Michelle's Life Learnings

One of my core values in life is lifelong learning and expanding my mind. I love listening to podcasts, reading and listening to books, watching Ted Talks and attending classes and webinars. This blog is dedicated to sharing snippets of what I have learnt. It discusses a variety of topics from business psychology or self development to self exploration, acceptance and travel.

[michelleslifelearnings]

How do I get others to like me?

You might be thinking, do I really care if people like me or not? Or why is it important for other people to like me? Well, what if I told you that it would increase your ability to influence people? People tend to trust people they like more, believe in their ideas and are more likely to act on the ideas of people they like.

So how do you get others to like you? I attended a class last night that revolved around Dale Carnegie’s book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ and we discussed 6 simple tips for getting others to like you:

Take a genuine interest in people - rather than trying to get them to be interested in you! Step into their shoes and learn about them. People love to talk about themselves!

Smile - try holding a straight face while someone smiles at you - not easy is it? People mirror the energy of the people with them so if you smile at them, they are likely to smile back. A smile is a ‘messenger of good will’!

Say their name - the sweetest sound to a persons’ ears is the sound of their name. Struggle to remember peoples’ names when you meet them? Try repeating it 3 times in the first conversation. Or if you don’t hear it properly then ask them to repeat it and take a genuine interest in learning how to pronounce it correctly!

Listen to them - create a space where they feel comfortable sharing. This will help them feel good about themselves and in turn their relationship with you! Don’t offer unsolicited advice. Instead try asking questions so they can find the solution themselves and own it going forward. 

Drive sincere connection - draw a connection with them beyond work. Ask about their passions and what they are into and reflect it back to them in a way that drives a connection between you and them. Not sure what they are interested in? Try creeping on their social media. Do they post lots of pictures of food? Probably a foodie... Images of travel? Well...

Uplift and empower them - make them feel important and nourished. People crave approval and appreciation and will feel energised by this!

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Treat other people how they want to be treated!

We were always taught growing up to ‘treat others how we would like to be treated’. However, I attended a class the other day on writing emails and how it is important to think about the recipient when formulating them. They shared the quote ‘treat other people how they would like to be treated’. 

We discussed a number of important factors to consider from the point of view of the recipient, that might affect how well our email is received. 

The recipient’s culture for instance, and the culture of the workplace - what would be appropriate for them or how would the timing or tone be perceived by them because of their culture?

Their working hours - is it the weekend or a public holiday? Are they an early morning person? or do they prefer emails later in the day?

How easy it is for them to know what action is required from them off the back of the email - have you made it clear early on or used emphasis like bold to highlight it?

Our tone - are we using capitals? Would this be perceived as though we are shouting? does our use of emojis give a friendly tone or seem condescending?

I am now not only heavily analysing every email I send, but also questioning how I treat people in my personal life. For instance, my language of love is small gifts. So I feel loved when people get me thoughtful gifts and in turn do the same for the people I care about. However, this made me think that I should start to consider how they perceive love and would they prefer quality time or compliments for instance?

Something to think about...

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Stillness is the Key!

I am a big fan of the podcast ‘What you will Learn’. It discusses non-fiction books from the world of psychology and business. I recently listened to an episode on the book ‘Stillness is the Key’ by Ryan Holiday. The book explains the importance of learning to be still with ourselves, our minds and our bodies. Holiday discusses how often the best action is inaction. For instance, Napoleon famously used to only open his mail after 3 weeks. He often found that although when sending the mail, people would think it was urgent, by the time he opened it 3 weeks later, he often found the issue had actually resolved itself. Maybe we could learn a thing or two here on how quickly we respond to ‘urgent’ email requests!! 

Some other key takeaways I had were the importance of reading, of challenging our minds and our thoughts. Trying to actively read things that don’t necessarily correspond to the views we already hold. There is also an emphasis in the book placed on finding stuff that engages us, like doing hobbies and getting outdoors, and the importance of this, rather than always trying to go somewhere or better ourselves. Just being with and in our bodies.

So firstly, try and refrain from replying to email requests so speedily. Secondly, challenge your mind, read and learn and take up some hobbies and have a variety of hobbies.

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What is your love language?

What makes you feel loved and happy? Is it receiving flowers? Someone running a bath for you? Someone buying you an expensive gift? Have a think...

Now I ask you - now that we know what our language of love is, why are we waiting around for someone else to do these things for us? Why don’t we show ourselves love? Buy ourselves flowers, run ourselves a bath, buy that item we have been yearning for. 

I challenge you to think deeply about what your language of love is and then start to think about how you can do these things for yourself. Treat yourself like someone you love.

