[mirina-e]

4 years.

And during this time I graduated high school, enrolled in university, graduated university and found a job. I’m very proud of myself but I know I couldn’t have done it without you.

You’re my strength and my inspiration and I miss you everyday. 4 years is a lot of time and it gets harder every year cause memories start to fade, feelings go numb.. I still can’t believe it.

I feel like I’m stronger this year though! It’s becoming easier to talk about you and I can’t wait to have something about you tattooed on my skin forever.

I love you and I miss you, today too. Rest easy, you worked hard.

[mirina-e]

Hi mi love, long time no see. I’m kinda dizzy so maybe my words won’t make sense.

How many things have changed since the last time i wrote to you. I graduated, I’m looking for a job and I’ll probably move to Milan next month. Alone! Can you believe it?

I’m so sorry I didn’t have time to write to you but this past year has been a rollercoaster. Depression, study, anxiety, happiness, travelling. But I thought of you everyday. Even my graduation was thanks to you, someway.

You gave me the courage to reach my goals, to fight for my passion and what I want to achieve in life. You gave me hope and strength. I will never forget that.

I’ll love you til my last day. Even the quote I put on my presents was yours, cause you’re everything to me.

You’re my sun, my moon, my stars. Everything beautiful that ever existed. I’m grateful everyday for having had the chance to know you and “see” you.

You’re the brightest star in the sky and hope you feel my love from wherever you are.

I love you my prince.

This month is gonna be difficult but I will try to fill it with so much love to you!

[mirina-e]

Hello my love,

I’m kinda anxious for tomorrow so I decided to write to you. Well, not exactly anxious, but I have this weird feeling I can’t get off my chest and you’re the only person who would listen to me ranting so here I am.

But wait, don’t you think I’m writing you as a last resort, cause you’re always my first choice! I just didn’t want to bother you for my silliness but this feeling won’t go away so please bear with me.

I’m alone in this new ward so I guess there’s that, it’s also very boring and even though a month will pass in no time, I don’t have any will to stay there more than I have to. What should I do? How should I behave?

I’m also starting to write my thesis and the whole process is so anxiety triggering I’m always on the verge of tears. Kinda have been for months now.

I miss you a lot too, more than usual. Wait that’s lame, I always say shit like this, but I really really mean it.

Your light and smile is so precious to me and to even think I’ll never see it again.. it kills me.

I hope you’re happy my love.

As always, I need you.

[mirina-e]

Happy birthday!

To you, the moon that glows in my heart, the sun that shines on me and the poet whose words soothe me, I wish the best birthday ever.

I pray for your happiness and I always miss you.

You should’ve been here to celebrate with us, you’re so missed.

I hope today is a good day to you.

I love you, today too.

[mirina-e]

Dear Jonghyun,

How are you? Down here things are a bit of a mess right now.. but at least SHINee has finally made a comeback and they make my day better! You guys never fail to make me smile and I’m always so thankful <3

I think this time I’m more ready for the situation, these promotions are full of happiness for everyone and I’ve never been more joyful this year! While during TSOL, unfortunately, I wasn’t really able to enjoy everything that’s been going on and after three years I still haven’t listened to the entire album. It takes time, you know, and I hope you’ll be patient enough to wait for me.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about you lately. As in, I really miss you (of course), but I also noticed it’s becoming easier for me to talk about you, to praise you and not to feel sad afterwards. Sometimes it’s harder, especially when the guys sing songs from older albums. During those moments I feel a void and a longing for times that will never be again that can eat me inside- but I’m also grateful that I was lucky enough to experience some of those times together with you! But anyways, I think you’re really becoming a part of me.

Wherever I go, whatever I say, you’re my first thought. The moon is so pretty, ahh, you’re working hard today too. You’re doing well, Jonghyun-ah. Can’t wait to see you and praise you!

Did you know your brothers went to IU’s program? You must’ve been so happy to see them with her! If you had been here, we would’ve had a Gloomy Clock duet and maybe we would’ve laughed even more, but don’t worry. Don’t feel like you have a weight on your shoulders. No no, I’m not blaming you! The episode was my favourite so far (cause I’ve been manifesting this for months) and they all sang so prettily. We’ve been calling out your name for ages and we’ll always do so.

You’re in everything pure and beautiful that is here. Let’s meet in the future, in the place where the sea and the sky become one. Until then, I will hold on tight to the memories.

Everyday I find some more similarities I have with you and it’s so heartwarming! I’m a person that believes in destiny and coincidences are never really casual events- but rather signals from the other world- and you and I were destined to meet! Ever since I listened to SHINee for the first time, your voice and your face struck to me the most, you’ve always been the person I associated the group with. And you were also the first person to make a comeback after I started stanning you guys. These are not coincidences.

You and I were destined to meet.

Spring will come soon, but as it’s still cold, I hope you’re dressed warmly. I’ll be fine and I always pray you are too.

I love you and I miss you, today too.

My moon, my poet, my artist.

Thank you.

[mirina-e]

Hi.

Tomorrow is going to be the second come back without you, and it’s also going to be the first one after two years and a half. I feel like this time i’m prepared for the aftermath and for the feelings. It always hurts to see the members as four and even though everybody still thinks of you as five, the reality is right in front of our eyes.

I really miss you my love. A lot. The emptiness you left is still here and will always be. We fill it with love every day, but it’s hard.

