Marshmallow Clouds

Laura | 21 | she/her Requests are CLOSED

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Could please get tagged for the redemption chapters? 😁 thank youuu!

Sure, have fun reading! Chapter 5 is out now! :D

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hey! could i be tagged in ur obi wan redemption series? thanks!

Of course, check out the new chapter! :)

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Hi!! Are you going to update your obi wan story anytime soon? I love it so much!

Hey <3, yes I just posted a new chapter! :)

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Redemption | Part V

Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x female!reader

Summary: A young sith apprentice on their first mission. Although a chance to prove yourself to your dark masters presents itself, you do the exact opposite of what is expected of you. Putting yourself at the jedi master Kenobi’s merci, you plead him to lead you from the dark side and show you the way of the light. But will your attempt to redeem yourself be futile and the pull to the dark side be too strong?

Wordcount: ~3,800

Warnings: canon violence, jealousy, Anakin I guess…

A/N: Hey guys <3, I know it’s been a while, but I haven’t given up on the writing. In fact, I am already working on the next chapter with some newfound motivation! Have fun reading and give me a comment!

Also write me if you wish to be tagged!

Masterlist   Next chapter

The scent of smoke filled your nostrils as your black robes flowed around you. You knelt before your master your head lowered. As you looked up you met his eyes, his expression one of pride. The Sith nodded once in approval before turning his gaze to something behind you. As you followed his line of sight your yellow eyes fell upon the fallen Jedi temple, smoke rising from the flames devouring the building you once called home. A sad smile played around your lips.

You shot up sitting on your bed, sweat making your garments cling to your silhouette. Running a hand across your face you took a deep breath. It had only been a dream, right? Or was it more than that? You had heard of some force-sensitives possessing the gift of premonitions. But how would one tell them apart from dreams? Maybe you should confide in one of the Masters, perhaps Obi-Wan. But then again, you were trying to gain their trust, not make them question your allegiance. Showing them your inner conflict would certainly not aid that.

Sighing, you rose from the bed making your way to the refresher, knowing that you would not be able to fall asleep again. You would have to get up early anyway.

“There is no way that I will let her near the Senator.”, Anakin Skywalker stated, his arms crossed and eyes narrowed as he mustered you. In the early morning, you had been called to the Council to debrief you on your mission. Everything went smoothly until the man-child himself showed up, obviously unhappy at the fact you would be involved. The masters themselves had given you the benefit of the doubt, seeing that you would be accompanied by multiple Jedi, especially since Obi-Wan Kenobi, who had taken on the responsibility for your actions, was one of them. There was no way you would let this mission fail.

“Anakin, we all know how close Senator Amidala and you are, but I can assure you there is no need to worry.”, Obi-Wan replied with a cocky smile at which a flush seemed to rise to Anakin’s cheeks. “And why is that Obi-wan?” “As I just said, she will only accompany us as reinforcement. She will have a chance to prove herself.” Not looking entirely convinced, Obi-Wan’s former Padawan clenched his teeth and crossed his arms. “Besides, I trust her, Anakin. Just as I did once place my trust in you.” The younger man seemed to ponder his answer before giving in. “Fine. But don’t let her out of your sight.”

After Anakin had stormed out of the chamber at which you had rolled your eyes, you turned back to Obi-Wan. “You know, he actually means me not letting you out of my sight, old man. He knows you need the protection.”, you whispered to him as the council had moved on to another matter that needed their attention. Huffing, the Master Jedi gestured for you to follow him out into the hallway.

“I am not that much older than you. Besides, Master Yoda is close to 900 years old, so I believe I still have time before I have to turn my back on missions.”, he replied nonchalantly. You came to a hold, your mouth gaping open.

“900 years?!”, you whisper-shouted in disbelief. Obi-Wan simply chuckled watching you in amusement. Your eyes lingered on each other for a second too long and you could feel your face heating up.

“So, about this mission…” “Yes, right.”, Obi wan cleared his throat, back to his dutiful self. “The gala that we will attend is hosted semi-yearly by the Senate here on Coruscant. Senators, Diplomats and Aristocrats from all over the galaxy will be attending to form diplomatic connections with the Republic.” “And our role will be to protect this Senator Amidala?” “Yes, she requested our assistance, since she believes there to be a target on her head.” “The republic has captured a separatist they believe to hold important information, if I remember correctly?” “Not captured, he surrendered himself offering information. Nevertheless, the Senate appointed Padme Amidala to interrogate him.”

“Strange. Anyways, I will see you at the shuttle then.” You said, before the two of you parted ways.

Entering the shuttle an hour later you immediately recognised Obi-Wan leaning on one of the walls with both of his arms crossed. Two other Jedi were standing further away, engrossed in conversation, who you had never seen before. Eying Obi-Wan’s garments you noticed that he was wearing a tunic and pants, resembling the style of the Jedi but made out of richer material and with less layers. His hair was neatly combed back and his beard had been trimmed a little shorter. You had never seen him in anything else other than Jedi apparel and seeing him like this made your heartbeat pick up. You did not want to admit it to yourself, but he did look quite dashing.

The clothing you had been given consisted of an elegant dress and flat sandals. You supposed the Council wouldn’t want you to be immediately recognized as Jedi. The dress was still simple, matching Obi-Wans attire. Enough to fit in without drawing too much attention. You hadn’t been able to take your lightsabre with you, seeing as there would be no way to hide it, but at least the clothes were relatively easy to move in. You thanked the force, you had not been given shoes with heels.

Nevertheless, you stumbled a bit as you moved to stand next to Obi-Wan, his eyes widening slightly as he took in your appearance. Smiling he swiftly looked you up and down. “You look quite beautiful.”, he stated softly. “Well, you do clean up nicely too, Master.”, you tried to hide your nervousness with a smile. What was wrong with you? It was surely only the excitement of the up-coming mission. “A shame that those clothes are not very practical on the battlefield.”, he retorted with a laugh, before your conversation was interrupted by the pilot announcing you would take off in two minutes.

Right as the pilot attempted to close the shuttle’s hatch, the last person you had wanted to accompany you entered. “Anakin, what are you doing here?”, Obi-Wan asked the taller man standing at the entrance, seemingly as surprised as you.

“I decided to take it upon myself to make sure she won’t endanger Padme.”, he stated confidently, letting both of you know that there was no room for arguing. “Anakin…”, his Master responded with a sigh, while shaking his head in disbelieve. Stars, this was going to be a long day.

