why play if you can't win?

We only stop seeing the world as a game when we have begun to lose RPG: Monarch U

[milascott]

[Text] Mila, we need to talk. [Text] Ignoring me is worse than just disappearing for a fucking year.

[Text] Why does it matter to you if we talk or not?

[Text] I’m not even trying to be stubborn here, Mel. I just don’t see what good us talking would do. What’s the end goal - we become friends or something?

[milascott]

Texts @ Mila

Asher: You have to admit that it's a pretty huge coincidence, Mila. I'd have been more willing to believe you if you had actually told me what happened yourself and admitting that you had made a mistake, rather than letting me hear it from Cae.

Asher: I don't know what to think. You don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to dealing with your anger.

Asher: The way I've treated /you/ is unfair?

Asher: God, you're such a fucking hypocrite.

Asher: I fucked up by trying to remove you from my life completely but you know me well enough to understand that the reasons I told you were truthful; that I was trying to punish myself rather than you.

Asher: I used to accept so much crap from you when we were last at Monarch. You made me feel completely and utterly replaceable... both Melinda and I deserved better. You knew how I felt about you but that didn't seem to matter to you. You used to throw my friendship with Lyssa back in my face, yet you could have your cake and eat it too.

Asher: That's the thing, I wasn't expecting you to stay completely separated from Cae. I was actually hoping that once you had some time to process, we could maybe even be friends again. I was trying to give you space out of respect, Mila, because I knew it was a lot to absorb.

Asher: You're the one who should have respected me and spoken to me about what was going on and what had happened with Cae.

Asher: Delete my number. I should have realised this a long time ago but I was blinded by my feelings for you. I've been stuck in your orbit for too long, always hoping that things would be more, that you'd suddenly realise you didn't need six other people to make you happy. Yes, I've made my mistakes and I'll always feel guilty about that but I'm not wasting anymore time on whatever this is.

Asher: Goodbye, Mila.

Mila: I know all of that. I'm still telling you, I didn't do it on purpose. Do you have any idea how drunk I was? How high I'd gotten? It was the day before my birthday, I'd finally made it home, and the entire world of comfort I had was gone and telling me I could fuck off because it found something better. People were actually less happy because I'd come back. Imagine how that felt for a second, to be so excited to come home and have people wish you didn't. Now imagine how fucked up you'd wanna be.

Mila: Fucked up enough to think a random car was telling you that nobody will ever love you or care about you? Yes. And fucked up enough to think you'll feel less miserable if you hurt the mean car? Yes. God, I feel so dumb even explaining this. It's why I didn't want to text anyone about it.

Mila: Emotions aside, here's a fact - Even if I wanted to find his car, how would I have know what he drove? I didn't even recognise him when he walked up. Did he tell you that?

Mila: You're right, I don't handle anger well. This isn't like that. I haven't done that kind of purposefully spiteful stuff since the Lyssa thing. I know I handled that badly. I convinced myself I liked Mel even more because I thought you were going to disappear, and I didn't want to be alone. I had people to fuck but you two were the closest I ever got to feeling personally special. It made me do selfish things, and clearly continues to. I warned everybody I wasn't built for feelings.

Mila: I don't want to be selfish anymore so I won't try and justify anything else. I don't know Cae's bank details so unless you message me to say it's changed, I'm sending the rest of what I owe him there and then you can be officially done with me.

Mila: P.S. I'm sorry, and I didn't mean my earlier rage-text. You do deserve him. You probably deserve more than him actually, but I hardly know the guy so I can't say for sure. You definitely deserve a hell of a lot more than me. I hope you're both really happy together. I always wanted you to be happy.

[milascott]

[Text] So I tell you I have feelings for someone and then he finds you slashing his fucking tyres. What the hell are you playing at?

[text]: I’m playing this really common game called coincidence, Asher. It’s where you make a drunken mistake and as punishment, the world decides that the random car is going to belong to the second worst possible person it could belong to. Read that again - coincidence.

[text]: You really think I’d do that on purpose?

[text]: I don’t need this from anybody and especially not from you. You already have done enough to me lately. I don’t care that you’ve got somebody else, but how you’ve treated me is so unfair.

