MilkaMel ✨

Heyy, I'm Mel!! (she/her) 21 y/o I will defend Truthless Recluse with my life, shadowvanilla lover 🎭🍦 ukr/eng (Might contain 16+ content, beware)

[milkamel]

PINNED POST

(for my boundaries scroll to the bottom under the cut)

> Requests are !!!closed!!! - requests mean messages like "draw insert thing"; - I may make exceptions sometimes, but usually I have to skip such requests. Don't feel offended if I ignore those;

> Askbox is open so feel free to ask questions or just talk to me! - don't ask nsfw topics (use my sideblog for those questions); - please don't spam too much; - replying takes time and energy, and unfortunately I don't have a lot of it. Sincerely sorry if I ever ignore you! I'm a low energy person!

DM me only if it's urgent/you're a mutual as I'm not comfortable with sudden messages from people I don't know. In other cases I beg you to use the askbox! (I probably won't reply to simple "hi" messages sorry)

My other socials: > Tumblr sideblog > Twitter/X > Bluesky (inactive) > AO3 (contains nsfw) > Tiktok > Strawpage (twt only)

TAGS TO NAVIGATE: #mmelart - my art; #mmelwriting - fanfics/one shots/etc; #mmelask - asks I answered; #mmelyapping - me talking about some random stuff;

Boundaries

My art is free to use in pfps/edits/personal use/voice acting. Credit is more than enough;

Please be civil and respectful to anyone on my blog. Any kind of aggression or conflict I won't tolerate and the initiator will probably be blocked;

Don't drag me into dramas/discourses, they're stressing me out. Only inform me if it's something dangerous (no, just art doesn't count, real victims do). Proship/anti discourse isn't something I want to be burdened with;

Don't use AI when it comes to my art. I'm serious;

The blog may contain 16+ content or suggestive jokes so if you're uncomfortable you may mute certain tags (ask/yapping). My art is usually sfw.;

If you're aware of my nsfw account, I'd like it if the content from there wasn't spread anywhere. It's embarrassing enough to post it, and the thought of people who weren't supposed to see it being exposed to it is making me feel icky;

I don't usually block but if I do it doesn't have any criteria. The reason is that I'm either uncomfortable or just didn't vibe;

If there's anything else you wish to know don't be shy to send an ask!

As long as you’re respectful and kind you’re welcome here! Treat others the way you want to be treated yourself <3

Other links:

#Kross Pain Sharing AU (utmv) - all the post regarding that AU and fanfic + masterpost (kinda) #Slumbering Truth AU (crk) - my sdvn AU comics, etc. + masterpost

(last update 10/05/2026, day first and then month)

[milkamel]

The difference between Smilk's vocal performances (and resulting fan perception) in English vs in Korean is best summed up by this TikTok:

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8teYXfq/

No shade towards how CJ portrays him, of course, but... HOLY HECK...

YESSS YESSS ACCURATE LMAOOO

I’m such a fan of Korean Shadow Milk’s attitude and performance it makes him sound like a villain (and a deranged freak) he is and just goes so hard. Tbh CJ does a great job voicing Shadow Milk BUT the voice direction is a miss sometimes. If eng localisation team gave him a proper description of a character he’s supposed to depict he’d be perfect

[milkamel]

I’ll never stop glazing Korean Pure Vanilla/Truthless Recluse voice cause every line delivery is straight peak. I mean if he was speaking to me like that I’d fall to my knees and scream like a madman from excitement. Kim Ye-Rim does such a good job voicing him I’m in awe…..

[milkamel]

That’s actually so surpassing to hear that you’ve found SDVN “tends to focus on both of them.”

I enjoy both SDVN and PVSM, and honestly couldn’t care less about how people prefer them. However, I’ve found that like how sometimes PVSM makes PV assertive and focuses on SM more (but sometimes make SM weak and oddly submissive? It’s odd), I’ve found in a lot of SDVN content, PV is portrayed as helpless, incapable, and is given little development at all. SM is also often framed as a one dimensional evil character who lacks any complexity. Sort of like how PV is often a one dimensional “I’ll help you” character towards SM while SM is a (basically) tsundere in PVSM, in SDVN, SM is often just a “I’ll hurt you” while PV is helpless against it and just doesn’t do anything about it.

I think what I’m trying to say is that both dynamics aren’t really portrayed well in a lot of ways. I’ve seen the argument on both sides about the other. I’ve found that one doesn’t really tend to lean as “better” since often times both push things onto the characters. I think the closest thing you can get to canon or focusing on both is a balance between the two dynamics. (Also, I’m not saying you portray SDVN in the way described, or that liking SDVN more is wrong. I’m just trying to say one dynamic doesn’t “tend to focus on both characters”—especially not accurately)

Yeahhhh I’m just kinda biased due to my preference… sdvn isn’t 100% accurate either so I might’ve been a bit too harsh. Anyhow it aligns with my vision much more than pvsm does and I just reallyyy don’t like Shamil babying pvsm tends to show. It’s not like sdvn always nails the characters (and yes it does often make Vanilla way too helpless than he actually is) and both dynamics are just different spectrums of exaggeration and mischaracterisation. It’s reallyyyy hard to find something that’s accurate to the game personalities and sdvn gets it better in my eyes usually.

