Minimal Regrets @minimalregrets - Tumblr Blog

The One Where I Lived Out of a Suitcase

Mormons are part-time minimalists. When you turn 18 or 19 there's a good chance you'll leave everything you own, pack a suitcase, and live out of it for up to two years while you teach people about Jesus.

I did a Mormon mission in Fresno, California, and while I'm not a Mormon anymore, I still consider this one of the best experiences of my life. I learned to work hard, love people, and live intentionally. I also experienced the extreme minimalism mentioned above, and I've never forgotten it since.

Here's what I packed with me across California for two years:

Clothes to last a week

Too many ties (not minimalist, see pic)

Bedding

Bike and helmet

Toiletries

Several books/study materials

It wasn't a lot, but it was enough. This sounds miserable to a lot of people, but to be honest I've never felt more calm and happy in my entire life than when I owned nothing.

With that said-- a few disclaimers.

I had very few responsibilities. Get up, study, and evangelize. Rinse and repeat.

I did not have children. Children attract stuff.

I was 20. Everything's easy when you're 20.

Disclaimers aside, I'm glad I did it all. Living with extreme minimalism for a time helped me years later when I realized I was overrun by the stuff in my life. It helped me get rid of the excess and find a greater sense of peace and balance in my life. It reminds me that you probably don't need as much stuff as you think-- perhaps you don't need most of it.

Your turn. Take a moment right now to imagine you're packing a suitcase to travel for an extended period of time: what would you take? What if that's all you had? Use this exercise and maybe you'll find something in your mind where you can simplify.

If you're anything like me, you'll probably be better for it.

#minimalism #mormon #travel #essentialism

The Couch Has No Meaning - December 1st

Imagine with me: you're at work when someone does that thing again. Not just the one that annoys you, but the other one that makes you want to lose your mind.

You have these moments as much as I do, so thank you for briefly commiserating with me.

Today the priority on my intentional to-do list was to knock out an eLearning course with a tight deadline. At one point during the day I had the familiar scenario above play out and I felt like I couldn't focus anymore. My mind and my emotions had been hijacked.

While my brain smoldered on the topic, I remembered a principle from a book I'm reading called The Achievement Habit by Bernard Roth. In it, he teaches that nothing in existence has any meaning. The only meaning anything carries is the meaning you give it.

In his university classes he invites his students to try out an exercise-- try it out right now! Right now. I mean right now. Look around the room and lock your eyes on an object. Internally or out loud announce, "The ____ has no meaning." I'm sitting on my couch right now and can say with confidence that "the couch has no meaning". Try it with something else. "That TV has no meaning. My coworker has no meaning. The sun has no meaning."

Even your loved ones have no intrinsic meaning. If you love your parents, remember that some people hate their parents. There is no meaning other than what you create for yourself.

So now let's return to the work situation. I'm still mad. Really mad. I begin to repeat to myself, "this event has no meaning. This event has no meaning." After several repetitions you'll never guess what happened: I still felt mad.

What it did do, however, was help me remember that while I can't control the actions of others, I can control what I decide events means for my life. I still felt angry, but I was going to move forward with intent. I convinced my brain to let it go enough to help me regain my focus on the task at hand. I put my head down and finished the project with time to spare.

There are no miracle pills, but I for one am grateful for tools that help you deal with life. Your Turn: take a moment right now and think, "what meaning am I assigning to the events in my life? Is it serving me? How can I change my perspective?" It might help.

#intentionality #self improvement #mindfulness #work

Blag - November 30th

Who the HELL blogs in 2020.

...........

Well this is awkward.

I looked at my list today and number one was to resurrect this blog with random things I wrote over the past year. For the first time while I read them-- I felt proud of things I’ve written. I’m pretty dense but sometimes I can put together a coherent thought.

I grouped them together and saw three major topics emerge: minimalism, gay mormon stories, and existential crises, and thought, “yeps sounds about right.” This is a microcosm of my life.