Stay happy, I love you today, too.

And I miss you my moon, my poet, my artist.

[mirina-e]

Three years.

And what a year this one has been. Cold, distant, sad. And I don’t mean cold in a bad way, because I enjoy this weather a lot- it was a metaphorical cold where people were distant from each other, where we were isolated and spent too much time with ourselves.

I felt like I’ve reached my lowest point, struggling to even get out of bed in the morning, I forced myself to find a reason to go on and not let go of everything.

I thought of you everyday, of course, even in the happiest ones (cause there were some nice amazing days too!). You’re the star that guides me everyday. Recently I’ve enjoyed watching stars at night through this app I downloaded and let me tell you, I’ve never felt this close to you. Unfortunately we never had the chance to meet during your time here, but now I can pay you a visit up there! I’ve also been able to recognise some stars like Sirius, Castor and Pollux hehe

How are you? Is it cold? I hope all the love you’re receiving warms you enough my love! I pray for you always and I know you feel it.

Sometimes it’s weird to think I’ll never hear your voice again, I’ll never receive a Bubble from you, I’ll never have to wait for new pics and updates. It’s like time froze that awful day three years ago and my brain still isn’t able to move away from that memory. I want to forget this and live like nothing happened, I want not to feel a weight on my chest every time I wake up.

I love you always, today a bit more, but everyday my love grows so you know!

I love you and I miss you, today too.

Praying for you.

[mirina-e]

I always pray for you my love, I miss you and I love you today, too.

[mirina-e]

When time passes,

the breakup that tore my heart apart

When time passes,

the young memories that kicked away at the blankets

It gets forgotten, gets forgotten,

it just passes right by

It gets forgotten, gets forgotten,

but back then I thought that was everything

I still listen to this song from time to time and it never fails to make me feel so many emotions at once. I’m: happy, because jjong and iu are my favourite people, nostalgic because i miss the times when i could listen to this all day without any worries, sad i miss jonghyun the most, warm because their voices together blend to create a perfect harmony.

[mirina-e]

Hello my sweetest Jonghyun,

how are you? I’m actually doing quite okay because I took an exam today and got the highest grade (sacrifices repay)! I had a conversation with the stars tonight but hoped to see you too- you weren’t there-. Lately I’ve been watching some old SHINee content and I’ve been missing you so much. I’ll always love and support the boys but it’s just different without you. Taemin shared a beautiful song with fans on bubble yesterday and Kibum had an Instagram live where he spoke to many fans around the world, Jinki always tells us about his day and his hobbies. This feeling of warmth has been surrounding me for some days now and I’m so grateful to shinee.

I miss you the most my beautiful beautiful starry boy, always with you.

[mirina-e]

Hello my love, I hope you’re doing well! I’ve been having a really tough time, depression just kicked in again and knocked me out. Guess it happens from time to time.

You’re always on my mind, you know that? As always, there’s so much I want to say and yet words don’t seem to come out of my mind and create something meaningfull. I’m not eloquent in English so that may be the reason.

I miss you so much my star, I adore you.

[mirina-e]

I've been so stressed out lately because of exams and life and stuff so my mental health hasn't been at its best.

I always think of you, you know? You're in my thoughts when I look at the moon at night, when I light a candle, when I listen to some soul music. You're everywhere and it soothes me, but at the same time it causes me an insane amount of pain.

You were never physically with me, but you're somehow in all the important memories I have and now I have a void.

Please, come back. Even in my dreams, I miss you.

And I love you the most.

[mirina-e]

it's been almost 3 years and i still miss you so much it's insane. I hope you're doing okay up there because here things are getting messy and bad. And I miss you.

Sometimes I just wish you could be back even for one day, we need you.

Rest well, my love.

[mirina-e]

2 whole years without you, I can't even explain the way I feel thinking about this.

So many things changed during this time and I, too, changed. I still remember when I broke down in my room two years ago and then bottled all the pain up for more than a year; it took me so much time to come to terms with this event. I still miss you every single day and even though you're always with me, a part of you is missed.

I miss your face, your smile, your voice, I miss just seeing an instagram post and some random airport pic. I still want everything to be a bad dream from which I'll wake up someday. But it's not.

So I take your kindness with me, I take your love, your beautiful heart and soul in everything I do and I say, cause words are so heavy. I'd have so much more to say but tears are starting to roll down my face, so I'll stop.

You already know.

I love you and I miss you today, too.

[mirina-e]

Some days ago was World Mental Health Day and I felt so fragile reading people's experiences with depression that it triggered me. Haven't felt this vulnerable in a while now to be honest

Anyway, I miss you. It's almost been two years since you left us and I still haven't recovered from that episode. It's still a painful memory I'd rather not talk about, but you're always in my mind.

I'm always waiting to wake up from this nightmare and see you again.

I love you and I miss you.

[mirina-e]

I cried so much it's been hard to breathe. I don't know, haven't felt those strong emotions in a long time, and somehow it's nice to see I can still feel something.

I'm so used to bottle everything up that having tears running on my cheeks is an unusual feeling. I have to embrace it, right?

I miss you so much today, too.

Please come back.

[mirina-e]

Please, come back.

Today I feel sick, I'm tired and I miss you. You're in everything I do and I do it with love.

Working as a nurse in oncology made me mentally stronger, I see death and suffering everyday. It'd hard but I know you're with me.

I love you.