[text]: I’m sure you thought it’d be easier if we were completely separated so your new relationship could flourish or whatever. I understand that, and would’ve understood if you had the littlest bit of respect for me and actually spoke to me at any point.

[text]: In the future I suggest you find a way that doesn’t require shitting all over a friendship of fucking years with a girl who never actually fucking didn’t anything that bad to you when ya think about it? But hey, maybe you should question what kind of person I am. I sure as fuck didn’t think you’d pull all this on me.

[text]: I deserve better than this continued bullshit so leave me the fuck alone and treat him so much better than you’ve treated anybody before. Even in the short and bizarre situation I met him in, I could tell he was so much more than you deserve as well. Listen to him, be kind to him, and grow the fuck up.

[milascott]

mcrenco:

“That’s…actually… pretty sad? Usually I’d resort to demeaning language if someone ever damaged my property, but… you sound like you’re going through it, so I’ll give you a break. That doesn’t mean you’re out of getting me a new tire; those things aren’t cheap. I’m working with a dollar and a dream right now, so anything free is something I can’t refuse. Mel? Gemma? They’ve been together forever, for, like, ever at this point. I didn’t know someone else came before. I wouldn’t know much about anything poetic, I’m more of a visionary kind of guy. – Also, this is kind of personal to ask, but how much have you had to drink? I want to guess a lot because reasonable drunks don’t go around slashing people’s tires… at least not any that I know.”

“The break is really appreciated. It’s the first one I’ve had since coming home, actually. I wouldn’t want you to let me out of paying for it. Even if you were a jerk about this, I’d be paying up, let alone with how chill you’re being. In fact...” She reached into her back pocket and retrieved her wallet, fumbling for a few moments before passing some cash his way. “I’ll get more out of my account tomorrow morning. This is just so you know I’m good for it. Ease your mind and that.”

“I don’t know if it’s fair to say I came before. Mel was never really mine. I’m not sure we even loved each other. It was this...thing. Sorry, I’m oversharing, aren’t I? I don’t like to do th-” She paused, then took on an overly dramatic tone. “Oh god, you know them? Of course you do. The Universe is living to mock me today, and it’s reminding me of how much has changed despite how small Monarch is. Everybody knows everybody, except for Mila who knows nothing.”

Reminding herself that this stranger was very much not the cause of her issues, she tried to reign in her meltdown. She’d already ruined the poor guy’s car. “That’s a fair question, considering. I can usual handle my liquor better than this, I swear - I don’t recommend drinking on an empty stomach and no sleep. Though in my defense, I only had the three ciders after I spoke with Mel. It was Asher that inspired the bottle of vodka that inspired the car thing. He’s the best friend and first love I told you about,” Mila added, unaware how little introduction the pair required. “God, enough about me and my bullshit. I haven’t even asked you your name yet?”

[milascott]

nickjacobcavalcante:

“Fair ‘nough. Correction then, thank you for implying the obvious that I’m visually stunning. Could show ya how stunning I can be but don’t think it would look good on your resume if I start unbuttoning my shirt here while you’re pointing that sharp object at me.” Without permission, he takes the knife out of the girl’s hand in a blink of an eye a cocky smile plastered on his face. “Nick Calvacante, nice bumping into ya Knife girl.”

Mila had been about to make a sassy retort to his unbuttoned shirt comment when suddenly her hand felt lighter. She scoffed, equal parts annoyed and impressed by his speed. “Since you just took said sharp object away for me, I see nothing to stop you taking your shirt off and - what did you say? Show me how stunning you can be?” she joked, no longer feeling the anger that had lead her to stabbing tyres earlier. “It’s been interesting bumping into you, Nick Calvacante. Are you a student here?”

[milascott]

paisleyshaw:

“Why don’t you enlighten me, frightening stranger?”

“Vodka is strong, love is stupid, and I decided there’s nobody better to take my anger out on than someone who has a ‘God Hates the Gays’ bumper sticker. I mean, at least admit you’re the one with the problem, you know? If anything, I’m doing this on behalf of all the homophobia-free deities.”

“That’s fair, right?”