Following my list today helped me stay motivated. If you’re feeling stuck you might benefit from making an intentional checklist too.

Intentional Checklist

Post things you wrote this last year (Done!)

Storyline tutorials @ work (Done!)

In depth edit the course you’re creating @ work (Done!)

Write a letter to a friend (Done!)

Create plan of attack for Microeconomics @ school (Done!)

Cook & relax (... well, I didn’t eat out. That’s a start.)

Me writing this post. Woah. Meta.

#Blog #Blag #minimalism #gay #gay mormon

The Excruciatingly Detailed List of Every Item of Clothing I Own

The following is a post from February 2020. I’m a proud minimalist who makes sure to declutter a few times every year. This post was about working through my closet.

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I was going to start yesterday with tidying/minimizing-- but exhaustion and procrastination won out. Today was heading the same direction when a thought burst into my head:

"You know you're going to die eventually, right? What are you waiting for?"

Fine.

I thought about skipping Marie Kondo's first step, but decided to do it anyways. Step 1 is to kneel down somewhere in your home and feel the home's spirit. Yes, weird. But strangely... I dig it.

So, down I kneel. Lucy is singing to herself in the front-room, the washer is spinning to my left and the furnace is humming to my right. I'm kneeling in the center and a feeling of gratitude comes over me. This apartment holds a lot of difficult memories but it has been home for almost two years. It deserves to be put in order. I deserve to live here when it's put in order. I think I see the vision.

With this complete, we're ready to dive into category #1: Clothes.

For those of you unfamiliar with Marie Kondo's method-- watch some Netflix. Her show on there is adorable. But the idea is to tackle one category at a time, put everything on the floor, and to pick what will stay and what will go one single item at a time.

Think about your own closet right now. Imagine it all on the floor. Imagine going through each item one by one. This can take a while.

Luckily this isn't my first rodeo (and, um, minimalism), so going through my clothes is pretty easy. I pile everything on the bed and get to work. Pretty quickly I find a couple of things that are ready to go-- some button up shirts that don't fit anymore, a t-shirt that wears funny, a pair of fuzzy socks I'm not into-- but for the most part I'm sorting through things that I love.

When I first embarked on minimizing I never intended to have a cliche minimalist wardrobe, but somewhere along the way I realized I liked the feeling of absolute simplicity in choosing what to wear. Over time this has inspired me to wear mostly white or black. White is my favorite but black gives for a nice change of pace. Oh-- and rainbow. I have a few of those too. Got to have some pride.

A few minutes go by and I'm already done. My pile looks largely like it did before, minus a few items, but I'm feeling accomplished.

I've spent a lot of my life worrying what others think about me and what I look like. I've done way more than my fair share of getting dressed, redressed, and redressed before going out with friends. I've spent a lot of time trying to look the part (whatever that means).

And I can say without a doubt that I'm much happier the less I allow myself to think about it. The minimal wardrobe makes a difference.

So here it is: the excruciatingly detailed list of every item of clothing I own.

· 4 White T-Shirts

· 3 Black T-Shirts

· 1 Rainbow T-Shirt (PRIDE)

· 5 White Tank Tops

· 1 Rainbow Tank Top (PRIDE)

· 1 Casual Short

· 3 Gym Shorts

· 1 Swim Suit

· 1 Pair Sweats

· 1 Pajama Pant (Rarely worn. Can you spot Pikachu?)

· 2 Work Slacks

· 3 Ties (on Wednesdays we wear pink)

· 1 Set Arm Covers

· Set of Winter Gear (Beanie, Gloves, Scarf, Winter is Terrible 0/10)

· 2 Light Jackets

· 2 Heavy Coats

· 2 Sweatshirts

· 4 White Button Up Shirts

· 1 Casual Button Up Shirt

· 1 Black Polo

· 1 Pair Jeans

· 2 Pairs Casual Shoes

· 1 Pair Work Shoes

· 1 Pair Flip Flops

· And (Not Pictured) a Normal Amount of Socks and Underwear

#minimalism #on wednesdays we wear pink #pride #marie kondo

Maps

This is a post from January 2020. After my ex and daughter moved out I felt like my life was completely uprooted. I devised an intentionality experiment that did end up helping. I wasn’t very faithful at looking at it every day but every few weeks throughout this year I’ve touched back on it to keep me grounded. I update it as I go. It’s a useful tool in my life.

