A Granger/Lovegood 2016 Campaign Update
Providence, Rhode Island – Presidential candidate Hermione Granger and running mate Luna Lovegood have made waves this primary season, solidifying their feminist base and making headlines with their progressive-yet-undeniably-reasonable policy proposals. Previously it seemed they were cruising to the Wizard Party nomination, but in recent weeks their sole competition has been gaining steam with populist rhetoric that’s eerily reminiscent of a certain GOP front-runner.
With slogans like “Make Hogwarts Great Again” and a pledge to build a wall around Hogsmeade “to ensure our last purely wizarding village remains muggle-free,” Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle have captured the attention of the magical community’s remaining Voldemort apologists and blood purists.
“It’s gonna be great,” said Crabbe at a recent rally. “You’ll see. When I’m President of the United States of America, Great Britain will be winning all the time.”
Granger appears to have remained cool and unfazed by Crabbe’s recent gains in polls. “He’s got 31% of the vote? That’s cute,” she said before turning her attention back to her strategy for eliminating gender pay gaps.
Still, Crabbe’s insurgence has Granger supporters feeling nervous as the Wizard Party primary season approaches its infamous Southern Swing. With crucial votes forthcoming in Texas, Arizona, Alabama, and Louisiana, Granger’s vaunted street team is amping up their efforts with cutting edge canvassing tools – oddly only available for purchase through the Harry Potter Alliance’s Friends of the Apparating Library fundraiser.
“I want to show that politics can serve a greater purpose beyond just the cultivation of political careers and consolidation of power among the well-monied and influential few,” said Granger. “Thus I am using my campaign as an opportunity to raise money to support the HPA’s valiant efforts in literacy and education.”
The canvassing kit includes a high-quality Granger/Lovegood tote bag, Granger/Lovegood notebook, Granger/Lovegood sunglasses, Ready for Hermione bumper sticker, and #FeelTheHerm pencils. Supporters should act quickly to secure the kit, as the HPA’s fundraiser ends at 11:59pm PSTon Saturday, April 2.
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