He sends a text along the night before aware that any association with his birthday may lead to a rejection. If he isn’t busy Hinata asks if he would be interested in attending an event the next day dedicated to displaying arts throughout the ages. He specifically purchased tickets at an odd point during the day to hopefully dissuade much worry about it being too crowded and something happening.
He doesn’t mention that he will in fact be bringing a present along with him to offer when the time is right. Nothing materialistic exactly, he knows how Komaeda is about gifts he ‘doesn’t need’, but a gift made of time and effort that might remind him of Hinata’s immense care.
He located various pictures of them as kids up until before Hinata entered middle school. The pictures stop there but there was just enough for Hinata to paste them inside a notebook and jot down notes below detailing what he recalls about that day.
He finds small things like ticket stubs and notes they wrote to one another as kids for the rest of the pages filling it with memories of their life together so far.
It during the months prior to its deadline that Hinata’s mind decided to stop placing a blockade on the truth: He wouldn’t do this for anyone else only for someone he loves.
The realization likely made his behavior strange and far more nerve racked during that time than it ever was. He finally settled out when the book was down, making the last page only a few meaningful words: I love you.
His hands would shake a little when he offers the gift to Komaeda, that was true, but he was choosing not to regret it.
in truth , he’d almost forgotten it was his birthday. he doesn’t try to remember ( not that he tries to forget either , it’s merely a day like any other , no need for celebration or recognition ) and it isn’t until hinata says something that he recalls the date , surprise followed by embarrassed laughter his initial reaction followed by an agreement to go wherever hinata wishes , do whatever he likes --- that alone is ‘ gift ’ enough , time spent in the presence of the only person upon this earth who can even begin to understand him , the only person who cares.
though he can’t say he didn’t assume there may be more to it than merely spending time together , most people finding that . . . lame , as a present , requiring something more tangible to show they care and while komaeda fails to fall into that category , it isn’t a shock when hinata does. book offered forth , contents not yet known , there is a smile when he takes it ( are his hands . . . shaking ? now that . . . he did not expect ) and sheepish mirth escapes him , hesitating ‘fore opening it only to speak.
❛ ah . . . you really didn’t have to get me anything , you know. i really was just fine spending the day with you. ❜ but hinata knows that , of course ; he knows ( near ) everything about him after all and vice versa ; joined at the hip , attached at the wrists . . . they’re too close not to know each seam that stitches together the other. ❛ n - not that i’m not grateful --- ! i do think it’s very kind of you , hajime - kun. . . . is it alright if i open it now ? ❜
he awaits confirmation , offering a pleased look once it is given , hands to run over cover briefly ‘fore it is pulled back , pages to turn and things to see , things to read --- though truthfully , this . . . was the last thing he expected. eyes widen , shock not concealed and words escaping him entirely as fingertips ghost o’er each page , expression otherwise blank. it’s . . . sentimental , something he does strive not to be given how quick he is to have most things ripped out from under him --- but he is , really , he can’t help it ( when all you have are memories you do tend to hold them close , don’t you ? no matter how hard you may attempt to shove them back into coffins and caskets ) and this is . . . ❛ . . . thank you , hajime - kun. ❜ --- and he hasn’t reached the end yet. ❛ you put a lot of effort into this . . . i almost feel like i should be apologizing , aha. but it really is nice , having our memories in one place. ❜ fwip , fwip , fwip . . . freeze.
❛ oh --- ❜
and of course , he drops it , not on purpose but he does , book slipping from his fingers to land face up on final page , merely . . . staring , at it , lips parted for words that do not come. for a moment he thinks he’s read it wrong , that he must have because hinata doesn’t . . . hinata doesn’t --- not like that and he feels his fingers tremble , heart thudding painfully within chest with an echo loud enough to ring through ears ; head shakes , hands lifting in defensive motion and he swallows , forces gaze to lift to meet hinata’s.
