fuck character ai!!! explore the depths of ao3, wattpad n laggy websites (the newest uploaded works are from march 2007). find a fanfiction with the person/character you have in mind. get mad how utterly stupid n horribly written it is, but continue reading it because that's one of the 6 fics with the character/person/ship you want to read about. finish on a cliffhanger (the author was last active on 3/08/2019). start writing your own fanfiction. probably equally as bad, but thrilling to write and very self indulgent. tire out yourself. reject modernity. embrace tradition
— Ever since Theo left back to New York, you were left with Boris and his brittle relationship with Koktu, dealing with his constant outbursts in ways that made you fall for him. You foolishly mistake his dependency for love. You realize that now.
cw; borderline manipulation, semi-unrequited love, implied sex, suggestive undertones, underage drinking, substance abuse, angst, afab!reader, both boris and reader are 19, no use of y/n.
You were miserable. This little routine Boris had started left you leaving hollow; unfulfilled when he’d disappear after a night of sweet whispers and praise, promises that sound more like selfish bluffs when you think about it too hard.
You couldn’t deny the rush you felt when his slender hands wandered your bare waist, nor the rouse in your lower belly when his lips would meet your collar bone with such need— it made you feel wanted, giving you the validation you never got before.
It was a high you constantly chased, the thrill of having someone you knew you couldn’t have— someone who isn’t yours, who doesn’t belong to you. But oh, how you desperately wished he was.
It hadn’t always been this way between you two. When Theo was still in the picture, you had all been attached by the hip, constantly bickering and barking out laughs with drunken gazes; as friends. However, you had had feelings for Boris when you were 14, but it was a childish crush. Of course little old you was attracted to the rebellious slavic boy who drank straight alcohol and sniffed glue, what teenage girl wouldn’t?
The problem started when the dreaded Koktu got involved. As soon as Boris caught a glance of the older, hip swaying, hoop wearing girl, he immediately knew she had to be his. He started avoiding you and Theo to make time for her. It wasn’t all that bad when it was you and Theo, you thrived off each others company. But when he ran off, your only friends left were half a blunt and a beer.
That was until Boris had his moments over Koktu, whether it be that she held a boys hand, or when she pawned off a necklace he’d given her— he began initiating intimacy between you two in spite of her. It was like a window opened up, showing you a new opportunity and dangling it in front of your face.
You finally felt appreciated when he came to you, unfortunately oblivious to the fact that you were being used as an outlet. He’d often be drunk off his ass, switching between Polish and Ukrainian while messily handling you, basically putty in his hands.
You weren’t necessarily prideful of it, though. You hated that he would make you swoon so easily despite lacking any sort of real charm. Maybe it was the tone in his voice when he’d address you, or those stupid names he’d call you in Polish.
Nonetheless, your shame never grew bigger than a useless thought sitting in the back of your head, so you naturally pushed it away, leaving it to collect dust.
Though, the sneaking thought that maybe he had been taking advantage of you started to blossom.
-
“Very pretty you are.” The familiar feeling of his cool finger lingers along your cheekbone.
Boris lays above you, propped up on his elbow while fixating his eyes on your pretty face. On his other hand, fingers lazily curling around the neck of the nearly empty Vodka.
You sigh, face painfully retracting from his touch. “You say that all the time, you know.” Your words come out more bitter than intended, his brows furrowing subtly at that. “You do not like when I call you pretty?”
“Well— yeah, I do. But, it feels sort of phony, I guess.” You shrug, palms building up a sweat; you never really confront Boris over things like this, afraid your feelings would go disregarded.
“Phony? Fake?” He takes a quick swig, wiping his mouth with the back of his palm. “You are pretty. Come on, don’t be like that.” He shakes his head, tossing the bottle towards the end of the bed, hand snaking around your waist.
Your hand rests over his arm firmly, though not pushing him. “be like what?” A small frown adorns your lips, a little annoyed at his attempt to shut you up. Unfortunately, he knew exactly what you liked.
“You know what I mean. All sensitive. Very annoying.” He snickers, lips peppering kisses along your jaw. You sigh, frustrated at the fact that he was treating it like it was nothing— a common occurrence. “I’m serious, Boris.”
“So am I! Why would I lie to you, mm?” He hums against your skin, hand riding along your side with practiced skill, slowly running up your shirt. “Well you lie to Koktu.” You murmur, eyes flickering to his wall.
“Don’t talk about her.” He spews out defensively, a drunken slur in his words. Your brows raise, a scoff slipping. “You do realize you’re in bed with another girl, cheating on her, right?” He raises his head from your neck, a small scowl on his face.
“Why do you do this? Always ruining the moment, misio.” You grimace at the petname. Teddy bear in polish, misio. Some may argue it’s better than koktu. ‘Some’ as in you.
He exhales heavily, a wave of marijuana and vodka ghosting over your lips. “Come on.” He persists, twirling a piece of your hair between his thumb and pointer, eyes fighting to stay open.
“She.. she is not here now, why bring her up? it’s just you and me, misio.” He grumbles, tilting his head. “I want you right now.” He seemed frustrated, almost whiny.
“You’re drunk.” You comment quietly, sitting up a little against the pillows. He does the same, head pressed against the wall. “You have been weird lately.”
“Have I?” Your legs curl in, arms draping around them.
“Yes. Less horny. More… thinking— thoughtful.” He corrects. It almost sounded like a complaint, which it probably was.
“I don’t think it’s weird.”
“Whatever.” He grumbles, fishing out a nearly flat cigarette from his pocket along with his lighter.
“Before, you wouldn’t care about this stuff. Back when Theo was still here.”
“Before Koktu, you mean?” He flicks the lighter on, hovering the cigarette over the flame.
