just dropping in to request everyone to stop following me here!
i check in every once in a while and i keep getting new followers here but as you may or may not know i have moved over to @vi-tto itโs mentioned on my bio in case you somehow missed it.
all upcoming works are being posted there. including, pieces that have been introduced on this account. however, @du0tine is dead! inactive, afk, i donโt read the asks here nor do i even bother opening my messages. fresh start over at @vi-tto !!
i also no longer go by my real name here for university and work purposes to protect my identity. my alias is stated on my new account. so i welcome all the newcomers to ditch this account and head on over there! after i post this message i will no longer log into this hub of mostly bad memories. pre-established mutuals have contact with me over on my other account.
toxic relationships, one-sided romances, sehun is like โค sorta obsessive and persistent, the reader is insensitive, they're both selfish in their own ways. angst, fighting (arguing with bad language), the reader has issues with accepting love, and falling in love + smoking, uhhh don't smoke guys. female reader insert!!
suggestive content, semi-smutty: fingering, but not really. the original draft had a long, lengthy smut piece written, but i backed out of it last minute.
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4.4k โค if i decide to release the part two, it'll be twice this length.
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this was originally going to be a cha eunwoo fic, but i didn't think anyone would read it. so i changed things up a quarter of the way, and wrote the rest thinking about sehun. the editing may be a little funky near the end, but that's because my brain died, and i was like fuck it, let's post. anyways, lmk what you think!
โI told you already,โ pausing, your thumb rubs against the gear of your silver, metallic lighter. The gear hums quietly as the pad of your thumb creates friction against itโs rigid surface. Winding up once, twice before igniting a flame that grows tall in front of your face. Illuminating your eyes in a mixture of bright, orange and a slight, tinge of blue.ย
Sehunโs heart yearns for your attention. He canโt help but feel slightly upset that youโd push him aside like that. But it hasnโt been the first time, and it certainly wonโt be the last. Silently watching you heat up the butt of your cigarette, lighting it up as red and orange embers glow from itโs end.
Your attentionโs completely focused on that fucking cigarette โ to be precise, a Marlboro Gold ciggie, your favourite selection from that infamous brand. If a particular store didnโt carry that brand, youโd settle for a pack of Parliament Lights. Sehun hates himself for knowing that. Heโs always being so goddamn attentive, especially when it came to you. He knows your likes and dislikes โ everythingโs memorized and catalogued inside his mind. Itโs weird, he knows it, especially when you never really tried to remember what he liked on a personal level. ย
โYou canโt smoke in here,โ he states with a sigh, โThe smellโll linger on the furniture.โย
Letting out a breathy laugh, you merely shrug as you hold the cigarette in between your lips, โThe scent of cigaretteโs is the least dirty thing to ever linger on this couch. Plus, youโll let me do what I want โ just like always.โย
Defeated. He falls silent, watching as you back up your statement within seconds. Taking a painfully, long drag โ hollowing out your cheeks as your body immediately relaxes. Falling into this rag-doll state as you slump against the arm of the couch. Kicking up your feet and allowing them to rest across his thighs. He doesnโt complain. In fact: you were right, he canโt complain โ not when itโs you.ย
Tilting your head upwards, you stare at the white, dimly lit ceiling. The glow from the spotlight fixtures reflect within your eyes, making your irises sparkle. To Sehun, youโre captivating. Sitting there with a cigarette clasped in between your pretty lips, making them go dry โ it makes him want to lean in, flick the cigarette away, and moisturize your lips with his.ย
He knows your pondering and you definitely are. With your head filled to the brim with thoughts โ what the hell were you doing here, again? With a silent huff, your lips form into a soft โoโ releasing the cloud of nicotine into the air, watching as it dissipates within seconds. Right, you were here to remind him of what youโd said last week. Although, you were sure, he hadnโt forgotten.
โAnyways, as I was sayingโโ
โโDonโt say it. Not again, not after last week.โย
Pursing your lips, your head slightly tilts forwards โ the locks of your hair falling alongside the frame of your face. Those gorgeous, cold eyes of yours meet with his soft, enamoured ones as you stare him down. Tearing him apart and eating him alive with nothing more, but a single look. The gaze in your eyes is empty and emotionless, whilst his orbs are filled with some sort of naive, stupid hope. You knew what he was hoping for, it was clear in the way heโd called you; two days, after youโd ended things. Thinking back on it, you shouldโve never answered and yet, here you were.ย
Sooner or later, no โ sooner, it had to permanently end. This was exhausting. You didnโt know how Sehun still had the energy to keep pushing forwards with this relationship. A rather, fucked up relationship that is. Youโd like to think that you ended things nicely with him. Explaining, that you couldnโt love anyone: him included. Mostly because you had a hard time grasping the concept love. Did it make you aromatic? You didnโt know. You couldnโt know well enough, because you were always so reluctant on finding out. Relationships just werenโt your thing, you didnโt think theyโd ever be.ย
But heโd called you back after two nights of having broken up. Itโd honestly surprised you that heโd gotten drunk, but he was completely out of it. Drowning in his sorrows, he practically begged you to hear him out. At that moment, every voice in your mind urged you to hang up, but part of you was actually worried for his well-being. Sehun was perfect โ you didnโt think someone as perfect as him would be crying into the phone like this. If anything, it shouldโve been you, but you were the one who dumped him. He wasnโt used to that.ย
Which is why, youโre currently here; sprawled out on the beige, suede couch at his apartment. Sehun wanted you to hear him out, one last time, but he wasnโt doing much talking. In fact, when you tried to initiate the conversation and remind him that you were done with him โ it ended just as quickly, as it had begun. The only option left โ which in your opinion felt rather drastic and brash. No, scratch that, it was cruel and perhaps, unnecessary. But you thought, itโd be the only way for him to let you go.ย