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I feel lost all of the time. It's kind of the hallmark of my personality.

Living on my own for the past few weeks has been a new and surreal experience. All of my previous routines, habits, and structures have all but fallen apart-- and I have too. It's amazing how quickly I've adapted to unhealthy ways to cope with food, alcohol, social media, and anything else I can get my hands on.

A few nights ago, at least one drink too far, I turned off the lights to go to bed and fell to my knees by my bedside. I don't know if I believe in God, but out loud I said, "God, if you're there. Help me get back on track." That is all I had. I crawled into bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.

That prayer has been ringing in my head ever since. I am a firm believer that there are only two kinds of people in this world:

Those who are lost.

Those who know they are lost.

I wonder what would happen if I could consistently stay in the second category. That sounds weird but think about it. If you know you are lost-- you know exactly where you are. All you would need then is a map.

This realization has left me with more clarity than I've had in ages. All I need is a map, and to reference it constantly. So today I sat down and made my map:

This "Grid" is a one-glance look at the person I am trying to become. The person I am trying to become is an Intentional Minimalist, a Truth Seeker, a Bodybuilder, a Cook, an Instructional Designer, and a Kick-Ass Student. Next to each category are sections for what I need to do daily to become that. As you move along the side you then see what that would mean accomplishing over the next 90-days, year, and lifetime.

It's time for a simple life-design challenge. What if I looked at this Grid-Road-Map thing every morning and night for the next month? What would happen?

I can promise you it won't mean perfect execution. But would it mean realizing more often that I'm off course and help me chart my way back? Let's find out.

#existential crisis #self improvement

The One Where I Cried In Front of the Managers - 2550 Weeks

The following is a post from February 2020 where I (once again) had an existential crisis and got emotional while teaching a class. Little did I know this would be the last time I would ever see them again-- Coronavirus began to surge the next month and I changed jobs. Cherish every moment you get of every chapter of your life.

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Five minutes left of training-- and they're the last five we'll ever get.

I was training a class of a dozen managers for work in Las Vegas. Despite the fatigue of 8-hours of training now behind us, I'm feeling alive. And also terribly sad. In this room are twelve of my friends who I have come to love over the last three years. Las Vegas has been my home away from home as every couple of months I come down to spend a week at a time training, coaching, and ultimately loving everyone I meet.

My friends in this room, however, don't realize what the end of this training marks. It's the last time we'll ever be in a room together like this again.

"From the bottom of my heart, thank you for being here today. You all make flying down to Vegas completely worth it. I hope Ryan and I have taught you things today that you will be able to use to make a difference. I want to leave you with a final thought to wrap up the day:"

"If you use me as an example, I have about 2550 weeks left to live."

The class goes silent.

One manager speaks up both confused and amused, "... are you terminal?". Everyone lets out a nervous laugh.

"If I live to an average life expectancy of 77 years old I have about 2550 weeks left to live. That might be more than what you think, that might be less than what you think, but that's about what I've got. I have 2550 weeks left to make a difference in my life."

"If I work for the Credit Union for the next 10-years, i have about 520-weeks left in this phase of my life to make a difference. If I'm a trainer for the next 5-years, I have 260-weeks left to make a difference in this phase of my life. If I count the number of times I have left to see each of you in this room face-to-face..."

My voice cracks. Shit. I'm getting emotional.

"... I can count that number on one hand."

Everyone starts to realize what this is. It is the last time.

"By the end of this year, Erik will be replacing Ryan and I as the coach over Las Vegas, and then my opportunities to make a difference in this phase of my life are done. I will be completely out of opportunities. Each and every phase of our lives will eventually come to an end, and when they do we tend to look back and reflect on whether or not we squeezed every bit of joy, goodness, and contribution out of it that we could."

