warnings: mentions of drug addiction, angsty as hell…idk this is just a bit depressing if that’s not your thing you can skip it! [ALSO THIS IS VERY LONG, YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!]
premise: nikki regrets not being there, and vows to never leave his lovers side again.
authors note: MY FIRST TUMBLR FIC!! had this in the bank for a while now, in fact it was supposed to be apart of a longer fic i was working on for a while, but i couldn’t work it out so now it’s just a one shot. i’m thinking of maybe making that certain fic just a collection of one shots focusing on nikki and micks relationship throughout the years…but for now this is all i have! based around the events that took place in ‘04. (most of its just a big flashback leading up to the main part of the story). (also, not everything in this will be 100% accurate… i tried my best though!). hope you enjoy it!!
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It’s dark in the room. Nikki’s eyes took a while to adjust to the darkness. There, laying on the bed, was the love of his life. The man who he had abandoned in his time of need. He barely took up space on the bed. Could that man ever forgive Nikki for leaving him alone to rot? While he’d forgiven him for lesser crimes, Nikki’s not sure he’ll be pardoned this time around.
He closed the door behind him and crept closer to the bed. He genuinely couldn’t believe how far they had come.
Just a year ago, Nikki wouldn’t have been able to tell you what his guitarist was up to. They hadn’t talked in a long while. It was early ‘04 and Nikki had given up on Mötley Crüe. He didn’t think the band would ever get back together at that point. With the state the band had been in when they first started their hiatus, it wouldn’t be possible for them to do music together again. It didn’t really matter to Nikki.
He’d been busy with his own side projects. Always working on ideas, writing constantly. Regrettably, he wasn’t thinking about his former bandmates. Especially Mick, who he hadn’t really talked to or seen since their last blowout.
His and Mick’s relationship had always been a bit complicated. When the band was still in its infancy, Nikki had confessed his love for the guitarist. To his surprise, Mick had reciprocated. Nikki never thought he would have. Mick was so mysterious. It took a lot of prodding to get to know him. In their first year of knowing each other, Mick had probably said a total of ten sentences to Nikki.
By the end of the second year, Nikki had figured out only the most basic facts about his guitarist. He was older than the rest of them, and had been in a lot of bands previous to the Crüe. He also had kids, three but he only ever talked about two of them.
All this to say, when Mick had blushed and told Nikki how crazy he was for him, it came as a complete shock. He almost thought it was a joke. From then on, their relationship became a rollercoaster ride. They couldn’t be any more opposite of each other, which at times was endearing, and others just plain annoying. They had broken up twice before, due to jealousy and Nikki’s arrogance.
The last time drew a complete end to their relationship as a whole. It was 1997. Between recording their last album with the original lineup, and Nikki’s budding relationship with some chick no one bothered to remember, Mick had grown tired. He was tired of being the last person on Nikki’s mind. The bassist was spending most of his time in the studio, or with his new arm candy. He paraded her around like a new toy, taking her places the two of them had never even gone to. Not once did he think about Mick.
They barely talked, and most of Mick’s calls went unanswered. After trying so hard to fix their relationship back in ‘94, it felt like Nikki was giving up again. He’d ruined all the progress they had started to make in such little time. But, even though he would never admit it, Micks own jealousy might have also played a part.
Nikki on the other hand, knew exactly what ended the relationship. He was a coward. He couldn’t and wouldn’t accept who he was. He knew Mick was tired of hiding himself because of this. A couple years back, they had fought about it constantly. Mick was just a person who wouldn’t let whatever people thought of him affect him. He wasn’t worried about the public’s opinion of him. He was tired of Nikki’s cowardice. Nikki knew Mick hated that he wouldn’t look at him in public.
They couldn’t walk hand in hand together, and it hurt. It was all Mick wanted and it hurt to think that Nikki was too ashamed of him. Too ashamed of their relationship to even walk around in public together. He was shutting Mick out, even if he didn’t realize it at the time. Instead, he chose to run around with random girls who would usually throw themselves at him.
