☆ “I don’t…. I don’t like girls” part 1
malereader x nick
Warnings: cursing, drinking, internalized homophobia
Summary: nicks bestfriend has been acting distant and ignoring him for weeks on end now. nick is at some party and drunk out of his mind… he decides to call his bestfriend.
Saying Nick was drunk would be an understatement. It was nearing the end of a party thrown down at the beach where the typical teenagers liked to throw parties, and he was definitely more than a few drinks deep at this point. He pulled his phone out, too drunk to stop himself as he calls y/n, one of his best friends who he hasn't seen in a few weeks. y/n has been acting distant and very cold and nick has no idea why.
y/n sits on the edge of his window, hitting his burnt ass penjiman bored out of his mind when he gets a call from nick. y/ns eyes widen and his body seems to freeze. “fuck” he mumbles to himself. y/n sighs and stares at his screen considering declining while hitting his cart again, his thumb moves to the decline but he stops and moves his thumb to the right, putting his phone to his ear.
“hey nick” y/n says with a dry whisper, shutting his eyes slightly while exhaling the smoke.
Nick blinks in surprise as y/n pick up the phone. He tries to stifle a yawn as he speaks, realizing he sounds more than a little intoxicated. "hey." Is all Nick seems to get out.
“hey” y/n says back softly. y/n has been soooo distant from his bestfriend. truth is,recently y/n has realized in the past few weeks that he is, in fact, gay. He's known that on some level for a long time, but it's finally become real to him. Too real. He’s disgusted with himself, he knows being gay isn’t a bad thing but he just doesn’t understand why he has to be. On top on that he's beginning to realize that he has feelings for Nick. He doesn’t know if Nick even likes boys. He can't fully admit it to himself yet, and he hasn't told anyone else either, but that feeling of shame, guilt and disgust is definitely there. It’s there anytime Nick pops in his mind.
"What're you up to?" Nick asks, trying to sound sober though he doesn't completely manage that
As y/n’s sitting at his window, he tries to speak confidently, like everything's fine and he isn't bothered at all by nicks call, but he still sounds somewhat shaky, his voice wavering just a bit.
"Uh, nothing really, just chillin'… what about you?” y/n fiddles with the sleeve of his hoodie.
"Just at some party ." Nick chuckles a bit. "God, you should've gone, you're missing out." He’s trying to make this sound like some normal call.
Y/n giggles a little to himself at nicks drunk voice as he's sitting at his window - he can't help it, even though he really wants to keep on with his distant act. It’s nice to act like everything is normal between them for a second. something about the call with nick just got his heart rate soaring, and he's got a flutter in his stomach. He's trying to hide the fact that he's thinking about his new found feelings, but he can't help smiling a bit and getting a little giddy.
"What are you doing instead of being here?" Nick says snapping y/n out of his thoughts trying to sound more curious than he is. In reality, he's slightly miffed that y/n didn't show up even though y/n knew damn well he wanted him here.
there is some silence between the boys
"You should've come..." nick says more quietly, hoping to prompt y/n to say something more.
"Yeah, sorry I went out with someone but I'm back home now." y/n’s tone is a little dry as he says it, and he's trying to sound casual and like it wasn't a big deal, but you can tell there's more at play than he's letting on. Y/n’s mouth tenses when he says that, because he's lying - he didn't go out with anyone, he’s been sitting alone in his room all night listening to music and getting high.
“Went out with someone? Like a date or something?” Nicks tone completely changes .
“no… just hanged out that’s all” y/n lies through his teeth
“Whatever,” nick says, his tone getting more and more irritated. “So you just hung out with some random girl and didn’t even consider going to a party with me?”
y/n mentally groans at the word “girl” and still hasn’t spoken a word. “uh-“
"You're seriously passing up a great party just to 'hang out' with some girl?” Nick interrupts, his tone clearly accusatory. He's got a bit of a jealous streak in him, so he gets kind of pissy when people spend time with other people instead of him. Especially if it's y/n.
“Me and you have hardly hanged out anyway.” y/n says through a whisper. he knows this conversation won’t end unless he is cold. every fiber in his body tells him not to say things like this to nick but he can’t help but push Nick away.
“Yeah…” nick says quietly. “That’s kind of what I’m trying to change, you know? We haven’t hung out as much lately and that sucks… I just don’t understand.” Nick slurs a bit while rubbing his eyes, frustrated.
there’s just silence on the other end. Nick thinks of why on earth y/n would be so distant and ignoring his best friend.
“You’re not mad, are you?” Nick says, sounding slightly more drunk as he asks that while his voice breaks a bit . There’s a clear tone of insecurity in his voice though, and a bit of annoyance at having been ignored for the past few weeks.
“no I’m not mad” y/n says through a shaky voice. he hates that he made someone feel like this, especially Nick.