"This goes for all of you. I have one final thing I want you to do for me today. In the back of your training books I want you to open up to the final blank page. I want you to write down how long you think you're going to be in your position before you move branches, get promoted, change careers, move out of state, or whatever else comes next in your life. Make a real estimate and make that number real by writing it down in your books. Once you do, don't show anyone your answer and close your books behind it."

The class quietly gets to work. Some look unsure. Some look thoughtful. Everyone looks suddenly aware of their mortality. Within 30-seconds everyone has written their answer.

"That number you just wrote down is real. It's more real than you could ever believe and it will be here before you know it. I hope that you will take what you learned today and apply it to make a difference in the world so that when that final day comes, and when you are reflecting back, you will know without a doubt that you gave everything you could to squeezing every bit of joy and goodness out of this time."

I pause for just a brief moment-- I feel the emotion swelling in my throat. I know they're going to hear it this time but I refuse to cry. I start one last time, this time my voice is quiet.

"I have a vision where each of us can get to the end of each phase of our lives and we can look back with no regrets."

I clear my throat, put on a smile, and dismiss the class. For the last time.

#existential crisis #teaching #cried like a baby

Señorita

This is a post from late 2019. I had an existential crisis, cried in traffic, and felt gratitude over the influence of a deceased friend.

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I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Can I get an amen from the crowd?

... I fully expect you to say it.

I teach people for a living as a trainer and it's amazing. But I keep running into job postings that pay more, sound great on a resume, and provide "opportunities for career growth" (whatever that means). After weeks of debating what to do, I was starting to feel exhausted.

And then Señorita happened.

I don't know where she came from. I was sitting in traffic on my way to work when Kathy Taylor, my high school Spanish teacher and friend came into my mind (we called her Señorita for short). I felt immediately sad. She passed away last year after a surgical complication took her life. I've been trying real hard to fully feel difficult emotions, so instead of ignoring it I dive in.

I remember sitting in the back of her class years after graduating. I had been feeling lost in life and felt drawn to the idea of becoming a teacher, so I asked if I could sit in one of her classes to observe and get a feeling on if i wanted to do this with my life. I don't remember a thing about what Spanish she taught her class that day, but I do remember her teaching them the importance of learning people's names. Names, she said, are the key to helping people feel important, to making friends, and to living a life of community. Something must have clicked in my head because as I sat in the back of the class-- this weird kid who graduated but never left-- I decided I was going to take her advice.

From that point forward I made it an effort to constantly learn people's names. At work, at school, or at the gym, I'm always that weirdo that asks, "hey, what's your name? I'm Spencer." I created a system of writing down names so I wouldn't forget. I could write at length on this, but this single habit has transformed my friendships, my work, and without a doubt my life.

But that was then. This is now, and I'm still sitting in traffic with tears streaming down my face as I remember the life of my great friend. I was about ready to abandon the exercise when I noticed something forming underneath the mourning-- gratitude, and joy, and love. This woman would never know how the lessons she taught me changed my life, but her life and her legacy lives on through me and every student in that class. I felt strangely overwhelmed with joy.

It would take me several more days to finalize my decision, but as I drove and cleared the tears from my eyes I knew without a doubt what I needed to do. There will always be jobs that pay more. There will always be jobs that sound better on a resume. And there will always be jobs that provide better career growth.

But I'll be damned if I don't leave a legacy like Senorita's. I must teach.

Rest in peace, Kathy. We miss you.

#existential crisis #cried like a baby

Kind of Mormon

This is a post from December 2019 after I submitted my request to leave the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. You can take the boy from the mormons but you can’t take the mormons from out of the boy.

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I submitted my request to no longer be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints earlier this month. At the beginning of the new year I will no longer be a Mormon.

After receiving my request the Stake President, the man in charge of multiple congregations in my area, messaged me and asked if I would be willing to meet with him and share my story. I respect this man a lot and so I agreed.