Mick had been the bigger person all his life, so maybe he deserved to be petty. He was tired of being dragged around and forced to just take it. He had broken up with Nikki for good, and the bassist couldn’t even be mad about it. He knew he deserved it. So all he could do was let it happen. The relationship had probably been over for a while anyways. Four years later, so was the band.
Initially, Nikki tried not to think too much about it. It had to happen. Tommy was gone, leaving after the Greatest Hits tour. He was getting bored of playing the same old songs every night, over and over again. Vince was glad, the two of them hadn’t been getting along for a while now. Even Mick had looked over it at one point, like every night it was getting harder to be in the band. It was probably exasperated by the fact that he and Nikki had barely looked at each other throughout the tour.
Maybe it was for the best. They all had their own lives now, so it was time to let it go. Still, Nikki couldn’t help but miss it at times. Mostly, he missed Mick. He couldn’t help it, they’d spent most of the ‘80s together. He still cared about him. That was why he holed himself away in his house, constantly working. He was trying to distract himself. To forget the Crüe, forget his former lover, to forget the fact that they were all currently not getting along. At least, not like they had when they were younger, hungrier.
The last he heard of Tommy, he was currently promoting his solo career. Nikki had heard a song, and had cringed at the idea of Tommy doing rap metal. He knew the younger man always loved chasing a trend. It was just unfortunate that this was the current trend in music. Then he found out the drummer was doing a reality show as part of promotions. All he could do was feel bad, he knew Tommy was obviously lost without the comfort of the Crüe.
There was Vince, who was still doing solo shows. All he did was play Crüe songs with a different band, occasionally playing songs from his own (short lived) solo career. It was typical of the blonde to continue to do shows. He’d even done a reality show of his own, but it wasn’t nearly as embarrassing as Tommy’s. Nikki didn’t care as much.
Mick was…nowhere to be found. He never was one to go out there and make a spectacle of himself to the world. Nikki knew where he was, and he hadn’t heard any bad news. That was all that mattered.
So, Nikki forced himself to move on. He had a family, and enough worries to not want to be bothered with the band anymore. At least that was what he told himself. That lasted about two and a half years. It all ended in April, when he got a call from the band’s manager Allen. Some promoters in England wanted to get the band back together. Of course, the only person who could help make that happen was Nikki. After fans expressed interest, it became clear to him that management would only be interested in getting the band back.
It didn’t matter if said band hadn’t been on talking terms since the New Tattoo tour.
Nikki hadn’t been convinced, to say the least. In fact, he’d been adamant about not doing it. He knew certain members had gotten comfortable in the lifestyles they’d made for themselves. He feared the whole thing would collapse before the stage could even be set. They couldn’t even stand to be in the same room during that last tour. How could anyone convince them to do this? Like persistent dogs, management continued to hound Nikki for days. They tried their very best to convince him to reconsider. He could only ignore them for so long.
It took two weeks of constant hounding for Nikki to finally relent. It had come out of nowhere. One day, he had started having second thoughts about the whole thing. While he knew the band weren’t on good terms, when he really thought about it he’d realized that didn’t matter. He still loved playing the songs he wrote twenty years ago. He was sure, deep down, the other guys did too. Maybe a reunion could be a good thing for all of them.
Besides, it would be a great opportunity for Nikki to apologize to Mick. He had abandoned the older man for a chance to live a “normal” life. He knew, in hindsight, that that was a terrible outlook. Sure, he wouldn’t have to face public scrutiny. He wouldn’t have to experience the looks, the sneers, the snide jokes. The band wouldn’t lose half its fanbase. The macho jocks that identified with their toxic masculine display wouldn’t be betrayed by such a revelation. The girls who fantasized about getting with one of them wouldn’t lose that small gleam of hope.
Unfortunately, in exchange for all that Nikki had lost the love of his life. This time, it was for good.
