hard time believing that it happened and that I did it– it didn’t happen to me. When you set a huge goal like this, it’s really helpful to break it down into digestible pieces so that it isn’t as overwhelming. A side effect of that though, is that you become desensitized to how big it is by the end. If I thought too hard about it in the days before, about the magnitude, it was too much to process.
While I was running though, especially after passing the halfway point and taking 12 minutes off my half-time, I started to allow myself to process it. I am going to finish a marathon. I’ve run 19 miles now, that’s the farthest I’ve ever run. Look around at all these other marathoners! There is only one mile left, enjoy the last mile of your MARATHON.
Once I turned the corner and saw the finish line, the realization hit all at once and everything came out my eyeballs. I was literally sobbing and sprinting to the end. My husband popped out (he finished over an hour ahead of me) and put my medal around my neck and we were both crying because HOLY SHIT, I JUST FINISHED A MARATHON.
Everything came together perfectly. My training paid off. The weather was perfect. Someone handed me a banana right when I needed it. I drank enough electrolytes and water, I never had any stomach issues. An aid station volunteer handed me some Coke at the absolute most perfect moment. After being passed by the 5:45 and 6:00 pacers, I caught back up to and passed the 6:00s. I sprinted across the finish line just under the 6:00 mark.
Pure joy, pure happiness.
I have never been so proud of myself. My training was better than it ever had been, my mind much more focused. This is one of the biggest goals I’ve ever set for myself and I fucking did it.
The best part is that I feel energized by this accomplishment, not burned out like I did after the 30K. I won’t be rushing into another full anytime soon, but I’m looking forward to focusing on some speed and improving some shorter-distance times and also getting back on the trails. This training cycle showed me that with focus, I really CAN get better and more comfortable as a runner.
I’m hoping to get on the Oiselle Volee team, to make some female running friends (because the two friends I have think I’m nuts and so does everyone at work) and I applied to the Wilder Running/Writing retreat. CROSS ALL YOUR FINGERS FOR ME. It’s dumb expensive, but I figure on the off chance I get in, I can figure out that part later.
Life is funny, isn’t it? 18 months ago, I was crying to my husband about having to run so much because we hadn’t found a CrossFit gym yet. “Imagine taking the thing you HATE the most and are the WORST at and that’s ALL YOU CAN DO.”
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