Thoughts From A Lover Boy

Fruity. Trans. Queer. they/them

[mikhail-8]

Car time with a chicken bake, frozen cold brew, and skool luv affair - boy in luv. This is peak and it’s only 9am.

[mikhail-8]

Oh no….the timeline is serving me pre-t/post-t edits again. Plsssss - I cannot have another gender crisis 🥹

[mikhail-8]

I was checking to see if a song I liked was part of a larger album (it’s not - boo) and I see they have a vinyl of it for sale and I’m sad to say that my first thought was “what? Why tf would they have a vinyl for one song?” With my second thought immediately being “oh duh *facepalm* that was so young of me to say” 😅😭

[mikhail-8]

hand sewing without a thimble. feelin a little dangerous - a little risky frisky

[mikhail-8]

Uh oh - new comfort meal brewing?? : totino’s pizza rolls, Kirkland brats, and hot oolong tea

Listen, it sounds wild…cause it is.

[mikhail-8]

Today, I have been held prisoner by the “out for delivery” scam. You never know when they are gonna be here so you have to be here and not leave. The second you think, “oh it’s okay, I’ll only be 30 mins” THEY SHOW UP IMMEDIATELY. Oops sorry we missed you.

PLSSSSSS

send help <3

send treats <3

[mikhail-8]

Being autistic and in the process of unmasking makes it so nerve wracking to do interviews. Trying to be myself and also worrying about eye contact, smiling, tone, and body language.

I hope they liked me 🥹

[mikhail-8]

Been working on moving my music consumption away from immediate mainstream music and adding to my CD collection. The best thing so far has been finding the joy I had with older albums that I just stopped listening to and also finding Bandcamp. Shoutout to whoever suggested that on a random search for big streaming platform alternatives. IM IN LOVE. The radio and features are so well done and thoughtful. I like that I can also add more to the monetary contribution when purchasing from the artists. Just a little “hey artist, I freaking love this song/album and I have some extra dollars I want to give.”

Faves in rotation:

BINA - Chaos Is Her Name album

Kokoroko - Tuff Times Never Last

Family Junket - Did you tell the bees?

dreamcastmoe - The Lost Tape Vol. 3

ommood & Boztown - Tel Quel

[demonprincex]

It is not possible to think your way out of an interpersonal conflict or ambiguous social situation. The information that you require in order to move forward dwells inside of another person, and you literally cannot figure that out yourself, no matter how good at perception, pattern matching, fawning, making up scenarios in your head, preparing, or minimizing your feelings you are.

[mikhail-8]

I’ve never been a big DC person but the trailers for Superman were good and I must say - the movie did not disappoint! I feel like I also got a better view of it cause I have literally no foundational knowledge so everything was new which I love. If I know a story or pieces that should be happening, then my brain is always looking ahead and spoiling things for me.

I will say - I forgot people clap after movies. That was startling for a moment lol

Also - if anyone has sensory sensitivities, there were some grating sounds and bright flashes. They didn’t last too long but it was noticeable.

[mikhail-8]

I have moved on to more complex quilt block patterns and I must say…I am *sick* and *tired* of the inches. I need to upgrade to mm and cm cause these fractions are *killing* me. Not cause they are difficult but because my brain is like - there is something simpler and more accurate out there and I fully know it by name but yet here I stand - inches - GAHHHH

(my pattern book is in imperial 🤢)

[mikhail-8]

Saw Ballerina from the John Wick franchise and midway through was like yeahhhh ima need to watch the next showing NEOW

[mikhail-8]

I’ve never rolled a sweeter nat 20 🥹🥲

It’s the finale of our campaign - the biggest and baddest evil guy.

After a year, we have reached level 20.

Last time rolling for initiative and it’s a fucking Nat 20 (and the funny haha of a natural 2 next to it)

[mikhail-8]

Fuck. I finally watched Sinners and I feel like I need a therapy session and aftercare. That was a lot to take in. It was a great movie. I wasn’t expecting the mid and end credits scenes. Now I gotta watch it again cause I feel like I missed stuff because of my auditory processing. I need some damn captions.

[mikhail-8]

Thunderbolts was fucking sad. The story was sad but also it felt like my childhood just died seeing that the marvel avengers are over. I haven’t been watching marvel stuff since end game and now I’m like wow. Those movies I loved and rewatched and could quote every second are getting older and older.

Aminé wrote a song about Kobe on his album Limbo and that is immediately what it felt like. Paraphrased: I felt like a lot of my innocence and being a young person died.

You spend years always looking forward to the next midnight premiere and talking about all the lore and little hidden things. Now it’s done. You’re an adult.

[mikhail-8]

I feel so stuck because I don’t understand if the “hard work” I’m supposed to be putting in to receive the blessings is pushing through all of the tiredness and pain so that it will potentially set me up for success later or admitting and owning that in this present day it hurts to push through it all and so instead I save myself and say no?

Maybe this is the test of believing that I can have good things without needing to “deserve” them because what is that if not tying my worth and value to my ability to work. If I know it to be true that the person next to me has the right to rest and live well just because of the simple fact that they are alive, then why can’t I know that to be true for myself as well?

[mikhail-8]

Yards later of hand piecing a quilt and I’m like, “hey I should change my needle out now - it’s probably dull”. The first stitch with the new needle literally moves through the fabric like BUTTER.

Note to self: change needles and sharpen them often