Thanks for being nice about correcting me appreciate it 🙏

[milkamel]

If you are open to fic recommendations, there are a few interesting ones. All multi-chaptered and still in progress. (With small explainations)

1) Camellias - mostly so Shadow Milk centered, but shadowvanilla is very present.

Shadow Milk is a guy from 'no magic' 'normal' cookie world, reads a book and transmigirates into it as a bodiless voice.

Now tasked with playing Light of Truth (and eventually Beast of Deceit) for Pure Vanilla and get the plot going into the right direction. Kinda SVSSS style, if you know it.

There's a lot of angst eventually, but also many lovely and funny moments.

2) Not sure if you will be interested in second recommendation, considering it does change setting, putting all in more so irish mythology.

In both, Shadow Milk is very dangerous Fae that seemed to have gotten interested in Pure Vanilla. With Pure Vanilla going to suffer from this interest and trying to outplay, survive whatever is going on.

There are horror elements, some angst (for Pure Vanilla mostly), just very beautiful writing.

The fics are - The King of Beltane and Glamour of the Fae.

3) And this last one.. well, considering your non preference towards Daydream, it's may be not truly a fit, but I just must.

Fic - Veridian Dreaming.

Beasts are redeemed (or at least are in the process of it), Dark Enchantress got defeated some time ago. Pure Vanilla meanwhile in a big missunderstanding got love potioned ("A potion to bring forth hidden affections") by faeries. And now is very clearly showing signs of being over the heels for Shadow Milk, as well as overall embarrassing and cuddly and etc.

Much angst for Shadow Milk over it, mixed in with him making fun of Pure Vanilla and trying to solve the situation (with White Lily).

Hopefully those are of use. They are certainly wonderful fics.

Either way, may you have a good day.

Ohhh I know a few of these (specifically first and the third) and I randomly abandoned them halfway through oops.. the fae one seem intriguing I’ll write them down (also about Viri I don’t mind reading about him he’s alright). Thank you lots for the rec!! Have a good day too!!

[milkamel]

sorry, wait, what is the difference between sdvn and pvsm? do those not stand for shadowvanilla and pure vanilla shadow milk respectively? am i out of the loop on fandom terms or is this the who's topping thing again 😭

Yeah that’s basically a top/bottom dynamic! Whoever’s name is first in the ship is topping. I’ve heard people say that this doesn’t matter in sfw material and that it doesn’t affect characterisation but trust me when I say that it does. It’s so obvious what a person prefers sometimes 😭

Pvsm tends to portray Pyuba as more assertive and forward, the one to pursue Shadow Milk which I’m not a fan of (also sometimes tall and built which isn’t how I imagine him that man is short and sweet). I like to see Shadow Milk being the one to court Vanilla, make him flustered and blushy. Being more imposing and actually putting effort in a relationship for once.

Most (not all ofc) of the pvsm fics focus on Pyuba being a plot device to “help and fix” Shamil without properly fleshing out his character and it just makes most of the fics boring for me cause I’m not that big of Shamilk fan. And Vanilla being overlooked/ignored is lame. Sdvn usually focuses on both of them and especially Vanilla’s feelings which I appreciate

[milkamel]

You may enjoy 'Dancing in Gold' by shirooshrimp. It's multi chaptered, frequent, sorta regular updates, and the dynamic between shadow milk and pyuba seems like something you may enjoy! : ) it's got some serious angst though and be warned it really gets worse before it gets better (pybua is really going through it in this fanfic) also it's still ongoing (and has over 300k words rn..) oh and I think its for sure sdvn not pvsm if that matters at all

Ohh I’ve seen it before but it didn’t catch my eye since I’m not a big fan of AUs which change the setting completely. There are also a few other personal nitpicks that prevent me from locking in on the fic buuuut doesn’t mean I think it’s bad. Pyuba angst sounds temping though…. and yeah sdvn matters to me not big on pvsm. Thank you for telling me might try to look into it again later 🙏

[milkamel]

hi i have like.... four of my favorite shadowvanilla fanfics for you.. i have no idea if you read any of these, but, oh well! hope you like reading hah... (most of these are like,, 100k+ words, besides the no loose ends one,,)

uh...