The gala was hosted at the Skydome Botanical Garden in the Fobosi district on Coruscant. You had already marveled at the tall building from a distance, the evening sun reflecting from its transparisteel dome. The pilot landed the shuttle a few streets away as to not raise suspicion. Although that was probably in vain seeing as a certain idiot didn’t think of wearing something that were not his Jedi robes. You had heard that Anakin was not one for subtilty, but if he endangered your one chance of proving yourself you would kill him in his sleep. At least he had had the decency of not carrying the lightsabre in the open, otherwise he could have just as easily worn a nametag with ‘Jedi’ written on it. Your group walked towards the entrance of the building, your face still in a scowl as you watched the back of the man’s head. As Obi-Wan followed your line of sight he let out a sigh, obviously also not very happy about Anakin’s approach to the situation. The object of your frustration seemed to feel your gaze on him, turned around and rolled his eyes.

“Relax. You don’t really think that whoever has targeted Senator Amidala will not automatically identify us as Jedi, do you?”

“Well, now they definitely will. Do you ever follow the plan?!”, you exclaimed in exasperation. “I do. I just improvise a lot.”, he answered cockily. Before you could open your mouth Obi-Wan chimed in. “Enough, you two. Having you two bickering like an old couple will certainly pull everyone’s attention to us. We need to focus now.”, he explained with a stern voice. Through all the heated discussion you hadn’t noticed reaching the steps leading to the buildings entrance. A droid was positioned outside asking you to show him your invitation at which Obi-Wan pulled out a data pad. After the droid scanned your invitation the five of you entered and proceeded to make your way to the elevators.

Having reached the penthouse you are immediately taken aback by the see-through dome spanning above you. The transparisteel enabled your view of a few stars already appearing in the late evening sky. The air was rather humid with a soft smell of flowers coming from the open terrariums lining the walls. The variety of plants ranged from exotic trees, of which the canopies almost reached the dome to colourful flowers and succulents. Seeing so many plants in one place on Coruscant was a very unusual experience and almost overwhelming. Fairy lights adorned many taller plants bathing the room in a warm hue. Only now did you notice the many people of different species with posh clothes gathered into smaller groups all over the floor. At the very end of the floor was a bar positioned where people thirsty from dancing gathered for drinks. On the opposite side, a door led to a huge balcony overseeing the skyline of coruscant.

After taking in the scene, you turned towards Obi-Wan patiently waiting for instructions. Before he could answer though, Skywalker announced that he would go and find the Senator, advising you to observe the crowd before he walked off. You scoffed. Of course, he would be trying to order you around.

“You two spread out and verify that all entrances are covered by security personal before reporting back. Without attracting more attention than necessary, please.”, Obi-Wan informed the two other knights strictly, who had entered behind you. As you watched the two go off into different directions the master turned back towards you, his demeanour softening. “We could pass the time while Anakin comes back with the Senator, what do you think? Meanwhile we could make ourselves more familiar with the floor.”

 “We should attempt to fit in.”, you agreed taking the arm he offered you. Strolling alongside the terrariums you watched the flora in awe.

“Did you know that the plants presented here are all rare and endangered?”, the older man offered in an attempt to socialize.

“Maybe then they should not be taken from their natural environment and displayed for rich people to gawk at.”, you replied in thought whilst shrugging your shoulders.

“A true observation.”, Obi-Wan replied stroking his beard absentmindedly. You caught yourself staring at his fingers for a little too long.

“So... this defector. What do you know about him.”, you asked trying to redirect your focus on the mission at hand.

“As I said before he was a former separatist sympathizer that approached the senate claiming to have invaluable information.”

“And it’s probably not a secret that Senator Amidala was appointed to be a part of his interrogation?”

“No. The separatists have their eyes and ears everywhere. And it would be enough for one corrupt politician to catch wind of the operation for there to be a leak. Since there has already been an attempt on the man’s life since he arrived on Coruscant, the Senate and the Council are worried for the Senator’s life.” Reaching the main seating area surrounding the dance floor, the man let go of your arm. “The interrogation will take place tomorrow, which is why we are exceedingly cautious.”

“I take it you know this Senator Amidala? Are they to be trusted?”, you asked with furrowed brows.

“She is. I have known her for a very long time.”, the Jedi assured you with a soft smile. The fondness he expressed about the woman evoking a strange, unknown feeling in your chest similar to a stab. “You seem overly suspicious?”

“The Senate is filled with corrupt officials, working for other parties of interest like the Separatists or the Trade Federation. I have witnessed it first-hand.”

“You don’t seem overly fond of the Republic.”, Obi-Wan observed with a surprised expression, letting your arm go to face you.

“How could I? I was raised alongside people seeing the darkest parts of this system.”, you stated matter-of-factly. Furrowing his brows, the older man took a moment to collect his thoughts before responding.

“Yes, there are corrupt politicians in the senate. I am not overly fond of politicians myself. But I cannot believe it to be as grim as you make it out to be. The Republic stands for freedom and democracy, fighting for those who cannot protect themselves.”

“That has always been my reality, perhaps your experience is different.”, you answered to which the master responded with a thoughtful nod. Perhaps a topic for another place and time.

Taking a moment to view your surroundings you noticed a bar to the right side of the room where guests were seated with fancy looking beverages in hand. “Would you like a drink?”, Obi-Wan suggested having noticed your line of sight.

“I have actually never tried one before. Such indulgences were deemed unnecessary by Dooku.”, you explained as both of you moved towards the bar. As you followed his lead, the Jedi contacted the other knights, discretely requesting an update on their position. Everything was going as planned. At the bar, Obi-Wan motioned for you to take the only empty seat, while he stood next to you ordering the drinks.

“I’ll have one Ardees and one Corellian Wine for the Lady, please.”, he addressed the Bith bartender. The drinks arrived almost immediately after. “The Jedi also dislike such indulgence but since we are supposed to fit in, I’ll make an exception.”, he continued the conversation, winking at you. Averting your eyes you tried to cover the sudden shyness that overcame you by taking a hesitant sip of your wine. Before you could have embarrassed yourself further, the Jedi master changed the subject.

“How do you like the wine?”, he inquired with curious eyes after you had started coughing from the liquid burning your throat.

“It’s terrible.”, you expressed with your face distorted into a grimace. “What is that bitterness?”

At your reply, Obi-Wan immediately broke out into a laughter. “That would be the alcohol. Most people do not enjoy its taste the first time. Or ever.”

“I wonder why.”, you remarked dryly, but couldn’t hold back a grin at watching his amusement. You had never seen him this light-hearted, you could have almost forgotten why you were here in the first place. You imagined the Jedi rarely had time to relax and enjoy themselves like this.

Before you could continue the conversation you were interrupted by the band starting to play a cheerful tune. Couples of different species flooded to the center of the room, the dancefloor. The people twirling in their beautiful and extravagant gowns seemed to experience a lot of joy at moving to the music.

“I have never danced before.”, you stated in awe at the strange choreography. Obi-Wan simply extended his hand towards you and at first you didn’t understand. Obi-Wan simply nodded towards the dance floor.