At the time, Nikki thought he had done the band a service. It was already ironic enough that anyone in Mötley Crüe could be anything but 100% straight, the image they cultivated for themselves told them as much. So, Nikki wasn’t willing to break that image. He wasn’t willing to let their fans down. Mick thought differently. He felt like all he owed the fans was the music. Nothing about his private life was supposed to matter to them. In a different world, Nikki would have agreed.
Nikki knew he’d have to apologize, at least for stringing the poor man along. That was the best he could do.
If they couldn’t be together, Nikki wanted them to be friends again. He wanted it to be how it had been before they had gotten together. Their relationship was at a high during the Shout era. They had slowly learned how to get along with each other, even if they both were harbouring intense feelings for the other.
Maybe this was why Nikki was so eager for a reunion. It was probably just nostalgia clouding his vision. He just missed those early days when it was the band against the world. But, it could be like that now. If they all put in the effort, they could get along again. They could be friends again.
After wasting so much time dragging his heels, Nikki finally agreed to help get Mötley Crüe back on the big stage. The first person he decided to call was Mick. The way he saw it, Mick was loyal. He always had been. Sometimes his loyalty was his downfall. Nikki knew that was a terrible way of thinking about it, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t even count the amount of times that doglike loyalty caused him trouble. No matter how many times they all threw dirt in his face, Mick would come back to them every-time.
This would have been pathetic if it was anyone else, but Nikki knew how much the band meant to the old man. It was this juvenile way of thinking that made Nikki expect Mick to drop everything and run as soon as the phone rang. You could only imagine how surprised he’d been when he found himself calling him at least five times. Each call went unanswered.
Nikki forced himself to not be bothered by it. They hadn’t talked in almost three years. Besides, the last time they’d seen each other, it hadn’t been a pleasant experience either. Maybe he was still upset. Or possibly just busy.
(Still, he never left a call unanswered. Even when they were at their worst an fighting like cats, he still called back).
While Nikki had been confused and slightly disappointed, he brushed it off. He had a feeling the guitarist was punishing him for their last riff.
‘No, he has to have moved on by now,’ he thought to himself. ‘I’ll just try again tomorrow. He can’t hide from me forever.’
Nikki swiftly moved on to Tommy. The drummer would be more difficult to convince. The Greatest Hits tour had been a disaster on the bands front. It ended with Tommy and Vince getting into a physical altercation, and then Tommy left. The drummer had vowed to never be in the same room as Vince Neil ever again, and the sentiment was returned by the singer. Still, the next few days were filled with endless calls between management, Vince and Tommy. There were constant “he said, he said” arguments mainly coming from the two men.
Management continued to reassure all of them that this reunion would be worth it in the end. That by the time they hit the stage, they would have forgotten why they even started the hiatus.
Nikki wasn’t the slightest bit convinced, but let it go. He had focused his remaining energy on trying to contact Mick. The older man still wouldn’t take his calls. Everyday, Nikki was met with that same old robotic voice telling him to “Please leave your message after the beep!” Nikki’s messages ranged from passive aggressive to desperate.
Voice Message #1:
“Dude I know you’re hearing these, I know you can hear me right now! Just pick up the phone! I have something I need to tell you…can’t really do that if you don’t pick up, you know. [Pauses] Come on…can’t we just move on and talk like we used to? It’s just me man, just Nikki…you can’t get rid of me you know.”
Voice Message #4:
“Hey…it’s been like two weeks since I started hounding you man. I’m getting kinda worried…I left another note at the gate yesterday, but like…I’m pretty sure you didn’t get it, just like you didn’t get the other ones. Unless you did and you’re ignoring them. Maybe you can give me a call if you did get it, you know…just so I know you’re ok? It’s Nikki by the way, but I’m pretty sure you already knew that.”