❛ . . . i - i’m sorry , i wasn’t expecting --- you . . . ? ❜ pause ; the realization that his gift is still on the damn ground and he startles , quickly bending down to snatch it up , trembling fingers to brush away at gathered specks of dirt --- few and easily rid of , but he cannot help but feel a bit guilty. ❛ i . . . if you really mean that then i . . . love you too , hajime - kun. b - but if it’s a joke then you can forget i said anything , aha --- ! if . . . ❜ he knows , of course , that hinata wouldn’t but he can’t quite shake that feeling --- who could fall in love with a worthless boy like himself , after all ? though he supposes if anyone . . . it would be him. it’s always him , just like with everything else. ❛ . . . hey . . . tell me it’s not a joke ? ❜
‘ i'm glad i heard about today, ’ gentle grin tugs at his lips, a subtle sway, and he's clearly eager to reveal what he hides in his grip. of course, their friendship had only begun to bloom —- leaving him at a disadvantage to a proper gift. quick exhale, and he reveals a simple soothe bell. ‘ it'll make pokémon more friendly towards you, i hope you'll find it useful. ’
surprise is quick to flicker o’er visage , eyes to blink twice as attention turns from touya to the object he’s held out , apparently expecting it to be taken ---- a gift , for his birthday clearly and he’s . . . it’s unexpected. quite some time has passed since another has bothered with him beyond brief , superficial conversation ( & in that , a long time since he’s bothered as well , death - bringing boy , ill - harboring boy ; he is best left to his own devices , loneliness preferable to a blood that won’t wash out ) thus the last gift he’s received , ignoring the objects his darling pokemon bring about now and again , would have been . . . yet another bribe from mother dearest , father fairest ; we can buy your love , they seemed to say with every absence , every shiny new toy.
----- but this isn’t that. less selfish , more sincere , or at least it appears as such and there is a small smile , sheepish in nature that makes way unto visage as hand is outstretched , taking offered bell from newly made friend ( there are butterflies in his stomach & moths in his lungs ; he’s scared to feel too happy ) with an embarrassed thanks already spilling from lips.
❛ aha , this is quite a surprise , touya - san --- i wasn’t expecting to receive anything today. honestly i wasn't aware you even knew what today was . . . --- ah , but --- ! i am thankful , even if i do feel a little bad that you spent money on me . . . ❜
hey hey hey it’s komaeda’s birthday dudes & i’ll b around shortly to celebrate it , so if u wanna send b-day asks or w/e go for it ! my babe could always use more love & well wishes
ah ! while i’m thinking about it , I’d like to take a moment to remind everyone that if i ever send in a meme / like for a starter / etc , etc and you don’t get to it for any reason , that is 100% okay and you shouldn’t worry about it ! i know i get ?? anxious sometimes worrying about if i’m going to upset someone b/c i just can’t get a starter or a meme out for w/e reason so i figure other ppl might as well so ?? please don’t worry about it , okay !! what’s most important is that your blog is comfortable & fun , so please don’t stress yourself out trying to get to everything and everyone !
NAME: Komaeda Nagito ( last / first )
ALIAS(ES): ( formerly ) Remnant of Despair
GENDER: male
AGE: timeline dependent / 16 - 18 +
DATE OF BIRTH: April 28th
SEXUAL PREFERENCE: demi-panromantic / ( sex - repulsed ) asexual
OCCUPATION(S): timeline dependent / SHSL Good Luck , High School Student , SHSL Despair
APPEARANCE
EYE COLOUR: pale green
HAIR COLOUR: white w/ light brown at the tips , soon to be entirely white
HEIGHT: timeline dependent / 5′11″ - 6′2″
SCARS: timeline dependent / missing his left hand which has been replaced with a proesthetic , numerous minor cuts from ‘ unlucky ’ situations , some larger scars as a result of various interactions w/ enoshima & his time w/ the warriors of hope though they are all in places unseen w/o the removal of his clothes , two scars on his legs from fukawa
BURNS: timeline dependent / minor burns from ‘ unlucky ’ situations , really faint burn marks near his left eye from enoshima
OVERWEIGHT: no
UNDERWEIGHT: yes
FAVOURITE
COLOR: green , light blues , yellow
HAIR COLOR: brown
EYE COLOR: green
SONG: orchestral music , chill , blues / jazz , generally like ?? slower , calmer stuff
MOVIE: doesnt have one , likes comedies though , on the rare occassion he watches a movie
TV SHOW: doesn’t watch tv
FOOD: prefers salty / savory things
DRINK: flavored water
BOOK: alice in wonderland , the odyssey , any of nietzsche’s works . . .
