Mira @mirasiberia - Tumblr Blog

PT moments in HXH that hit hard after experiencing their backstory (Part II electric boogaloo)

You can find part I here. I recommend you check it out before reading this second part (for maximum amount of emotional pain). Though really it's completely fine to disregard my recommendation. Doesn't matter terribly much tbh. Anyway let's get this masochist party started!

⸸ Phinks and Feitan still being BFFs

I know, I know; this isn't really a "moment" as such, nor is it sad, but I'm counting it regardless because this is my post and I'm free to tweak or even break my own rules on occasion. I will stick mostly to pain and sadness and misery after this deviation though dw. Also this might very well become depressing if/when one or both die on the Black Whale

Anyway, while not sad, it still does hit me in the feels that these two have stayed best friends for two decades. A loyal and strong friendship is never not touching. Even if said friends are mass murdering sadists.

As adults they're more often than not hanging out, tend to team up both in the field and in disputes within the Troupe, engage in very family friendly contests, and enjoy teasing each other.

As kids they're constantly seen together. Their very first backstory appearance have them as a bike riding duo

Look at these little dorks. Look at Phinks' stupid haircut. Look at Feitan wielding a bat as big as himself. They both look so adorably dumb I'm crying

On the topic of BFFs though, I think it was an interesting choice of Togashi's to not have a single scene between Nobu and Uvo in the backstory, considering how important their friendship were as adults and how hard the former was hit by the latter's death, even weeping openly and being the most intent of all the Troupe on revenge. Because of this I wish we'd gotten at least one moment between them in the backstory. But it might be that they formed their special friendship a while after the events of 397.

On the same token, it's interesting that Uvo and Machi seemed to have shared a big brother/little sister relationship as kids, whereas we don't really see them interact as adults. It stands to reason that Machi must have been hit very hard by his death too, but since she isn't really the expressive type I suppose it isn't too odd that we didn't get to see her reaction to it, unlike Nobu who is much more sentimental and outwardly emotional. Still, now that I know how close they were as kids, I would have loved to have had some scenes between them as adults.

⸸ "I wanted to be stronger than anything..."

This admission of Uvogin's, combined with the event that accompanies it (that being his "gorilla vs ants" fight against the mafia), recalls his childhood dream of being the world's greatest villain

It always floors me when I realize that this dream of being a great villain and putting on shows across the world together would actually come true; only in a much more literal and gruesome fashion than young Uvo imagined.

This is a strike of (quite dark) ironic brilliance on the part of Togashi.

It just makes me so sad to think about. The baby Troupe's ambitions and desires were innocent and well-meaning. They wanted to become famous for a genuinely sweet and sympathetic cause. Instead they became infamous and eventually lost any justification they once had for their actions, both embodying and far surpassing the villains from their dubbing shows. They had gone from actors to monsters.

(There were legitimate and understandable reasons behind their early deeds, such as the killings of Risnorth and other predators. They did society a favor there. Rest in piss to those asswipes. But they then went completely off the deep end likely due to their still unresolved trauma and anger, lashing out at the world at large and becoming crueler and more reprehensible until it all culminated with the Kurta Massacre, for which there can never be any justification. At that stage, they had probably long ceased to care about justifications anyway. Villainy had simply become second nature to them by then, and compassion or care for anyone but each other and their home a foreign concept.)

⸸ Machi's ability to stitch severed body parts back together

You know where I'm going with this. You know how crushingly sad the reason behind this ability is.

It all originates from this moment. From her empathy and her care for her friends. From her inability to do anything for Sarasa other than cradle her dismembered remains. From her wanting to be able to do for her remaining friends what she couldn't do for Sarasa, should a similar fate befall them.

Machi's ability stems from trauma, grief, and compassion.

Which ties into...

⸸ "Machi is a nice person at heart"

Shalnark's statement is relative ofc. By Phantom Troupe and mass murderer standards, it holds true enough. By her victims' (or most normal peoples) standards... not so much.

But I would argue that Machi is indeed likely the most compassionate and kindhearted of all the Troupe members (the bar is needless to say in hell). But that held true even in childhood (with the arguable exception of Chrollo, whose most outstanding personality traits as a child were compassion and kindness), before any of them had become horrible or even bad people. That is best seen in the panel above, where Machi hugs Sarasa's remains and apologizes to her, empathizing with the pain and fear she must have suffered in her final moments, as well as in her later desire to learn how to embalm as a direct result of this incident.

In addition of her Phantom Troupe job, she works as a medic (for a high payment, but still.) Unlike some other adult members, she doesn't express overt sadistic intent or glee in her murderous actions. It feels more like it's just part of the job to her. She is deeply devoted to Chrollo and is like Paku, Nobu and Kortopi determined to save his life even if it means potential danger to herself as well as betraying the Spider ideology (and Chrollo himself). She is seen guarding Pakunoda's grave. She wants no part in the Greed Island shenanigans. She honors the deal she made with Hisoka to stitch him up after his battle with Chrollo, even thanking him for helping to exorcise the latter.