Voice Message #7:
“Ok… [Laughs] now I’m not even sure you’re still alive! I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. I’ve got management on my back about you, do you know that? [Muttering] Obviously not. [Clears throat] Umm…seriously though, this isn’t like you. I really don’t know what I did, well I mean I kinda do but…are you ignoring me? Do you not want me to call anymore? I know I’m supposed to tell you about the thing we have going on but…right now all I want is to know you’re ok…please call me back, you have to! I need to know you’re fine [Voice cracking] You can’t shut me out again Mick. I worked way too hard to get pushed out like this.”
Nikki wasn’t getting much help from anyone else. Tommy and Vince found it hilarious. They referred to Mick as the “hermit” and wouldn’t stop joking about the older man’s antisocial behaviour. It became the thrilling topic the two of them would gossip about in between meetings. The two men, who had nearly killed each other the last time they were in the same room, were now giggling like little kids about their missing guitarist. It made Nikki want to pummel both of them.
Of course, he knew it was just because they didn’t know much about Mick. They didn’t know Nikki’s Mick, the man who never ignored him for long periods of time. Even when Nikki was being absolutely annoying and unreasonable, he never just went completely silent on him. It wasn’t like him. He usually caved in about an hour into his proposed silent treatment. His Mick couldn’t be cruel to him, it never worked.
Mick could avoid Tommy and Vince, he usually did anyways. He could be cruel to those two, and he did so with ease. Nikki, however, was just too precious to him. The old man felt that being cruel to Nikki was like being cruel to a cat. He wouldn’t and couldn’t do that to him. Yet, here he was now not answering a single one of Nikki’s calls and worrying him sick.
The band’s manager had been gotten annoyed with Nikki’s constant complaining. He reminded him that he hadn’t really done much to warrant a response from Mick in the first place.
“If you’re that worried about him, why don’t you just go over there and see him yourself? You’re so busy crying over a phone call, yet you know where he lives. You can easily just threaten to go over there and drag him to the office yourself! You know how he feels about unexpected visits.”
Nikki knew Allen was right. If Mick didn’t want to answer the phone, he’d have to face Nikki in person. Another week of silence passed, and Nikki decided it was time to take his managers advice. Determined, he picked up the phone.
Voice Message #12:
“Hey Mick, it’s Sixx. I’m coming over to your house. I’m going to smash through the security gates and kick in your front door in exactly thirty minutes.”
Satisfied with his message, he put down his phone and waited. His heart fluttered. he could feel the butterflies in his stomach flapping about. He wasn’t even sure why he was so nervous. Barely a minute passed before his phone rang. With shaking hands, Nikki picked it up.
“Dude, what’s going on?” He asked, not even bothering with any formalities.
“Nikki…” He hears that familiar drawl and nearly sobs.
“Please don’t break in, i really can’t afford a new door right now.”
Nikki lets out a small chuckle, trying to hide the scoff that nearly came out of his mouth. He knows the old man is trying to make some kind of joke, but it doesn’t land with him. They hadn’t talked in so long, almost three years, and the only thing he could think about was a door. Did he not care that he was currently scaring Nikki with his dramatic disappearance?
“Look, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for weeks…no months now! I’m scared somethings wrong. Like, this isn’t like you at all and…I-I need to see you, I need to know you’re ok.” He begged.
He probably sounded totally pathetic in that moment, and it made Mick feel a bit of sympathy. The soft sigh Nikki heard on the other line was indication enough that that was right.
“Ok, just come over. I’ll open the door.” That was all the guitarist said before he hung up.
Nikki’s not bothered by this, in fact this was a great sign. He grabbed his keys and bolted out the door. In the back of his mind, he hoped he was just being dramatic. He hoped this was a false alarm and Mick was ok. At least he’d be able to talk in person. Nikki could apologize and maybe convince him to do the reunion tour.
While deep down he knew something was amiss, he could have never predicted what he came face to face with. Mick had never been the beacon of health. The worst Nikki had ever seen him was during the Girls tour. He was a mess during the whole thing, but then again, everyone was. They’d all been going through their own addictions at the time, and Nikki had been too busy trying to survive his own to really pay attention to the older man.
