So, apparently I have thoughtsTM about Sang-eun referring to herself as an interpersonal relationships expert...
I'm sure she has all the surface-level things down, and she can identify and cater to certain needs of her clients. But always as part of a set of rules, when her personal emotions don't really come into it. She does the highlights reel with them, but never the dull everyday. Sang-eun has time to prepare and leaves at a set time. She is also able to act/react well because she is generally in a position of power in these situations, despite providing a service.
Her early socialisation with Madame Yoo was skewed towards the transactional, and she was being prepped to be a good little pawn for a business deal between two other parties. (Her playing chess well also shows she was not cut out for that lol)
Sang-eun's carreer choice, while kind of logical, is also a constant reenactment of a traumatising upbringing, revamped so she has more agency in it. She made it so the repeat performance of her past
1) helps people in somewhat similar situations
2) gives her financial stability
3) provides an emotionally distanced practice at social situations connected to romantic relationships
4) ensures built-in structurised power to her, through the contract, ppl needing her
so she can safely reexamine her issues until the repetition makes her practiced enough to perhaps brave a relationship without these additional elements/crutches.
Sang-eun has a somewhat more heathly relationship with her ex-client roomie, but she is secure in her control in that relationship as well. She has helped him out a lot, and she always has more money. She is also accepting of him, something that is shown to be hard to come by. Even though some confrontations between the two do happen, he is quick to drop the subject and kind of fawn if she starts to react stronger than he anticipated.
Her decision to move to Canada is potentially the next step in her recovery journey - she has decided that she does not need to continue to act out what has hurt her, because she is becoming secure enough in herself to bear the world once more, without her safety net.
So in the beginning of the story, Sang-eun is presumably in the right mindset for growth. However, she chose to move to a completely different country with no ties to her past, so she likely cannot see herself thriving in her present context even if she retires from her current job.
Too many memories, people, places to remind her of things she couldn't control, and she still doesn't trust herself to fight off their effect. Which, fair.
So she decides to make a Big Change. Probably would work to jog her out of her slump too.
And then, she is presented with a tentative way to grow in her present context. But she has made up her mind already. Is she supposed to rethink it now?! Part of the reason she is upset about changes in this contract relationship is that uncertainty entered into her plans. The realness creeping in is frightening when she is not in control of it.
This was also one of her most emotionally involved relationships, comfortable enough for her that she even projected a bit of a crush on her client. (I'm not saying you can't get to know someone if all you do is have dinner few times a week for five years, but there is a limit to it for sure.) She found it a safe space to test herself by letting herself feel thingsTM. But it was supposed to be her fuzzy little secret. Always under her control.
But then he speaks. And does things that are out of their ordinary routine. And our girl is flabbergasted. She is upset that
1) she is not the one in control (he asks for the termination and divorce)
2) he is not quite like she imagined him to be. (he's a real man with difficulties, a traumatising past of his own and hidden depth)
Her safe relationship got changed on her overnight. Something like this didn't happen to her in a long time. There were the creeps, sure, but not the potential of an actual relationship. She assumes all her clients have a crush on her as par course, but doesn't seem to consider any of them. But with the break from their routine, he is stirring the pot. Which means it could even turn into something real (frightening but also bit exciting), or it could spoil her memory of this forever (undermining her image of herself a bit too, so not great). She is undecided partially because she doesn't want to ruin the status quo that she cherished.
She is struggling with the actual man, because she has her own mix of emotions about the situations she is in with him now. To be sure, he is not great at communicating in a way that she expects - no outright flattery, often brusque...there is no debating that he is having difficulty with speaking her language. Even though he wants to try for her, not like with his colleagues. Arguably someone wise and patient could recognise his intent behind the words a lot more (eg wanting her to be protected, helping her towards her goals). But she is not actually that insightful when she is having emotions about everything he does xD
Emotions she, too, has trouble recognising and dealing with. She acts childish when her ego is bruised. She snaps and says things she know will hurt him. It happens to everyone, but she doesn't seem to clock these at all.
At least she also tells him whenever she understands a bit of what's going on with her, which is promising, but she has a way to go as well!
But Sang-eun is generally so convinced of her professionalism and expertise in this area that she refuses to examine her actions and emotional responses even after repeated feedback that she is acting out of the ordinary...
To 👏therapy👏 with👏 the 👏both 👏of yous👏
blakekathryn
germansingergirl
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
origamiaround
pixelskylines
theartofmadeline