Machi was not born bad. The person she grew up to be came about not through amy inherent evil, but through circumstances. The same can be said for the other PT members too, but she is arguably the one who has managed to retain most of her childhood compassion, though of course it doesn’t extend far enough to show mercy for any of the Troupe's targets or victims.

⸸ Phinks lending Shizuku his clothes

You know, this cute little moment

It reminds me of Sarasa's words about him in chapter 396

Her words are further borne out by panels like this in 397, where his worry for her is palpable

Sarasa implies the same of Uvogin; that he too is a marshmallow on the inside.

Which leads me neatly to

⸸ "Uvo would never admit it... but he worked better when he was looking out for someone"

This insight from Franklin, plus moments like Uvogin kissing Shalnark on the cheek and panels in the backstory like this one below confirms Sarasa's belief.

She truly had a good understanding of her friends, didn't she ;_; that's partly why I think she was so protective of Chrollo; like Pakunoda, she was well aware of and treasured his kindness and light.

And speaking of Chrollo...

⸸ "How can you kill people who have nothing to do with you?"

I've spoken about this moment and how terrific it is before. His expression is so raw and so visceral and such a terrifying gut punch the first time you experience it (no wonder it made Gon unsettled—I would have shat my pants quite frankly).

But with the context of the backstory, his reflexive expression becomes more like a stab to the heart. To me it confirms the suspicion of triggered trauma that I had once I'd pondered over the panel after the first initial shock (prior to reading the backstory). It makes all too much sense for Chrollo to be triggered, because to ask this question is to dig right to the core of the childhood tragedy that changed the course of his life; to make him face it (and his own hypocrisy) in a way he likely never has since becoming an adult. I doubt anyone (whether stranger, foe, or friend/family) has ever posed this question to him before. Hence why his usually iron composure momentarily fractures and his buried emotions become visible after being directly confronted with the issue; with having to face that he's now become the mask that he put on all those years ago (that of a villain), and more than that, that he's become in a way like the people responsible for his trauma.

This similarity is underscored in the "people who have nothing to do with you" part of Gon's question. Like Sarasa's murderers, Chrollo too kills and brutalizes people that he doesn't know, and like them he does it without remorse or care. Gon's question might very well have been one that young Chrollo would have asked Sarasa's killers; and now here he is standing in their position.

The scene reveals just how far Chrollo has been twisted and how much of a hypocrite he is. I also sense lingering grief and fury in his expression, but this is of course just my personal take on the scene and might be me reading too much into it.

Anyway the visceral death glare vanishes quickly; Chollo is mature enough to recognize the genuine (and naïve) curiosity behind Gon's question, and he quickly composes himself, even smiling briefly and actually engaging with the question... if not very satisfactorily (Killua's valid reaction being "wtf is with this dude??" while Gon just stares in mute disbelief). Usually so eloquent, it's notable that Chrollo is unable to provide a straightforward or even particularly comprehensible answer. This is (in my belief) likely due to more than one factor. One being that at this stage, Chrollo's identity crisis is such that he lacks full knowledge of himself; but also I just don't think he has any wish to divulge the brutal torture, murder and dismemberment of his little sister, which was after all the catalyst for his transformation into a murderer. Hence his comment that "I don't much like to talk about my motives".

Speaking of...

⸸ "I don't much like to talk about my motives"

Chrollo not wanting to talk about his motives is reminiscent of his refusal ever to talk about what was written on those notes found with Sarasa's body

(Have I talked about how devastatingly brilliant Togashi is at drawing expressions of grief and despair before? If I haven't, I will slap myself as penance because good lord is his work masterful.)

Furthermore, it makes me think of the cover art of volume 11, where Chrollo covers his mouth with his hand, something he does more than once throughout the series.

This mannerism feels deeply meaningful and poignant now that we know that he's carried a traumatic secret in silence all these years; one that very likely plays a major part of why his psyche became so broken and warped, and why he was so hellbent on killing Risnorth and the others responsible. It also speaks to his care for his friends that he both wants to preserve Sarasa's dignity, and shield the others from all the horrific details of her death; but this is to the detriment of his own wellbeing, since it means he has had to keep the knowledge to himself with no way to work through the trauma of it. It's been locked exclusively inside his own mind since he was a child. It's easy to understand how that would fuck up a person, especially when you take all the other trauma and circumstance into account.

⸸ The particular way Shalnark and Kortopi's corpses were displayed

It made a spectacle and "art" of their deaths, which for any of the original PT members would be an especially sore spot, since this particular brand of brutalization and display is what created the Spider in the first place.

Hisoka unknowingly added salt to an already grievous wound.

This (I think) plays at least some part in why Chrollo is spiraling so badly, to the point of his almost suicidal tunnel visioned obsession with revenge.

(The similarity between these panels just struck me as I'm writing this. On the left is eleven year old Chrollo hellbent on vengeance, on the right present day Chrollo spiraling down the same path)

And (I think) it's also partly why his mask is finally beginning to crumble, leaving him emotionally fragile and raw; his childhood trauma and grief (which he's never resolved, instead focusing on vengeance and on embodying his lifelong role as villain) has been triggered in the most brutal way.