[emery-shaw]

Memory Lane | | Asher + Mila

[emery-shaw]

milascott:

She’d already removed herself from his lap, and now she began taking steps backwards. Moments earlier she’d craved his closeness with a vengeance, but it didn’t feel right when it was one sided. As he spoke, she was glad to be distant from him. “We’re not arguing about them,” she whispered, her voice shaky. “I was trying to absolve you of guilt by blaming myself, and I did a great job obviously.” She suddenly understood why he didn’t want her sympathy before, despite her good intentions. She definitely didn’t care about his attempt to lighten the mood now. No matter what you meant, it always landed as pity.

The anxiety-inspired nausea she’d been feeling all day skyrocketed when the final bomb dropped. ‘I’m seeing someone.’ Her love for him, and the friendship they shared, had her smile in response first. The world became darkness and white noise, but she continued that horrible pageant smile that her mother and father were so fond of. Of everyone she knew, Asher should be with somebody. He deserved everything the world could offer and more, and definitely deserved a stress-free love. It didn’t matter that she felt like she was suffocating hearing about it. It didn’t matter that he wanted something separate of his family, and that know she couldn’t be that killed her. The smile didn’t falter.

“It’s a good thing for you,” she repeated back to him, much like she’d repeated her name at the start of their conversation. There was nothing her true heart or mind could offer that was fair, so autopilot became her mode of being. She felt bitter, and angry, and so abandoned that she honestly wasn’t even sure she wanted to stay at Monarch. Nothing and nobody that she’d wanted to return to was here anymore, only the bodies of those who played the parts once. So Mila became an actor too, playing the part of a good person - a person who wasn’t selfish. 

“You deserve a happy ending.” Why don’t I get one?  “I’m sure he’s amazing if you like him.” I felt amazing when you loved me. “I can’t wait to meet him.” I’ll compare myself the whole time and probably cry in the bathroom. “It’s a good thing for you.” This is the worst thing for me.

With that beaming smile still firmly plastered on her otherwise vacant expression, she patted his shoulder. “I’ll see you around. I need to do stuff. You know, shower, sleep, usual post-flight stuff.” Swallowing back the emotion threatening to burst through, she added: “I’m happy for you.” Not waiting for a response, the smiling blonde finally escaped the stuff her nightmares were made of, hightailing towards the sorority house.

Mila prided herself on being a good actress but right now, her skills were minimal. Her words had a bitter edge, like she knew she was supposed to mean what she was saying but couldn’t quite fake the genuine infliction that her words needed. At least she’s trying. That’s more than you can say, the voice in his head reminded him. The voice was right, as always, and Asher couldn’t bring himself to call her out on the lack of truth behind her words.

Of course, run away like you always do. It’s what you’ve done best. A year ago, Asher would have run after her. They would have ended up yelling at each other until one of them caved and initiated a fiery, passionate kiss. That version of them felt like it was a million miles away so he simply said nothing and watched as she turned on her heel and left.

~ FIN ~

[emery-shaw]

Memory Lane | | Asher + Mila

[milascott]

ashermanson:

“Because I was the only one here for her! You didn’t see her when shecame back from Hawaii, alright? Before she rebuilt her life yet again, she wasfucking broken hearted over that asshole. She was so worried that something hadhappened to him but I knew he was okay. I didn’t want her to see that he’d justdecided to traipse all over the world with you rather than love her like hesaid he would that I didn’t even let her know that she was worrying overnothing!” he exclaimed. He didn’t know how this had turned into the two of themarguing about Lola and Peter but honestly, it was easier to get angry over thatthan to really focus on him and Mila. “You were with him. You could have madehim answer one of her phone calls”, he said, his voice softer and quieter.

“God, I don’t know why we’re arguing aboutthem. I thought that so much had changed over the last year that at least oneof us would have matured enough to stop deflecting. I guess some things don’tchange, hey?”, he joked, a hint of a smile teasing his lips as he tried tolighten the mood. “I should be telling you that I’m sorry, that I regret nottelling you what was going on. I had my reasons but you were good to me, farbetter than I ever deserved, and I shouldn’t have treated you like that”.