HAVE THEY
PASSED UNIVERSITY: no
HAD SEX: no
HAD SEX IN PUBLIC: no.
GOTTEN PREGNANT: no
KISSED A BOY: no
KISSED A GIRL: no
GOTTEN TATTOOS: no
GOTTEN PIERCINGS: no
HAD A BROKEN HEART: yes
BEEN IN LOVE: verse dependent / main timeline : sort of , childhood au w / @fcture : yes
STAYED UP FOR MORE THAN 24 HOURS: yes
ARE THEY
A VIRGIN: yes
A CUDDLER: no
A KISSER: no
SCARED EASILY: sort of
JEALOUS EASILY: not really ?? at least not in terms of relationships
TRUSTWORTHY: yes . . . though there’s exceptions depending on what the secret is , the situation , who told him , etc etc . . .
DOMINANT: no
SUBMISSIVE: yes
IN LOVE: verse dependent / main timeline : sort of , childhood au : yes
SINGLE: verse dependent / main timeline : yes , childhood au : no
RANDOM QUESTIONS
HAVE THEY HARMED THEMSELVES: sort of ?? discounting his little stunt in the neo world program , the answer is no though he’s purposely put himself in shitty situations just to see if his luck would hold
THOUGHT OF SUICIDE: yes
ATTEMPTED SUICIDE: yes
WANTED TO KILL SOMEONE: sort of
DROVE A CAR: no
HAVE/HAD A JOB: no
HAVE ANY FEARS: being forgotten / having had an insignificant existence , losing or hurting people he cares about , planes & deep water to some extent , his environment ?? though i suppose that’s more of he’s scared of what he will cause to happen in w/e environment he’s in so . . . himself , i guess , could count as a fear , or his luck.
FAMILY
SIBLING(S): none
PARENTS: mother ( deceased / komaeda ayame ) & father ( deceased / komaeda katsuo )
CHILDREN: none , wouldn’t want any out of fear of them coming to harm though he has no dislike of kids
PETS: had a dog once , disinterested in having another pet despite loving animals ( & animals quite liking him )
TAGGED BY: @invegold ( thanks pluto !! )
TAGGING: @truthfinding , @fcture , @castitatli , @hairhorns , @ofdesperationis , @fellegend , @hippestbarista , anyone else who would like to !!
i am way 2 tired to get anything else done today but here’s ur friendly reminder that i have a pint.erest if any of y’all use that & wanna follow me there ! if i kno u i’ll probs follow back so ;v;
character in general: KOMAEDA … i’m weirdly in love with him. he’s so god damn funny sometimes and i love how sassy he is whether it’s intentional or not. he’s got that low self esteem mixed with this weird Holier Than Thou shit and it’s so good
how they play them: i! love your komaeda. seriously, you play on his true feelings for himself so well and it’s so spot-on. the way you go into such detail with his on-off hopelessness hopefulness is really admirable? i can tell you care for him to put in that effort and every reply you do seems so thoughtful
the mun: you were the first person i actually followed on this account!! so hopefully that says enough in itself how much i love your portrayal. plus that aesthetic. your psds are so flattering and soft and it’s so calm and fitting for komaeda’s personality
do i:
RP with them: yes!want to RP with them: always
what is my;
overall opinion: if anyone’s gonna make me love komaeda even more it’s gonna be you
‘ your existence takes up so much more space in mine that we might as well be one entity. ’
‘ grave suggestion ’ meme / accepting / @fcture
he says it so easily ( or so it would seem ) so . . . matter - of - factly , staring up at distant stars , roof tiles ‘neath their backs and the wind licking at their faces ; there’s a stutter in his chest , a beating heart masquerading as a bird as it flutters against the tarnished ivory that forms a rotted cage and he knows it doesn’t mean anything more than exactly what was said , they are one in the same , reliant , tied together --- nothing more and nothing less and he cannot tell if he’s happy or hurt ; maybe both , he supposes.