“No, I don’t even know-“, you started to protest, but Obi-Wan simply grabbed your arm grinning mischievously at you.

“Simply follow my lead.”, he explained positioning your arms correctly and pulling you a little closer. You had never been this close to anyone before, not without the intention to kill. Your heart started pounding at the unfamiliar proximity. The band started playing a slower song and the two of you fell into a rhythm of steps and occasional twirls. The steps were fairly simple, nevertheless it took you some time to memorize the choreography and you had to apologize for stepping on your partner’s feet from time to time. As Obi-Wan twirled you around the next time, you caught a glance at a couple approaching the dancefloor caught up in conversation.

It was Anakin accompanied by a beautiful, smaller woman. Her attire was simply breath-taking. She wore a delicate, almost transparent rose-coloured gown that flowed around her feet. The hair was held up, braided with delicate flowers in-between complimenting the dark curls.

You noticed that the two of you had stopped dancing, Obi-Wan having also turned towards the two.

As the woman smiled at something Anakin had said, she seemed to light up the entire room. Anakin returned the gesture seemingly genuinely happy. It must have been obvious to anyone watching that there was something unspoken between them.

“I have never seen Anakin smile like that. She must mean a lot to him.”, you said directed at Obi-Wan who had pulled you back into the dance. Sighing he averted his eyes from the couple.

“So you have noticed too? Padme and Anakin have been romantically involved for some time now, even though I have advised Anakin against pursuing her.” So the beautiful woman was indeed the Senator you had been sent to protect. Of course, Anakin would get involved with someone behind the Council’s back. Somehow, the knowledge of their involvement lifted the strange feeling you had experienced earlier.

“Why is that?”

“Attachments are prohibited for Jedi. They distract us from our duty and make us choose other people over what is right. It is dangerous to let those feelings control you and cloud your judgement.” You had not been aware how strictly the code regulated the Jedis’ lives. It seemed almost impossible to you not to form any attachments.

“But everyone longs for intimacy and meaningful relationships. Isn’t it inevitable for attachments to form?”

“That is why we must learn to not let our emotions control us.”

“Do you truly believe in that?”

“I do think it is the right thing, yes. Those feelings will only bring ruin to those not able to control them.”

Somehow, and you didn’t understand why, his statement filled you with sadness. You wanted someone to look at you like Anakin and the Senator looked at each other. You had not been shown kindness and affection most of your life and you wanted to experience it just like they did.

“You want to tell me you have never felt this way for someone?”, you inquired with a mischievous grin on your lips.

“Oh no, I have. Although, I am not proud of it.”, his eyes filled with sadness, and you almost regretted starting that conversation.

The song ended and the two of you stepped apart as Anakin, holding the Senator’s arm, approached you.

“You look truly beautiful this evening, Padme.”, Obi-Wan initiated the conversation. The Senator smiled at his compliment reaching for him to touch her cheek to his. “Thank you, Obi-Wan. It is nice to see you today.” As she stepped back she noticed you, mustering you with a curious expression.

“And you must be the new addition to the Jedi Order.”, she stated surprisingly without any contempt. You would have assumed that Anakin would have told her about you, not putting you in the best light. As the knight in question noticed her focus on you, he protectively reached for her arm meaning for her to refrain from speaking to you. She simply put her hand over his finger and with a reassuring glance he let her step forward.

“Not an addition yet but I hope to be soon.”, you answered her a little taken aback by her openness. You understood why Anakin was under her spell. She radiated elegance and kindness everywhere she went.

“Good, and I assume you have already been briefed on the situation?”, she questioned in a soft but direct tone.

“I have.”

“Thank you for coming, but I still believe your concern is unnecessary, just as I told Anakin. I already have my people here to protect me.”, she explained glancing to a man at the other side of the room watching the crowd intently.

“The council insisted on our involvement. They seem convinced you are in danger, Padme.”, the Master Jedi explained, before being approached by the other two Jedi knights. “I am afraid duty calls. The pleasantries have to wait.” After exchanging some words with the knights, the two and Obi-Wan walk off deep in conversation.

“Anakin, would you please give me and your colleague some room to talk?”, the Senator approached Anakin softly touching his arm. The young man protested yet ultimately moved away. Of course, not before throwing you a threatening look.

“Anakin seems very protective of you.”, you observed watching him disappear into the crowd, probably going after the other Jedi.

Sighing, she followed the direction where her lover had vanished with her gaze. “Yes, he is always concerned for my safety.” Watching her worried expression for a moment, you retorted. “I imagine it was him who convinced the Council to get involved.”

“Yes, that would seem like him.”, she agreed a chuckle escaping her lips, revealing her perfect teeth. The Senator motioned for you to walk alongside her. “I hate to agree with him, but perhaps he is right. It’s reasonable to believe you have a target on your head.”, you added with a sour expression at the thought of giving Anakin any credit.

“That has been true for almost every day of my life. It was as true back when I was Queen of Naboo as it is now as a Senator of the Republic.”, she exclaimed with a serious expression, something that showed you that she probably had to grow up far to fast just like you.

“So you have been a politician your whole life. You must really believe in the Republic to devote your life to it.”

“I truly do. I –“, she continues, but you freeze as you see a red dot appear on the senators chest. Without further thought you push forward pulling her to the ground with you.

A fraction of a second later the sound of shattering transparisteel fills the room, which descends into utter chaos.

To be continued...

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Redemption | Part IV

Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x reader

Summary: A young sith apprentice on their first mission. Although a chance to prove yourself to your dark masters presents itself, you do the exact opposite of what is expected of you. Putting yourself at the jedi master Kenobi’s merci, you plead him to lead you from the dark side and show you the way of the light. But will your attempt to redeem yourself be futile and the pull to the dark side be too strong?

Wordcount: 5.3k (oops)

Warnings: tiny bit of angst, mentions of abuse, otherwise fluff, slowburn

A/N: Honestly I love Ahsoka and the bonding moments with her so much! I am always happy to discuss my fanfics and appreciate any comments 😊 The future chapters will be more Obi-Wan centric but I want their relationship growth to be realistic.

Pls let me know if you would like to be tagged!

Masterlist   Next Chapter

 It had been about a month since you had found shelter in the Jedi temple. The training with the lightsabre had continued, as had the somewhat boring meditation sessions much to your dismay. Other than that not much had changed in your training.

After some time the sceptic glances of the Jedi seemed to get fewer and fewer, the temple’s inhabitants getting more used to your presence.

The first to approach you one day were a small group of younglings that had curiously watched you spar with Master Kenobi. As you made your way to retreat to your quarters after the particularly draining training, four of the younglings sneaked after you just to confront you as the five of you seemed to be alone.