I told him the short version of growing up gay in the church. As a kid I hated that all the other kids teased me for acting or sounding gay (I didn't even know what that meant but I resented them for it). At 14 I realized I was gay but thought it would go away. At 16 my mom found out but I immediately told her that it was just a phase. At 19 I told my friend (and future wife) and left home on a church mission and fully believed that I wouldn't be gay when I got back.

I still was.

I thought it would go away when I got married.

It didn't.

After a few years I started to question whether I believed in God or not and that presented an awkward question: If God isn't real then what the hell am I doing? Will I go my whole life without really being myself? Eventually this was too much to handle; it led to my divorce and now leaving the church.

I was a little embarrassed because I cried multiple times while telling the story, but that feeling went away when I realized that the Stake President was crying with me. I can't quote his exact words, but at the end of our conversation he said something like, "Of course I want you to stay. Regardless of your decision though, I hope that you always remember that you have a home in the Church. Our doors, and my door, are always open. Don't shut the door on us." We hugged and went our separate ways.

I've been thinking about that comment ever since. I'm realizing that no matter what I will always kind of be a Mormon.

Even when I leave the church: still kind of Mormon.

Even when I'm in a relationship with a man: still kind of Mormon.

Even with several tattoos: still kind of Mormon.

Even when I'm hung over: still kind of Mormon.

The Mormons have made me who I am today, and I owe them a debt of gratitude. We don't agree on my sexuality, but with that I said I have never met a group of people anywhere that are trying as hard as the Mormons are to just do the right thing-- do the right thing by God, do the right thing by others, and do the right thing by the world. Even after coming out of the closet and resigning from the church they have still given me nothing but love.

Some Mormons are real jack-asses. But the great majority have loved me, supported me, taught me, helped me, looked out for me, and made me who I am.

My thoughts towards the Church will inevitably change over time. They may turn sour. But I think that one thing is for certain:

I will always be kind of a Mormon.

#mormon #gay #church

Everything That Remains

The following is post from January 2020 the night my ex-wife and daughter moved out. It was easily one of the darkest nights of my life-- but good things were yet to come. I “met” my future partner the next day.

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It's 2:20 in the morning and I'm not sure why I'm sitting here. I should just go to bed but writing feels like the only right thing to do.

I just got home and feel like I've just stepped into an alternate universe. Today I went to work and then straight to a friend's house for the evening, and meanwhile Kenzie and her family have been busy all day helping her move. Today was the scheduled day and so I shouldn't feel shocked by this scene, but walking into the apartment a few minutes ago the reality of what's going on hit me.

This is real. I'm on my own.

The closets are empty of everything except my few belongings. Lucy's books, clothes, and toys are gone. And the walls are almost completely bare-- the wall decor has long belonged to Kenzie. The white walls are staring me down the most. The photos are gone and seemingly the memories are too.

My daughter is sleeping soundly in another home tonight. I walked into her empty bedroom and my eyes fell instantly on a book she left for me: A Daniel Tiger book called, "I Love You, Dad". This is too much and I instantly start to cry. This fucking hurts.

I've heard stories of people looking back at the moments of their lives that hurt the most, and wishing more than anything to be able to go back in time to tell themselves, "keep going. Don't you give up. This is the moment things turn around. This is the moment you finally learn. Here is where you find something in you that you never knew you had. Keep going."

I sure as hell hope that's the case.

Goodnight.

#existential crisis #cried like a baby

October 15: Discovering What I Already Knew

Today’s moment didn’t come from my intentional checklist but it may as well have. Yesterday I listened to a podcast with Lewis Howes and Cal Newport where Cal recommended that people pick up a habit of walking to help them think and perform better. I thought, why not, so I took a 30 minute walk on my lunch break. Time will tell if it makes a difference in my work, but I felt refreshed by it all the same.