You planned on making him hate you. How exactly? By prying at his heart, and ripping it of itโs contents: aorta, atriums, and ventricles aside. The warm blood that courses through his veins, does so in your name. Heโd told you this before, countlessly โ that he lived for you. It was clear in the way he spoke to you, his words always so full of meaning, always heartfelt. And in the way he touched you when no-one else was around. Large hands caressing every inch of your body, soft lips peppering wet kisses against your skin. You hated remembering it.ย
The guilt was simply too much to handle, and now? Youโd be the cause of his very โdeath.โ
Biting down on your lip, your prepare yourself for whatโs to come. And it delivers itself in the form of a sigh โ great way to start things, a fucking sigh of all things. Your voice fills the room with a sense of dread, seemingly making the aura in the room feel tighter, and much more thick. Your toneโs strained, tired of it all โ tired of him. If only you couldโve spoken to him with a twinge of emotion or pain in your voice, but it always came through with such disdain. Making him feel as though, he was nothing more than a nuisance. Than a soul that was begging to be loved, and he was.ย
The cigarette meets with your lips once more in a dreaded kiss. Your eyelids grow half-lidded as the nicotine circulates through your body, pulsating through your nerves, and making your brain go temporarily numb. Naturally flashing him that sultry, bittersweet look of yours that you knew, made him weak in the knees. A mental image that would, from that night on, forever haunt his dreams.ย
Sehun flashes you a soft smile, his fingers anxiously dancing along your bare shins. The look on his face might be warm and welcoming, but the look in his eyes says something else. He can tell the mood isnโt right, but heโs also somewhat confident that he could change things. You donโt fail to take notice of how his eyes linger up your legs, moving towards your thighs, and halting just before the hem of your skirt. ย
Getting nervous, you desperately try to find the words to stop him in his actions, โSehun stop. You know we canโt let this happen again โ I canโt ever love you.โย
โI know,โ he replies. The words flow past his lips in a quiet whisper, and just like last week, he still seems bothered by it. Noted in the way, his eyes grow soft. As if he knows you mean the words you say, but heโs still so intent on making things change.ย
โThen why do you do this to yourself Sehun?โ Taking another drag, you spend a quick moment in agonizing silence, before clearing your throat, โYouโve got all the love in the world nestled inside your body. Youโre kind and endearing to those around you. So why? Why waste it on me?โย
Your body grows warm, muscles feeling numb when you feel his palm slide up the expanse of your leg. Stopping atop your thigh, as he leans in closer towards you. His dark, brown eyes are fixated on your reactions. Your body is tense with the cigarette hanging in between your lips as you try to regain your composure.ย
โBecauseโฆโ he begins, his words are in sync with his movements, as his hand slips under your skirt. You feel his slender fingers trace the lace edge of your panties, before resting his palm directly atop your tingling cunt, โโฆItโs worth knowing that Iโve loved you, more than anyone else has.โย
Your breath hitches, lips falling agape, as your hand desperately moves towards your lips. Collecting the cigarette, seconds before it wouldโve dropped atop your chest. The ashes wouldโve surely burnt you, singeing your skin. Holding it in between your index and middle finger, you twiddle it around nervously, โYou donโt know that.โย
โOh, but I do.โ
Goosebumps litter themselves across the grain of your skin, when you feel his index finger draw a teasingly, soft line down your slit. You know itโs bad, when the fabric of your panties stick to the wetness of your folds.ย
โIโve loved you more than anyone else has because,โ leaning in his mouth hovers just above your helix, โIโm the only person, youโve ever let come this close to youโโ
โโthe sole person, who knows you, inside and out,โ he says before pushing your panties aside and slipping his fingers past your lace underwear. Brushing past your clit, and delving into your embarrassingly wet core.ย
Gasping, your back arches against the couch. Your free hand rushes towards his chest, as you nudge him away, but he doesnโt budge. Instead, he taunts you, his tone ever so sweet and succulent, โWhat? Cat got your tongue?โย
Biting down on your lip, you glare at him, slightly annoyed that it panned out to be this way, โDonโtโ donโt fucking start.โย
Sehun being Sehun, stops. Frozen on the spot with two of his fingers plunged inside your dripping hole. The tips of his fingers were bound to come out pruned. Narrowing his eyes, his eyelashes momentarily bat against his eyelids. Given the proximity of how close he was, you take notice of the subtle asymmetry in his face. But now wasnโt the time to be admiring his features.ย
โDonโt start? When Iโve barely begun? I mean, if thatโs what you want, but letโs face it โ do you really want me to stop when Iโve already got two fingers stuffed inside of you?โ
ย Biting down on your lip, you resist the urge to roll your eyes in annoyance. He always managed to have the upper hand in these situations. It especially didnโt help that he was so casual and rather, nonchalant with his tone. You could feel his fingers resting right under the curve of your pubic bone, barely millimetres from that one spot that always had you shuddering.ย
This shouldnโt continue. Rather, you shouldโve stopped him before heโd managed to break the tip of the iceberg. But heโd managed to push you overboard, diving into the freezing water completely thrown off guard. You were supposed to have the situation under control โ to show him that you really meant what you said. Grounded, you had to stay grounded and yet, youโd failed again.ย
Although, it was hard to blame yourself, especially since it was incredibly difficult trying to ignore the immense amount of sexual tension that hung over your body like a dark cloud. Especially since Sehun looked down on you, like heโd just cracked open an oyster with you being the shining pearl encapsulated inside. He treated you like you were the earth, with his presence mimicking that of the ozone โ protecting you from the blistering sun.ย
But at times, he felt more like the sun and less like the ozone. Blaring brightly in front of your eyes, always lingering there in the corner of your eye. It felt like he was always there, whether you liked it or not, and you unfortunately disliked it more than you liked.
โSehun. We canโt.โ
โWe? Itโs just you who doesnโt want to,โ He protests. Sitting upwards, he finally removes himself from your body. Fingers popping out and coming out glistening. Leaning against the couch, he lets out a sigh, before wiping off your wetness onto the knee of his jeans.ย
โWhere did it all go wrong?โ He painfully asks.
Shifting on the spot, you fix your underwear and skirt. Before standing up from the couch and looking down on him. Observing how drained and hopeless he looked in comparison to last week. His cheeks had slightly hollowed out, defining his cheekbones and he looked more pale.ย
โโฆWhen was it ever right?โ You reply.