„Miss, wait!“, one of the voices called out to you, making you stop. As you turned around, a stern look on your face, the small group shyly took a few steps back.

„I just wanted to say, that when I grow up I want to be just as skilled as you are with a lightsaber.“, a small rodian boy with big blue, curious eyes exclaimed rubbing his hands awkwardly. He lowered his eyes to the ground bashfully, just as the human girl next to him elbowed him. “Ow! ...We wanted to ask you if we could watch you training some time?“

Bewildered at the unexpected inquiry, you wordlessly stared at the children. “… Only if you are okay with that of course!”, the blond human girl added nervously. A smile made its way onto your lips at the curious and hopeful looks that adorned the younglings faces.

“I would be honored to have you watch me training.”, you answered bowing overdramatically at which the children giggled. After bidding you goodnight, the group ran back to the courtyard. With a smile you watched them leave. You hadn’t expected to be greeted with such kindness as they had approached you. Perhaps you could fit in one day.

Somehow, you envied the younglings. They were already a part of the Order, there was no one questioning their alliances or their devotion. Despite living in the temple, you weren’t treated with as much hostility as you had been, in fact you were more ignored than acknowledged. You didn’t spend as much time training as you would have liked, but you guessed that was due to the fact you actually weren’t a member of the Jedi and their resources were limited.

You still appreciated the time Obi-Wan Kenobi spent sparring with you or educating you on the benefits that meditation could have for your discipline and your control over the force, but you did miss the outside world. Frankly, you felt somewhat useless.

And so, you decided that it was time to take your training into your own hands. You had been given a stack of books that were written about the Jedi and different fighting techniques with a lightsaber as well as more books about meditation, the Jedi Code and the force. Reading them had seemed incredibly dull to you at first, but since they now were your only source of information you started indulging in them.

Since you were most interested in the book about wielding a lightsaber, you integrated it into your small workout routine which you had started out of boredom. You didn’t have a lightsabre but the different fighting stances and the footwork was something that you could work on. The routine even included some meditation since you had started to notice the positive effect it had on your concentration and demeanor even if you would never admit that to anyone, especially not Master Kenobi. He would certainly tease you about it.

The first thing that you learned from one of the books was that the Jedi order was millennia old and was thus far longer around than the Republic itself. Twelve of the most powerful Jedi were elected to form the Council. Even if you fell asleep throughout reading the first chapter or skipped a few pages that seemed boring to you, you reached a chapter that interested you greatly. Apparently the Sith had originated from the ranks of the Jedi themselves after a conflict concerning the dark side of the force split the Order into the two factions. Recording to the book all Sith had been defeated by the Jedi centuries ago, which you and the Jedi knew to be false by now. You knew that Count Dooku and the other dark force wielders had only recently stepped out of the shadows. The Count had never mentioned his motivations or his endgame other than the destruction of the Jedi order to you and you wondered of how many schemes you hadn’t known about. As you overflew the next pages you read something that felt very familiar to you. The sith believed that a strong pupil was meant to overthrow a weaker master just as the master would rid himself of a an apprentice that showed too much weekness. That explained the rivalry between Ventress and you even if it had been one-sided. If you would have become more powerful, she would have been threatened to be replaced by you. It also explained the way that Dooku had treated you, putting you through pain, testing you for weekness. You were glad that you weren’t a part of that any longer.

 Absentmindedly flipping through the pages of History of the Jedi Order, you suddenly walked into a broad chest, making you stumble backwards. Raising your eyes to the face belonging to the chest you met the cold stare of one Anakin Skywalker. Gulping you took a step back. Great, I walked directly into the one person that I wanted to avoid at all costs, you thought.

“I know what you are trying to achieve.”, the taller man stated with an accusatory tone. You raised your eyebrows in question, only fueling the Jedi Master’s aggravation. “What are you talking about, Skywalker?” “Whatever your main goal is, you are trying to infiltrate the order. I will not let that happen.”

A sarcastic smirk adorned your features as you spoke. “I am doing no such thing, do you think the separatists would make such an obvious move? You are paranoid.”

“Maybe you can fool Obi-Wan and Ahsoka, but one day soon they will realize that all you are is a miserable, hateful creature just like the rest of them.” Having struck a nerve you stepped forward raising your fist, but before you could hit him you stopped yourself. “Hold your tongue, Jedi!”

Just as soon as you had spoken the words you regretted them.

“Be careful, your true colors are showing.”, the brunet spoke in a frightingly calm voice, his eyes only slits. The Jedi master stepped back eyeing you with the satisfaction of having been proven right.

Before walking away, Skywalker turned around one last time, speaking without meeting your eyes. “Stay away from Ahsoka.”, he warned.

You didn’t move for a while, staring after the man long after he had left your sight. Angrily you grit your teeth. You shouldn’t have let your anger get a hold of you, again. As hurtful as the things he had said were, he didn’t know you. You couldn’t bring yourself to believe that he was right, not fully. If you were truly this hateful you wouldn’t care about Obi-Wan and Ahsoka. You wouldn’t have instinctively rescued him, taken all of this upon yourself. You would have taken the easy path and stayed with the Sith.

You had come this far, even if you struggled and no matter how long it would take you wouldn’t give up.

 You hadn’t spoken to Ahsoka in some time. Somehow her Master had always managed to be around when you crossed each others paths. You really missed her company, even if the two of you didn’t spend much time together, she seemed sincere about giving you a chance.

You would prove Skywalker wrong, you were not a bad influence on Ahsoka. Right then and there you made a decision that one could either describe as stupid or brave.

  You entered the room where the Council held their meetings as they were in deep discussion. They didn’t notice your presence until you cleared your throat some time after entering. All eyes were immediately on you. Some of them watched you with curiosity, some with annoyance at being interrupted and others with distrust. You supposed that about half of them were still wary of you despite of how long you had stayed with them. You wondered how much of it was based on Skywalkers’ insistence of your irredeemability.

“And what is it that you want?”, Master Plo Koon, who was sat between Master Yoda and Master Windu, asked patiently encouraging you to speak up. Obi-Wan had made you familiar with all Council Members seeing as he thought it important to prepare you for future conversations with them.

“Please excuse me for interrupting. I have something to request. I will not take long.”, you stated respectfully. The members exchanged questioning glances, before turning back to you.

“Continue then, child.”, Master Yoda encouraged you with a soft smile. You stepped forward into the midst of the Council, anxiously biting the inside of your cheek to calm your nerves.

“I know that some of you still question my loyalties, but I ask you to give me a chance to prove myself to you to gain your trust. I have lived with you under the same roof for some time now and never caused you any grievances. As Master Kenobi can assure you, I am already a skilled fighter with the potential to be a great warrior.”, you explained turning slightly to look between the masters sitting in their chairs. Most of their faces remained neutral, although a few of them shared looks or furrowed their brows.

