bonten angst where in the past they had a very happy and healthy relationship with reader until the come home to see reader nowhere with a letter writen sorry and then years later they were walking through an alley until they saw a homeless kid sitting crouched.(you can google on how kenny met levi from aot) and turn out that it was his child when he ask what their mother is when he says its reader.
so basically reader found out that she was pregnant and not knowing what to do not wanting to burden the boys she peft and shortly died from an illness leaving them and their child.Angst pleasee with hcs:).
Pairings : Sano Manjiro x f!reader, Haitani Ran x f!reader, Sanzu Haruchiyo x f!reader, Haitani Rindou x f!reader, Hitto Kakucho x f!reader, Kokonoi Hajime x f!reader
Warnings : Death, mentions of illness, mentions of drugs, mention of child trafficking, mentions of rape, suicide
A/n : I LOVE getting this kind of requests ! I just love writing angst lol. I did a common scenario and separate reactions, I hope that's okay with you. Sorry Sanzu's part is longer than the others, ngl I was more inspired for him. I'm kinda proud of this one so please don't let it flop 😭 Thank you for requesting and have a nice day ♡
In the really scary moments of life, we're all alone. We're all alone when love goes away, all alone when the social services show up in the morning, all alone in front of the doctor who announces a disease, all alone when we die.
Everybody ran in their corner without looking after the person next to them. People were crushed against each other and yet so alone.
Neon lightening, giant screens, signs lit up across the gleaming facades of skyscrapers. Somewhat absent-mindedly, you allowed yourself to be carried along by the crowds, face raised to the sky, almost hypnotized by the lights.
You felt it. You felt that pressure in the back of your knee, you didn't imagine it. It was probably the doing of a young teen, just trying to make some funny memories they'd never forget. But it wasn't enough to make you stumble.
Why were you in his arms then ?
"Is this what they call love at first sight ?"
There are beings whose destiny is to meet. Wherever they are. Wherever they go. One day they meet.
"It's not," you flatly replied. "Isn't love at first sight supposed to be a coincidence ? You deliberately pushed me." He was young, you noted, probably in his early twenties just like you. But unlike you, he seemed to be the type of guy to make fun of life.
"And yet, you're still in my arms, angel," he smiled.
For a few seconds, you were the only two stars in the sky of Tokyo.
It only takes a moment. A look. A meeting. To disrupt an existence. The right person, the right moment. The whim complicit in chance.
Now there was an obviousness, an impulse, an alchemy between you. A primitive feeling that went back to the fears and hopes of childhood. The dizzying certainty of finally facing the person able to fill your void, silence tour fears and heal the wounds of the past.
Love comes out of the blue, like breaking in. Just one moment and nothing exists anymore. Suddenly life is no longer scary.
You opened your eyes filled with wonder, a sight he knew he'd cherish for a lifetime. At that time, you didn't know that the years you were about to live would be the most painful and beautiful of your life. You didn't know yet that you had just met love. The only one, the real one, the fiery one. The one that would give you everything before taking it all back. The one that would light up a life before destroying it forever.
"How many chances do you think we have to meet ?" you asked.
"I don't know. Let's never find out."
It's been years and yet you still couldn't get enough of each other.
On the subway back home from work, the taste of his mouth on your lips. In the book you gave him, an underlined sentence that made him smile : Was it love that make people stupid or did only fools fall in love ?
Each time he had to leave for another mission, you'd feel like a void. Like a bite. Haneda's sadness, where he kissed you before flying somewhere else.
At night, alone in your bed, you'd spread out a gigantic screen. In this cinema of your dreams where you were the only spectator, you'd project to infinity the scene of your reunion.
And each time he came back to you, it was better than any of your dreams : your heart would suddenly be in flames, your head upside down, a void in the pit of your stomach. You'd live in weightlessness, heart trembling, not thinking clearly. You'd have new blood. You'd breathe only through him, because he delivered you from yourself. You'd be hungry for his skin, his lips, the smell of his hair. He had all the keys : from the door of heaven to the one of the underworld.
