Mike Makes Jokes

The author continues to find new and increasingly elaborate ways to avoid working.

[mikemakesjokes]

"Brewers pitcher Will Smith was ejected for having a substance on his arm" -- Milwaukee Brewers pitcher Will Smith was ejected from Thursday's game after umpires found a foreign substance on his arm.

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This little lady is two months old today!

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Looks like we've found Allie's new favorite bedtime story!

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Pictured: Mitt Romney, once again oblivious to his impending beatdown at the hands of a black man.

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I can already tell we have a little goofball on our hands...

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"Roger Goodell Is A Shit-Eating Moron" -- Now you know. Now you know that, in Roger Goodell’s batshit crazy universe, the greatest crime of all is defying authority. Tom Brady just got locked in the attic for four games this fall, and it wasn’t REALLY because he dicked around with the ball (a crime that, as already noted in many other places, has been met with a relative slap on the wrist elsewhere), but because—and here I will use the wording of the letter Troy Vincent had dictated to him by Goodell—the Patriots QB “failed to cooperate fully with the investigation.”

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Happy Mother's Day!

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Pacquiao isn't perfect by any means, but Mayweather is a garbage human being. #TeamManny

May 02, 2015 at 11:58PM

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#NailedIt

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You know you're old when you realize you have multiple friends employed as mailmen.

April 29, 2015 at 04:28PM

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"The Best and Worst Fonts to Use on Your Résumé" -- Using Times New Roman is the typeface equivalent of wearing sweatpants to an interview

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Fun fact: I use Times New Roman for everything because I'm a goddamn grown-up.

April 29, 2015 at 03:54PM

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Great season, Celtics. Got under LeBron's skin a bit at the end too, which was a bonus. Now let's go get some guys who can score and build on this core.

April 26, 2015 at 03:57PM

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Am I the only one not bothered by Jared Leto's Joker? Different direction from prior movies for sure, but it sure seems true to the spirit of the comics (Moore's The Killing Joke, specifically).

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The many faces of Alexandra Jane: April 22 edition.

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This little traveler left the state for the first time today!

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Voicemail systems that don't let you re-record your message can all go to hell and die.

April 16, 2015 at 03:03PM