He hadn’t meant to keep Cae a secret; hejust hadn’t had a chance to say anything, too busy telling Mila abouteverything that had happened in his life since the last time they had seen eachother. “I’m seeing someone”, he said simply, knowing there was no point dancingaround the subject. “And before you say anything, I wasn’t planning on gettinginto another relationship. I genuinely thought that I deserved to be alone,that I didn’t deserve to have anyone care about me. I fell into this thing withCae accidentally and by the time I realised I had feelings, it was too late tobacktrack. He… he didn’t know me before all of this and it was a relationshipcompletely separate of my family. It’s… it’s a good thing for me”, heexplained, bracing himself for Mila’s reaction.

She’d already removed herself from his lap, and now she began taking steps backwards. Moments earlier she’d craved his closeness with a vengeance, but it didn’t feel right when it was one sided. As he spoke, she was glad to be distant from him. “We’re not arguing about them,” she whispered, her voice shaky. “I was trying to absolve you of guilt by blaming myself, and I did a great job obviously.” She suddenly understood why he didn’t want her sympathy before, despite her good intentions. She definitely didn’t care about his attempt to lighten the mood now. No matter what you meant, it always landed as pity.

The anxiety-inspired nausea she’d been feeling all day skyrocketed when the final bomb dropped. ‘I’m seeing someone.’ Her love for him, and the friendship they shared, had her smile in response first. The world became darkness and white noise, but she continued that horrible pageant smile that her mother and father were so fond of. Of everyone she knew, Asher should be with somebody. He deserved everything the world could offer and more, and definitely deserved a stress-free love. It didn’t matter that she felt like she was suffocating hearing about it. It didn’t matter that he wanted something separate of his family, and that know she couldn’t be that killed her. The smile didn’t falter.

“It’s a good thing for you,” she repeated back to him, much like she’d repeated her name at the start of their conversation. There was nothing her true heart or mind could offer that was fair, so autopilot became her mode of being. She felt bitter, and angry, and so abandoned that she honestly wasn’t even sure she wanted to stay at Monarch. Nothing and nobody that she’d wanted to return to was here anymore, only the bodies of those who played the parts once. So Mila became an actor too, playing the part of a good person - a person who wasn’t selfish. 

“You deserve a happy ending.” Why don’t I get one?  “I’m sure he’s amazing if you like him.” I felt amazing when you loved me. “I can’t wait to meet him.” I’ll compare myself the whole time and probably cry in the bathroom. “It’s a good thing for you.” This is the worst thing for me.

With that beaming smile still firmly plastered on her otherwise vacant expression, she patted his shoulder. “I’ll see you around. I need to do stuff. You know, shower, sleep, usual post-flight stuff.” Swallowing back the emotion threatening to burst through, she added: “I’m happy for you.” Not waiting for a response, the smiling blonde finally escaped the stuff her nightmares were made of, hightailing towards the sorority house.

[emery-shaw]

Memory Lane | | Asher + Mila

[milascott]

ashermanson:

Asher tensed up as she did exactly what heknew she would do: shower him with sympathy. He hadn’t wanted it then and hecertainly didn’t want it now; his father may have died months ago but that didn’tmean he was suddenly absolved and deserving of love. “You don’t need toapologise. You had nothing to do with anything that happened”, he reminded her.“Besides, no matter what happened in my life, it doesn’t change the fact that Iwas an asshole to you. Actually, I was an asshole to a lot of people. I haven’tspoken to Lyssa since I was forced to leave Monarch. I literally have no ideawhere she is and what she’s doing. I’ve barely spoken to Jayce and he’s like aliteral puppy. What kind of asshole can ignore a puppy? I… I followed yourtravel blog and saw the photos of you and Peter but I… I didn’t even tell Lolathat the blog existed. I’ve hurt everyone that was stupid enough to care aboutme in the first place”.

Asher didn’t really know what to say. Ifthis had been a year ago, he wouldn’t have hesitated to go back with Mila.Throughout their conversation, it had become more and more apparent that thiswasn’t a year ago and things had certainly changed. This time last year, heonly had to worry about how Lyssa would feel if she found out that he was goinghome with Mila and considering they were no longer together, it had never beena major hindrance. Now though, Asher had Cae. They may not have been officialbut Asher cared for Cae and wanted it to be something more. He didn’t want toruin that. “I… I don’t think I can come back”, he said quietly. He knew thatwould probably upset Mila even more but he couldn’t lie and pretend that he wasthe same single, unattached person that he had used to know.