Stunned, he looks at you with an almost, offended expression plastered on his face. The hurt is evident in the way he looks at you, his eyes growing glossy and mouth falling agape. You donโt want to look at him like this, not anymore. Even last week, when youโd broken things off with him, youโd done so in a manner that almost avoided looking at him. Having opted to stare at the wall, before wordlessly taking your leave. Thatโs why it felt so easy last time.ย
โFor what itโs worthโฆโ beginning, the words that flutter past your mouth immediately falter. Feeling the anxiousness begin to creep from the pit of your stomach, to your cold heart and up your throat โ you feel like youโre going to choke on your stomach acid. Youโre unsure of what to say exactly, but it felt like you were going to explode at any given moment, โโฆSehun.โ
Sehun raises his eyebrows in response, waiting for you to finish your sentence. Standing there awkwardly, you bring a hand to your throat, gently massaging it. Heartburn. Shaking your head, you try things once again, โSehun. For what itโs worth, youโre the only person whoโs ever loved me like this. The only person, whoโs ever wanted me.โย
The final sentence flows past your lips in a flurry as you let out a deep breath. Avoiding his gaze and resorting to staring at the floor. Noticing how Sehunโs socks had a rather, cute pattern of a cartoon Viviโs head on them.ย A gift you'd given him, thinking it was corny, but he loved it.
โSo why canโt you love me back?โ He asks. Standing upwards, he makes you take a step back, โWhy canโt you just try to devote yourself to me like I do to you?โย
โDevote myself? Sehun itโs not that easy โ I just โ I donโt know what itโs like to love someone. And so far, I just havenโt been able to fully strip myself emotionally for you. I donโt think Iโll ever be able to.โย
Sehun reaches forward to place a hand on your shoulder โ attempting to embrace you. But you take another step back, watching as his hand makes contact with nothing, lingering in the air. Falling short, his hand momentarily hangs in the air, before his fingers curl up into a fist, and retract back to his side.ย
โWeโve already spent so much time together. So why not spend some more time โ Fuck! I donโt know, but I know we can keep trying!โ He protests.ย
โItโs been a year since weโve met. Until when do we have to keep trying? When things just arenโt working out? I know you have the fucking energy to keep doing this, but I donโt!โ Throwing your hands in the air, you protest your frustration. โWeโre done. Tonight โค forever.โย
โYou canโt be serious? IโIโve done so much for you and this? This is how you compensate? By breaking up with me?โ He refutes. The tone of his voice becoming more desperate, more anxious. The lisp in his voice becoming more noticeable.ย
โOh please. Whatever youโve done for me was solely for your own personal gain!โ Watching as he opens his mouth to answer, but not wanting to hear what heโs got to say โ you quickly refute, โDo you know what youโve done for me? Built up a broken relationship that was completely one-sided. Trapping me with you, forcing me to be with you โ when you know well enough, that I donโt love you.โ
The room falls silent once more as he stands there staring you down. He knows you meant those words, and you canโt help but feel bad when you hear his voice crack. His wholehearted feelings and emotions choking through his words.ย
โButโฆdid you ever like me?โ He regretfully asks. Somehow, he doesnโt want to know the truth.ย
That was the last straw. Feeling overwhelmed, you push past him and reach for your cigarette case that lays on the coffee table next to the couch. You needed a break. However, Sehun begs to differ when you feel his tight grip on your bicep. Pulling you towards him, he practically jolts your body backwards. Making you drop your cigarette case onto the floor.ย
โWould you pay fucking attention to me for once?!โ The mixture of sternness and loudness in his voice catches you off guard as you slowly turn around, โFor fuck's sake, you can seriously never listen to me without scurrying off to get your goddamn hit. Honestly, at this rate I should be happy that itโs cigarettes and not fucking meth.โย
Snorting, you canโt help but laugh at his statement, โSo youโre calling me a junkie? Real mature considering you also smoke. In fact, we met outside that convenience store near my workplace right? The two of us hanging outside, smoking like a pair ofโฆin your words, junkies.โย
Rolling his eyes, he practically sneers at you, โYou know that's not what I mean!โย
โSo what is it that you meant? Hmm? Enlighten me because you know what? You may have wasted my evening tonight, but I can spare a couple more minutes bickering with you.โย
โI didnโt mean to call you a junkie, I just โ Wouldโve appreciated you listening to me for once. Especially since, this is probably the last time weโll ever talk. So justโฆlisten, please?โย
Sighing, you wordlessly push his grip off of you. Sitting on the couch, you pat the seat next to you, โSo talk.โย
The other side of the couch delves and for once, Sehunโs keeping his distance from you.ย
โCan you look at me?โ He asks.ย
โYou wanted me to listen.โย
โโฆOkay, donโt get all petty with me here, just pay attention.โ
Turning your head, you cross your arms and scowl at him. Sehun merely ignores the look on your face, knowing that youโre still bothered by the remark he made earlier, but he figures it wonโt matter since youโll be leaving anyways.ย
โI just want to ask again, and nicely this time โ donโt get offended. But did you ever like me at all? Like within this whole year that weโve been together.โย
Rubbing your face with your palm, you turn yourself to properly face him. Pressing your lips into a thin line, you tread carefully with your words โ knowing youโd already hurt him plenty.ย
โSehun, I donโt even like myself...โ pausing, the words circulate through your brain before making their way past your lips, โBut in all honesty, yeah, for a while I did.. Then I just started to feel, undeserving of your love. It made me claustrophobic, and I...stopped myself from liking you any further.โ
Nodding in response, he feels somewhat, glad. Glad, that it wasnโt just him, that he wasnโt completely alone in liking you.ย
โIn the beginning especially, I really liked seeing you in the mornings. Those days when youโd knock eagerly on my door; dragging me out to get coffee, before weโd sit on the city docks and feed all the seagulls. Or when youโd have a cold and couldnโt come out, so youโd FaceTime me โ all puffy-eyed, with your nose all dry and red โค your voice would be so cute, nasally and all,โ pausing, you purse your lips momentarily. This is when youโd usually pull out a cigarette, when you got all too personal andโฆa bit uncomfortable with how sensitive you got. But not this time, you had to be a better person.ย
โBut then, things started moving really fast. It felt like I was standing there and the world was just, spinning like crazy and yet, you were still by my side. Honestly at that point, most people Iโve been with wouldโve left, but you didnโt. Instead you embraced me with so much love and warmth โ taking my hand in yours, you guided me forwards.โย
"Honestly, at that moment, I should've let myself go. Should've let my guard down, but for some godforsaken reason, I started pushing you away. Then I couldn't bare to see you during the day. The only time I felt okay with things was when I'd be laying in bed naked next to you, before taking my leave early in the morning."