“We may have granted you asylum in our temple, but we never promised you any more than that.”, Master Windu argued leading to general murmuring of affirmation among the masters.

“I understand that that is a lot to ask. But don’t think I am not grateful that you took me in. You could have simply trialed me and sent me to prison, like the Republic likely would have, but you didn’t.”, you retorted making a pause for effect. Watching the faces of the Masters surrounding you, you continued. “And what about my future? If I were to leave you surely know what my chance of survival would be. And I can’t live here at the temple forever.”

“We don’t owe you to care about your future. You saved one of our own and therefore we took you in. Now we are even.”, a Zabrak, Master Eeth Koth, stated with a stern expression. A few Masters nodded whilst other furrowed their brows or shook their heads.

“Most of you are still wary of me and you have every right to be, given that you have been betrayed by some of your own in the past, including my former master. But I also know that you feel the light inside of me. I am not your enemy.”

At that the masters stayed silent, apparently taking time to overthink your words. They knew you were right. You hadn’t succumbed to the dark side, despite being an apprentice to a Sith for so long.

“The order’s members are raised from a young age not only to be good fighters but diplomatic and wise as well. We can trust them because they have been with us since their childhood and strictly adhere to the Jedi Code.”, Master Shaak Ti, a female Togrutan with red skin explained, followed by a statement from Master Plo Koon.

“She is right. You may be a good fighter, but you haven’t given us any reason to believe that you are any more than that. A Jedi has to depend on a variety of skills.”

“I am not saying that I am a skilled diplomat, simply because I have never been required to have those skills. But that doesn’t mean I can not acquire them. I am asking for your guidance. Please, I will show you that I am determined to achieve anything you need me to do.” you explained yourself, not feeling very optimistic about the outcome, but adamant to try your best to convince them. “And what about Anakin Skywalker? He was taken in by you when he was much older than the children that you usually choose. If you could break this rule for him than you can break it another time.”

After a short interval of silence, another Master, this time Master Adi Gallia, raised her voice. “We have already had a hand in her fate. Wouldn’t it be irresponsible to pretend that we owe her no help? By acting as we did we have already condemned her life. She will not be safe anywhere but with us. I say we should take this risk.” Heated muttering erupted between the Jedi before Master Windu silenced them.

“Whatever choice you make, know this: Ever since I was a child, I was used as a weapon, taught that anger and hatred was the only way, but since I have been here I have been shown so much more. I am not loyal to Count Dooku or his associates and never was. And I will do anything in my power to fight what he represents. Please consider my request.”, you said a last time, not sure what else to add to convince them.

“Maybe she has a skill for diplomacy after all, she did a good job in advocating for herself.”, Master Windu exclaimed with a smile.

“Mmh, discuss in private we have to. Hear of our decision you will.”, the smallest member of the Council, Master Yoda, said ending the conversation.

Thanking the Council for their time you left the tower. A million worries still ran through your head, but your destiny lay now in the hands of the Council and there was nothing you could do other than to trust in the decision they would make.

  The day had been sunny and warm and thus you had wanted to spend more time outside on the training grounds. The training grounds had grown on you as a place of safety, somewhere where you could work on your potential since the training and your focus had much improved.

Master Kenobi had praised your determination for improving yourself. Praise in itself still felt so foreign, since you couldn’t remember the last time you had been subjected to it before joining the order. Sadly, you hadn’t had much time to converse with him outside of training, he most likely had other duties to attend to besides keeping an eye on you. Going on missions to keep the balance of the universe or something alike.

And yet you always cherished the banter between the two of you. He had become the first person that you trusted ever since being taken from your village all that time ago. It almost felt as if the hole in your chest that longed for companionship started to slowly mend itself.

In the later hours of the day, you found yourself a spot near the entrance to the training grounds, leaning your back against the sand-colored stone wall. A group of younglings were currently being trained on different lightsaber techniques.

The clumsy movements of the youngest made you smile. You could barely remember the first time you had held a lightsaber, being abducted and forced to learn how to learn to fight against your will had been traumatic. You hoped the child’s experience was more joyful then yours.

Closing your eyes for a moment you let the rays of the sunlight caress your skin and its warmth comfort you.

“Hello there. Am I interrupting something?”, the warm tenor of Master Kenobi’s voice reached your ears, disturbing your monologue. Opening your eyes you were met with his grinning face.

“Oh no, you are welcome to join me if you wish.”, you replied happy to spend more time with the man.

Obi-Wan Kenobi copied your position, standing about an arm’s length away. The two of you stood there in comfortable silence for a while, both watching the group of training younglings. You wondered whether he was reminded of the time he had been a youngling himself. Were those good memories and had he always been comfortable with the path that had been laid out before him?

You had always had the feeling that he was very serious about his duty as a Jedi Master. Not everyone, especially Anakin, seemed as dedicated to following the rules as he was.

Count Dooku had once called Kenobi and Skywalker polar opposites concerning their behavior, Skywalker being the unpredictable one, yet easy to provoke. You had heard that contrary to his old Padawan, Master Kenobi was following the Jedi Code strictly. You supposed it was comforting and easy to have a moral code to guide oneself through these politically ambiguous and complicated times.

In the time you had personally gotten to know him, you understood it more and more. Owning no worldly possessions, having a path to follow, a sort of family to be loyal to, the simplicity of this lifestyle was tempting. You had always craved a form of comfort and stability that your previous life lacked.

The two of you had walked on very different paths growing up, but you wondered if it was nevertheless the same things you longed for in this world. Clearing your throat, you spoke up.

“Why did you choose to train me? You never told me.”

The man angled his head in thought seemingly not surprised by the question. After a pregnant pause he met your eyes.

“It is true that we met as enemies on the battlefield and yet after you surrendered yourself I had this feeling to believe you, to give you a second chance. Whether it was my intuition or the force that helped me make that decision doesn’t matter. After the council had granted you asylum, I supposed it would be my responsibility to see to your training. After all we already had a connection.”

The answer was just as you had expected it, rational and well calculated, just like the man himself. His words nevertheless warmed your heart. Knowing that it had been his decision to become your tutor made an unknown feeling rise in your chest. He had always hidden behind his eloquence and rationality, all the time that you had known him. Perhaps it came with the Jedi upbringing and his natural sense for duty and honor.

A handsome smile graced his features as he watched your face, waiting for a reaction. You smiled in return.

“May I ask you something?”, he asked with a thoughtful expression as he absentmindedly ran his hand through his beard, a gesture you found quite charming when you thought about it.

“Of course, Master.”, you responded, curious as to what he had to say.

“You can call me Obi-Wan when we are alone, by the way. There is no need for formalities.”