“Everybody can be an asshole at times. It’s whether or not you know you were an asshole that matters. You do, and that makes you a good person. The fact that you feel guilt this often shows how much you care and how great your heart is,” she stated firmly, leaving no room for debate. He’d never convince her he was a bad person, just as she doubted she’d convince him much of anything anymore. It wouldn’t stop her trying. 

“You haven’t hurt everybody, dummy. You place too much responsibility on your shoulders all the time. I mean, come on. I can maybe - maybe - understand the others to an extent. But Lola and Peter? How is it your job to tell Lola that? It was mine, if anything. You think I don’t recall saying to you how scared I was that Lola would find out about it, and hate me for not talking about Peter with her?” She scoffed, disgusted in herself and the situations she was in. “You’re good, and capable of doing bad things. Clearly I am too, and everyone else is if you think about it enough. You ignore their faults, that’s the difference.”

It hadn’t escaped her attention that Asher wasn’t touching her back, though she’d been assuming that was because he was uncomfortable, or adjusting. It hadn’t occurred to her that nothing she did was going to change this. Nothing would change how little he needed her anymore, how little he wanted her affection or words. What an unfathomable world to Mila, one where she couldn’t manipulate somebody into thinking she was necessary. Had that been why she’d fallen for Asher? Because he was outside of the reach of her puppeteer’s strings? “I don’t quite understand. You can’t come back? Why?”

[milascott]

nickjacobcavalcante:

“Aren’t ya mouthy. You’re holding a knife in a dark alley stabbing tires yet I get called the creepy one. A’ight, least you think I’m hot s’nough to make my night.”

“I’m hardly going to consider myself the creepy one, am I? And technically I never said you were hot, I implied it. And I would have never done that if I knew you were about to call me mouthy,” she teased. “Who are you, anyways? Considering we’ve both insulted each other a little bit, seems only fair to trade names. I’m Mila. You?”

[emery-shaw]

Memory Lane | | Asher + Mila

[milascott]

ashermanson:

Asher knew that he was a selfish person. Hehad always been a selfish person and it was more than likely that he wouldalways remain a selfish person. He knew that this was a situation where hecouldn’t only focus on himself and what he wanted. Mila deserved the truth,even though he had been so adamant that he wanted to keep it to himself. “Mydad died”, he said simply, like those three little words held the answer toeverything that had happened between them over the last few months. In Asher’shead, it did, and if Mila knew him as well as she always said she did, he knewit would make sense to her too. “He pulled me out of Monarch because Lyssa washere but the punishment didn’t really feel like a punishment because I wasstill in contact with you. It was like my own little secret, something that myfather couldn’t destroy. For once, I won”, he told Mila, staring at the buildingbehind her rather than looking at her.

“Bu then he died and everything feltdifferent. I had spent so long defying my father and trying to manipulatesituations to get what I wanted despite his disapproval that the whole worldfelt like it had shifted just slightly off balance. My family disowned me formy complete lack of emotional response to my father’s death, which meant I lostmy mum too. No matter how much I hated my dad, I always loved my mum. That wasthe thing that really stung. Still stings really. So I broke off all contactwith you because I didn’t want you to be understanding and compassionate. I didn’twant you to tell me that it wasn’t my fault, that my reaction wasunderstandable, that everything would be okay in the long run”, he stoppedtalking, not really sure what else to say. “Lola’s moved out of the sororityhouse so her room will be empty. Mel moved out too, actually, so the entire topfloor will be empty. Consider your housing dilemma solved”.

If Mila felt like the world was unstable and confusing before, it was nothing compared to now. Every emotion she had been so entitled to moments earlier no longer felt valid, and was compounded by sadness for Asher, anger at his deceased father for doing this to him, and guilt that she hadn’t been there for him. Even if he wouldn’t have let her, she should have sensed he needed her. She should have tried.

She moved until she was crouching in front of him, her hands hesitating mid-air. Soon they settled atop his head, her fingers softly stroking his dark hair, wishing she could run her hands over his mind and soothe it as easily. “I’m so sorry,” she said because no other words felt right or fair, nor easy to form. Mila was much better at expressing herself physically in intense times, and this was no different. She stood again, this time to settle onto his lap, cradling his head against her chest, kissing his forehead softly. There was nothing sexual about it. It was purely about being as close to him as she could, wanting him to know that she understood now. He didn’t have to explain any more, nor did he deserve to be alone. And he didn’t have to be alone anymore. She was here, and she wasn’t going to run - even after hearing him say he couldn’t love her anymore. She was always going to be here for him when he’d let her.

