I'm so very tired of having nightmares about him. This last one, the one I awoke from in total panic just 20 minutes ago, involved shouting "don't touch me!!", feeling cornered and trapped...in the dream I had already left him, but I was on a trip to attend a family wedding, and he had been invited-which I was furious and devastated about-and kept trying to be my friend, to make me explain why I wouldn't...but then not accepting my answers anyway. He gave me a stuffed animal cat, and I threw it back at him. In the dream, I told him that the biggest reason we would NEVER be friends is the way he broke my trust and respect....that there's some things, once said, that can never be taken back. I told him how whenever I see or even think about him I get his awful, whining, accusatory voice in my head saying "You forced me to be a caretaker. " That part, sadly, is directly from my waking life. In the dream, right before waking up, I felt physically cornered and trapped. My fiancée, my partner, the woman I love more than air, is never in these dreams. It's like my subconscious keeps her pure and safe from my paranoia and sadness. She remains my beacon of light to follow to escape the nightmares. When I woke up, I curled up into her arms. I must have been whimpering, because she was already a bit more awake than I expected, heavy sleeper that she is. "You're safe", she said, snuggling up to me. I am safe. I am out. I am with her. I am so much more myself, and FREE to be myself. I am home.