I'm meltinnnggggg
I don't want to leave my house. I wish my landlord lived in current times and I could just paypal my rent to her from my recliner in front of the AC.

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@mismesmur
I'm meltinnnggggg
I don't want to leave my house. I wish my landlord lived in current times and I could just paypal my rent to her from my recliner in front of the AC.
One year. 365 days. 52 weeks. 12 months. 8 cycles. 2 miscarriages.
A year changes everything. Iām blessed. Truly blessed to have two amazing children. Iāve known this since day one of motherhood, but I didnāt TRULY understand how blessed until now. My boys are my world, and now Iām realizing they may be all the world I get.
Weāve always planned on having more than two children. My first son was born when I was 17, Second when I was 20. We were essentially homeless during both of our pregnancies. We were always broke. I didnāt want that for my third baby. If I was going to do it again, I would do it as a responsible adult. So I spent five years watching people make more babies, waiting for when I would be ready to have another. Waiting to be a āgrown upā. To be SURE that we could provide for what would might be our last baby. Finally, we decided. July 1, 2014. I would not go in for my depo shot. We would officially be TTC the baby that had been in my heart and mind for nearly five years. That was a year ago.
Today, I am full of emotions, almost none of them happy ones. A year. That puts us in with a statistic I never wanted nor expected to be a part of. 1 in 10 couples are infertile. We are one of them now. In the last year, my husband was been diagnosed with a long confusing name for a testicle problem. There is something wrong with his epididymis which causes pain and inflammation. The only way to fix it, is to remove that section. Which means no more babies. We have been racing that clock. Trying to avoid that surgery. But we are young, we barely had to look at each other to conceive our other kids! We got this. No. We didnāt. We donāt. I donāt know how many sticks Iāve peed on in the last year, but between ovulation tests and pregnancy tests, letās just say I shouldāve bought stock in wondfo when we started TTC.
And we did conceive this year. Twice. And I had two miscarriages. My first miscarriage was during infertility awareness week. I was crushed. When I think about how devastating it was for my baby to die, it was even MORE devastating to see person after person tell stories of their infertility and their losses. And I wasnāt ready to come to terms with being āone of themā, but I was. I lost my baby. My baby Iād been fucking and praying and crying for for months. Sheās* gone. I should be in my second trimester right now. Instead Iām still fucking and praying and crying. Only Iām doing those things way too much now. My life revolves completely around trying to have this baby. The second baby was conceived and lost almost immediately after the first miscarriage. I didnāt let myself get excited. I was scared and nervous and had a sense of impending doom from the very beginning. And I was right. I lost that baby just five days after finding out it was there.
Maybe Iām depressed. I donāt know. But there isnāt a day that goes by that I donāt cry. Iāve gained 20 pounds since my first miscarriage. That was only four months ago. You know what doesnāt help fertility? Obesity. You know what else isnāt going to help? Smoking. Yep, I picked up smoking again. And I canāt get myself up to exercise. I can BARELY get up for work. On weekends, I sit on the couch and THINK about how I should be getting up and doing things. But itās so hard to do things with a broken heart. I didnāt know that before this year. I might be the only girl on the planet that made it through 26 years on this earth without ever having her heart broken. I wish I couldāve gone 26 more. The pain is all encompassing. Every little piece of joy that I experience is followed by sadness. Immense deep dark black sadness where all I want to do is cry and go to sleep. I just had to delete my Facebook account. In the last week, I have seen three babies born. Four positive pregnancy tests. And an uncountable amount of pregnancy related updates. Every single one of those is like a goddamn stab in the uterus and the heart. I canāt handle it anymore. About a month ago I started ignoring them, I wasnāt able to type a response anymore. I couldnāt even TRY to be fake-happy. For a very long time I was able to be fake-happy. Which isnāt to say I donāt want other people to have babies. I just was able to be happy for them and say for me. But, like an hourglass, over the last few months, the āhappy for themā sand has fallen down into the 'sad for meā chamber, and I canāt do it anymore. Iāve run out of happiness. And I feel like a total jerk for it. Which makes me sad all over again.
So, back to the beginning. Many doctors and specialists and whoever defines these words says that you are infertile after a year of trying. Itās been a year. And it feels like Iām betraying other infertile people by becoming one of them. Because I have two children already. Just as I was hurt when that girl that was trying for two months complained about how long it was taking then posted a BFP the next day, am I hurting someone by being an āinfertile womanā with two kids? In a way Itās like being back in school and sitting at the lunch table that doesnāt belong to your group all over again. Why do I feel like my infertility is less important than another womanās? Itās so fucked up to feel this way. Itās so fucked up. Everything is fucked up.