Below are some examples to help you have a think!

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Challenging our negative beliefs

We all have beliefs ingrained in our minds about what we are capable of achieving. These can be related to various areas of lives, from work and professional life, to health and wellness or relationships and love. For example, we might have a belief that if we start to allow ourselves eat whatever we want we will never be able to stop eating and will only eat donuts all day long. These beliefs may have developed over a long period of time and from a variety of sources, like diet culture, social media or what our parents have told us as children. However, my task for this week was to re-frame some of these thoughts I have about myself and look for evidence to back up my new beliefs.

Here are the steps:

1. Identify the unhelpful thought

2. Choose a different thought

3. Look for evidence to back up your new thought

For the example I mentioned, this might go like this...

1. If I allow myself to eat whatever I want, whenever I want, I will never stop eating and only eat donuts 

2. I will eat a balanced diet that involves seemingly more nutrient rich foods, like fish and vegetables, as well as some more sweet and enjoyable foods, like donuts

3. Science on intuitive eating has shown that if we give ourselves permission to eat whatever we want, whenever we want, our bodies will learn to trust this and eventually just eat a balanced diet and trust that it can have one donut (and not the whole box), in the trust that if it wants one again next week we will allow it this pleasure

Have a go yourself and let me know how you get on!

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What determines our health?

I’m currently reading ‘Just eat it’ by Laura Thomas PHD, a registered dietitian and intuitive eating specialist. My eyes have been opened to how obsessed our society has become with ‘health’ and ‘wellness’. Our social media feeds are filled with quotes about exercise like ‘Don’t stop until it hurts’ and food or diets like ‘maybe your just thirsty, not hungry’. However, this has led to a new breed of eating disorders. Ones not so easily recognised and ones that are actually seen as social acceptable. Ever heard of orthorexia? Most likely not. It is defined as an unhealthy obsession with eating healthy, ‘pure’ or ‘clean’ food and can also manifest in an obsession with exercise. Sound like some people you might know? Some fitness bloggers who claim to not diet but are constantly restricting the type of foods they eat and how much the exercise.

One thing I have learnt, through reading this book, that might make us think twice about this over-obsession with ‘health’, is that actually only 38% of health is determined by individual behaviours. This includes psychological assets, mood, drug use, sleep pattern, physical activity, sexual health and nutrition. A whopping 62% is attributed to social circumstances, genetics, medical care and physical environment, like pollution. This isn’t meant to make you decide to give up and start eating only ‘unhealthy’ food or lying in bed all day. But it is about balance. If only 38% of our health is attributed to stuff we can control then let’s not let it take over 90% of our thoughts. It’s all balance. Let’s listen to our bodies, trust them, fuel them, energise them and appreciate them!

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Faux Calligraphy

This evening I attended a faux calligraphy class with Smitten with Ink about using a felt tip pen to do everyday calligraphy. It was a lovely, relaxing way to spend an evening and with even practicing 10 minutes a day you can very quickly develop your skills and also have a bit of mindfulness in the process.

Top tip is thin strokes for the way up and thick strokes for the way down. You can very easily do it at home with a felt tip pen. You just need to write the word, take your time and take breaks between strokes and then go back over to thicken the lines that should be thicker. Oh, and enjoy!

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Zoom Body language tips

I recently attended a class on Presentation Skills. When we present our body language is so important. However, during this current time of working from home and video calls, how can you use your body to capture your audiences’ attention?

I wanted to share two takeaways I took from the class on how to use your body on a video call to engage the people you are interacting with:

1. Eye contact - how do you keep eye contact on a Video call? Most of us spend our video calls just looking at the image of the person we are on a call with, in order to see how they are reacting. Or as my mum mentioned, we might be staring at ourselves, conscious of how we ourselves are appearing. However, you can actually fake eye contact on video calls! You just need to try looking into the camera. Tough to do (trust me I know!!) but hugely beneficial if you want to hold your audiences’ attention!

2. Hand gestures - we are taught to use our hands and move about the stage a bit when presenting. However, when you are just a tiny box on someones’ screen it can be difficult to have that same impact. Therefore, a little tip is to try being more exaggerated in your hand gestures in order for them to come across on video and capture your audience.

One extra little learning that I loved around hand gestures - most of us only use one hand when we are gesturing but actually we could learn a lesson from Donald Trump (I know, not someone I would usually take advice from) on hand gestures. If you watch him speak he uses both his hands, giving his audience the subliminal message that both sides of his brain are working in unison and that he is thinking clearly and thoroughly! Maybe try it out?

Anyway, I hope these might be useful to you in some way and that it might even just make you think next time you are on a video call!