“I guess so. And well, we were also 15.” You watch as the smoke shoots from his pursed lips, glancing at you.
“15 and stupid” He huffs, scratching his cheek. Your lips press into a smile. “I sort of miss it. Theo especially.” You take a glimpse, his jaw tightening at the mention of him.
“I do too.” For a moment youd think he was being sensitive— dare you say vulnerable. Until his hand slid onto your knee, squeezing it. You knew all too well how this would play out.
“But, you know, just us left. I think he liked you, but I wanted you to myself.” He laughs a little. Your heart clenches. Boris liked you?
“Howd’you know? About Theo i mean” He nearly rolls his eyes, lips pressed against the stick before letting out a humorless laugh. “Very obvious, misio.”
“Do you still..” There’s a strain on your words, quiet enough to be unheard if he wasn’t listening. He half-smiles, looking at you.
“What? Like you? I was 15 and hormonal.” He chokes out a laugh, leaning forward. He shakes his head, fiddling with the cigarette between his fingers.
“Well, i like you, just— not how i like Koktu.” He shrugs, sighing. You hum in response, watching his hand slide down your knee. He shakes his head, waving his hand as if to disregard. “But whatever. I’m mad at her right now and you’re here, just for me.”
“Yeah” You told yourself it was ridiculous to fret over a relationship that never existed. You were still friends, and that what mattered. Even with this whole cheating thing, you got what you wanted.
—
Boris kicks his shoes off, throwing himself into Koktus mattress. It’d been a day since their little dispute. Dispute being Koktu scoffing at Boris over his drunken political views.
Boris found himself making up excuses to come to you to ‘cope’. Before, it would be over huge fights or suspicions of dishonesty, but now it would be over her dodging a kiss or not holding his hand. Small things normal people wouldn’t care about.
He began worrying that he just wanted to see you, without reason or excuse. He still loved Koktu, of course, but he would miss you when she wouldn’t laugh at his corny pick up lines, or when she’d call him stupid for not knowing a certain word.
Koktus hand caresses his cheek, kissing just below his ear. He hated when she would do that. “You’re so tense, Bor.” She chuckles, smooth, ringed fingers gliding over his shoulders. He hums, closing his eyes with a sigh.
“It’s just me, relax.” She whispers, his stomach twisting.
He felt guilty for wishing it was you doing it to him. But he wasn’t ready for that sort of commitment. A commitment better than what he had with Koktu— toxic and fake— he wanted something that would last, make him feel secure. He knew it was ridiculous of him to ask for so much given his horrible experience with relationships, but he just wished.
You two couldn’t be. It wouldn’t work out, you told yourselves. It would ruin what you had, if it was even a salvageable relationship that is. Nonetheless, it was foolish to believe it would work. So you torture yourselves, sitting by the same window you thought was your freedom, when in reality it was another prison, shackles of useless yearning weighing you down, the view— your dream just out of reach.
i actually hate this one the vision was so much better in my head LMAO. the ending feels rushed, i’m sorry!! the creative juices weren’t flowing with this one guys :| alsooo, koktu’s boris’s gf in the book, i fear people will think she’s an oc or something. either way, tell me what you think!! thanks for reading, feedback is appreciated ㅤᵕ̈!
had to read "lolita" for an english assignment but thought it was shit. however, bobby liked it but misunderstood it by a loooooooong shot. he told chris his interpretation & so then chris was like "oh yeah now I totally understand humbert humbert, gotcha."
neither of them do
LOVES lana del rey - gods & monsters / burning desire / fishtail
loves lana in general but to manipulate women. sorry guys
sigma gigachad patrick bateman, edgy Ryan Gosling, and heath ledger as the joker is his entire personality
he watches those stupid edits for motivation. same with bobby
won't ever admit he loves pickles on his burger
works at burger king
texts in lowercase using incredibly hard to decipher lingo:
ex: the buzz (bobby) wnts 2k whn ts pmo fr cuh mb
i don't even know I just put the first thing I see when I open Instagram down
hates pinterest but has a secret pinterest account
tumblr girly for sure but only to read star trek fanfiction
OBSESSED WITH GIRLS BY THE DARE
A/N: a lot of these can apply to bobby too like manipulating women with lana del rey BIG TIME
maybe the fanfic writing life isn’t for me bc wdym i wrote for two hours and only got 800 words down. wdym it’s too fast paced. wdym i have to know how people act in specific situations i’ve never been in. wdym i only get 2 likes at most when it’s decently long. SOMEBODY SEDATE ME.
nickname(s): finnie, finno, male bisexual clairo stan
age: 24 (december 23rd, 1998)
sexual orientation: straight
occupation: journalist
education: NYU, bachelors degree in journalism
from: north bend, washington, usa
family: sarah qualley (mother), todd wolfhard (father), margaret qualley (sister)
friend(s): wyatt oleff, mike (from work), millie bobby brown, billy bryk
spouse/so: y/n y/l/n
hobbies: hanging out with friends, listening/playing music, reading + writing, riding his peloton, spending time with his girlfriend, traveling, cooking, partying
fav song(s): sexyback - justin timberlake ft. timbaland, r.i.p. - playboi carti, if looks could kill - a heartwell ending, anything by wilco, never there - cake, summer bummer - lana del rey ft. asap rocky
guilty pleasure song(s): confident - justin bieber ft. chance the rapper, him & i - g-eazy ft. halsey
fav movies: twin peaks, superbad, dark knight rises
dislikes: dishonesty, loud chewers, traffic, being late, his boss + majority of his coworkers, californian heat
inspired by: @zvpstarz !
p.s.: i'm probably gonna add a part two but here's my first moodboard whoop whoop!!!!!