“So we are on a first name basis then?”, you said with a smirk, overplaying your initial bashfulness with humor like you did so many times. You had often wondered if his charm was meant flirtatiously or not, but you had watched him act like this around most people that he felt comfortable around. You had even heard of Kenobi’s famous banter when in battle. You supposed it was just a thing that he did. In the beginning it hadn’t really bothered you that much but now it seemed to affect you, not knowing the reason why.

The master chuckled but after a moment he turned serious again. Right, there had been something he wanted to ask.

“What is it really that fills you with that much anger? Don’t get me wrong, you have improved much concerning your self-control, but perhaps knowing the reason behind it could help.” You hadn’t really expected such a personal question from him. It was scary to you being this vulnerable around others, even if you felt very comfortable in his company. You took a moment to think of what to say before you carefully answered.

“It is hard to pin down, it’s more than one thing. The main reason for all my emotional turmoil though, is my old Master. The Count took everything from me, just because he saw the potential to use me as a weapon. The pain and anger that I feel sometimes blinds me completely. I cannot let go of it, my only thought is how I can end the hold he has on me.”

Obi-Wan eyed you in silence, somehow feeling that there was more that you wanted to say. You appreciated him giving you that space.

“I sometimes wake-up at night feeling like I am suffocating, because I can’t let it go, because it still haunts me. How is it that you are always this collected?”, you asked looking away not wanting him to see the vulnerability in your eyes.

“I am sorry that you had to go through such experiences. I myself have given into anger before, don’t think that I am faultless when it comes to emotion. It is challenging, even as a Jedi Master that has trained to control his emotions all his life. You yourself will always stay your greatest challenge. You see, anger is a double-edged blade. Giving into it will leave you hollow and drained. It will not bring your family back or turn back time.”

The older man paused running his hand through his sand-colored beard. You never had really noticed before, but as the sun hit his deep blue orbs, they shined like the cyber-crystal of his lightsaber. You had always found him objectively attractive before, but in this serene moment it hit different.

“Who you are is your own narrative. Neither Count Dooku nor I have a say in that. You are the only one that has the power to choose to let the past go to focus on the person that you wish to become.”

Silence filled the room between you once again and you almost believed the conversation was over as the Jedi raised his voice again.

“There is something else I wanted to tell you.”, he stated with an almost mischievous look.

“What, Skywalker is finally getting a haircut?”, you asked sarcastically followed by a snort from the Jedi.

“The two of you really don’t get along, do you?”, Obi-Wan asked with a sigh while crossing his arms in front of him.

“This really isn’t on me, he is the one that suspects me of having an ulterior motive and it really shouldn’t be my problem that he is constantly behaving like a child.” The man next to you sighed once again, seemingly knowing what you were talking about from his own experience. Skywalker had been his Padawan after all.

“Anakin has always been exceptionally stubborn. It will take quite some time to convince him, I wager. But hopefully you will be able to convince him sooner.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have reported your progress in training to the Council and after a short discussion they have decided to give you a chance to prove yourself to them. You will accompany me on a mission tomorrow.”, Obi-Wan replied with a proud smile. “You seem to have made quite an impression on them.”

“Thank you, Mas- Obi-Wan. I am really grateful for that.”, you replied after being speechless for a moment. You really hadn’t expected him to agree. You had thought he would deem your behavior to confront the council brash and immature.

“Be careful though, I might just hand you your ass!”, you said grinning.

“This isn’t a competition, you know.”, the Master retorted, seemingly unimpressed by your cockiness.

“Sure, it isn’t.”

  Later that day you retreated to your quarters to once again do some fitness exercises. The sun had already set and you were immersed in your meditation, as a light knock on the door could be heard.

As you got off your bed, confused as to who would visit you this late in the evening, the door opened slightly to reveal two white-blue montrals attached to a smirking face. “May I come in?”

“Ahsoka! Yes, of course.”, you answered very excited to see the Padawan again. After she had closed the door she pulled you into a hug which you awkwardly returned, not being used to hugs. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t visit sooner, but my Master kept me very busy ever since you came here.”, she explained with an apologetic smile. “Are you sure you should be here? I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“I don’t mind. Anakin can be very stubborn and strongly opinionated sometimes, but it’s still my decision what I do. Besides, how else would I congratulate you on being assigned your first mission?”, she replied jokingly bumping your arm with her fist. You simply smiled in return. “How did you find out?”

“Well, word travels fast when a former Sith apprentice is about to go on a mission alongside Master Kenobi.”

You turned quiet furrowing your brows. “I don’t really know what will await me tomorrow.” “Don’t worry, you will be great, just follow Obi-Wan’s lead. And before you know it you will be accepted into our ranks.”

As she mentioned it you suddenly realized that you had never really thought about what your role would be if you were to join the ranks of the Jedi. You knew that they were very strict and you hadn’t exactly had had the Jedi upbringing.

“Come on, I know the right thing to celebrate!”, Ahsoka exclaimed with a mischievous smile that made you a little uneasy. “I don’t know if-“, you started to profess your worries, but couldn’t finish your sentence before Ahsoka took your hand and pulled you to the door. “We won’t get in trouble, I promise. I have done this so many times without getting caught.”

Somehow that didn’t ease your mind, but you shrugged, before following her lead. As much as you didn’t want to get in trouble you had a feeling to trust Ahsoka and you were also a little curious to find out what your new friend had been up to.

Ahsoka motioned for you to be quiet as you sneaked after her. The two of you walked down a staircase and followed a hallway to the right, before she slipped into a door, you following suit.

Only the moonlight falling through a window lid up the room, so it took your eyes a few moments to adjust to the darkness, but then you understood. Ahsoka had led you to the kitchens.

You carefully took a look around. The kitchens were currently empty of any workers, and the plasteel appliances were scrubbed so shiny that you could see your reflection in them.

“For a group of monks, this is a rather fancy kitchen.”, you whispered slightly impressed.

“The Order gets important guests at times ever since we got involved with the Republic. It wouldn’t be very diplomatic to only serve them bread and water.”, she explained chuckling. “And no need to whisper, no-one is ever here at this hour.”

“You sound like you speak from experience.”, you said smiling to yourself.

“Yeah, well what can I say? It’s just very unfair of Master Windu to keep his treats from everyone else. I sometimes sneak down here if I am upset or I need to celebrate something.”

“Master Windu has a secret stash of treats?”, you asked incredulous as you followed her to one of the fridges.

Reaching into the fridge she held up a hand full of chocolate-chip cookies.              “Yes, sometimes it’s sweet-sand cookies or Corellian fried ice cream. We are extremely lucky though, today it’s chocolate cookies.”, she said grinning before handing you a cookie.

Eyeing the treat somewhat melancholically you took a careful bite, instantly enjoying how the brown substance melted in your mouth. “I have never had chocolate before.”