“Good,” Nick says quickly, not really believing him but not wanting to argue with him either but his drunk brain is letting him say whatever he thinks. “Cause you got no reason to be mad at me anyways.”
“alright…” is all y/n seems to get out. every part in him is telling him to start apologizing and tell him everything but he bites his tounge, staring at his feet dangling from his window.
"So, you gonna come meet up with me or what?" Nick slurs.
y/n sits at his window still biting his tounge. he can’t help it… he misses nick. y/n sighs. “fuck it… fine I’ll sneak out.”
"Good," Nick mutters sounding more relieved than he should be. His slightly drunken state only amplifies this relief and annoyance into something a bit more pronounced. "So you're coming then?"
“mhm” y/n hums while grabbing his backpack.
"Good," Nick repeats "Welllll, hurry up. I'm kinda drunk right now and you don't want to keep me waiting." He says playfully, trying to mask his worry of what’s gonna happen when he try’s to talk to y/n later
“alright bye” y/n says dryly, he’s trying his best to seem nonchalant and not nervous.
“Bye,” nick mutters, a little hurt by his dismissive attitude. He hangs up and puts his phone away, waiting by the fire pit for y/n to show up.
Nick leans against some tree, looking at the fire, listening to the music that's being blasted through portable speakers nearby. Nothing really feels like anything is real right now for nick.
"Come onnn," nick complains to nobody in particular, glancing at his phone every now and then. He's been waiting for a little while, and he's getting increasingly impatient just sitting around and waiting for him to show up.
then he sees y/n from a distance. he’s talking to some people and dapping them up. Nick stares at how y/n talks to the others, he’s charming to say the least. Why is he only distant with me?
Nick gets lost in his thoughts and looks up as he sees him approaching, he blinks as he realizes how long he's actually been staring off into space for. He blinks a few times in rapid succession to try and focus back, and he gives y/n a half-assed wave as he approaches.
“hey” nick says trying to hide how buzzed he actually is. "Took you long enough."
y/n rolls his eyes and sits down beside Nick. He doesn’t know what to say, he never seems to around nick. he takes a shaky breath and runs his fingers through his hair.
"So did you meet up with some girl or something?" Nick asks, his tone teasing but also slightly agitated. He's still a little annoyed that he didn't show up to the party, even though he knows it's not really his place to control who he hangs out with.
y/n grabs a little on his hair and groans* “it was just my friend”
Nick gives a mock dramatic groan. "Right, your 'friend'... I'm so sure." his tone dripping with sarcasm and doubt.
“it seriously was just a friend but whatever…” y/n mutters while bitting his inner cheek, while matching nicks stance and leaning his head on the tree.
"Right, sure," nick says, still skeptical. "Whatever you say. So are you going to start hanging out with 'friends' more often and ignoring me? Is that how it's gonna be now?"
y/ns heart sinks into his stomach.”I’m not ignoring you-“
"Really? 'Cause you haven't made any effort to hang out with me lately, and you know damn well you could've come to the party but ignored me as usual instead."So what gives?”
y/n stares down at his feet and takes a deep breath, shaking his head. “I don’t wanna talk about this” why the fuck did I even come here y/n thinks to himself.
"You don't want to talk about this? "Why the hell not? You haven't been around for like a month, and I thought you could at least come to one fucking party with me today."
nick raises his voice a bit looking at anything but y/n. he just doesn’t get it, y/n has always been a person that is very stubborn. nick has tried to pry in the past to get him to talk about his feelings but he’s never succeeded.
y/n squeezed his eyes shut. he knew he should have came and everything Nick is saying is valid. “I’m here now” he whispers while glancing at nick, then bringing his eyes back down to his beat up shoes.
"Yeah, but you're only here now because I was getting pissy about you ignoring me! I had to call you and practically beg you to come, and you're just acting like this is fine. You weren't even planning on coming!" Nick now raises his voice, the alcohol making him have no filter.
“you just don’t know shit about me nick ok?” y/n snaps back, matching nicks tone. Nick just stares a him.
"The hell do you mean I don't know anything about you? You're my best friend! I know you better than anyone else in this damn town” nick is now yelling
Y/n’s jaw clenches and he takes a shaky breath “it’s just-“
"It's just what?" Nick spats at him
y/ns fingernails dig deep into his palms holding back tears. Taking deeps breaths. Doing anything he can to calm down. don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry. He opens his mouth trying to form words. ” I don’t….I don’t like girls.” y/ns cheeks are now full of tears. no way he just said that out loud.
Nicks expression changes immediately, going from annoyance to confusion to realization. He freezes for a moment, and he doesn't say anything as he tries to digest this new piece of information. He thought he knew so much about him. truth is, y/n doesn’t know everything about nick either.
to be continued
