poison

diary of a monster

[midnightmare222]

the pain is sharp and deep

why do you leave me in darkness

[midnightmare222]

spent most of my day cleaning, going to watch something, and wait for the hospital to call. I’m gonna get out of here, im gonna be something, and you’re going to regret everything you’ve ever done. I’ve forgotten how spite can be a motivator, and im tired of being dragged around like a toy. I need nobody and nothing. It’s always been me, myself, and I.

[midnightmare222]

I knew you would leave me to wind and wolves

scavengers that pick at my bones

im not entirely dead yet

I’m still trekking holding my insides in my arms

I knew you’d walk out on me

I knew you’d be like everybody else

My mind knows things beyond your comprehension

[midnightmare222]

[midnightmare222]

my mind has become cavernous

deep and dark

wet and slick with primal rage

I have felt rage in waves unlike anything before

I have grown morbid

finding delight in the grotesque

madness for the macabre

should I really be who I am?

as horrifying as it is? As unattractive?

is indulging the true self worth my life?

[midnightmare222]

two figures in black

a white bathroom

one, i

another, somebody

who?

I couldn’t say

I couldn’t see the face just our lower bodies briefly

you were certainly not a friend

we were far too attached

you were laughing and pulling me close

I looked different

happy

who are you?

this dream haunts me the most

its fruition even more

these are the ones that become truth

[midnightmare222]

remember my tongue on your body

my nails caressing your skin

gentleness and grace

sharp teeth in flesh

remember me

in this distance I call to you

I yearn for what I cannot keep

how undoing,

do you remember falling asleep in my arms?

does it make you sick?

do I make you sick?

[midnightmare222]

my purpose is strength

to share my eye

my visions

whether you choose to hold me

is entirely up to you

i no longer see it as fault within myself

the feeling of absence

a lack of words

a lack of presence

I know i was brought here for something

it cannot just be pain and suffering

I have tasted light

I chase it

[midnightmare222]

I find myself within old pages

colored pigments

the darkness of my room

I’m just like makers

the figures that visited me in the night

boys with broken hearts

I drank sweat and tears from their bodies

I find their echoes twisting me

disfiguring me

I’ve turned from one monster to another

insatiable hunger for control

we love, briefly lust

we learn to build new lives

then we return to dust

[midnightmare222]

focus on yourself

get out

I’ll do what I gotta to pass the time

to grow interesting

to grow stable

I’ll always be your house on the hill

if you choose to come home

[midnightmare222]

desperation is a murderer

[midnightmare222]

I’ve been dramatic asf lately but as long as I have weed, magic, david lynch, my music, and the ability to dream I’ll be fine. I’m tired and beaten down and weak, but I’ve done this so many times before.

[midnightmare222]

I would’ve kept you with your hands around my neck

just to not be alone

I can’t live knowing I have nothing

knowing I’m waiting around again

Nobody is gonna love me

Who the fuck would love this

[midnightmare222]

I think the best option is dissolving

disappearing

no god is coming to save me

no man

it’s the dark that absolves all

[midnightmare222]

at the end of every journey

every fight

every horrible feeling

it’s just me and my mind

so I lay my head down

I mutter prayers

I aid myself

I dream

i dream of you

[midnightmare222]

everybody hated me growing up

so who cares if the world does now?

for what reasoning?

because I look and sound different?

you see a glimmer of feminine within me?

I disturb your peace?

I don’t really have it within me to care

[midnightmare222]

another head for my wall

I knew it all along