Mika @mikalacus - Tumblr Blog

My brother left an empty box in the freezer so I put it under his sheets.

He thinks he’s won, but when he lays in his bed, he will feel the discomfort of a cardboard box. He will remove his sheets, and unveil the visage of the crime he thought he could escape.

#shitpost #hopefully this works #if it does #then I will be doing this more often #because this guy is a serial cardboard box leaver #also.#it was the m&m ice cream sandwiches #so I had so much hope #I’ve been let down #I’m dismantled #this is the only way for me to heal #some semblance of the joys I’d lost

fireleaptfromhousetohouse

#the good ending #it’s wholesome

local-lesbian-tree-demon

they should invent a body that feels normal to be inside of

#yea

shitter

absolute gold on Reddit today

mikalacus

What if instead of medical abortion, a woman just did the worm aggressively… offence

#shitpost #the grammar of the post makes it better methinks #I like using methinks #methinks I’m annoying

tall

mikalacus

Me when I don’t know something that I shouldn’t know anyways but still profusely apologize for wasting everyone’s time when it took 5 seconds

#shitpost

I think the most genius nickname I’ve come up with is probably the fact that I call bras “cup holders.”

#they HOLD your CUPS #shitpost #I like renaming stuff for no reason #it’s just fun man #nickname everything until no one can understand a word you say

Experiencing a wide range of physical ailments is really funny because you need to prioritize which ailment is more severe:

“Should I worry about my chronic debilitating headaches or my chronic gastrointestinal issues that make it difficult for me to eat?”

#bonus points if you’re in America and are trying to not go broke #shitpost #god dammit this human body

I think it’s actually a great thing to be so afraid of shitting in public that you need to go home to use your bathroom, else your pants be dyed because on the off chance that someone with ill intentions tries to follow you, you have a preloaded cannon of pressurized ass-juice.

#shitpost #I have severe social anxiety #and am mortally terrified of shitting in public #it’s so bad that my body is trained to not need to go #until I get home and I feel the call…#I’m also afraid of people hearing me piss…#we’re working on it…

Burped so hard that I started reciting frozen French fry brands

#shitpost #OreIda for anyone wondering what I mean #that’s an i in the previous tag not an L #shitposting so hard that my bowels have been cleansed

unichrome

I’m slowly beginning to accept the reality that 2007 was not last year but in fact almost four years ago

mikalacus

Wait until this person learns that the passage of time has caused those born in 2007 to all be adults now.

#shitpost #the passage of time is only noticed in retrospect

mikalacus

Life’s all fun and games until you experience unknown ailments that no doctor can discern a cause and so you just assume that you’re faking it only to later have a much more severe symptom, or set of symptoms that turn out to potentially be caused by a major health problem.

mikalacus

Bonus points if you’re like “Man, I hope we figure this out and it’s nothing serious” and it turns out to be serious

#health #shitpost #it’s not set in stone yet #but I may or may not be experiencing a bad

Life’s all fun and games until you experience unknown ailments that no doctor can discern a cause and so you just assume that you’re faking it only to later have a much more severe symptom, or set of symptoms that turn out to potentially be caused by a major health problem.

#shitpost #health #seeing a doctor sucks because I feel bad trying to ask them to run the extra test just in case

I’m an adrenaline junkie. For like. Roller coasters. This is not my adrenaline junkie style guys. Do not recommend.

For anyone who cannot decipher the image, I submitted my final essay, due at 11:59PM (American) tonight, at 11:59PM

#submitting homework #school #essays #shitpost #never again

When you fart so hard that the dogs start barking thinking there’s someone knocking on the door

#shitpost #or fartpost #shockingly there was no shit included

I’m into older women.

By this, I mean that I’m into those badass grannies that have shit to say and hands to throw despite being in their 80s

#send me some grannies from various fandoms plssss #there is no reason for this at all #also this is a shitpost #I love badass grannies but not that much #wouldn’t bang but would befriend

My favorite part of working at a grocery store is finding new and unique ways to rip open my skin

#I can’t stop it #even the softest corners will completely destroy the skin that holds in my nail #shitpost

#shitpost

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Mika