(Nikki could admit looking back, he’d been completely selfish. He’d taken advantage of the old man a lot during those times. Most of the time he’d been using the man as a distraction from his own chaotic personal life.)
Besides, there always seemed to be something wrong with Mick. The last time the two had seen each other, the old man just seemed absolutely tired. Whatever aches and pains he’d usually dealt with were getting worse. Nikki hadn’t known the extent of it at the time. And in hindsight, it was nothing compared to what was waiting for him at Mick’s front door. The image he’d seen would probably haunt him for the rest of his life.
The only thing he could do was stare, only to be broken out of his daze by the man in front of him.
“Nik? I really can’t stand out here forever, just come in.” Mick whispered, before slowly turning around and limping back into the house.
Nikki followed slowly behind, offering his shoulder to lean on as they walked into the living room.
The whole thing felt trippy. Nikki felt that if Mick hadn’t said anything, he wouldn’t have known it was even him. The man in front of him couldn’t be his Mick. He was so skinny, it scared him. His skin was beginning to take on a greyish shade, and he now sported a beard that was nearly down to his chest. The most noticeable part was his hair. Mick’s beautiful black hair, which had once trailed down his back, had been sheared off. It now stopped right at his ears. It was a depressing, yet terrifying sight.
It was the look of a man who’d given up. He couldn’t believe it was Mick he was staring at.
Nikki glanced around the room, hiding the fact that tears were threatening to spill.
“Alright, I’m here now so…you have to be honest with me. No more hiding shit. What’s going on? What happened to you? No offence but you look two seconds away from croaking. I’m really scared man.” He pressed. He stared hard at Mick, as if that would intimidate him into telling the truth.
Mick was purposely not looking at Nikki at all. Not even a glance in his direction. He didn’t say a word either. It seemed like the older man was in a daze. Nikki took that moment to really look around the room. It was big, and with not a lot of furniture around it made the room quite spacious.
Nikki noticed a large pile of clothes sitting in a corner of the room. It was packed high and nearly reached the ceiling. Nikki knew it wasn’t Mick’s clothes being piled that high, and it made him wonder if the guitarist had found himself another gold digger to entertain. He glanced back at him. Mick was still off in space. At least it looked like he was. Nikki figured he wouldn’t get any answers. He’d probably have to force it out of him. Just as he was about to go off, Mick finally spoke up.
“I-I’ve been…keeping something from you.” He confessed, speaking slowly.
The words are drawn out, more than they usually would be. It looked like he was putting a lot of effort into getting the words out. Nikki can tell he’s a bit foggy, in the way he himself used to be. When he had been looking around the room, he’d seen pill bottles scattered around. He didn’t know what they were, and didn’t want to ask.
“You know how I used to…umm, complain about my back a lot?” He asked. Nikki nodded, prompting him to continue.
“Yeah…I have this thing. I don’t really want to call it a disease but uh… it’s called ankylosing spondylitis. It’s a- what it does is fuse the spine until it’s one big bone. Mine is completely fused, I can’t even move my neck anymore. I’ve been in pain for most of my life.” Mick explained.
There were now words to explain the utter pain the man be in for most of their career. Nikki had noticed it for a while now, probably all the way back during the Girls tour. It all made sense now, and Nikki felt absolutely terrible. He’d done some evil shit to that man while he was dealing with that.
“So…is that why you look like death itself?” He asked, not even thinking twice about asking such a idiotic question. Luckily, Mick laughed.
He didn’t say anything. Nikki’s curiosity about the pills grew, but he knew better than to say anything. Mick slowly followed his gaze. He didn’t dare look in Nikki’s direction, but he knew Mick was embarrassed. Mick had always been adamant about not doing hard drugs, the only thing Nikki ever seen him do was coke. Mick was one of very few people willing to help him get off drugs when Nikki was practically at his worst, begging for help. Yet, here he was with dozens of little bottles strung around the room.