Sehun inches closer to you. His hand gently resting atop your hand, before intertwining his fingers with yours. Leaning in, he rests his forehead on your shoulder.
His voice is soft, quiet and a tad bit muffled, as he speaks into your neck. It's not sexual, he has no intention of seducing you anymore. This time it's personal and somewhat, comforting.
"You don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say that Y/N."
Leaning back, he looks you dead straight in the eyes. Sehun's eyes are filled with so much sincerity. His orbs are slightly twinkling, almost as if he was on the brink of tears, as they grew foggier and foggier. Clouding up, as his emotions begin to seep past the windows to his soul. There was so much purity in his eyes โค his emotions were so raw, it made all his words true. But he was never one to lie anyways. Placing his hands on your shoulders, he gives you a soft, but rather somber smile.
"Thank you for letting me know," sighing, he pushes away a few strands of your hair, tucking them behind your ear, "Although, I would've preferred for you to be this open earlier on, and what a pity things had to turn out this way, but thank you. Thank you, for not leaving me alone with this thought. If you'd have left without saying anything, I'd be...so, so lost."
"It's just never been easy for me Sehun. I somewhat wish, I could've been more open in the beginning, but I was afraid, afraid of being left alone. Knowing you though, you would've never left me alone. And yet, here I am โค the one who's leaving you."
"โThis is sudden, but can I kiss you? One last time?" He timidly asks. Almost as if he was suddenly the same person from the first time you'd ever kissed.
Pondering, you take a couple seconds to think it over before shrugging. To hell with it, right? You could depart on a bittersweet note.
"One last time," you agree.
Leaning in, you take the initiative with your hands making their way to rest on either side of his body, palming the fabric of the couch. Slowly he leans in as he moves one hand to rest on the back of your head, bringing you in closer, while the other wraps around your waist.
Losing your balance, you fall onto his chest as he leans back. He's kissing you softly with his thick, plump lips pushing softly against yours. They're hot against your cold lips, and you find yourself moving in unison against his movements. Both of your eyes are closed, but you can tell his eyebrows are furrowed. He's trying to savour this moment and yet, he can't get enough. Drowning in the taste of nicotine, and mint. He doesn't think he'll ever be able to smoke again without thinking about you.
Not when he's had so much more. Not when he's used to having everything physical about you, but your love.
However, things are starting to pan out differently. You feel hot with your face internally flushing up โค your ears feel like they're on fire. Pausing, you lean back slightly. Your chest heaving up and down, as you try to catch your breath, but you're stunned as to why you're this breathless. You weren't even making out and yet, he had you this weak from the start.
This was that feeling. Vulnerability, he'd always managed to bring you down to your weakest point, and you hated it.
"I should go," You whisper.
"Would I be selfish if I asked you to stay? Just tonight?" He asks as you find yourself playing with the collar of his shirt. Your eyes catch sight of the shiny, cartier necklace that rests around his neck and atop his collarbones. Pulling it out from hiding, you immediately notice that he's wearing a necklace with your initials on the pendant. In fact, he'd even gifted you a matching one with his initials, but it always sat atop your dresser. Forgotten.
Your chest pangs painfully when you realize just how insensitive you've been towards him. But it was too late now, and it wasn't going to work out regardless.
"You know that's not good for either of us, right?" Biting down on your lip, you caress his cheek softly, "Take care of yourself, okay?"
"Yeah, you too," He says as he watches you get up from the couch. The woman that he once dreamt of spending a future with, was slipping through his fingers. In a few minutes, you'd be gone.
Suffering silently, he can't help but feel like his heart has fallen to his stomach. In all honesty, he feels as though he's about to throw up watching you gather your things. Slipping on your coat and your shoes, he knows he can't ask you to stay back anymore. He got the message loud and clear, this was it. And yet, he can't help himself.
"Let me drive you home? It's the least I can do," he offers.
Shuffling your feet against the floor, you kick in your shoes properly. Your hand immediately wrapping around the cold, silver knob of his door, "It's okay Sehun. You've done enough for me."
Unlocking the door, you twist the handle. The cool air from the corridor breezes inside and you can tell Sehun's holding himself back from pulling you back in. Mentally, you're telling yourself not to look back. Not to look him in the face โค just keep walking, go straight, and forget all about him. That's what you wanted right? And you were so close to obtaining it.
"I-I love you," he confesses from behind your departing figure. His voice is staggering, on the edge of breaking into pieces, "I love you so much, and I think I'll love you until the end of time. Whether or not you're here โค Remember that, please."
And you will remember his last words. Whether it be in the form of a cold memory, or a reminder of just how bad you'd destroyed him. Abandoning the only soul, who'd ever cared about you. You could've said something in return, mustering up the courage to say one final goodbye. But much to his dismay, he'll remember you as the girl who tore him to shreds. Closing the door behind you, and bringing that chapter of your lives to an end. Leaving him heartbroken, and forever alone.
Your inability to not love, nor trust would have surely rubbed off on Sehun. It takes two to love, but one to destroy another. The man who was always filled with so much emotion; so much empathy and love, would no longer be able to associate with those feelings.
The concept of love becoming foreign, just like you.
kind reminder that all asks are answered on: @byunboobs
โ SUMMARY: From the moment youโd laid eyes on him, you knew he was a damned soul. He was everything good and bad โ all packed into his thin frame, nimble but strong. He was multitalented, beautiful and charming yet rather brute and cold.
You hadnโt expected things to move on past a single, one night stand but his touch, emotions and out-right personality had you wanting more. Soon enough youโre caught spinning eternally within his tight, hot grasps. Heโs become your world, your sole planet in a galaxy filled with nothing more but just you and him.
A romance filled with more lows than highs, you couldnโt possibly leave him. Not when heโd be standing there naked and bare with his emotions splattered upon your equally vulnerable body. The sweat on his body glistens, mimicking that of pure glitter as heโd look down on you with absolute hypnosis, โWonโt you have some Sympathy for the Devil?โ
โ WARNINGS: itโs the sixties so expect a lot of: drugs and sex. mentions of touring, groupies, being a rock n roll s/o. adultery! misogyny, fighting between couples. things get physical both ways. one-sided relationship, desperation to fix a bond that no longer exists. break-ups & regret. major character death!
not suitable for people under the age of 18! be mindful, thanks <3
โ WORD COUNT: TBA! ESTIMATED: 25K+ WHO KNOWS ;)
โ PLAYLIST: i highly recommend listening to the playlists for a feel on the artists of the sixties and to set the tone of the story. find them here: applemusic (i donโt use spotify but you can still view the songs!)
