I’m hoping when I post this, people see it. I’d like to hear from others who may suffer from this mental illness, disease, and all around brain fuck. For me it started in the summer on ‘93. I was supposed to be going to Fla. from Va. for the summer to work. I was hyped and set to go. I was riding down w/ my mom’s cousin. Before we headed out on our trek my mom and brothers were going to see us off from Cracker Barrel after breakfast. No more did we get about 20 miles from the house when I got this feeling of dread. Heart was pounding a million mph, one minute I’d be freezing, the next I’d be sweating. Feeling of nausea was starting to overwhelm me, and I felt like I was going to pass out. Had never had this feeling ever. We get to Cracker Barrel and I have to break it to my mom’s cousin that there is no way I can do this. That’s how fearful I was. And this is coming from a guy who had no fear in the world until that moment. As I built the courage to tell her, the feeling of dread started to subside immediately. Of course she understood, but I didn’t. I had no idea what the fuck was wrong w/ me. These feelings lasted about 2 to 3 weeks but not on the scale of the first episode. The rest of the summer was a breeze. Senior year went by w/o a hitch and so did beach week. Fast forward two years later. I had left my first job and started my second. Life was going great. Then, BAM, I started getting those dreadful feelings again. I dealt w/ them until they became intolerable. Finally went to see a doctor, and he had no idea what I was talking about. Was prescribed benzos (I guess they were, never really bothered to check) to calm me down. Nope, made me sick to my stomach. Next prescription, same result. Finally, I just said fuck it, I’ll deal w/ these on my own. It got so out of hand that I didn’t even want to leave my house. By this time, our insurance had changed and I had to see a different doctor. I described my issues to him and he immediately knew what it was. Generalized anxiety. Now I had a name to put to what I had. Generalized anxiety, because I have no triggers. I could be feeling great one minute and the next my body is freaking out. It’s like someone is standing by a light switch and turning it on whenever they please. No rhyme or reason to why I get them. Well, I was put on Paxil. After a few weeks I was feeling almost normal and it didn’t make me sick. I’d have a bad panic attack every once in a while. That I could deal with. Unlike before where I was getting them almost daily. Was on Paxil and Klonopin for a good 15 years. Everything seemed to be doing ok. Still didn’t do alot of things I enjoyed in fear it may trigger an attack, but I was ok. That was until January 2015. A culmination of things happened right around that time. My favorite coworker, whom I’d worked w/ for 20 years passed away, and my meds decided to stop working completely. I guess after 15+ years, your body does get used to things. My anxiety came back 100 fold. Started doing the same thing all over again w/ diff. meds, started seeing an anxiety counselor for cognitive therapy (which I’m sure works for some, but I can’t convince my brain that I’m ok), and had to go on disability because I was missing so much work. Been on disability for a bit now and I’m starting to get anxious about that because it’s about to run up and I still don’t feel “normal” enough that I feel I’ll be able to be a productive employee. So that’s where I am right now. I’m trying to stay positive, but it’s a grind. If you had a similar experience or are going through it now, I’d like to hear from you. It’s not fun doing this alone. Great support from family and friends is a godsend. I’m 40 years old now and have never been so fearful of everything in my life. It’s pretty much crippled me in a sense.
gracieabrams
tangentwithtanner
discoholicmusic
areudirty
turnnoffyourmind
jimmyeatworldofficial
romaincrisis