Nikki knew what was wrong, and wanted repay the older man for helping him all those years ago. All Nikki could do was look at the older man, eyes asking that question. Mick waved his hand, giving him permission to look. Nikki quickly got up and went to other to one of the tables. On it was a lamp, and beside said lamp were two orange little bottles. One of them was empty, while the other was half empty. He couldn’t even pronounce the name, and never heard of it before.
He carried it back to the couch. When he asked Mick about it, and he described it as a painkiller that was prescribed to him by a doctor he refused to name. Nikki didn’t want to push it any further, the last thing he needed was to scare the man away. He already had a plan to take Mick to the hospital and hope they could detox him from all the drugs there and not have to throw him in a rehab center. They didn’t really have time for that.
“Hey, I noticed that pile of clothes over there,” Nikki started, swiftly changing the subject. “I thought you were alone, to be honest.”
Mick immediately shook his head, knowing exactly where Nikki was going with this.
“Nikki, I really don’t want to get into that right now.”
“No, someone else lives with you. I know that. Obviously they don’t care about you if they’re willing to let you get to this point without intervening and getting you some kind of help. They aren’t helping you, they’re hurting you. Mick, I’ve seen this before and I know how it ends. We both do. I’m not going to let you get screwed over again. Just tell me.”
Mick, feeling like he had no other choice, tried his best to paint his relationship with this girl in a positive light. Nikki knew better. He could see the cracks much more clearly than Mick could. Once again, the old man had confused love for another woman who was just out for his money. This time, even the girl wasn’t aware of it. The pile of clothes still had tags on them. She wasn’t even wearing the clothes she was buying.
Nikki had seen something similar on TV. They called them compulsive shoppers, people who bought things they didn’t need. Most of those people ended up becoming hoarders. Either way, their relationship was strange and Nikki was more than happy to rescue Mick from that unhealthy dynamic. He definitely needed it, when Nikki had shown Mick the tags, all he could do was shrug. He was becoming passive to the situation around him. It was obviously he wasn’t as clear headed as he usually was.
“I’m guessing now wouldn’t be a good time to tell you that the bands thinking of getting back together.” Nikki suddenly blurted out. He immediately regretted it when he saw Mick’s face.
A combination of sadness, shock, and immense pain crossed his face. So many emotions for a man who was typically almost emotionless.
“Everyone already agreed to do it?” Mick asked. He sounded apprehensive, not that Nikki blamed him.
“Well, not yet…they’re still thinking about it. Vince has been more receptive to it than Tommy, but that doesn’t really mean it’s a hundred percent a go.”
Nikki felt dumb for bringing the idea of a reunion up, especially now. After seeing the state his guitarist was in, he should have been more focused on getting him healthy enough to be able to make the decision.
Mick sighed heavily.
“Nikki…I don’t think I can do it. I’m really sorry, it’s just…I can barely walk. I don’t know how I’m gonna get on the stage. I’d barely make it through the first song, and the band doesn’t need that.” He admitted, sounding remorseful.
How could Nikki feel any worse? Was he expecting too much of his guitarist? He hated the whole thing. Mick had completely given up on himself and Nikki hated it. He knew he wouldn’t be doing the band, or Mick justice by giving so easily. The old man had beat the odds and overcome everything by being in the band for as long as he had been. Any weaker person would have folded after a year or two. So maybe Mick had given up, but Nikki wasn’t going to. He wouldn’t give up on that man, no matter what.
“Ok, well…what if we got you some help, got you to a good enough state to be able to perform again…then would you consider it?” He asked.
Mick paused.
Maybe this was it. Maybe this was the thing that could save him, a reunion. He’d spent two years in a zombie like state, thinking that was what he deserved. He knew it was getting worse, that if Nikki hadn’t thrown himself back into his life, he’d probably be dead. Nikki had been right, about everything. No one was helping him, and as much as he hated it, he needed someone to save him. It was a miracle. Nikki believed in him, always had and probably always would. The bassist was always by his side, even after all they’d been through. Mick realized he’d taken that for granted at one point.