โ AUTHORS NOTE: apart of the โtwenty-seven clubโ series, something iโve been working on since early march of 2021.
Based on the tragic life story of Brian Jones, the co-founder and ex-member of the infamous Rolling Stones. Most not all events will follow his lifestyle and achievements. His personality will be mixed with Taeminโs. His death is unfortunately real โ Brian Jones passed away on July 3rd, 1969. He was found at the bottom of his pool after having drowned while supposedly intoxicated. His death still remains a mystery to this day.
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐: ANGST. CHEATING. BETRAYAL. SUGGESTIVE. THATS PRETTY MUCH IT THIS TIME AROUND. NGL THIS ISNโT MY BEST WORK AND IS A SHORT ONE SHOT, SORRY! CLICK HEADER FOR HIGHER RESOLUTION BC TUMBLR IS STUPID.
VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
โSo you just woke up one day and decided you loved me?!โย
Your voice was painfully shrill, bouncing against the metal walls and echoing through the elevator shaft. If you hadnโt been so furious, you wouldโve cringed at the way you sounded. Considering your behaviour to be completely out of character and rather petty. But it was impossible to think straight. With all the sirens in your mind screaming โAlert!โ causing you to grow defensive. You saw everything as red, wrapped in a series of warning signs. Eager to protect yourself you grew aggressive, fury coursing through your veins and laced with disgust.ย
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐: KIDNAPPING. TORTURE. PTSD. TRAUMA. WHIPPING. HARASSMENT. NO SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER. MENTIONS OF PSYCHOLOGICAL ELEMENTS. LIGHT TALK OF PERSONALITY DISORDERS AND SCHIZOPHRENIA WILL BE DELVING INTO MORE DETAILS ON THE NEXT CHAPTER.
I ALSO DECIDED TO MAKE THIS A SERIES TO PREVENT MAKING THE WHOLE THING REALLY LONG ON ONE POST SINCE TUMBLR GLITCHES A LOT BUT ALSO FOR PEOPLE WHO CANโT FOCUS ON VERY LONG FICS :)
VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
To say that you were hurting would be an understatement.
Everything and anything served as an infernal memory. Whether it be an object or something as simple as the weather, the effect it had could potentially be triggering for you. This new way of life felt more like a slow, painful process in which you were dying.
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐: KIDNAPPING. TORTURE. PTSD. TRAUMA. WHIPPING. HARASSMENT. NO SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER. MENTIONS OF PSYCHOLOGICAL ELEMENTS. LIGHT TALK OF PERSONALITY DISORDERS AND SCHIZOPHRENIA WILL BE DELVING INTO MORE DETAILS ON THE NEXT CHAPTER.
I ALSO DECIDED TO MAKE THIS A SERIES TO PREVENT MAKING THE WHOLE THING REALLY LONG ON ONE POST SINCE TUMBLR GLITCHES A LOT BUT ALSO FOR PEOPLE WHO CANโT FOCUS ON VERY LONG FICS :)
VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
To say that you were hurting would be an understatement.
Everything and anything served as an infernal memory. Whether it be an object or something as simple as the weather, the effect it had could potentially be triggering for you. This new way of life felt more like a slow, painful process in which you were dying.
Overwhelming, things were now always overwhelming. Your anxiety shooting through the roof, the small person inside of you crumbling away into nothing as you screamed at the top of your lungs only to never be heard.
Your life felt orchestrated, the strings and rhythms conducted by no one else but Lucifer himself. With your pain, he created a symphony for a play, one that was to be forever engrained within your mind, body and soul.
It felt surreal, a simulation with you as its subject and yet, it was in every way authentic. None of it was a figment of your imagination, it wasn't just a bad dream but it was your reality. The scars that littered your body like a tormented and abused piece of canvas served as proof that it had all happened.
Your body ached, countless spikes of excruciating pains rushing through your many vessels and arteries, the nerves on your body were almost always on edge. It was difficult to hold onto reality, the point of returning being so far away that the thought of just letting go, would be a much quicker and simple solution. After all, you were halfway to insanity and the thought of being sane no longer remained a possibility.
It didnโt stop there. Your biggest enemy was your mind. The cursed piece of soft tissue that sat right in the middle of your enclosed skull was the one thing quickest to abandon you, betraying you within a blink of an eye and letting your body act on its own. It was impossible to control your thoughts when you almost always gravitating towards self-destruction.
Day and night, your mind screamed at you, unleashing a cacophony of howling, piercing screams that made your head ring. Blaring on and on, it had no limit. Going as far as venturing into your dreams late at night, filling your only moment of peace with countless nightmares. It was driving you mad. Always pushing you to constantly fight with yourself. You tried your best to ignore the urges but it seemed impossible.
Loudly, you'd scream into the emptiness of your surroundings telling yourself to shut up, to make it stop. Occasionally going as far as becoming physical, slapping the palms of your hands against your temple in attempts to strike yourself awake or hitting your head against a flat surface in attempts to knock the thoughts out.ย
But there was no chance to wake up. You were long gone. Stuck in a deep slumber that caused your physical state to act like a zombie. Almost as if your frontal lobe had shut down. Everything occurring in a rather monotone way. Laced with a sudden breakdown that hit you every other day, exploding with fear and anger. The effects of your past trauma reminding you that you still had feelings within, that you had emotions but that they were no longer positive. The negativity overflowed within you and was always ready to burst.
You saw people, individuals who claimed they could help. Medically known as psychiatrists but in your opinion, middle-aged women who seemed lonelier than you were. Portraits of Persian cats hung all over their workrooms, the scowls plastered on the faces of the felines were ones also visible on the psychiatrists themselves.