Her own heart and mind were still aching, however, and her need to be in a bed and comfortable hadn’t been removed by his words. “That’s a lot of space for just me, and it seems like we have a lot to talk about. Want to come back with me?” She was timid and so soft compared to her usual self. Unlike when she’d invaded his personal space to comfort him, this was her giving him the choice. Asking him if now, knowing she wasn’t going to be angry or selfish, would he let her back into his life? Would he lean on her like he used to? In her often black-and-white mind, it was also another question: did you tell me all that to explain what you did, or to explain what you’re going to continue doing?

[milascott]

nickjacobcavalcante:

“You’re holding the knife wrong. You’re gonna end up beakin’ a wrist if ya stab it like that.”

“Since you’ve taught me something, let me share something with you. Starting a conversation with a stranger by showing you know how to stab properly? It comes across as kinda creepy, no matter how good looking one may or may not be.”

[emery-shaw]

Memory Lane | | Asher + Mila

[milascott]

ashermanson:

Asher didn’t really know how to deal withthis situation. His relationship with Mila had been one of a kind, somethingcompletely unique and separate from anything else in his life. They had rarelydisagreed but when they did, there had been loud, angry screaming matches. Thetwo of them were passionate people and the fighting was just another element oftheir relationship; whilst it had never been nice to fight, it was just anotherreminder that the two of them cared enough about their relationship to want tosalvage it. When Asher had started ignoring Mila’s texts and phone calls, hehad destroyed part of their relationship. He had stopped fighting for them;stopped showing that he cared; and it was evident as they stood in front ofeach other now. Mila felt more like a stranger than the first woman he hadloved since Lyssa.

“I… I don’t know what we really are anymore,Mila”, he admitted. “I left and everything was fine because it didn’t reallyfeel like I was gone, you know? You were always on the other end of the phoneand even though we couldn’t kiss or touch, I didn’t miss you because there wasn’tanyone to miss”, he said, hoping that his words would make sense. He had neverreally been good at explaining himself; he was so used to other people writinghis lines that he struggled to think of his own words. “Fuck, I didn’t evencare that I’d been pulled out of Monarch by my overbearing, controlling, prickof a father because I still had my best friend’, he told her, “but theneverything just changed for me. I knew I could have told you what was going onand that you would have understood but I just didn’t feel like talking. I didn’twant someone to understand. I don’t want to give you bullshit excuses orjustify my behaviour, because I know it was terrible and you deserve better.Things are different because I made themdifferent. I needed them to bedifferent. I was in a bad place and for my own reasons, I couldn’t be in lovewith you anymore”. He knew his words were harsh and he knew he wasn’texplaining anything properly but it was intentional. He didn’t want Mila toforgive him; to cut him some slack because of everything that happened.

Mila found herself so exhausted. It felt like she traveled a whole year to end up exactly where she started - uselessly in love with complicated people. At least before, Monarch had benefits. She had her routines, her classes, her groups. Now she was returning to a blank - but hardly clean - slate, with too many feelings and thoughts and none of the comforts she once had to handle them. Worst of all, things didn’t seem so complicated between her and Asher anymore. He was making it clear how simple it was. He once wanted her around, wanted her friendship and love, and now he didn’t. He made sure things became the horrible way they are - because that’s what he wanted and needed. She knew that meant she wasn’t what he wanted or needed.

“With all that in mind, I’m sure it won’t be a problem if I walk away right now,” she muttered weakly, looking anywhere but him. “All I wanted is to come home, Asher. Even if you don’t want to be in love with me - which isn’t something people have a choice in, by the way, so you clearly never did if switching it off was so fucking easy - I expected you to remain friends with me. How can I do that if you don’t want to talk, or for me to understand you?” She was exasperated, tossing her hands up in surrender. “That’s not even friendship, that’s basic communication. If you don’t want that, there’s no point in me standing here and putting the fucking minuscule reserve of energy I have left into keeping a brave face. I’m going to figure out if I even still have a bed on campus, and then I’m going to sleep,” she explained, trying not to let any tears form until she’d turned her back on him.

