Midnight’s Thoughts

Fanfic Writer Goes Author?

[midnightraven221]

Got given the urge “fine, I’ll do it myself” because I could not find fanfics of a certain plotline

And I have quickly gotten so many comments of people absolutely losing their minds /pos

Sure, the hits are under 400, but the kind of absurd number of comments more than makes up for it. Smaller fandom than the ones I first started writing in, so of course less people are visiting the fic.

And, honestly, I’m just happy to be writing it

[midnightraven221]

I got the urge to reread the unfinished second chapter of a fic I posted as a oneshot and just realized how furious (/dram/j) I would be as a reader if I had a oneshot I was obsessed with and found out it had a secret second chapter the author had no true intention to post

Anyways, how would yall react, lol

[midnightraven221]

I hate that my attention span and general motivation is so low

Like, I desperately wish to get my life on track and do the things I need to, but I physically am incapable in a way that tells me I need to be medicated

But I cannot afford medication until I get my life on track

But I cannot get my life on track despite my desperate wishes to

And hitting rock bottom isn’t helping. The moment I escape I just return to my bad habits because I’m too exhausted to do anything else

I just wish “the pursuit of happiness” my country claims to protect was actually attainable. Because yeah, they can’t guarantee achieving it, but where the fuck am I meant to afford pursuing it.

[midnightraven221]

Im reconsidering my “I just have flexibility leftover from doing ballet as a kid, not cause of eds or whatever” stance all because I just saw an image of one of my aunts standing without a care

Why does this affect my stance? Her knees were hyperextended. Going well backwards in a way I know is personally comfy but makes others gag. Considering there is hereditary eds, I am truly considering it now

[midnightraven221]

The writing worms disappeared and/or I don’t have them cause I forgot to take my meds

Entertaining myself with videogame attempt? Maybe? Kind of is failing-

[midnightraven221]

POV: You find out you won’t actually need to drop $550 on a specific bill simply because you did two forms of trying to deal with bill at once and one end (the one that needed said bill) went “wait…we don’t actually need that bro, you’re good” 😭🥳

[midnightraven221]

*working on rewriting a fic with the syntax and pacing styles I recently figured out*

Me: “Hah, imagine I made an alternate version of this fic where this happened.”

Brain: *sets up an entire plot line in 2.5 seconds*

Me: “nO- That was a joke- No-“

Also me: *gets really obsessed with the new plotline*

Me: “…fuck-“ *begins writing*

[midnightraven221]

*how I think my roommate who shares a wall with me is reacting to the sound of a printer in my room*

“Gods, what is that awful repetitive noise I keep hearing? It almost sounds like a—*wait a minute*”

“Is that bitch printing out a fanfic to bind as a fucking book again?”

[midnightraven221]

I love how frequently a reader will come through and take a chance on my unfinished fics, and then click on my profile to see if I write similar

and then speed runs my other fics of the same genre

Like

Just watching them go down the list with comments in relation to the story is PEAK entertainment and encouragement

[midnightraven221]

Been in a bad writing rut due to April[tm], and genuinely just have also been incapable of doing any hobby that makes the dopamine go brr

You know what randomly ripped me out of it? Remembering that the Focus Friend app exists. I wanna write and watch him make socks and beanies. Has it changed? What else does he make? I wanna go encourage him to knit!

(Also my cat coming into the bathroom to tell me to stop doom scrolling. That also helped-)

[midnightraven221]

Me: Opens AO3 for the first time in a hot minute because April just doesn’t work for writing or reading for me

AO3: We are in donation season! And we’re already at our goal! We’ve actually made twice our goal!

Me: …what the fuck did I miss-

[midnightraven221]

Rewatching ‘The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe’ with my mother*

Aslan: “Do not cite the Deep Magic to me, Witch. I was there when it was written.”

My mother: “You dumb bitch-“

[midnightraven221]

Did my taxes like an adult and canceled the extra renters insurance policy (it’s a long story) I have, then did my dishes that have been piling up and throwing out my trash!

The voices in my head said I could get myself a reward if I walk, so I’m on my way to get coffee (at 7 at night) and burritos!

Now I just need to look into why I have yet to receive my new card as it expires next month!

[midnightraven221]

I don’t have autistic black-and-white thinking I proclaim

There’s nothing I don’t argue a grey area for, I point out

And yet, I mentally cannot separate the emotions embarrassment and shame, so therefore I always feel the more extreme of the two and cannot get myself to recognize why I shouldn’t-

[midnightraven221]

One of my favorite trends in books is a character (typically the love interest) who is very formally spoken and careful being perceived by not only the audience, but the MC as being stoic and emotionless

And then they’re the first character to cry

Or something happens and they freak out and sudden lose that control in the form of choppy words or half-thought out actions as they fail or don’t even try to get back to the control they once had

Anyways, the half-dragon character in my story has been written to speak very formally for literally no reason at all-

[midnightraven221]

Me: feeling down about the fact that the chapters of my book feel so short and lack depth

Research: says I’m quite literally on the high end of average

Me: …but they could be longer-

[midnightraven221]

Had the urge to work on an original story/future published book

And I had the realization that a good chunk of the book would be centered around *one day*, and got a bit insecure about it

Then I went, “If hitchhikers guide can do it, I can do it” and now I feel better 💀