While walking, I thought about what I want to be doing with my life and oddly came to a conclusion that I already had in my mind previously-- only this time with greater clarity that it was, in fact, the right decision. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned about myself, it’s that I need clarity. If today is any indicator on a way to increase clarity, I’ll be walking much more often.

October 14: Time For Me to Figure Me Out

Essential Checklist Item #6: Blog

This very post was pretty much the most important item I designated for today-- I like myself better when I’m blogging and I haven’t done much of that for weeks. Despite the fact that I’ve largely been feeling good about my direction in life, over the past month I’ve felt so out of control until the point this weekend where I felt like I had to change something. The theme of this weekend became, “Let’s do things we can’t take back.” So that’s what I did.

I told the last few people that I was worried about talking to that I was gay. Pretty much everyone knows now. Kenzie and I had her post about our divorce on Facebook-- that’s official. I deleted almost all of my social media accounts (they weren’t adding anything to my life except distraction). I committed to stick to several keystone habits with a friend and if I don’t follow through then I owe her money. I recommitted to school with the same friend who I’ll owe money if I don’t do the work.

Finally ending my weekend, tonight I escaped for a night-time walk-- far superior to daytime walks-- to clear my head. I pulled up this song and listened to it practically on repeat. Brian, the singer, wrote this song during one of the most lost-moments of his life.

If you want to hear what clarity sounds like, check it out.

#check it out

At Least I Meditated: September 17

Intentional Checklist Item #2: Meditate

I pretty much failed at doing anything on my intentional checklist today. I taught a class at work that took most of my time, got distracted at home (I fell down the twitter hole bad), and ultimately didn’t have much to show for the day.

I got up late, after having a bad night’s sleep, but I did at least take 10 minutes to sit down and meditate. Today was day 13 of not missing a day of meditating and I’m starting to feel the difference. I told a friend at work recently that meditating could make you 10% happier-- I think I was wrong.

I’m at least 20% happier.

From meditating, I’m noticing that I’m much better at handling stress, fear, loneliness, and the like. When I’m feeling mild negative emotions, its almost like they’re losing power to really upset me. I’m much more likely to look at them with curiosity and think, “hmm, I’m feeling lonely right now. The human condition is so interesting.” I’m practically enlightened.

Mel Robbins is a powerhouse speaker with one of the top 20 TEDx talks in the world. This former criminal defense attorney turned on-air commentator and CNN c...

Intentional Checklist Item #5: Cook. Be present.

But if I go to Costa Vida I can still get a healthy meal.

I have a coupon to Panda Express.

I need more time tonight to get things done. Picking up dinner will be in my best interest.

And 50 other self-sabotaging thoughts. I almost gave in too, until I remembered this interview with Mel Robbins and she came loud into my head saying,“YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO FEEL LIKE IT.”

Dammit Mel. Out loud I said, “5, 4, 3, 2, 1″ and got to cooking.

The One Where I Told Church I Was Gay: September 15

Intentional Checklist Item #1: Prepare Sunday School Lesson

Being a gay mormon makes things complicated.

I only recently came out of the closet but still haven’t told anyone at church. This morning I was preparing a lesson for an adult Sunday School class of 60 or so people, and while preparing I realized that coming out to them would not only tie into the lesson, but also show a huge amount of vulnerability that makes a class memorable. I planned it into my lesson and then had high anxiety about it for the next few hours before teaching.

As I sat down in the room before class, I tried to talk myself out of it. The average age of my congregation is sixty-five, they’ll mob me. I stood up to begin teaching and I knew that I was going to do it anyways.

“Today we’ll be exploring how challenges and trials are in reality one of the greatest blessings of our lives...” (I’m sweating.)

“Trials may look like those my mother faces with health...” (I’m shaking.)

“Trials may look like those of my youngest brother dealing with moving to a new school...” (I’m freaking out.)

“I’ve only recently begun talking about my own challenges of being a gay member of the church...” (I’m free.)

