Many people are asking me: are you fine? Are you okay?
Always my answer is yes. Then they Look at me with raised eyebrows: really? They ask.
But what do you expect? How could I tell you the truth, if not even I myself understand.
No, I am not fine. And no I am not okay.
Just because I smile, it doesn‘t mean I am happy.
Every day I long to be somewhere else, with someone else, being a other Person.
But that is not the Point. Inside of me there is this lingering agonizing pain.
It comes from all corners. It‘s eating, beating, tearing me up.
It‘s like a dark shadow, laying over everything.
It‘s hurting and destroying me.
It‘s the enemy I can‘t escape, I can‘t destroy.
Somedays it‘s small, barely noticing it.
But then there a days it‘s so unbelievable big I can‘t help but only cry.
But only at night, when I am alone, laying in my room, not surrounded by people.
Cause crying makes you weak.
Cause crying makes me look like something is wrong with me.
I have to be strong for everybody.
Tears aren‘t a symbol of strength.
But I can‘t help myself, continuing every day after day, the same routine.
Looking for an outway But stuck in the same Place.
So please I wish you would stop asking me if I am okay.
Cause the truth to all those people asking is: I am not fine. I am not okay.
I am only searching for a way of getting out, of this hell.