Mike Penis

Hey I am Mike Penis, I am a guido celebrity. LLC, RAP MOGUL, REAL BIG MONEY BAG INCORPORATED!

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I don’t like when people mess with me, and it’s not a good idea to mess with me!

I am an extremely aggressive dude who is ripped up like Rambo.

DON’T FUCK WITH ME CAUSE I’LL TEAR YOUR ASS UP!

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Just found out what “Goobing” means…. Damn…

I’ve been yanking it wrong my entire life!

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All of my shorts and pants are skin tight… I want all the DTF broads to see the outline of my John

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It’s always the TRASHY broads that have small dogs.

FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT POMERANIAN DIRTBAG!

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Just got 17 texts about my well being?!

Yeah… LIKE A GUY LIKE ME NEEDS HELP!

I’m 47 years old and still BANGIN hot 18-25 year olds.

MY DICK IS TIRED YO!

Don’t fucking hmu unless you got some leads on some hot ass or wanna get piped by the MIKE FUCKING PENIS

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They should make a reality TV show about me.

Instead of “keeping up with the kardashians”, call it “KEEPIN’ UP WITH PENIS”

It would be a SMASH HIT

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All I want is a Percocet and a Latina

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[chudleygriggs]

Chilly… When you yoink your sploinky…. Well do you li- …. This is awkward… HUH

Okay… when you yoink your sploinky…. Does your splurge go off?

Dear Mr. Penis,

I do not yoink my sploinky, I prefer to up it, then my gloob goes off. Thanks for the question

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“I’m a grown ass man, imma pee in the bed if I want!”

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Me and my boy Retarded Randy aka Space Dinosaur at the Italian Men Gala… we beat up SO many pussies that night (c. 2003)

What I would do to go back and fight some black mologienunges with my OG CREW!

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I want to fight a Mongolian… anybody know one?

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New conspiracy theory! The Chinese have trackers in beer glasses and track consumption.

I WILL NOT LET THE CHINESE WIN! I am gonna drink so much I will drown their beer detectors and make them malfunction.

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Yo @staff FUCK YOU ALL!!!!

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You know what pisses me the fuck off?

LIBERALS!

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“My tenis ain’t too big, but it’s honest work”

- Local Union 356 Worker, Jerry jungledong

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I’m Penis… Mike Fucking Penis

[mikepenis11]

YOOOO, This is my F’ING blog yo.

Absolutely a beast mode week.

Ran my first 5 mile run, really tough but still beast mode.

Big plans and a huge surprise coming in next weeks post.

I also bought two supreme hats cause I am beast mode.

I ate McDonald’s for the first time in like 5 months and feel like #SHIT #millenial

IF YOU’RE READING THIS I WOULD F’ING FOLD YOU IRL SCUM BAG!

Hammered a 12 hour drive from Illinois back home. Picked up my #CHUD brother from wisco.

We had a couple of beers in Madison.

Got home with the crodies, F’ING great.

Chilling with the boy Brady tonight. Had a lan party playing “The Finals” #LIBZ4LYFE

JOKE OF THE WEEK: “This is an intervention, we are from weight watchers!”