They always said it was the voices, emerging from your previously traumatic experience. Well no shit, of course, you knew that. It was a no brainer that there were voices in your head, you had diagnosed yourself of having un-welcomed people inside your mind a long time ago.ย
However, unbeknownst to the therapists themselves you also knew that they'd been planted into your mind from god knows how long ago. They simply waited for something to set them free, triggering the alarm and giving them proper cause to make you lose your mind.
All they needed was freedom and they were granted access to that with the help of a certain someone. A man who shared the same looks, name and identity as someone you grew close with, someone you developed feelings for. A man you fell in love with that had a terrible secret. It was hard to determine what exactly his secret was until you came face to face with it yourself. And when you did, you wanted out. Pandora's box had been opened and yet, it wasn't even your fault that it had.
You simply had to face the consequences of falling in love with someone who had a duplicate. Was it a clone? Or was it a twin? It was hard to say because he seemed to be from another world, a different planet even but in reality, he was conceived by the hands of a twisted mind. Fabricated inside a laboratory, only to be sent out many years later to wreak havoc upon your life.
And one dreaded night, he arrived. Snatching you away and hiding you for what added up to be weeks of torture. A show in which you were the leading role, the subject to many horrendous acts that one could never imagine. Acts that he always said were done because he โlovedโ you.
โYou know I love you?โ Heโd say, all while his nimble fingers danced along the grains of your skin. Brushing up and down your arm as the fear raced through your veins. Your blood running cold, the hairs on your neck standing upwards. Your body was all too familiar with reacting with terror.
A few painfully quiet moments would pass, the sound of water dripping from the faucet, filtering into your conversation until heโd clear his throat. Leaning in forwards and resting his lips just above your left ear, his hot breath burning against your skin as you feel yourself holding in your breath.
โSilence isnโt an option, you either speak or be spoken for,โ He warns and you nod rapidly in response. You knew the protocol and you knew exactly what it meant when he said that.
โDo you love me like I love you?โ He asks. Circling from your back as he stands in front of you, using his calloused hand to hold your face upwards. Cupping your chin, his touch is moderately tender but you know that with one wrong move, everything could change.
โDefine love,โ You respond, not wanting to give him the direct answer he wanted. It would feed his ego all too much if you were to be so direct and yet, secretly he enjoyed you defying him. He loved how you didn't give in so quickly, it allowed him the chance to get physical and boy, did he love to get physical.
โDefine love? Iโย obviously, donโt understand the concept of love as much as I'd like to admit. But when I look at you, the sickening feeling that emerges within me makes me think that yes, this is love. Itโs everything that suppresses inside my chest, threatening to explode at any given moment. The oxygen that carries through my blood, that fuels the life inside me is filled with the thought of you. Love is, being alive and thereโs nothing else except for you that makes me feel more alive.โ
You fall silent at his response. Simply because none of it made sense, a cluster of babbled words falling out of his mouth as you stare at him watching as his expression slowly falls apart. The look of love is no longer there, replaced with infatuation, obsession and anger. He acted as if heโd known you for an eternity, professing his delusional love as if it mattered. As if youโd have a change of heart and drop everything within a blink of an eye just for him.
โ...You must also understand that I love you because I canโt letย himย be the only person who loves you too,โ He adds, โSo do you love me like I love you? Itโs only fair you do.โ
โLove is a blessing in life. Something that isnโt forced upon, a concept in whichโ it may hold the key to your life in its hands but cannot be obtained without the honest feelings of another. It takes two to tango, not one, but two."ย
Momentarily pausing, you swallow the lump inside your throat, pushing it downwards. Allowing the newly found courage inside your body to come forward, "...And I'm afraid I canโt dance with you.โย
Your rejection is something that hits him hard. Time seems to stop as the fleshy look on his face drops, the expression in his eyes have been replaced with a newfound fury. But it quickly wipes away as you watch him throw his head back letting out a cackle, his voice echoing inside the dingy, dark basement.ย
Like a slideshow, his emotions were quick to change moving from pure anger to joy as he laughs at your response. You can't help but sit there and think that he's absolutely mad. A man who shares the same body, face and voice as your lover but seems to be much more cunning and sinister. He's evil and he proves himself to be just that with his following actions and honestly, you aren't even surprised at this point.ย
His large hand that once caressed your face had now found its way to the knotted locks of hair, gripping it tightly as he shoves you to the ground. Pushing you down from the chair you once sat on and glueing you to the floor. The coldness of the surface is somewhat, soothing against your painfully hot skin as he presses your face against the ground. The weight of his body adding more pressure as he straddles you from behind, moving strings of your hair aside just so he can see your face. Amused, he smirks to himself when he sees you withering in pain, strings of saliva dripping past your chapped lips and leaking onto the floor.
"Oh dear, what a waste," He pouts, bringing forward a free hand to wipe your drool away. The tip of his finger now covered in your bodily fluids as he brings it to his lips, licking his finger in excitement. His eyes practically rolling to the back of his head as he moans in delight, "Deliciously, sweet."ย
Disgusted by his actions you can't help but shut your eyes. Shielding yourself one way or another from looking at his grotesquely beautiful visage. Naturally, the tears also begin to seep past your eyes, drifting down your cheeks. You can feel him lean in, hovering over you. A whimper squeaks past your lips when you feel his tongue dragging itself across your cheek, it feels like he's about to eat you alive. Like a lion licking its prey.ย ย
Removing his tongue from your cheek, he brings it towards your ear. Licking your helix before sucking gently on your earlobe, โI hope, you consider this next special thing. Perhaps, as a warning of some sort?โย
Pushing himself off of you, you can hear him rummage around in the drawer heโs got next to the chair you once sat on. The sound of metallic objects rattling around and clinking against each other until it comes to a halt. The silence isn't soothing, it's terrifying.ย
Your heart begins to thump profusely, rapidly beating. You find it hard to breathe, to possibly calm down as your mind races with all the possible objects he couldโve chosen to use on you. A knife? Perhaps a nail gun.
The possibilities were essentially endless due to his massive collection of murderous weapons. But you receive your answer when you feel the long, multiple strips of leather entwined in cotton and tiny pieces of cattle bone brushing against your skin.
โCat oโ nine tails,โ He answers, introducing the weapon to you. Teasingly he brings the weapon up and down your bareback. Shuddering in fear as you feel the item grind against your back, the softness you feel now will be nothing in comparison to what you'll actually feel.ย
"Baby, remember that I have to do this because I love you."