I will not apologize for my emotions I will not apologize for my emotions I will not apologize for my emotions
I needed to see this today, as it's been full of emotions. Husbeast and I have been trying to make a baby for a year as of today, and I HAVE been apologizing for my emotions a lot. For my sadness over still not being pregnant. My grief over the two little fetuses that I lost in the last few months. My lack of enthusiasm for other people receiving what I yearn for. Why do I feel like I need to feel sorry for that? I shouldn't.
Sometimes I wonder...
Why can't life consist of just finding a nice comfy nook full of pillows and books where you can just read forever?
Last Week Tonight s02e19
1. He is not running against Hillary Clinton
āIām not running against Hillary Clinton,ā he said. āSheās a candidate, Iām a candidate, and I suspect that there will be other candidates. The people in this country will make their choice.ā His socialist platform is āone that resonatesā with the American people, and he believes he can effectively appeal to them no matter who his opponent is, or how large her war chest is. But, as heās said, heās engaged in āa real struggle against the billionaire class.ā
2. Yes, we did say āsocialistā
Twice now, actually, because not only is Senator Sanders not afraid of the word, he openly embraces it. Earlier this month, he freely admitted that he wanted to make America āmore Scandinavianā ā by which he meant, a democratic country with a socialist backbone when it comes to healthcare, education, and retirement. āIf you see the transfer of 99 percent of the wealth to the top one-tenth of the one percent,ā heās said, āyouāve got to transfer that back.ā
3. President Sanders would overturn Citizens United
āThe major issue of our time is whether the United States of America retains its democratic foundation or whether we devolve into an oligarchic form of society where a handful of billionaires are able to control our political process by spending hundreds of millions of dollars to elect candidates who represent their interests,ā he said last September. The best way to do that, he said, is to overturn Citizens United, because āfreedom of speech does not mean the freedom to buy the United States government.ā
4. Senator Sanders is about as anti-corporate a candidate you can imagine this side of Noam Chomsky
He has proposed what would, in essence, be a āWall Street sales tax,ā and his opposition to the Trans-Pacific Partnership is based on the fact that only ā[m]ultinational corporations that have outsourced millions of good-paying American jobs to China, Mexico, Vietnam, India and other low-wage countries think this is a great deal.ā Whereas āevery union in this countryā¦opposes this agreement that will wipe out jobs and depress wages.ā
5. And about those unionsā¦
Senator Sandersā top five campaign contributors since 2009 are all unions, and 69 percent of the money he receives from political action committees comes from union PACs. āIām not going to use a super PAC,ā heās said, and the facts bear him out. He has one, but it hasnāt raised any money for his presidential bid to date.
6. He believes public education ā all of it ā should be free
From elementary to middle, through high school and into community college or a university, Sanders believes that education should cost the student nothing. Itās not merely a personal investment, he believes, itās a public good ā and as such should be funded by the public. āThese are not utopian ideas,ā heās said. āThey are not radical ideas. They are fairly commonsensical ideas that can happen when you have a government that is directed by the people themselves and not by wealthy powerful corporate interests.ā
Read the full article
You need to fucking elect this guy, America.
buys Bernie Sanders buttons, T-shirts, hats, socks, body wash
Bernie. Fucking. Sanders.
Tell everybody you. Tell one person a day about him. Just ask your friends if theyāve looked into any candidates yet and then put Bernie in their ear. All the other people have literally millions or billions at their disposal. Bernie had is tho! Letās fucking GO!
Yes. Bernie Fucking Sanders. GO.
hi so it seems like the season 2 bloopers of the 100 have been blocked on youtube and i know a lot of people didnāt get the chance to watch themĀ so here u go!! (āāæā āæ)
We finally destroyed the sanctity of marriage. Reblog to celebrate.
You know what sucks about receiving flowers after a loss?... They die. Think about that for a second. When people experience loss, we send them things that die to let them know we care. You know what'll make you feel better about that dead person you cared about? Flowers that are Going. To. Die. Even things that are in pots... This person you know is so sad they can barely remember to eat. I know what to do! Give them something they'll need to care for while they grieve! Perfect! No.