i just wanna spend two very quick very garbled words for he cheng because this last special chapter gave me feelings for him which are mostly of the sad kind
i have to admit both he brothers make me very sad on a daily basis, even if for different reasons, but at least for he tian i know that despite everything he always had and always will have his brother looking out for him, and now he also has friends who genuinely care about him, which doesn't diminish what he tian went through or the loneliness he felt growing up, of course, but it also gives a way more hopeful light to his future, which is not exactly what i can say for he cheng
don't get me wrong, im not trying to compare them or their traumas, or saying whose got it worse, i just really feel bad for he cheng because i feel like we all tend to see he tian's pain, but it's hardly ever mentioned how hard things must have been and still be for he cheng
we don't really know much about the he family as of now, so a lot of things are just my personal speculations, but he tian wasn't the only one who (presumibly) lost his mom, and it's true that he cheng was older when that happened, so in a way he got to have her in his formative years, while he tian had to grow up without her, but on the other side he also had a lot more memories of her and he kinda had to fill in her shoes as well after she was gone
he basically raised he tian by himself, with their father probably being very absent and very strict in the few moment he bothered to acknowledge them (see: their father telling he cheng to get rid of the dog he tian saved), and since then he always had to be a sort of middleman between them, torn between the respect he has for their father and the love he has for he tian
i also think that he cheng being there, as the older brother, made things easier for he tian in a lot of ways, because of course their father still had expectations for he tian, but being the first child comes with even more pressure for those to be met, and i don't think that he tian would have been able to walk away as easily if he cheng hadn't been there to shoulder a lot of them
im not saying he cheng didn't have a choice, because he had, there is always a choice, and unlike he tian who decided he didn't want anything to do with the kind of life their father wanted for him, he cheng chose to go through with it, when imho he should have just taken he tian and tell their father to go fuck himself, but i know it's not that simple, and even if he knows their father is wrong in many aspects (the fact that he probably kept the dog is proof of this) i can understand why he cheng can't just turn his back on him
it's just sad to me because to this day he cheng is still trying to mend things between he tian and their father, to put back together the remains of his family, which is the only thing he has left, but that sadly i don't think he will ever be able to 'fix' (because their father is an asshole but i digress)
there are just so many things he cheng had to go through all by himself and still has to carry the weight of, and it just makes me wonder if he has someone to help him with that (you know.. like qiu) and if he will ever be able to get away from that life as well
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