‘ i love you ’ such small words , such simple words , yet carrying so much weight and always resting at the base of his throat , itching to climb out , tumble out , waterfall past his lips and unto hinata’s lap --- his chest aches at the thought , that they could be this close , this intertwined and still , to hinata , he’s just . . . a soulmate , certainly , but platonic in nature and he can’t say he hates that idea , the thought of not having a relationship at all with the boy beside him utterly terrifying , but he can’t say he doesn’t wish there were more to those words , something romantic , something affectionate , something wanting.
❛ is that so . . . ? ❜ he replies , smiling , & the centimeters between their hands , laying side by side , feels so far in this moment --- they are one , and they are not , for if they were one entity , surely hinata would feel the same / surely hinata would know how deeply his name has been carved into his heart ( ha , hey . . . isn’t that pretty sappy ? ---- so it is , so he is ) . ❛ aha , well i won’t say you’re wrong . . . it really does feel like that , doesn’t it ? but . . . i’m grateful for that. or , for you , is what i mean. no matter what’s happened , you’ve always been there. and it might be a little sappy , but even when i try . . . i can’t imagine not having you around. i really don’t know what i’d have done without you , hinata - kun. ❜
something within his stomach twists & turns at such words , the idea of her lungs drawing final breath or her gaze becoming hollow and lifeless as it stares back at him filling him with equal parts delight and overwhelming dread no one loves nor hates you like i do and momentarily does it manifest as surprise , the way eyes widen , the way lips part , fingers trembling faintly to match the uncomfortable shudders one may dare call a heart beating. he wants her dead / he wants her not , he wants his fingers wrapped tight ‘round her throat & his fingers brushing o’er her cheek with a gentleness reserved for something holy , something she has never been and never will be --- but so rarely is he given what he wants , a mourning for an event that has not yet come to pass festering within confines of his chest with the knowledge that it will be another ( one with talent , one with potential , one with hope , hope , hope ---- ) that shall bring about her end. it won’t be him / it could never be him.
the knife held within hand is dropped , a hard clatter on the floor ‘neath their soles and to the nails that have dug themselves into his wrist , to the grasp that will certainly leave bruises ‘pon his flesh , to the shallow scratch displayed on devil’s cheek , red and new , to her --- does he smile. something soft yet unhinged , her despair a drug & he is a symptom , a side effect taken form ; his eyes don’t match his lips , hatred & adoration mingling in one singular expression , but that’s alright , isn’t it ? after all , he’s seen the same in her.
❛ ah . . . it looks like you caught me , enoshima - san. ❜ such gentle , awkward laughter escapes him , fingers twitching with the memory of what they once held , ❛ you really are quick , you know. i wonder what that makes our score now . . . three to nine ? or maybe . . . hey , enoshima - san , i should get a half point for this attempt , shouldn’t it ? i did scratch you , after all ; a little more to the right and i could’ve really done some damage , haha ---- ! ❜ laughter , carefree , unsettled , slips past the part betwixt lips , the image of a hole in her pretty , pretty cheek just so funny , isn’t it --- ?! ---------- kind of , sort of. a breathy chuckle ends his brief expel of amusement , more subtle joy taking its place.