Ever since they’d confessed their feelings for each other back in ‘83, Nikki had always been there. When everyone in his life slowly left him, Nikki continued to be there. Even after their biggest riffs, they’d reunite. Nikki would always come back with an “I told you so” smile and open arms. All the fights were now obsolete. Nikki had come back again, and was willing to help him.
He would have been an utter buffoon to not accept the help.
“Ok, let’s try to put me back together again.” He agreed.
The way Nikki’s eyes lit up filled Mick with joy. The taller man pulled him into a gentle hug, not wanting to hurt the older man. Mick, uncharacteristically, let himself be hugged and caressed. He let himself be pulled into Nikki’s lap and given the attention and care he hadn’t had in so long. When he looked up at Nikki’s face, he could see the younger man’s eyes fill up with tears. Mick nearly jumped out of the man’s lap.
“No! No, please don’t start that, I’m hopped up on way too much shit to be able comfort you properly!” He joked, shaking his head at the younger man’s dramatics. Nikki could only laugh as he wiped away a few stray tears.
Nikki knew he had to do something, and drastically. With renewed determination, Nikki gathered as much help as he could. After checking Mick into a hospital, he relayed the message to their manager. Allen found himself even busier now, between sweet talking Vince and Tommy, he now had to find a doctor who could help Mick.
Once Mick was healthy enough to go back home, Nikki swooped in to bring him to his house. Nikki had found out Mick’s house had been infested with mold, which didn’t help the countless health problems he already had. So, Mick found himself temporarily staying at Nikki’s guest room.
It was a weird contrast, to go from spending most of his time alone in a big house doing nothing, to being in a more lively environment. He was surrounded by people now, kids and a woman Nikki seemed really into. Unlike before, where Mick would have rather stayed in a dark room alone, he found himself getting quite close to Nikki’s family.
It was overwhelming at first. For the kids, Mick had been that scary looking dude their dad decided to bring over. They’d probably broke the “no disturbing uncle Mick while he’s recovering” rule at least a handful of times just trying to catch a glimpse of him. Like most kids, they were confused but curious. Nikki’s wife had been nothing but nice to him. She was worried about the old man that looked so frail. He couldn’t walk much, and Nikki had to carry him into the house. It seemed like she was more worried about him than Nikki was, but at the same time she didn’t know their extensive history. She didn’t know Mick was a fighter, like Nikki did.
Somewhere in the middle of the year, a doctor Allen had found proposed hip replacement surgery for the old man. Mick needed it, in fact the doctor had told them he needed both his hips replaced. Somehow they decided to only opt for one.
That was how Nikki found himself in his hospital room at the dead of night. The surgery was scheduled for the next day. Nikki continued to stare at the small figure lying on the bed. He tried to get the man as healthy as possible for the surgery, but he was still as skinny as a twig. It was like if you touched him, he’d crumble. Nikki was worried Mick wouldn’t ever return to his old self
He’d been so busy ruminating he was totally unaware he’d been staring for a bit too long. As if feeling his presence, Mick stirred. He slowly opened his eyes, squinting at the figure standing in front of his bed. He would have been scared if he didn’t already know it was Nikki. Who else would be standing before him in the middle of the night?
“Nik? what’re you doing here so late?” He asked, groggily.
Nikki felt bad for waking him up. He wanted to until the morning to visit him. At the same time, he wanted to spend as much time as he could get with the older man. He forced a small smile onto his face.
“Hey babe, how’re you doing?” He replied with his own question. His voice was soft. It was typical of him to ignore Mick’s question.
He hadn’t even realized he’d used his previous nickname for the old man. Mick had hated when Nikki called him that, found it “too cheesy.” It didn’t stop Nikki from using it, in fact most of the time he only called him ‘babe’ to tease him. Now, it felt natural to say it.