[milascott]

mcrenco:

“Then I’d like to hear it, given that it’s mine.”

“...Let me lead into this by saying I am so sorry, and I will definitely pay for the damage I’ve caused, plus a ‘Sorry I took my feelings out on your car’ bonus. I’m not usually the type to share with strangers, but uh…take my word for it, I have great reasons. Like…’one person I love just got married and the other - my once best friend - suddenly wants nothing to do with me’ kind of reasons. Your car was collateral damage in affairs of the heart. Kind of poetic, if you think about it...”

[milascott]

melinda-mel-brown:

Mel swallowed thickly. She figured Mila wouldn’t take it that well, but she was still taken aback. She licked her lips, and as she started to feel hurt, she let anger take over. She narrowed her eyes at Mila, letting her get all her anger out.

“Maybe I was fucking tired of just fucking around. I’m not a fucking princess, but I fucking deserved to be taken care of. It’s not like you were here.” she spat back, knowing she was hitting low. “You left, and she was here. She doesn’t fuck other people, and we can have sex without screaming at each other first.” she spat again. “You have no right, no fucking right, to judge me. If you wanted a say you should’ve stayed here instead of fucking around Europe or wherever the fuck you went. Oh, and by the way, you didn’t call me either.”

“Do you hear yourself?” Mila cried out, almost laughing at the absurdity of it all. “You haven’t even told me who this ‘she’ is! You haven’t said you married her because she’s lovely, or funny, or any of that shit, but because she fixed you and stayed when everybody else fucked off? Sounds like a great start to a marriage, Mel! Does this special lady know you said ‘I do’ just to spite everybody who told you ‘they won’t’?”

She knew she was being far too cold for what she wanted here. This wasn’t like old times. They weren’t going to kiss and makeup, and get out all their remaining tension later in the bedroom with bites that were too hard, or grips that were too tight. This would linger, and Mila should’ve been more reasonable knowing that. She should walk away without saying anything else, and speak later once she was calm. She should have thought about how hard Mel found it to be happy usually, and that nothing Mila was feeling was worth destroying that. If only selfishness wasn’t so instinctual.

“You’ll be done with her before you know it, or she’ll be done with you. It doesn’t matter which way it happens, only that it’s inevitable,” she muttered coldly, her jaw tight. Her eyes dropped to that stupid left hand, wanting to break her own heart by studying it instead of seeing the heartbreak she’d caused on Mel’s face. “And I’ll be here when it happens, because that’s what I do.”

“I'm not perfect. I do fight, I do fuck around, all of that’s true. And yes, I left and didn’t call. Jesus Christ, Mel - I might not be here every second of the day, but you’ve never needed a ring to know I’ll always come back to you. We didn’t need to play by the same rules as everyone else for this to be special between us. That’s what I loved about us, didn’t you get that?” She could feel the anger leaving, replaced by sadness as reality sunk in. There was so much to lose by this - her friend, her lover, her version of Mel. Even if Mel became single, they’d never be exactly like they were before Mila left, and knowing that was killing her second by second. It wasn’t something she’d allow Mel to witness. “I’ll see you around,” she mumbled, turning on her heels and storming off in search of somewhere she could crumble in peace.

[milascott]

melinda-mel-brown:

“How fucking drunk are you.”

“I haven’t tried to do anything stupid like marry someone, so I’d say I’m pretty sober. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to finish stabbing this car. I’m pretty sure it made fun of me for being unloved, and I’m not letting a Prius of all things get away with that.”

[milascott]

hadleyariablake:

“I’m sure you do. You just came dangerously close to catching your hand on that last stab so I thought I’d warn you”.

“Huh. I didn’t notice. I guess I’m pretty distracted, and I’m going to have to blame you for that. How am I meant to focus on not losing a finger, knowing that there are girls who look like you that are willing to talk to knife-wielding strangers? And to stop them stabbing themselves, no less. See, I’m torn now, beautiful stranger,” she explained with the gentlest slur to her words. “Do I finish destroying this tyre, or do I give the knife to you? You clearly need something to protect yourself since basic common sense isn’t doing it.”