All your friends couldn't help but wonder : how was it possible that every day felt like the first day in your relationship ? It was quite simple, really. You loved him and he loved you. You loved him more and he loved you more.
Then why were you scared now ? Wasn't this baby the fruit of your love ?
This was also quite simple : you couldn't raise a child in his world.
So you lied. You told him you'd spend a few days at your friend's place ; she needed help. And he believed you, because why wouldn't he ?
Until he received your letter.
No doubt there's only one chance in a million that you read this letter, I was always the one to deal with our mail after all. But that doesn't stop me from writing it with the crazy hope that you end up receiving during this day. Why not ? After all I read somewhere that NASA had sent messages to aliens in space, so...
I just wanted to tell you...
To tell you that my life is always full of you and that a thousand times a day, I send you my thoughts in the hope that they can reach you.
To tell you that without you I die slowly, because you're my real anchor.
To tell you that I have kept everything of us : our criss-crossings, our tangled breaths, our fails, our light, and that everything remains in me and contaminates me like an infection from which I refuse to heal.
To tell you that I tried to run away from you, but that everything brings me back to you. That since I am far from, I feel you more present than ever. We will never see each other again, so I'd like you to know that I don't regret anything. That the cruel bites of pain weight little facing the parenthesis of our love.
Maybe you remember that evening. The one we met. The night had just fallen, yet there was only one star in the sky. I was still in your arms when I showed it to you and confessed : "See that lonely star lost in paradise te vastness of the sky ? Well, that star is me." You looked at me and then you pointed to the sky and, as if by magic, another star lit up. So you said to me : "This one is me." For a few seconds, we were the only two stars in the sky of Tokyo. And deep down, I never wanted anything else : to know that there would always be someone with me.
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I have to go now. I hope that one day you'll forgive me.
He would never recover from this love. You had taken his light, his sap, his confidence. His days were empty, his life was dead. He just pretended. To smile, to listen, to answer questions. Every day, he waited for a sign, a gesture. He wanted you to rescue him from that black hole you left him in and tell him why.
Why did you abandon him ?
He lost hope after six years. Time, he knew it now, wouldn't heal anything. Time was only a window through which he could see his mistakes, for these seemed to be the only things he could clearly remember.
Your last words for your child were : "Hurry to live, hurry to love, because you never know how much time you have left on the counter. We always think we have time, but that's not true. One day we realize that we have crossed the point of no return, but then it's too late."
"What is the point of no return, mom ?"
You smiled, of course a 5 year-old kid couldn't understand that.
"The point of no return is the moment when we realize that we can no longer go back, the moment when we realize that we have passed our chance... It didn't matter for now, baby. But you need to remember this for when you're older. Alright, baby ?"
"I love you, you know ?" you asked, your voice cracking a little. "I love you so so much. Please, always be happy, not sad. Even if I'm not here with you, I'll always be present in your little, little heart."
"But where are you going ?"
"Up there," you said pointing the sky.
"Up there like in space ?"
"Yeah," you chuckled in front of your child's excitement.
"And you'll still be able to see me ?"
"Of course ! I will look after you like your little luck star."
"Isn't this the work of angels ?"
Social services took your child before you passed away, as you asked them to. You wanted your last image to be a joyful one, in which you were awake and smiling. Even if it meant to die alone.
And in one last breath, you understood everything : that time didn't exist, that life was your only good, that you must not despise it, that you were all linked, and that the essential would always slip from everybody.
That morning, death's shadow had wings.
Later, every time he'd be asked what he was doing "at the exact moment it happened", he'd talk about work, torture, drugs...
But the truth was, that day, when it happened, he was thinking about you.
It was Sanzu who found out about your death and your son
When he told his boss, Manjiro had a hard time remembering you
He knew you played an important role in his life but why ?
He suddenly remembered two nights after
He already didn't feel anything anymore
Yet he did feel something towards your son :
He didn't even know his son's name but he hated him
After all, he was the reason you left, wasn't he ?
He heard your kid was a perfect mix of you both ; he didn't want to see him
Manjiro never tried any form of contact with your son.
