can you imagine how annoyed will must have been? he's gay, in love with his best friend, filled with shame about who he is, but he loves mike, he loves mike with all his heart, and he knows somewhere deep down that he's good for him, that he can take care of mike and cheer him up when he's down, will can be there for him in all the ways that mike needs. because he loves him, because he wants to. they've been each other's best friends forever, since they knew how to make and have friends. they grew up together, and around each other's quirks and needs and insecurities. they know almost everything about each other. almost. except for the big secret. mike just doesn't know will's in love with him. but they know everything else about each other.
and then will's family has to adopt mike's girlfriend and will kind of hates her because she's dating the guy he loves, she's the reason mike is pulling away. but soon, with enough distance from mike, will figures she's not too bad. she's just some girl that's struggling a lot and will wants to help her, so he does. she's a weird sister now. she knocks on his door for help with homework sometimes, and she likes trying new foods, and sometimes she'll listen to music with him.
but between all those sister moments are moments of devastation and heartbreak sprinkled throughout the months. she gets letters from mike. joyce hands her a new letter and el's eyes widen and she smiles and runs to her room. and it feels like last summer again when she was stealing away every bit of mike then, too. mike's handwriting, the paper that he held in his hands, his words: all whisked away to el's bedroom, far away from will.
and will watches el, and wonders. if mike were to be with someone for the rest of his life, would it be her? is that who will would've guessed, after he got over that silly daydream that it would be him, that it could ever be him?
he pictured mike with someone who played d&d, although he doesn't know if girls play d&d. he pictured someone that would stay up late talking about wizards and goblins and elves with him. he pictured someone that would go to the arcade with them. like max, but not like max. someone that would build mike up, catch him when he was down on himself, build him back up, appreciate how much he cared for everyone.
when will did get a phone call from mike, he found himself wondering what he talked about with el. what they had in common that kept them so inseparable all these months, even as mike faded further and further from will. did el have that much more in common with mike? a couple could only talk about how much they like each other so much, right? that couldn't fill a letter all by itself.
he wondered and wondered, even as he imagined conversations with mike day after day, picturing mike as his chemistry lab partner and jokes they'd make in english class and mike's usual groans about the shitty cafeteria food. his head was so full of mike: ten years worth of what mike thought of this and how he would talk about that. he was so full of everything that made mike mike that will never ran out of things to say to him. in his head at least. things were weird on the phone. and mike was barely calling anyway.
so then mike is coming for spring break and will knows that he'll have to share that time with el, that likely she'd get most of that time, and he'd get barely any, judging by how things were last summer and all the letters she always got. but he has so much to talk to mike about: his painting, how much he missed him, how much he misses their friendship, a new fantasy book he read, a d&d campaign he thought up, his physics class, his cool new art teacher.
mike is there at the airport and will's chest is fluttering and mike looks so good and will has to swallow down all his thoughts and feelings, because it's too too much. mike hugs el, kisses el, and doesn't hug will. will feels kind of numb, like he's in shock by how mike is treating him, but maybe less surprised than he expected. it settles into him like an inevitability. he wasn't calling much, so why would he want a big hug?
el says it clear as day: this day is just for them. mike doesn't want to spend it with will too. because obviously will was wrong about what mike might want. he doesn't want a person who will play d&d, or talk about dwarves and dragons. el is exactly who mike wants, and will was just wrong.
but then. but then. will realizes as el talks: el's been lying. el isn't friends with stacy and angela. el doesn't go to rink o mania for parties. while they eat their breakfast burritos, she tells mike about her great math grade, even though will saw a math test sticking out of her backpack a few weeks ago with a failing grade on it. it's all lies.
and suddenly, will is annoyed. will wouldn't have lied to mike. mike hates lying. mike is still playing d&d. dustin told him so. el doesn't play d&d. mike talks about how he and el had a big fight, and will thinks about how they did too and how their fight wasn't one that they couldn't come back from. will watches as mike talks more badly about himself than he's ever done so before in the van, and wonders if he'll have to keep reassuring him for the rest of their lives, if el can't help him this much. because if el is lying, if they had a big fight, if mike is coming to him about these worries, then what do el and mike talk about?
he assumed that they talked a lot about liking each other, but they didn't even say "i love you" or "i missed you" at the airport. they don't talk about books or about hellfire club, which will heard all about from dustin and lucas. everything el said about school was lies. he wondered if mike knew about the night will found el crying about the failed math test, or about how will cheered her up or distracted her after getting bullied. what the hell did they talk about?
will tries to stop thinking about how he's the one who is perfect for mike, he really does. but it gets harder and harder to stop those thoughts the more time he spends around mike and el. he just doesn't get what they talk about, after the lying and the fights. he doesn't get it.