Where Longing Lives (I call it you)

The Spire and the Sea

Veracious

No Loose Ends (Dead Men Don't Fall in Love)

most of them are like.... really angsty so like.. yah...

all on ao3 by the way

Thank you for the suggestions I’ve been looking for some fic recs that aren’t just one-shots…. Been very picky with the fics lately 💔💔 Especially when it comes to a dynamic or Vanilla characterisation those throw me off the most some just don’t get him the very specific way I like him (lowkey a topic which can have a long rant post lmao) but once again thanks!!

[milkamel]

I officially cannot play Crk either on my phone or pc </3

Got so mad I went back to an old game I used to play when I was 14

But I found a picrew and made Shadowvanilla with it still

NOOO 💔💔 My phone can barely take it while my laptop is still kicking but I don’t have access to it rn. So playing crk is a losing game… Awww the picrew is very cute by the wayyyy they’re marrieddd awww

[milkamel]

Sniff I miss Pure Vanilla so much… especially when he’s acting all whimsical and silly I just want to poke and squeeze him and aufhshdhsfjsjfhehehdhdhhhhh CUTENESS AGGRESSION IS OFF THE CHARTS MANNNN

I don’t think any character can beat the obsession I have with him truly the character of all time ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[milkamel]

Been thinking and as a big fan and defender Pure Vanilla slander annoys me so much sometimes cause it’s usually either something petty or a nitpick about a necessary plot device. Like if you’re going to slander him use valid points and arguments, his actual flaws. Genuinely can’t understand Vanilla haters at allll….. what did he dooooo

[milkamel]

Sniff I miss Pure Vanilla so much… especially when he’s acting all whimsical and silly I just want to poke and squeeze him and aufhshdhsfjsjfhehehdhdhhhhh CUTENESS AGGRESSION IS OFF THE CHARTS MANNNN

I don’t think any character can beat the obsession I have with him truly the character of all time ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[milkamel]

Ty...People forget the toxic yaoi is toxic sometimes, I need some of that between redemption cigars, show how hard it was something something 🚬 (Says the fluff lover)

Awee thank you!! It really is lacking in redemption department. Usually the stories of this genre make Shadow Milk change his mind very quickly and I don’t think it’d be the case. He’s not as soft and easy to convince, he’d lashed out in the game multiple times at the thought of being friends and proceeded to be mean to Vanilla right after. And I feel like the harder the journey is the more rewarding the outcome is! (Saying that as both angst and fluff lover heh)

I really want their relationship to be shown as complex and struggling. A rocky road where both get hurt and eventually learn to coexist in harmony (or they don’t)

[milkamel]

Anyone else wondering what a pv’s crashout would look like after he’s had enough of being shamilks emotional punching bag? (#toxic ships)

Screaming at Shamil, crying without being to hold it back. Begging him to try to change at least a little but ultimately apologising for being so mean since “he’s trying his best anyway” 💔

I think he’d just eventually get tired and give up like Recluse did. And if he gets to awaken it depends. It’s hard to do it in a situation where no one is there to support him

[milkamel]

Redemption isn’t always so easy…

[milkamel]

your newest post about toxic codependent shadowvanilla gave me an idea..

Shadow Milk releases his grip from Pure Vanilla's throat, allowing the other to begin breathing once more, before murmuring,"I need to keep hurting you. It's the only way i'll love you."

All Pure Vanilla, ever the love bug can respond with is,"That's okay, you're healing."

OHHH PEAKKK YEAHHH

Shadow Milk lacks the proper understanding of affection and love. He knows the definition and how it’s supposed to work on paper, but never actually experienced it (not counting First Milk sorry), only being used without any proper gratitude. Considering his mental state, the way he expresses his attachment is unhealthy and doesn’t shy away from being cruel. He likes causing pain and doesn’t want to be gentle with Vanilla.

And Pure Vanilla being so willing to endure the pain unfortunately only makes it worse. It’s not actual love. Shadow Milk won’t get better if his bad behaviour isn’t called out. So he’s not healing and it’s just a lie Pyuba believes in 💔💔

[nillamillkunderthemoon]

Artist block leads to ugly art as usual

Swap au by @milkamel I just was yapping to her onetime about Wizzy being the main role instead of Brave to parallel him and Shami-

[milkamel]

Yearning for some toxic codependent shadowvanilla…

Shadow Milk is cruel and the way he views love and affection is rather unhealthy, he’s absolutely obsessed with his other half.. while Pure Vanilla still adores him and believes he can be a tiny bit better… if he tries, which he doesn’t and refuses to.

And he knows he shouldn’t tolerate the way Shadow Milk treats him and stay away for his own good, but he’s just so in love he can’t bear the thought of letting go of the only soul who can understand his struggles. It just feels so lonely without Shadow Milk, even if the other is constantly belittles and mocks him.

Neither does Shadow Milk want to let go of his precious soulmate. They need each other close so desperately, it hurts to be apart