SEEK NO ATONEMENT *

THERE WILL BE NO HEROES HERE -- ONLY MARTYRS ( ind. sel. semi priv. fc5 oc )

[poemsforpersephone]

girl half-drowns in a sea full of stars, body aching in time with the tide / glittered hands curled close to her chest.

girl learns how to swim. learns how to uncurl each finger / how to stretch weak arms for the surface / this reach for salvation, uncalculated, desperate. oxygen levels so low she forgot she ever knew how to breathe.

girl learns that salvation doesn’t always come in the shape of emergence, that sometimes there is no way to fight through the water / skin salt sticky and stinging / like how sometimes you fall without wings; flying was never an option and so instead you must learn how to land.

girl learns that letting the water into her mouth isn’t about giving in or letting go. it’s about moving on.

l.s. | ADAPTATION or SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST © 2016

[miseryfled]

@blissrot  GOOD  maybe he’ll think about what he did

[miseryfled]

"I love you."

      “ You don’t love me. ”

      ANGRY.  She sounded angry, turning suddenly on her heel with eyes burning  –  wild and fierce.  And then she laughed, such a bitter sound, scraping against her already raw throat and falling flat seconds after it came off her tongue,  “ Don’t you dare fucking start that again.   You don’t have any right to look at me and say that.  You hear me ?  You CAN’T. ”      Fingers curled and clenched, forming fists that would stay by her sides.  Fighting him had done nothing, just as it had been pointless to try to fight the rest of them.  Hope County was facing CRISIS, and here she was having a debate with a madman over the whims of the heart.  Brows furrowed, and she struggled to muster up the words, lips stumbling for a few moments before she even found her voice,  “ You don’t love me.  You love the idea of me.  Whatever little fantasy you built up in your head to match the one you’re playing.  I don’t want to be apart of it.  I don’t ! ”        “ You have my PITY, but you don’t have my heart, ”  she threw her hands up as though the situation were then out of her control, left to other forces so that she wouldn’t shoulder the burden alone.  “ Keep my name out of your damn mouth until you learn how to act right. ”

[miseryfled]

so here’s the plan for today fellas;  knock down my draft count on here, fix my pages on this blog & @dovesung, and finally get on sharky after like a week because i miss him

[miseryfled]

“ we talk about survival like it’s a thing that makes you stronger ”

❊ –  lovelace prompts  /  accepting

      “ Sometimes it does…  But rarely in a good way. ”

      “ No one’s born cold, yeah ?  Something’s gotta happen, I guess, ”  she trails off, a bit lamely, like she isn’t sure of what she’s saying in the first place.  One boot shuffles against the dirt, kicking up the first rock that her toe hits.  “ Better to think of the shit that happens as lessons.  Easier to manage that way. ”

[dovesung]

                     The loneliness never left me,  I always took it with me,                      But I can put it down in the pleasure of your company.

*   original  character  heavily  based  in  far  cry  5  &  fallout  4

[miseryfled]

His lips press themselves firmly against her pulse point, his gleeful chortle echoing as the hot water rains down on them. Arms keep her against him, holding her as his gaze flutters over the new tattoo she dons where he insists upon kissing. "Don't be too angry with me, my dear! I'm only doing what I think is best for our marriage!"

      She had been trying to grant herself a moment of peace, ALONE, but he had followed behind closely, like fire nipping at her heels, threatening to consume her whole from the inside out.  Her shirt was already being wrenched off, tugged over her head unceremoniously and cast aside to the tile floor of the bathroom.  She saw his shadow stretch across the floorboards of the hallway, and in some act of defiance she kicked the door closed, letting it shake on its hinges and rattle the doorframe like a dying breath against old bones.  There were no locks in that place, but it felt nice to be belligerent  –  UNTAMED.      Hands gripped the chipped edges of the counter, her body slumped forward like it was all she could do to hold herself up.  She didn’t want to cast her gaze to the mirror  ( NO. NO. NO. )  and have to confront the damage done.  Bliss swam lazy circles around the inside of her head.  She could see it in her own eyes, the cloudy dizziness that glazed them over and made them dance.  It had been the only way he’d kept her still long enough to press needles to her flesh.      C. V.      Her fingers jumped to the ink now staining the side of her neck, lips parting in near shock.  DISTRESS.  Whatever twisted little game he was playing, she had wanted no part in it !  By the time he had opened the door, she had stripped, and he was given no sort of cursory glance.  Like he was merely some ghost that she was able to stare right through.  She wanted to curse at him, HISS, claw and bite, but pursue her he did.        ( RESOLVE BROKE  &  PRIDE FELL FAST )      It should have made her sick with how familiar his skin felt against her own, how warm he was, how close he held her like he had the right.  His chest to her back, his lips to her throat, his hands around her middle  ;  all him  /  only him.  Was it only ever him ?  Nails harpoon themselves into his wrists as though to punish him for his crimes.  He had STOLEN her.  She draws blood, like the vicious creature she’s always been, but she doesn’t push him away.  Oh, she’s furious, that much is clear by her lips pulling back in a snarl, but the same teeth that threaten to tear him apart piece by piece are kept at bay when she returns his damning kisses. 

