Knowing who it was on the other end of the interaction was enough for Selin to immediately calm down and come to her senses. Leaning all her weight onto one side of her leg, the she-wolf crossed her arms and cleared her throat as she casted her gaze downwards and took a moment to take a breather. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply and huffed an exhale before glancing back up to meet the other woman’s gaze. “Hi.” she greeted, going off of Sara’s intentions for being here. When her best friend hit her with what felt like a million dollar question, Sel immediately blurted out, “—I don’t know.”
At times, her own solitude was the answer to everything. Shutting down and completely being tied to only herself and her own sentiments was sometimes the way to go. However, because of Sara’s efforts and the fact that the other had seen her at her lowest low, the question of being alone or not was a hard one to answer. Sighing heavily, she shook her head and replied with, “You can stay.” She found comfort in her presence after all as Sara was one of the few people who could get her out of a rut.
“Sorry, there’s been a lot on my mind.” Before she could beat her to it, the athlete shrugged and added, “Not sure what to tell you, but I’m sure I’ll be alright…I mean what’s the worst that can happen to me?” Probably death, which she was always open to. However, she preferred not to disclose that and instead, tried to steer the conversation onto a positive note. “Are you out here for a break? It’s nice no?…Very serene…peaceful even.”
If Sara didn’t know better, she would probably let the voices in her head trick her into thinking that Selin was making the utmost effort into allowing the other woman to remain in her company. It wasn’t like that. She told herself. It was not like that. They both had gone through a lot in their lives, from what it seemed, and they hadn’t even reached their thirties yet. Selin more than Sara had--though, this was not a competition. And it would not be turned into one.
Upon hearing there was a lot in her friend’s mind, Sara nodded slowly. She understood the feeling. It was overwhelming sometimes. Not to be able to shut one’s brain off. Placing her shoes on the sand, Sara brushed her hands behind her dress and held it close to her body as she sat down on her converse shoes, not really caring about getting grains on her clothes, but not making an effort to get them dirty either. “Is it something you’d like to talk to me about?” She offered instead. Sara knew how it easy it was for Selin to shut everyone out. To mistake her lonesome for independence. They often argues about that. Her therapist had taught her ways to offer help without actually overstepping anyone’s boundaries, so that was what she often tried with Selin.
The woman’s questions made Sara nod. Her eyelids fluttered closed while a cool breeze hit her face, causing the woman to wrap her cardigan closer to her body. “I am. The seaside here reminds me of home, for some reason.” And she bit her tongue, before saying anything about thinking of moving back to San Francisco. It was just an idea, not a decision made. “I’ve just been feeling nostalgic lately.”