Just a month before the surgery, the both of them had decided to give their relationship a second go. They had spent so much time together at Nikki’s house, it almost felt like they hadn’t broken up. The bassist found himself constantly sneaking into his guest room in the middle of the night, just to catch up with the old man. Mick never discouraged it, even though he knew he should have. He couldn’t help it, he loved having Nikki to himself.
One night Nikki out right suggested getting back together. He had never stopped loving Mick, no matter what had happened between them. He was sure the old man felt the same. Without hesitation, Mick agreed. It was a surprise to both of them.
So, Mick had been throughly unbothered when Nikki called him babe. In a weird way, he’d grown to love it. He shrugged at the question, and made an effort to sit up. Nikki jumped over to his side to help him. He’d never get used to that.
“Better than yesterday, I guess.” He answered. If he were to be honest, he didn’t remember much about yesterday.
It had been a concerted effort to wean him off all the pills he’d been on. The only thing they could give him to help with the pain were small doses of morphine. Still, the pain got so bad at times the only thing he could do was just sleep it off. Nikki was usually the one who woke him up when he came by to visit.
(It had been real depressing for Nikki to find out he’d been the only one visiting Mick. One day he asked Mick if the other guys had visited him. All the older man could do was hang his head and whisper, “no.” It made Nikki want to kill them right then and there.)
Nikki found a chair and sat down right next to the bed. He hadn’t left the older man’s side since he found him alone in that big house a couple of months ago.
“Well, that’s good. You ready for surgery tomorrow?”
“As ready as one can be for that kind of thing. Will you be there?”
Mick looked up at him with those big blue eyes Nikki loved looking at. There was a hint of worry in them. The man was scared, and Nikki hadn’t never seen him like that before. Something Mick had used to always say was: “That scares me, and I’m fearless!” For the most part, that was true. Nikki had never seen him look anything but indifferent. That poker face seemed permanently etched onto his face. Now, he looked vulnerable lying there, staring up at Nikki. It was like he was hoping the bassist wouldn’t betray him. Caught off guard, Nikki nodded.
“Yeah, of course I’ll be there! I mean, I won’t be in the room itself but…I’ll be here, waiting to-”Nikki had begun to ramble, only to be cut off by Mick.
“Dude I know that!” He exclaimed with a loud laugh. “I just wanted to know that I’ll be able to wake up to your face, you goof!”
Nikki looked down and blushed as the older man teased him.
“Whatever…” He mumbled. He looked back up to see Mick staring at him. His signature poker face was back on, but his eyes were shining with pure love. He could feel his heart soar.
“I’ll be there…if I have to sleep on the floor, I will.” Nikki promised, feeling his eyes water.
“I don’t want to lose you again…I should have never left you like that, you could have…I would never forgive myself if something happened to you.” He admitted, voice cracking.
The months they’d spent together made Nikki realize how much they both needed each other. It also reminded him of how cruel he’d been, how he had left Mick and never once stayed in touch with him after the bands hiatus. Sure, he hadn’t really kept in touch with any of them. Still, of all people he should have checked in on, it should have been Mick.
“Nikki…” Mick sighed. “I don’t want you to beat yourself up for this. You saved my life, who cares about whatever petty thing drove us apart in the first place?”
“But what if I’d been too late?”
“Well,” Mick smiled. “The best thing about that is that we’ll never know because you weren’t. I know you’re still conflicted about the things that happened years ago. How about we just put all those petty little fights and break ups and…all of it, in the past. It’s time to move on, especially if we want to make this work, right?”
Nikki nodded, a small smile present on his face.
“Good, then let’s start fresh… I really missed you.” Mick gave him a small smile.
“I missed you more…also you’re never getting rid of me now.”
“That’s fine by me!”
It was clear both of them wanted everything to go back to how it used to be. Before all the drama, they used to have so much fun together. Those first few years had been total bliss. Even if they both didn’t want to admit it’s the truth was clear. Despite all their differences, they were meant to be. Fate had brought them together, broken them up, and finally delivered them here. To this very moment, of them sitting together in comfortable silence.
Nikki would do anything to keep them together forever.
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