“It’s amazing, am I right? Now that I know you, I have found someone to share this with. We should do this more often.”, she stated happily, a bit of chocolate smeared around her mouth.

After the two of you ate in silence you spoke up again. You had jumped up on a counter to sit and looked out of the window out on the still busy city.

“Are we friends?”, you asked hesitantly not turning to her. You were a little awkward given that you had never really considered anyone a friend before and you didn’t quite know how friendships developed.

“I would like us to be.”, she answered giving you a reassuring smile. Eyeing you for a moment, she continued carefully. “You have never had a friend before, have you?”

“There was never really time let alone anyone willing to build a relationship build on trust and loyalty. The sith are all about competition. There isn’t even a bond of loyalty between the Sith master and his apprentice. The apprentice has to prove himself worthy or he has to fear being replaced just as he himself can overthrow his master.”, you explained deep in thought.

“That has to be tough. I’m sorry, you could never experience anything like this. You know, one of the most important things to us Jedi is the loyalty between each other. Only if we help each other we can succeed in our mission. And that requires trust.”

You stayed quiet for a while thinking about what she said. Maybe you finally could have that feeling of belonging again. People that you trusted and that made you laugh when you were down, fighting along side you. The republic didn’t seem like something you would be fighting for but maybe these people could be.

“Thank you for being my friend.”, you simply answered, not knowing what else you could say.

“No need to thank me. Now I finally have someone to annoy Anakin with.”

“Oh, I see what this is!”, you exclaimed gasping dramatically. “You are only spending time with me to spite Skywalker.”

“Ehhh, maybe a little.”, she admitted shrugging at which you laughed. “He is kind of like an annoying bigger brother to me, so he deserves to be annoyed from time to time.”

“I didn’t know you too were that close. I mean I have seen you two protecting each other in battle, but I didn’t know you viewed him as family.”

“What can I say, he has his moments.”, she replied smiling. “I suppose developing a very close bond with your Master is somewhat a requirement for being a Jedi.”

 Ahsoka opened the fridge again to take another cookie out, but noticed that you had eaten the last of them. As she went to close the door of the fridge once more, a note in the place where the cookies had been caught her eye. Before taking it, the two of you exchanged confused glances. Skipping over the text quickly she started to read out loud:

“Dear cookie-thief,

The next time you decide to eat all the sweets from Master Windu’s personal supply, please leave a few for us others. P.S. I know that it is you, Ahsoka.

Anakin”

“Huh, maybe I wasn’t as sneeky as I thought.”, Ahsoka mumbled astonished. Your eyes met for a moment before the two of you burst out in laughter.

  To be continued...

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[miss-lumiere]

Redemption – Part III

Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x reader

Summary: A young sith apprentice on their first mission. Although a chance to prove yourself to your dark masters presents itself, you do the exact opposite of what is expected of you. Putting yourself at the jedi master Kenobi’s merci, you plead him to lead you from the dark side and show you the way of the light. But will your attempt to redeem yourself be futile and the pull to the dark side be too strong?

Wordcount: 3.2 k

Warnings: slight angst, otherwise fluffy bonding (there will be more in the future!)

A/N: I already have a lot of ideas for the next chapters. This is more a filler chapter to set the story and have the characters’ relationships evolve. Let me know how you like it and what it was you liked best! As always, enjoy! :3

 Masterlist   Chapter IV

   The next morning you were awakened by the soft rays of the morning sun on your face that were falling through the blinds of the window. Opening your eyes you were confused were you were at first, the events of yesterday coming to mind slowly. Excitedly although slightly wary of what was to come you got out of bed, starting to get ready for the day ahead of you.

Today would be your first day as a… Jedi trainee? Whatever your place was, you certainly weren’t trusted enough to be considered a Padawan yet, but too old to be a youngling. You moved in unchartered regions, a grey area of the Jedi code. According to the reaction of the masters at least, this was a new situation for everyone.

 After you had put on the extra robes you had been given for training and entered the small bathroom space to take in your appearance you heard a hesitant knock coming from your door.

Moving to your door expecting to see a guard at the other side of it, you were surprised to see a young togrutan woman standing in front of you. You had seen her before, she was the padawan of Skywalker that had been sneaking curious glances your way. Something told you that she wasn’t supposed to be here.

 The padawan was carrying a plate with some bread and fruit in one hand and a decanter filled with water in the other. She seemed to be maybe a few years younger than you.

“I thought you might want to eat something before your first training.”, she stated hesitantly.

Taking a moment to process, you stepped to the side allowing her access to your room, closing the door after her. Turning around, she had already placed the food on the floor next to the bed.

“I’m Ahsoka, by the way.”, the Togrutan said fiddeling with her hands awkwardly. “I hope you feel welcome here.”

 You slowly walked towards the bed, before sitting down on it, her doing the same on the floor a few feet away.

“Well, there are guards posted in front of my door at all times.”, you stated tensing slightly.

“Oh, of course, you’re right. But at least that’s only temporary.”, she said smiling for the first time.

“It’s okay, I get it. They don’t have a reason to trust me, but I plan to change that.”, you said with a sigh.

She nodded, silence engulfing you two again.

 “You aren’t really supposed to be here, are you?”, you inquired with a small amused smile.

“I-…No, I don’t think my Master would approve of me being here.”

“Well, I won’t tell if you don’t.”, you replied mischievously, taking a bite of a Jogan fruit. You thought back to the fight between her and her Master against Ventress, how protective the two Jedi had seemed of each other. They seemed to share a strong bond.

 “My Master can be very protective and stubborn. He thinks it’s not safe for me to be around you.”

“He isn’t wrong. I was still a member of the sith a few hours ago.”, you acknowledged furrowing your brow in thought, the contrast of your own relationship with your former master compared to hers coming to mind.

As you had spoken the words you noticed her tensing, realizing that she didn’t have much to trust you either. “Don’t worry. I don’t mean to harm you or any of the Jedi.”, you added, Ahsoka relaxing visibly.

 Ahsoka opened her mouth as if to say something, just as her eyes snapped to the door. “Someone’s coming. I should go before they see me.”

“Good luck, today.”, she said with a reassuring smile before she silently slipped through the door out of your sight.

  You had just finished eating as a guard entered the room to escort you to the training area. Kenobi was already waiting for you, his back turned towards you as he meditated.

Stepping closer, you took in your surroundings. The guard had led you outside to a courtyard that was supposedly the training grounds of the temple. In the center of it, in front of which Kenobi was meditating, sat a large tree. A rare sight for the vegetation-less coruscant.

 “I see you changed your attire. I’m glad, we couldn’t have people getting the impression our doors are open to sith now.”, the Jedi addressed you as he had stood up, ending his meditation.

