ednotsheeran @mischa-stag-lecter - Tumblr Blog

screenshotsofdespair

diereinheits

i forgot how easy it was.... i forgot how nice it is to feel empty.....

angel1npract1ce

polkadotsandribbons

Maybe if I lose enough, there won’t be anything left of me to hate…

greraden

p1nki3gl0w

losing a lot of weight and still being overweight is a different type of hurt

l1ghtasafe4ther

CW 207

GW for next appointment 167

I have 92 days to drop 40lbs. A decade ago, I lost 30lbs in 61 days.

I can do this. I will do this. Because I refuse to get told to try IF and volume eating and not to drink my calories when she KNOWS my history with food and weight, only to not lose weight. Absolutely not.

"Don't drink your calories"

"Have you heard of intermittent fasting?"

Had my physical today and I see her again in three months. Time to drop a fuckton of weight!

Pretty sure I'm just shouting into the void on this blog, but I wanted to share.

Some things to note: I am somewhere on the asexual spectrum, I have been a couponer for the last fourteen years, and I have been yo-yoing between overeating and severe calorie restriction for over a decade.

Why is this relevant? I've been sitting with this thought for a while. I think for people who are generally motived by sexual desire and enjoy engaging sex, they get something akin to a high when they have whatever they deem as 'good' sex (regardless of orgasm, though that may play a factor.) I've had sex, and it was...fine. But I'm not motived by it and rarely have any desire for it. What I am motived by, and what I do experience as high from, is watching the number drop. Whether it's at the register or on the scale, something about being so good at math that I've dropped the number by a significant margin is euphoric to me. Of course it feels better than sex to me. I'm not qualified to make that comparison as a sex-neutral asexual who rarely experiences orgasm.

But I know what a 'high' feels like. For me, there is no better high, no better feeling than getting more than 80% off my purchase or dropping 13 lbs (mostly water and food weight, I know) in one calendar week.

I feel giddy and untethered and untouchable in those moments. It sits in the back of my head, even when I've gone months without a good couponing deal and I haven't managed to calorie restrict in an unacceptably long time. Especially then. A reminder. A craving. To get back to that feeling.

They're not quite interchangeable, the couponing and the calorie restriction. But they're close. Couponing has gotten more difficult over the last few years, and I think most couponers will agree with that even if they continue to pivot with the policy changes. With the rise of GLP-1s, the current policies, and the general social push for everyone to drop weight right now, I find myself actively choosing to go back to restriction.

There's no thesis here. I'm not trying to make any points. And I'm certainly responsible for my own choices. I just wanted to put this somewhere.

Nothing says relapse like getting a second period in the same damn month :/

Same thing happened two years ago when I was more heavily restricting.

My PCP is NOT going to be happy with me when I see her in a couple weeks :/

Down 9lbs in seven days

Now we're getting somewhere