      “ If I could kill you, I WOULD  –  but I CAN’T. ”            And she didn’t dare to begin to think of why that was.

[miseryfled]

aRe yOu aWaRe thaT i wOulD diE foR yOu oN sPoT

don’t sass me in my own home you little gremlin

[blissrot-blog]

" just kiss me, you sorry bastard. "

HER DEMAND LEAVES HIM SHAKEN to such a degree that Caliban is unsure exactly how to proceed. To date, it remains – single-handedly – one of, if not the most BIZARRE thing that’s been asked of him while carrying out his duties. He is meant to serve as a foreteller of ruin to those who stray from The Path, while offering GUIDANCE to those who embraced their rebirth as he had. This is neither of those things – this is temptation! And Father, forgive him, for he is TEMPTED. He is but a messenger! He is still susceptible to the wickedness this world exudes. That she is marked for! It is a woeful and lofty reminder of how painfully human he is!

SHE CLINGS TO HIM, DESPERATE for his acknowledgement, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, keeping him close while he stares at her, horrified. It crosses his mind that this is another trap – she’s done similar things in the past, going so far as to attempt to DROWN him and displaying little conscience after the fact! It makes him wary of her request, and yet he cannot deny the allure of a woman like her confessing to WANTING him. She is very beautiful. Even if she is riddled with sin, that does not detract from her other, more God-given gifts. 

HE WONDERS IF SHE NOTICES the way his hands tremble as he seizes her hips. He came to her in the form of wrath incarnate – a monstrous vision of the Hell that awaited those who rejected their salvation. He would not falter nor would he succumb to her suggestion, and yet his own undoing comes when he reaches the conclusion that he wants her as well. For once, he remains SILENT, eyes squeezing shut as he attempts to – in vain – ignore the burning coil in his stomach, hands coming up to hold her face while he contemplates giving in to the pangs of LUST clouding is better judgement. He wonders if this is a meant to be a test of his faith, if perhaps that is her purpose in this life, to test and to DECEIVE and err him to stray. Ha! It wouldn’t be so easy!

THE KISS IS NOT GENTLE. It is hungry in every way men afflicted by the burdened by the weight of their sins hunger. “   Andromeda,   “ he speaks her name, allowing it to roll off his tongue as he SHUDDERS against her. A thumb brushes over her cheek – a deceptively tender display before he again claims her mouth in another equally DEMANDING overture, fingers lifting the hem of her shirt, calloused fingertips grazing lightly against supple flesh. He’s not a libidinous man in any sense of the word, but to hold her like this, to taste her, only for her to return his efforts in earnest, putting him on the dangerous path of “   what if   “ that lead a man to covet his neighbors wife for the same reasons he coveted this heretic: she had made herself UNOBTAINABLE.

WERE THE COLLAPSE TO HAPPEN then, Caliban would welcome it and only pray that his good works had solidified his spot in New Eden among his fellow brothers and sisters. Wishful as he knows such a thought is, to have her there at his side would only make their next lives that much sweeter. Such is the slippery slope of TRANSGRESSION, and yet he was just as determined to see her saved as he was to sin with her. Oh Father, save him from this temptress lest he do the unthinkable and lie with her before marriage!

[miseryfled]

RULES  :  share four songs / pieces of music that represent your muse. repost. don’t reblog.

COLD IS THE NIGHT  by  THE OH HELLOS long is the road that leads me home  /  and longer still when i walk alone  /  bitter is the thought of all that time  /  spent searching for something that i’ll never find  /  take this burden away from me  /  and bury it before is buries me

SHRIKE  by  HOZIER and i had no idea on what ground i was found on  /  all of that goodness is gone with you now  / there when i met you my virtues uncounted  /  all of my goodness is gone with you now

GASP / THE REFLEX  by  TO KILL A KING hold your head underwater til the noises stop  /  and hold your head underwater til the bubbles stop  /  and desire, like a purpose  /  and you gasp

BLACK WATER  by  OF MONSTERS AND MEN swallowed by a vicious, vengeful sea  /  darker days are raining over me  /  in the deepest depths i lost myself  /  i see myself through someone else

TAGGED  BY :  @suresaint  ! TAGGING :  @geigerblossom  @disciplc  @blissrot  @iscariotsdeputy  @magtitude  @whiskydeputy

[miseryfled]

new blog inbound because sometimes bad decisions are free coping

[miseryfled]

do you think pigeons have feelings?

