Signs Of Abuse We Don't Talk About
1. “Am I REALLY being abused? If I was, I wouldn’t be doubting it, right? It’s probably nothing, other people have it worse, who am I to complain?”
2. When they’re in a bad mood, it’s everyone’s problem. Nobody gets to have a good day if they’re not happy.
3. Threats- even if they don’t follow through with them. “I’ll hit you”, “I’m about to do something regrettable”, “Move that dog before I do”, “Do I need to talk to your boss?”
4. You begin to notice a cycle of problems being turned on you- they do something unacceptable, you react normally, they calm down and talk and somehow, it was all secretly your fault. Every conflict ends with you apologizing, no matter who starts it or what they might have done. Every time you think you’re right, every time you think you understand what’s going on, it turns out that you overreacted. You’re too sensitive. You can’t be trusted to know what’s real.
5. You don’t want to be alone with them or spend time with them. Not because they’re abusive, because ‘abuse’ is a pretty strong word- you just don’t feel comfortable around them. It makes you tense. It’s probably nothing
6. Sometimes you want them to hit you. And isn’t that messed up? It can’t possibly be abuse if you’re asking for it. That must mean that you’re the evil one, you’re the manipulative one- you’re not being abused, you just want attention, you just want to be the victim. Even if they did hit you, it wouldn’t be their fault- you gave them no choice. It’s your fault, not theirs. It’s not their fault that they hit you.
7. You don’t know what you’d do without the bad things. It’s not all bad, of course- things are good sometimes, and they can be really sweet. They’re a good person, really- but you can’t imagine a life without the bad parts. What would it look like? It would probably feel pretty empty. Boring, even. What would you do without it? Who would you be?
8. Who are you without them? Do you know? What’s an opinion you have that they don’t agree with? Why do you have it? Do you remember where it came from? Do you trust that source? More than you trust them? Are these difficult questions? Why are they difficult? Is it hard to think about? Why is it hard to think about?
9. Seeing healthy, happy relationships makes you distinctly uncomfortable for reasons you can’t articulate. Young love makes you feel scorn and contempt- happy, outgoing children are hard to talk to. It’s hard to listen when they talk, and it’s hard to look at them when they’re around.You can’t say why- you just need to get away from it.
10. Obviously, the person who wrote this has been through more than you. You haven’t been through anything like that- you’re not abused. I mean, a lot of things on this list clicked with you, but… Nah. Maybe? Maybe you have been abused. But you won’t believe it in twenty minutes. You certainly won’t tell anyone.
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