𝄞⋆.𑣲˚don’t leave for that long again…𝄞⋆.𑣲˚
1.5k words
enjin x f!reader
emotional dependency, unhealthy attachment, praise kink undertones, touch-starved, dependency issues, angst, fluff
you spend two weeks trying not to lose your mind without enjin around. it doesn’t work.
you tried to knit something, anything to keep your hands busy and your mind away from the thing eating you alive with anxiety.
with today, it had been fourteen days since you’d last seen him. you knew he was busy, always buried at the barracks or drowning in a million unfinished responsibilities.
most of the time, you tried to be understanding, really. but the anxiety of whether he’d come back for you was too much. it suffocated you, pissed you off, made you more dependent than you’d ever admit out loud.
you tried everything to stay occupied, working, crafting, reading, going on walks, whatever kept your mind from spiraling , but your sanity was already being chewed apart by your own attachment.
you didn’t wanna call him either. you never knew if he’d even be available, and by now, the collar around your neck felt suffocating. you kept telling yourself it was out of consideration, but the truth was pathetic; you just wanted him to call first.
it drove you fucking insane not knowing what he was doing.
if he was okay.
if he was thinking about you
if he missed you as much as you missed him.
if you haunted his mind the same way he haunted yours.
you knitted faster, needles moving almost violently in your hands, frustration bleeding into every motion.
sometimes you wished you could stop needing your stupid boyfriend so much.
but then you’d think about the way he smelled. clean skin ruined by cigarette smoke, his hands, chipped painted nails, unreal golden hair, the heavy tattoos stretched across his body… and the feeling never lasted long.
more than once, you thought about calling someone from the barracks to ask about him. the idea died almost immediately. god, that would be fucking pathetic.
what if he got hurt?
what if he found someone else?
what if he was just tired of you?
you kept promising yourself you wouldn’t let him disappear for this long again. assuming he even bothered coming back
eventually, you dropped the yarn and your half-finished work, feeling pathetic, clingy, needy. how the fuck had someone become your entire center so completely that you couldn’t even function without them around?
you wanted to cry, kick something, run out and search for him yourself, but instead you just grabbed your pajamas and crawled into bed, turning off the dim lamps around the room.
softness wrapped around you. the warmth of the sheets should’ve been comforting, but sleep never came. you felt like an addict going through withdrawal.
you couldn’t even remember the last time your life had meant this much before he barged into it and consumed you so completely he practically owned every piece of who you were.
how were you supposed to feel peaceful now? how were you supposed to breathe without anxiety clawing at your ribs? how were you supposed to exist without this ache gnawing through your bones and nerves?
you don’t know how many hours pass. it feels endless. all you hear is the constant ticking of the clock, your own miserable breathing, your restless shifting beneath the blankets, like the only place your body truly fit was in his arms.
like the only place you were allowed to exist was inside his praise.
somewhere between exhaustion and painful awareness, you hear the click of the locks at the door.
like a goddamn puppy, you bolt upright and stumble toward the sound. you’d spent fourteen days waiting for it. fourteen fucking days.
you almost sob when you see him walk in, the clock glowing 5:00 a.m. as you run barefoot toward him, throwing yourself into his arms. one of his hands digs hard into the back of your thighs, rough, possessive, damn near bruising, while the other clamps around your waist.
it’s like breathing oxygen again, his scent flooding your lungs.
“thank god you’re back…” you whisper, clinging desperately to his neck, his freshly cropped hair brushing your fingers. tears immediately blur your vision as you press yourself tighter against his solid body.
“fuck, enjin, where the hell have you been…?” you choke out between sobs.
he lets out this asshole little laugh you don’t buy for a second, but his arms tighten around you anyway.
“missed you so much,” he murmurs against your hair
you shake your head. there’s nothing pretty about the way you cry into his chest, no graceful way to put into words the relief of having him here again, of breathing him in, hearing that rough voice vibrate through his chest.
“i… i missed you more…” you sob softly.
and that disgusting cigarette smell filling your lungs again somehow feels like the only thing you’ve needed for the past two weeks.
you pull back just enough to look at him.
“why didn’t you call?” you ask, hurt bleeding through every word.
your fist hits his chest weakly.
“i thought you forgot about me. i know being a cleaner is fucking exhausting, but you could’ve warned me or something. you can’t just disappear like that, what the hell is wrong with you…?”
before you can keep rambling, his hand grabs the back of your neck and crashes his mouth against yours. the kiss is desperate, wet with your tears, full of every apology your stupid boyfriend refuses to say out loud.
you kiss him back just as desperately, soft where he’s rough.
his hands squeeze at your body hard enough to make you feel claimed, bruised by his touch alone.
he stumbles forward until your back slams into the wall. your hands barely leave his neck before tangling in the collar of his jacket instead.
you drag him closer, and he presses you harder against the wall, swallowing every inch of your mouth like he owns it. a small, pained whimper slips from your throat.
he pulls away just enough to look at you. those golden eyes carry something painfully devoted, like he’s suffered through this just as badly as you have.
“was busy, sweetheart. got that needy without me?” he teases softly, thumb brushing beneath your wet eyes. “look at you. crying all pretty for me.”
you let out a shaky breath, almost angry.
“that’s seriously all you have to say, idiot?” you mutter. “you disappear for almost two weeks and that’s your excuse?”
he starts kissing your neck, dizzying you almost immediately.
“easy, needy girl…” he laughs against your sensitive skin. “gone a few days and you turn into a fucking mess on me…”
you huff and smack his shoulder lightly.
“your fault,” you whisper when he finally pulls back to look at you. he walks you toward the bed before shoving you down onto it without much gentleness. “what the hell did you do to me? i can’t get you out of my head…”
your tiny sleep shirt barely covers your body.
your boy stands over you, staring openly.
you prop yourself up on your elbows.
he looks overwhelming like this, all dark shape and broad shoulders, enough to completely undo you.
“aw, still crying, pretty thing?” he murmurs while shrugging off his jacket and tossing it somewhere into the dark room. “missed you too. fuck, i missed you bad.” his voice sounds wrecked, exhausted, as he leans over you.
his tattooed arms cage you in on both sides.
you smile weakly at him, his breath warm against your lips. lifting your head slightly, you kiss the edge of his jaw.
“missed you so much, asshole…” you mumble against his skin.
he leans down further until his lips barely brush yours
“i know, baby.” both of you smile faintly into the kiss before it deepens again, needier this time, his hands gripping your hips through the thin fabric.
you cling to his mouth, eyes burning with tears again.
“don’t leave for that long again…” you whisper, wrapping your legs around his waist to keep him there.
“you don’t get to order me around, pretty girl,” he laughs softly.
you pull him down harder with your legs until his weight nearly crushes you into the mattress, heavy, possessive, suffocating in the best way possible.
“but i missed you too fucking much,” he murmurs against your lips while sliding your sleep shirt higher up your thighs, “so i think i’ll stay put for a while.”
“don’t say ‘i think,’ enjin. promise me…” you pout softly, pressing little kisses against the corner of his mouth.
he rolls his eyes, his weight on top of you barely letting you breathe properly.
“what do you want me to say, huh, needy thing?” he kisses you again while lazily hooking a finger beneath the edge of your panties. “i need you,” he mutters against your mouth.
the relief of having him close again, his weight pinning you down, being pressed so hard into the mattress you can barely breathe, it feels closer to freedom than anything you’ve experienced in the last two weeks.
you nod obediently beneath him.
“yeah… me too,” you whisper before finally giving in to him completely