Instantly I saw looks of admiration, instantly I saw looks of confusion-- instantly, I didn’t care anymore. I had their attention. The lesson went perfect and i delivered a genuine message on allowing the trials of life to change us. Others shared their lessons learned in trials, several class members teared up (and I teared up with them), and it seemed as though everyone stayed engaged for each moment of class. I did not mention being gay again.

At the close of the class, a woman I do not know stood to offer the closing prayer. I can’t quote her exact words, but in essence she prayed, “We are grateful, Heavenly Father, for Brother Peacock and his gift to teach us powerfully the gospel, and his ability to help us understand clearly the message of the scriptures. We pray for his ongoing blessing and strength.” I immediately began to tear up. As she ended, and I whispered a quiet “amen”, I was instantly overcome with emotion. Before I left the building, a dozen or so of the class members stopped me and complimented the class as being one of the best they had ever been to. Several members made comments on my ability to be vulnerable and it made all the difference on the feeling of the class. Each time, I gave my sincerest gratitude for their compliment and held back tears.

Lucy and I got to the car when most of the parking lot had already cleared out. I buckled her in and climbed into the car myself. I started the car, and buried my face in my hands and wept. Lucy, sweet as ever, offered to sing Twinke Twinkle Little Star to me to cheer me up.

I wept because the #1 thing about coming out, getting a divorce, and embracing being gay that still fucks me up is that i now have to choose between my heart, and my faith. Teaching that class awoke in me the feelings of love i have for my church and what it has meant to me my entire life. Soon I have to resign from my church-- as I begin dating men I must either leave or face church discipline to be kicked out. I wept as I saw two of the most important things in my life clashing, with no way for both to make it out alive.

But I am a truth seeker. Out there is the truth of what is right and what is wrong. I will find it, and i will live it. Right now I am drawn to finding the love of a guy who can love me back, and I feel what seems like the approval of God in doing so. I may have to step into the fog to see what is on the other side, but I believe in a God that will see me through.

I pray to God that he will see me through.

Intentional Checklist Item #3: Start a Marie-Kondo style tidying marathon of my life.

If you haven’t read Marie Kondo’s, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up-- do. When I feel like I need a reset, her process is my go-to first-step. I quickly went through my clothes (already well curated), and started through my books. Quickly I found a few that no longer served me and put them in the donation pile. Amongst them I found a book I got at work called, Five: Where will you be five years from today?.

That’s what I want to know.

It’s a workbook of sorts to help you design your life. I was instantly interested that the first step in the workbook is to define your personal values. This reminded of a commitment I never followed through on when I read, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, where I remember Mark Manson saying that you’ll care way too much about the trivial stuff until you explicitly define what you’re going to give a fuck about. I never did this myself despite saying that I would. I dusted off the cover of, Five, and put it on the kitchen counter. This is now my project for the week.

Intentional Checklist Item #1: Continue Working on Vision Board

Today on the flight home from Vegas, I wrote in my journal to envision the life I want to live. I decided that I would take themes of things I wrote down, and those that i posted on my Pinterest board, and paste them into the front of my journal to look at every morning and night.

I’ve done something similar before with the first page of several of my journals. I like to keep the front page of every journal empty at first, and then periodically fill it in with messages and doodles that inspire me. For example on this page you’ll see a doodle of a winding path between New York and San Fransisco. This is there to remind me that it doesn’t matter if you feel off track, it only matters that you keep getting back on course.

I want more inspiration in my life, and having something to refer back to frequently is just what i need.

Intentional Checklist Item #1: Envision the life I want to live.

Tonight I created a Pinterest vision board of sorts with several images that represent what I want in life so I can constantly imagine them in my head. I want to find a guy to grow my family with, I want to live in clean modern spaces, I want to be fit, I want to teach, I want to surround myself with food and people to feed.

I think the Law of Attraction is a bunch of bull shit, but I think it works for reasons unintended. If you are constantly thinking about what you want, treating it like you already have it and it’s yours, then your mind is going to work tirelessly to figure out how to make that a reality. No magic frequency needed.

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