- Richard Siken, Crush “Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out”
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EXPECTATIONS

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Claire Keane
YOU ARE THE REASON
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- Richard Siken, Crush “Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out”
“In my memory, it doesnt end. We just stay there, looking at each other, forever.”
— John Green
Bridesmaids at a wedding in Cairo, Egypt, 1987.
This love might kill me — it never ends.
It never breaks. It never bends.
It only loops inside my head,
A spinning wheel I’ve overfed.
I’m dizzy from the highs and lows,
From chasing what will not disclose
Itself in clarity or truth —
Just blurred-out visions shaped like you.
I wish I never fell this deep,
Maybe then my soul could sleep.
Maybe then my chest would ease
Instead of tightening on my knees.
I can’t endure more grief or shame,
My heart’s on trial for love’s own name.
Humiliated for wanting more,
For knocking on a bolted door.
I’ve walked away too many times,
Left quiet rooms and unsent lines.
Not once did someone call my name,
Not once did love protest the flame.
I’m tired of running this alone,
Of building castles made of stone
With only one set of hands to hold
A story that’s already cold.
It’s the same cruel show on repeat —
Ecstasy followed by retreat.
A reckless rise, a hollow fall,
A whispered hope, then nothing at all.
How small it feels to love this way,
To beg for someone just to stay.
Through rain and thunder, storm and night,
And find no body in your fight.
I’ve cried enough. I’ve knelt and prayed.
Asked God why this path was laid.
Why lead my heart so far from home
Just to leave it lost, alone?
Walking away feels wrong, untrue —
Like leaving walls I once outgrew.
Like packing up a life half-built
With hands still trembling, full of guilt.
But staying hurts me even more.
I cannot bleed on this floor.
So I will leave, though love remains —
I choose my breath above these chains.
I break my own heart by expecting people to be as attached to me as I am to them.
"If someone can only be present intermittently, your task is not to endure. It’s to step out of the cycle entirely."
This piece in full → Intensity is Not Intimacy Why We Confuse Drama with Love
I will endure a lifetime of missing you, for the privilege of loving you.
k.b. // unknown
the intimacy of being cared for by a soul just as bruised as your own.
“Even forever isn’t enough time to love you.”
— Unknown
– Jamie Oliveira | from "Erosion"
I'm scared to love because I know I'll love you too much.
I won't survive this.