Thwack!
The first blow that hits you makes your ears ring. The sensation feels hot, tingling at your skin. It's a mixture of pain along with pins and needles, only getting worse with each blow that he gives you. The stinging had a pain so strong and immense that it was hard for you to even lay there still, writhing around on the ground like a worm on hot pavement. You began to feel overwhelmed with pain, your nerves essentially on fire as you struggled to keep yourself awake.ย
Thwack, thwack, thwack!
You could feel the skin on your back begin to rip open, the crimson blood seeping from your wounds as he kept going. There was no mercy as you screamed, your vocal cords straining so hard your voice went hoarse. Slowly, you began to shut down. First, your hands falling limp at your sides, your body cased in sweat as you felt drained to a pulp. Then your screams came to a halt, the breathing in your voice drastically slowing down. Finally, your eyes began to droop, fluttering shut as you saw nothing but black.ย
Was this the end for you?ย
Jolting upwards, you topple off your bed and collide with the ground. Gritting your teeth in pain when you feel your back begin to burn, your semi-healed scars becoming agitated from the impact. Slowly rising upwards you panic at your dark surroundings but calm down once you realize that you're at home. Your sweet Maison, inside your calming bedroom with your lover sound asleep on his half of the mattress.
He's at peace with his soft and supple cheek squished against the fluffy pillow. Strands of his brown hair sticking about, his eyes shut tightly. You can't help but mumble to yourself about how adorable he is before leaving your room. Quietly heading towards the kitchen and flickering on the lights, flinching when everything seemed to be much too bright.
Your eyes gravitate towards the clock on the wall, it was four in the morning. You decided that there was no way you were going back to sleep at this hour. Shuffling towards your coffee machine, you brew yourself an iced coffee mixing in a shot of almond milk with your drink. Adding in a few ice cubes, you stir your drink slowly trying your best to ignore the pain in your back.
"You alright?"
Turning around you see Jongin, standing there shirtless in his teddy bear PJ pants. He rubs his eyes a few times before putting on his circular framed glasses, giving you a sleepy smile when he finally sees you properly through the lens. He looked beautiful in his groggy state and so did you to him with your hair flowing freely. Dressed cosily in his white tee with your supreme briefs underneath it.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Did I wake you up?" You ask, taking a sip from your drink.
"No, you're good. Can you make me one too baby?"
Nodding in response you turn towards your coffee machine, your back facing towards him to brew him a drink. "Latte?" You ask.
"Mhm, you know me so well," Slowly he wraps his arms around you, failing to notice how you slightly flinch at his touch. His hands travel towards your stomach as he hugs you tightly, placing his nose in the crook of your neck as he inhales your scent, "I love you so much."
The scene feels all too familiar and it makes you nervous. Gently you push him off of you, unaware that your gesture has hurt his feelings. Departing from your back he comes to your side, leaning against the marble counter.
"Are you sure you're okay?" He questions.
"I'm fine, just...don't, do that," You reply, the tone of your voice is soft, almost delicate as if you spoke any louder something would break.
"Do what?" He asks while bringing his hand towards your shoulder, frowning when he sees you dip your shoulder away from his touch, "You don't want me to touch you?"
Sighing you turn to face him, observing his hurt expression. His eyes are slightly glassy as he looks at you for an answer.
"Nini, it's not that I don't want you to touch me. It's because I'm still injured from the incident, so everything's just a bit fragile," You explain, partially lying through your teeth. It was true you were very hurt but you also didn't want him touching you because everything he did reminded you of the other him.
He nods quietly, smiling softly at you as he slowly gestures you to have a seat at the coffee table, "I'll cover the drink, you go rest."
Sitting down at the coffee table you quietly enjoy your beverage. Jongin soon joining you, seated at the front. The kitchen is quiet, dimly lit by the singular overhanging light you've got on. Jongin's caramel complexion shining underneath the lightbulbs rays. His eyes are affectionate, his gaze never leaving you as he chews on his bottom lip.
"I'm sorry," He starts, "I know it's been hard and I'm really sorry that you have to be hurting. I just wish that the incident could've brought us closer somehow but it's just, pushing us apart."
Drumming your fingers against the table you avoid his gaze. You don't know what to say, you can't blame him for what happened. But you also can't help but think that had you not known Jongin then you would've never met the other him. His twin or, whatever he was.
"I should've told you about him. Then maybe I could've prevented this somehow," His voice falters as you look up to see him. He's wiping his tears away, the whites of his eyes are slightly red.
"Jonginโโ
"Tell me," He interrupts, "Do you see him when you look at me?"
Looking at Jongin, you can definitely see the other him. Except for the fact that the other him or Kai as he liked to call himself had dark green hair. Besides the difference in hair colours, they were pretty much identical. Opting to remain silent, he receives his answer.
"I wish it had never happened but, now that everything's passed I want to be by your side to help you heal. I want to help you through this," He explains. Nonchalantly sliding his hand forwards, he offers you to take his hand and you do, though not right away. Intertwining your fingers with his, you feel his thumb rub the skin of your palm gently.
"You know I love you?" He says and you can't help but shudder when those words come fluttering out of his mouth. Looking up at him you momentarily see Kai rather than Jongin and your heart stops. Afraid that you'll be punished for not speaking back. You say it back, in an almost trained responsive way. Even if the man that's in front of you isn't Kai but Jongin. You say it back because you're still afraid, you're still scared and those affectionate words do nothing but terrify you.
hi solange !! you joined us just in time, we do a lil smth on the weekends called weekly positivity asks :D how was your week? i think your blog is so lovely and if it had a scent, your blog would smell like fruity bubblegum and febreeze !!! anyways, ily always, have some good food, say hello to your friends, and again, feel free to message me or gyu (@gyukult) if you need anything โก - ficscafe admins.