❛ but . . . i guess this makes it your turn , right ? hey , could you avoid my eyes this time ? i really thought i’d go blind for sure last time . . . ❜ there’s a sigh where voice should tremble , fear absent in his speech ; she’ll hurt him , as she always does & he’ll hurt her back , as he always does --- but that’s just how they play , what their games are like ; no fun without a little pain , right ?
this ask meme is based on the blog gravesuggestion. i’ve divided it up into two categories ( light & dark ) based on the themes. some of these can be somewhat triggering seeing that the darker ones deal with a lot of death mentions. please be cautious before continuing on!!
L I G H T
‘ at night i dream of you. ’
‘ don’t give up yet. you still have time to fix things. ’
‘ falling in love with someone else is not a personal attack. ’
‘ i am still so weak when it comes to you. ’
‘ i can’t believe i let myself let you down. ’
‘ i don’t care where we go when we die, as long as i’m with you. ’
‘ i dream of saying to you all the words i held inside until it was too late. ’
‘ i feel so warm & safe when you talk to me. maybe i could love you if you’d let me. ’
‘ i finally let the right people in & i have never felt so loved. ’
‘ i like the way your nails paint red stripes along my spine days after you’re gone. ’
‘ i lived in your permafrost for twenty years & then you looked at me & i felt the warmth of spring. ’
‘ i once wished you’d leave me alone, but i take it back. ’
‘ i want to be able to love someone else, but you stretch your arms & spread your legs inside my heart so that there is no room for anyone or anything else. ’
‘ i want to believe that we got it right this time. ’
‘ i wonder how much longer i can cling to your light before it expires completely. ’
‘ i would travel across the world to be by your side, because as long as you are with me, anywhere is a perfect place to me. ’
‘ it took me awhile to realize it myself, but you are not what other people say you are. ’
‘ it’s not that i really need you, but life would be pretty boring without you around. there’s no one i would rather be with. ’
‘ i’d like to stay like this for awhile. ’
‘ life & death don’t have to be so boring, let’s make both an adventure. ’
‘ life imitates art, they say. i didn’t believe it until i started to notice the way your eyelashes look so much like tiny ink stroke. ’
‘ live your life so that when you die, souls will come for miles just to hear your historic tales. ’
‘ make your exes jealous & your past self proud. ’
‘ maybe you’re what i needed to find in order to move on. ’
‘ never get caught falling harder. they’ll never let you back up. ’
‘ please don’t go. ’
‘ some days it’s easier to just stop fighting it & succumb. ’
‘ sometimes, you’ll find it hard to keep going, but you always will. ’
‘ the desire i feel for you is that same itching, insidious hunger that an addict has for their addiction. ’
‘ the worst thing about you is that you weren’t all bad. ’
‘ there is absolutely nothing & no one who can stop me. ’
‘ there is no route of losing you that is without pain. ’
‘ there’s still room for adventure & there is no one i’d rather have by my side. ’
‘ things didn’t turn out the way i planned, but i’m alright with that. ’
‘ we could be really incredible together, you know? ’
‘ you are beautiful & vibrant & confident. you are light & laughter incarnate & every fiber of your being screams freedom & joy. when i am with you, i am truly happy. ’
‘ you are starlight incarnate, from the grand way you sway your hips to the wide mysterious way you think. blessed are any to be loved by you. ’
‘ you are too afraid of the future to let go of a past that was never kind to you. ’
‘ you call me yours & i have no idea what that even means to you. ’
‘ you remind me of bubblegum & sweets; soft & pink & warm. you are strong in the gentlest way. you are so stubbornly kind. i wish i could be like that. ’
‘ you still visit me while i sleep sometimes. your fingers trace my spine & i listen to you breathe. please stop haunting me. ’
‘ ‘morbid curiosity’ is a wonderful way to describe how i feel about you. ’
D A R K
‘ a thousand empty bottles & fist fights will never return to us what we lost that day. ’
‘ everyone else has moved on, but i am still here. ’