When he saw your daughter begging for her bread in the street, Ran was pretty sure they somehow were related
She looked too much like him not to
But he never thought she'd be his daughter
He didn't know what to do at first : keeping her or giving her back to the social services ?
Thinking of you, he decided to welcome her in his home that should've became hers as well
But "welcome" and "home" were big words for a pre-teen girl that felt out of place
He barely talked to her, barely saw her
The only times they'd see each other was at dinner time, the rare moments he'd actually be there
She grew up with money, food, a roof over her head, an education
But she never knew love since her mother died.
Haruchiyo found your daughter by pure luck
He was in one of those dark places Bonten would exchange drugs for money
That was when he saw her, she looked to much like you not to catch his attention
The child was trying to fight a man way stronger than her ; he probably was going to sell her
He discreetly followed them and when the man noticed, Haruchiyo quickly put his vest on her head so she wouldn't see what was about to happen
Even though he was sure she already saw things way worse
When he took back his jacket, he had moved her to another place
"Where are your parents ?"
"My mom died when I was 5."
"Never saw him. But you have some of his features. I remember a picture I saw when mom was working. Those scars are not something you see everyday. It'd be pretty funny if you actually were my dad."
"What's your name ? And your mom's name ?"
"I'm Haruko. Mom named me this because she said I was the spring child. Isn't that pretty ? My mom's Y/n by the way." Before her father's surprise she added, "So you really are my dad, huh ?"
Haruchiyo cried for the first time in years, taking her in his arms
"Ah, I can't wait to tell mom I met you."
"What do you mean ?" he asked with panic
"I'm on my way up there, dad. I guess I can call you dad now," she said as she showed him her arm
He knew these marks : syringes, they probably tried to drug her so she wouldn't fight back but there were too many of them
"Can you hug me again ?" she asked and be complied
"Sorry mom, I'm coming sooner than expected. Dad, please, always be happy, not sad. Even if I'm not here with you, I'll always be present in your little, little heart," she cried, repeating her mother's words. "Dad, do you think I'll be a star or an angel ? Mom said that you used to call her angel but you also said she was a star."
"Maybe you and your mother will be something even brighter than the two of them combined, baby," he cried harder. "Haruko," he said between two sobs, "Will you watch over me with Y/n ?"
She beamed, "Of course ! We will look after you like your little luck starts. Or angels, 'cause after all it's their work, isn't it ?"
Ran couldn't bear to see his brother like that
Not that Rindou showed any emotion, no, but he knew his brother
That's why he looked for you all these years until he finally found you
Your death certificate, more precisely
He also found out about your daughter
Thinking it'd be a great thing for Rindou to know, he told him
Rindou decided to give it a chance so instead of going into a foster family, she went to him
But not matter how hard he tried, it was hard for both of them
Everything he tried to do was so awkward
How could a 5 year-old girl make him feel that way
He decided to send her back to the foster care after 3 months
Maybe you could be loved somewhere else.
Kakucho welcomed his son with open arms
He was ready to give everything he had for him
Even if it was hard for him, Kakucho really tried to bond with his kid, to show him that he loved him
Because he really did love him
And his son could feel it
The first few weeks were great, Kakucho would always make enough time for his son
But as much as he loved and cared about him, he couldn't tell why his eyes were always clouded
Maybe he'd open up about it one day ?
But that day never happened
As Kakucho found his son bathing in red water, arms bleeding, he understood :
Even if he welcomed him arms wide open, your son preferred going back to yours instead
Life must've been hard in the foster care.
He always knew he had a daughter, since you died
But Hajime didn't want to take care of her, he couldn't
Instead, he'd send her foster family a lot of money to take care of her
He'd also watch her grow from afar
But she wasn't dumb, she saw him and knew who he was from the very start, she wasn't his daughter for nothing
Plus, she looked more and more like him through the years after all
But she never said anything
When she was little, she'd believe he had only qualities and loved him blindly, even if she never talked to him
Later, she'd think she hates him because he wasn't as perfect as she imagined and he disappointed her
But ever later, now, she learned to accept his mistakes and flaws because she also had them
And maybe that's what becoming an adult was.