๐ฌ incoming message: @masterninjacow
๐ฎ outgoing message: hi, im so sorry for getting to this so late! but itโs really sweet how you send these cute lilโ messages to the members. sending you and the ficscafe admins lots of hugs :)
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐: LOVE TRIANGLE INVOLVING EXO KAI, THE READER AND X-EXO KAI. ANGST, DARK AND MATURE SUBJECT MATTER. MENTIONS OF MORBID FASCINATIONS WITH TORTURE AND DEATH. SADISTIC BEHAVIOUR (SEXUALLY), GAS LIGHTING, MANIPULATION. MENTIONS OF KIDNAPPING: FLASHBACKS, PTSD. MENTAL CONCEPTS: PSYCHOLOGICAL ELEMENTS AFFECTING THE READER AND MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES. SMUT: MASTURBATION, ROUGH SEX: IMPREGNATION KINK, CREAMPIE, MARKING, BDSM: OVERSTIMULATION, GUN PLAY, KNIFE PLAY, BLOOD, ELECTRIC PLAY. WATERBOARDING, MURDER AND SUICIDE. THIS IS THE WARNINGS FOR THE WHOLE STORY.
VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.ย
โYou know I recently purchased a gun. Andโฆwhen youโre not here, I sometimes play with it. Placing it on that coral, marble table Iโve got back at my place; you know, the one you once fucked me on. Giving it a whirl I stand there watching how the heavy cold, metal spins. My mind equalling spiralling into this euphoricโฆinsanity.โ
๐ฎ outgoing message: vivi, thank you for the lovely sehun photos. this was definitely something i really needed and you made my day with this boy. sending you lots of love <3
p.s: how are you doing? sorry for not being able to get to your messages, ive been quite busy w climbing and many things on tumblr have been on queue (i rarely log on and when i do itโs on this account mostly) hope we can chat properly soon but until then sending you my best wishes. stay safe and healthy!
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐: LOVE TRIANGLE INVOLVING EXO KAI, THE READER AND X-EXO KAI. ANGST, DARK AND MATURE SUBJECT MATTER. MENTIONS OF MORBID FASCINATIONS WITH TORTURE AND DEATH. SADISTIC BEHAVIOUR (SEXUALLY), GAS LIGHTING, MANIPULATION. MENTIONS OF KIDNAPPING: FLASHBACKS, PTSD. MENTAL CONCEPTS: PSYCHOLOGICAL ELEMENTS AFFECTING THE READER AND MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES. SMUT: MASTURBATION, ROUGH SEX: IMPREGNATION KINK, CREAMPIE, MARKING, BDSM: OVERSTIMULATION, GUN PLAY, KNIFE PLAY, BLOOD, ELECTRIC PLAY. WATERBOARDING, MURDER AND SUICIDE. THIS IS THE WARNINGS FOR THE WHOLE STORY.
VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.ย
โYou know I recently purchased a gun. And...when youโre not here, I sometimes play with it. Placing it on that coral, marble table I've got back at my place; you know, the one you once fucked me on. Giving it a whirl I stand there watching how the heavy cold, metal spins. My mind equalling spiralling into this euphoric...insanity."
The stars seem to be encapsulated within your eyes as they twinkle brightly, shining as if you've been hit with some sort of cosmic asteroid. The joy radiating from your voice as you continue to explain your story, "My breath hitches and I can't help but squeal with glee when it stops in front of me. The muzzle pointed at my torso as I pick it up and hold it against my temple.โ
Shuddering your body reacts to your words, acting as if the gun is right there placed against your head. The coldness that radiates from the feeling causes goosebumps to litter your skin, sending shivers down your spine. The impact was so strong you were able to reminiscent the feel even when it physically wasn't there and it always made you feel weak in the knees.
โClick, click, click the trigger never sets off,โ You explain, the visible concern is evident on your face as you watch his expression remain the same, unimpressed. Silently he's staring you down, his eyes are dark and bitter, he doesnโt seem too amused in comparison to yourself. ย
Pausing you take a moment to lean forward, balancing your head atop one arm as you give him a bright smile, โ...And the best part? The holster has only a single bullet loaded inside the cartridge with my name all over it.โ ย
"You're sick," He scoffs, practically spitting his words at you. The cluster of words that flutter past his lips is laced with a mixture of disapproval, disgust and anger.
You run silent, leaning back into your chair as your smile falters. The look in your eyes is cold, you aren't satisfied with his response. In fact, it's the complete opposite of what you had expected. But you were a fool to think he'd praise you. Rolling your eyes you stare at his reflection that gleams on the surface of the glass table.
"The other Jongin wouldn't say that," You taunt him, muttering under your breath. However, you're correct with what you say. The other Jongin would love you for this, he'd help you with your self-destruction and above that, love you for it. However to the first Jongin, the one who was seated in front of you that is. This all seemed twisted and sick-minded, your morbid fascination with death doing nothing but causing him to go red. Burning with anger, as he fails to hold in his temper.
Slamming his fist onto the table you watch as the glass spider webs slightly, the surface is cracked. His reflection shattering, a perfect representation of how he felt inside. Looking upwards you meet his bitter, infuriated gaze. He's gritting his teeth, the tip of his tongue poking the inside of his cheek as he stares you down like an animal, "You did not, just say that."
"Oh but I did," You reply, shrugging off his anger as if it's nothing, "And I will keep saying it unless you decide to love me for who I am or else I'll go running to him." With that, you stand upwards. Abruptly leaving him behind, as he runs a hand through his hair in frustration.
Jongin was losing you and to no one else, but the physical embodiment of his inner demons.
WITH YOUR PREFERRED MEMBER, THE GENRE AND A SHORT SUMMARY OF WHAT YOUโD LIKE.
PLEASE NOTE: AS OF NOW MY WRITINGS ARE FEM!READER. I AM WORKING ON ENHANCING MY WRITING ABILITIES TO FIT GN! + MALE STANDARDS SO I HOPE TO BEGIN WRITING FOR THOSE GENDERโS SOON.
โฅ ALLOWED GENRES:
ANGST, DARK: HORROR TYPES AND AS MUCH AS I HATE THE WORD YANDERE (SO OVERUSED) BUT THINGS AMONGST THAT CATEGORY TYPE, FLUFF, SMUT & SUGGESTIVE.
THE DURATION OF THE PIECE WILL BE UP TO ME BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU ITโLL PROBABLY BE 1K+ MINIMUM.
โฅ EXAMPLE OF YOUR REQUEST:
JUNMYEON + ANGST: BREAKUP!
YOU CAN GO INTO BETTER DETAIL OR FORMAT IT THE WAY YOUโD LIKE JUST MAKE SURE I CAN UNDERSTAND IT.