‘ everything about you screams danger. ’
‘ everything is worthless to you & you, in turn, became worthless. ’
‘ for once in my life i want to be surrounded by people that i don’t feel like i need to impress. ’
‘ freedom is really hard to get used to. ’
‘ how could you do this to me? how fucking could you? ’
‘ i am becoming everything we always dreamed of & i am leaving you behind. ’
‘ i buried you so well that you might as well have died. ’
‘ i can rest easy knowing that the person i love is dead & not the monster you became. ’
‘ i can’t look at you. not now, not ever. ’
‘ i don’t ask how you’ve been. what’s the point? you’d lie anyways. ’
‘ i dream of hearing the words i so desperately needed to lay your memory to rest. ’
‘ i haunted this house first. there is no room for you here. ’
‘ i have a right to be upset. i loved them too, you know. ’
‘ i just want it to end. i want it to all go away. i want to go away. ’
‘ i may be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, but a snake hiding in the skin of a mouse is far more dangerous. ’
‘ i saw your face today & didn’t feel anything. i am free. ’
‘ i tried to save you, but you didn’t want to be saved. you just wanted someone to suffer with you. ’
‘ it’s almost as if you were never here. ’
‘ it’s unhealthy to do these things, you tell me. you say it’s time to stop smoking, time to stop gambling, & dammit, i f you don’t stop drinking it’ll kill you. i sure hope you’re right, darling. ’
‘ i’m always pleasantly surprised by how easy it is to kill you in my mind ’
‘ i’m not really scared to die. i’m more afraid that no one will miss me when i’m gone. ’
‘ i’m not the person you left behind anymore. there’s no one here to miss. ’
‘ i’ve been dead far longer than i’ve been alive. ’
‘ i’ve eaten nothing but flower petals & ivy for weeks because i want to be beautiful inside like you. ’
‘ i’ve never been completely satisfied. i most likely will still be unsatisfied long after my death. ’
‘ no motive other than pleasure, my dear. ’
‘ one day i’ll go or you will. either way, it will be as if i’m losing a piece of myself. ’
‘ our dreams & promises decay along with you. ’
‘ the leaves change, but nothing else does. ’
‘ the only difference between avoiding & leaving is that now i’m not waiting up for you. ’
‘ there is no such thing as a person who is required to love you. ’
‘ there’s only so much that can be done to repair old damage. ’
‘ things aren’t going as i hoped. maybe if i die, i can start over again? better luck next time. ’
‘ this is not something to be proud of. this is a tragedy. ’
‘ trying to get rid of me? oh honey, you’ll have to try much harder than that. ’
‘ trying to get under my skin? you’re nothing more than a pesky itch. ’
‘ unlike you, i can’t hide my identity when it becomes an inconvenience or a danger. ’
‘ weeping is for gods & martyrs, we cannot afford such luxuries. ’
‘ would you even miss me? ’
‘ you are not important enough to earn an eternal place in my heart. ’
‘ you complain nonstop about being unloved & alone, i can’t imagine what you’d be like if that were actually true. ’
‘ you don’t know what it’s like. ’
‘ you made this so fucking easy for me. ’
‘ you should see me as a threat. i will tear down everything you know until there is nothing left of you. i am a walking threat. ’
‘ you think i’m already gone, but i’m still fighting. ’
‘ you think i’m dead, but i’m just dying. ’
‘ you were never an addiction, you were a fucking disease. ’
‘ you wouldn’t dare cross me. i am god & you are the soil beneath my feet. ’
‘ your existence takes up so much more space in mine that we might as well be one entity. ’
‘ your fingers are so cold & bruised, but you’re still slamming your fists again the barricade as if it makes a difference. ’
‘ your hair is tied in a noose & your fingernails are razor blades, your lips are poison & i will gratefully kiss them. ’
‘ your hatred has a body count & we will not forget. ’
‘ your loss, not mine. ’
‘ you’re a sick fuck. you know that? ’
‘ you’re not gentle with me & i would never ask you to be. ’
‘ you’ve trapped yourself so thoroughly in your own mind that it’s not even a rut anymore, it’s a pit. ’