      “ Caliban  –  it’s like two in the morning. ”

      Andromeda looks, briefly, like she’s considering shoving a pillow over his face and smothering him out of this mortal coil.  Instead, with some ounce of grace, she runs her fingertips across his jaw, just barely bordering on affectionate.  Skin slides over skin, her palm fitting over his mouth ;  a firm proponent of SILENCE ( as though that man ever stopped talking ).  Her body returns to its spot beside him in the bed.  Usually she would roll over the opposite direction, display her discontentment about the state of things in the region by pretending he didn’t exist in the first place, but now she tentatively pressed to his side.  How easy it was to believe he was something human, something good, when the lights were dimmed and sleep took hold of every wayward thought. 

[miseryfled]

❊ –  sc  /  @cultfought

      How many friendly faces had she seen that had no longer been friendly ?  How many had run to the arms of the project, or been dragged howling to the Henbane only to later be found stumbling about as an angel ?  Andromeda had watched the Marshal slip  ;  he had never returned from whatever place his mind strayed.  When she saw Joey, her expression blanks momentarily, like she had been confronted with a ghost.        ( WAS THE BLISS SOMEHOW STILL PLAYING TRICKS ON HER ? )

      “ Hudson? ”  it was so unsure, cautioned quietly on a shaky breath.  When she spoke next, she did it with more confidence, but just as much disbelief, “ Joey ! ”  Eyes softened, a runaway glimmer of HOPE flashing amid their usual weariness and cynicism.  “ I didn’t think I’d ever see you again after all that shit went down at the compound  --  Jesus Christ, what’d those bastards do to you ? ”

[miseryfled]

working on that fallout 4 verse 😪

[miseryfled]

[ laces ] rope 🤔

❊ –  acts of dominance  /  accepting

      MOTHERFUCKER. 

      The hardback chair pressed to her spine, forcing her to sit up straight.  The tighter he tied her, the worse it got.  He wasn’t a creature of mercy on his best days, and she didn’t expect him to start then on her account alone.  Any movement of her arm to shrug herself out of her bindings was met with splinters scraping flesh.  Rope bit into her, forcing her to be still  ( oh, so still  ;  like a doll ).      They had not said a word to one another since he started, and in her bitter silence she tried to focus on everything but his fingertips brushing across her skin.  Over her shoulders, the sides of her waist, her wrists  –  her throat.  Andromeda could hear the subtle sounds of the shoreline just outside the walls.  The water was calm that night.  She had noticed it when she had tried to dive from the second story deck into the river.  He’d all but dragged her back down the halls kicking and clawing.        Then his damned humming picked up again.  It circled behind her, deep in his chest and all too pleased.  Like his wicked work was something to revel in.  The woman tilted her head back, eyes cast to the ceiling as though heaven cared for her gaze, all distant and foggy.  “ You gonna put a bow on me too, baby ? ” she hissed through bared teeth, daring him closer.  It wasn’t until he came around to stand before her that she was able to see he was still bleeding  –  more than her.  She’d managed to slam her elbow into his face the moment he grabbed her, but it had only served to send them both reeling back across the floor.       “ You’re a real goddamned bastard. ”

[miseryfled]

is this? a wife?

have you ever been waterboarded before

[miseryfled]

did andi ever want siblings?? has she looked for any extended family??? does she want kids of her own??

she does have half-siblings!  but she’s never met them nor is on any path to ever meet them.

 she was grateful for being an only child because, as sad as it sounds, she was glad she didn’t have to take care of another person on top of caring for herself and her mother.  she isn’t sure she could have handled that, especially if the sibling was younger.  andromeda also doesn’t believe her mother would have been able to emotionally provide for another child, since she was barely able to provide stable support for her. 

 she wouldn’t mind being a mother, but it isn’t something she’s ever been able to sit down and consider.  and after the reaping it isn’t an outcome she views in the realm of possibilities.  there’s definitely the fear she’d be too emotionally distant as a mom, as that was the experience she had growing up.  it’s one of those things you find yourself daydreaming about just to see how you feel, but never actually want to act on because of this or that reason.