❛ ah , mioda - san ! if you have a second , could i ask you something ? ❜ he is sheepish in her presence , a worm , no a maggot , standing before greatness incarnate , talented in ways worthless creatures like himself & the rest of the human populace could only ever hope to achieve. ❛ its just that i’ve been thinking about once we all get off the island , ❜ ‘ if ’ more so than ‘ when ’ --- but , but , but !!! no doubt she will , no doubt true talent , true hope , will make it out alive --- ! it’s only himself that is fated to die here , no matter what , ❛ and well . . . you’re a solo artist now , right ? so then , it isn’t as if you have a group waiting for you . . . but you must still have plans , right , mioda - san ? ❜
❛ you’re . . . iruma miu - san , right ? the SHSL inventor . ❜ a student of class 79 , part of a new hope that is to arise with the re - opening of hope’s peak under the guidance of ‘ hope ’ himself --- how wonderful , how grand , surely they will be able to lead this recovering world into a glorious new age --- ! ------------ how nice it would be , if he could actually believe something so whimsical ; tired boy / jaded boy / there’s something bitter that festers within chest , faux - optimism still existing but with numerous fractures. still , he manages small smile , weary smile ; that’s what he’s supposed to do , right ? when in the presence of his betters ( this world hasn’t changed at all , not really --- on some level , he supposes that’s not surprising )
❛ ah , kamukura - san --- ❜ there’s a bit of silver already lacing tongue , falsehoods already woven into words , displayed in the way he speaks & respect is only skin deep ( as it has always been , really ; he just makes less effort to hide it now , weary bones & weary soul ) but still enough that he could defend himself if called out --- careful boy , fox - like boy , a small dog daring to address one much larger ; pomeranian to mastiff , he smiles , something tired ( & fake fake fake fake ) ‘fore continuing to speak , ❛ i wanted to thank you. you’re the reason i’m awake , right ? you came and got me , back then . . . there’s no doubt i’d still be comatose otherwise. ❜ and oh , what a god damn tragedy that would have been , wouldn’t it ?
you are something weary , something wanting ; you are modern day midas with a morbid touch , corpses where old tales speak of shining gold ; o ‘ boneyard boy , they call you ‘ lucky ’ & in the space between their assumptions and your charming reality , do you find the strength to laugh --- ‘ lucky ’ ; that’s one word for it. / selective and private komaeda nagito , written by stevie. && . PERSONALS DO NOT REBLOG . / art.
he remembers obsession. he remembers want & desire , twisted together in some grotesque mutilation of what others dare call ‘ love ’ , desperation in the form of a man standing amidst burning eden drinking in the hymns of the snake coiling ‘round his neck ; to her , worship given in equal parts for that which still lived & that which would die , the image of her corpse just as lovely a thought as that of her smile , her walk , her seeming understanding of him in a way no one else was able. she was salvation , in a sense ; body waiting to be burned , scattered ashes to promise of hopeful future ; he remembers , he remembers.
and now he feels disgust , anger , ashes in his mouth at the mention of her name & bile in his throat should he had to speak it himself --- she is his ghost , his linger atonement , the woman he longed for , to kiss , to strangle ( & now he only feels the latter for her , hatred without end , disdain overflowing ) ; he’d once hoped to die with her and he supposes it would be his luck to now be forced to live with her instead , lingering sin manifesting to whisper of the hell he’s walked through / the hell he’s made.
❛ . . . mnn. ❜ he begins , glancing toward her only through peripherals , a side - eye as opposed to full attention and he does well to ignore the aching of his wrist ; talking to her is stupid & pointless and sometimes he doesn’t , sometimes he does . . . tonight is a latter situation he supposes , unable to quite help the movement of his tongue in the presence of imagined luciel.
❛ you really are a bother , you know ? showing up like this again and again . . . ❜ tired sigh escapes him , irritated , disinterested , ❛ it really would be best if you’d just disappear but . . . you won’t , right , enoshima - san ? ❜