“Wouldn’t want to destroy your reputation.”, you sassed back with a smile. He laughed before turning more serious again.

“The robes fit you well, you almost seem like a different person entirely.”, he stated with a genuine smile. You smiled awkwardly, not used to being complimented even though it managed to make you feel more at ease. “You must have many questions, but before I answer them I would like to test the extend of your training.”, he continued.

He stepped towards you, pulling a lightsabre from his belt that he handed you.

“Isn’t it too dangerous to hand me a lightsabre? I thought we would start with testing my force ability first.”, you asked a little confused. You hadn’t thought that they trusted you enough to hand you such a dangerous weapon, given the Jedi Order’s cautiousness. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to, your own lightsabre being taken from you had felt wrong as every force wielder had a connection to their weapon, you simply hadn’t expected that action.

“You will only be given the sabre during training. The more delicate training will be reserved for later, don’t worry.” Pushing his outer robe of his shoulders, he activated his blue sabre.

 Rolling your eyes at the master’s dramatic antics, you activated your own lightsabre. It had a blue color and a very different energy than your own. No, that wasn’t your lightsabre any longer, it belonged in the past.

With a reassuring smile, the Jedi gestured for you to attack, your heart beating rapidly against your chest. This was only training, neither of you would attempt to cause actual damage. And yet this situation reminded you of the training under your old master. Taking in a deep breath to calm yourself you raised your new weapon.

Charging forward your blades clashed together once again. The action was familiar, yet the energy between you felt very different. You weren’t angry and neither of you pushed as strongly as the last time you had found yourself in this situation. His fighting style was very different as well; he was more passive and held back, observing your movements closely.

Parrying strike after strike from you, you slowly grew frustrated. Obi-Wan Kenobi seemed calm and focused and none of your attacks seemed to phase him.

“Don’t focus too much on using as much strength, you will tire very easily. Use fast and efficient movements as they are to your advantage over a physically stronger opponent.”, the older man observed as you huffed in frustration after another futile attempt at retaliation.

 Training under your old Master was very different. He had never cared whether you were injured as long as you pushed yourself to the edge. Pushing to break you physically and mentally, showing his dominance over you every chance that he got. Many times had you found yourself in the medbay of the sith’s ships, broken and bruised.

Letting the anger fuel your movements you pushed your sparring partner forcefully backwards making him land on his back, his head hitting the sand-colored stone.

 With a shocked expression you rushed to his side, letting out an alleviated sigh as he didn’t seem to be injured. Lending him a hand you pulled him to his feet with a groan on his part.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to harm you.”, you apologized still a little shocked. You awaited your punishment.

“I do believe I am fine, although you need to learn to control your emotions. Anger is only going to distract you in a fight.”, he sighed brushing the dust off his clothes.

 As you didn’t seem to relax he added, “I really am fine. Mistakes happen, that is why we are doing this.”

 “I think I have had enough for today, please excuse me.”, you stated as you pushed the deactivated weapon into his hands turning around not capable of showing him the extent of how irritated with your actions you were, with losing control.

With fast strides you made your way to return to the guards that had waited at the edge of the training grounds.

   The next days had turned out much better - you had returned to training even if it meant swallowing your pride. This time you had focused on staying calm and had managed to not lose control again. You had never thought about how letting your emotions control you would affect you in battle, let alone that it would influence you negatively.

 Hurting someone on accident had never been something that had worried you in your old position since you had only ever fought on a battleground or in training with your master or Ventress where violence was welcome and restraint unappreciated. You had never feared it either as that required caring for someone, something you never had since you had been taken from your family. The family whose memory slowly faded more and more.

Thus the connection you had been forming with the Master Jedi that had been training you had scared you. You had grown fond of his disarming honesty and kindness he treated you with. Developing relationships with others was new for you, at least ones build on mutual trust, making it understandable that you felt a little uneasy.

The only other person that you had had contact with next to Master Kenobi thus far had been Ahsoka, but you hadn’t seen her since. Most of the other Jedi eyed you with either curiosity or suspicion and stayed out of your way. So you spent most of the days training with Kenobi and the times you weren’t on the training grounds you spent alone in your room, eating your meals or reading any of the books that you had been supplied with.

 You hoped to perhaps spend more time with Ahsoka in the future although you weren’t sure that she was fully comfortable around you yet. Despite the kindness that she had offered you she seemed on edge the time you had met. On the other hand, it had been her seeking you out in the first place. That hadn’t been just morbid curiosity, you supposed.

Perhaps she simply wanted a connection with someone as much as you did.

   Today you had been surprised to find out that your training had changed to strengthen your connection with the force. Finally, some variation in your schedule, you thought.

Well, you had been wrong, you would have preferred the sparring over this any day.

You had been meditating with the Master for hours now, or at least that’s what It felt like. And it felt more like not trying to fall asleep while you were sitting in total silence with your eyes closed than meditative. Honestly, you didn’t really get what you were supposed to do or feel or even why you did this. It’s not like the siths had deemed mediation relevant.

 “I can feel your restlessness radiating off of you.”, the man meditating in front of you stated seemingly amused.

Sighing you opened your eyes, giving up your attempt to focus on your breathing.

“I have never done this before and I find it very hard to stay focused when there are so many things on my mind.”

“What is it that keeps you distracted?”, he inquired now opening his eyes as well.

You paused positioning yourself more comfortable, letting your gaze wander over the wide area of the training grounds behind your master. Another Jedi master was currently training a group of younglings on the other end of the courtyard. You smiled at the excited looks on their faces.

 “You are aware that you can talk to me about anything that bothers you, are you not?”, he added with the thick Coruscanti accent of his.

Feeling conflicted about opening up to anyone, even him, you pondered making up some excuse. Yet one look at his face and you wavered. You didn’t know what it was about Obi-Wan Kenobi that disarmed you the way he did, but his caring expression made you want to spill all of your secrets.

“Go on.”, he retorted, his blue eyes observing you patiently.

“I don’t really belong here. I mean you are really the only person that I talk to.”, you explained with a frown. “After all, I can’t blame them. I was their enemy.”

“You are not anymore. Nevertheless, it is true that they do not trust you yet. Give them time and after you have proven yourself to the council you will be integrated into our Order. Yours is an unprecedented case. It is rare for a force wielder who has once succumbed to the dark side to return to the light path. It is only natural for others to be sceptical.”

His words soothed your anxiety and irritation that used to plague you lately. From the beginning on he had been this calming, reassuring influence. You wouldn’t have made it without his empathic and forgiving nature.

“I suppose you are right. Thank you for believing in me. For everything really, all you have shown me is kindness since I turned away from my past.”, you stated, tears filling your eyes that you quickly blinked away.

“Do not forget that you saved my life. I would call us even.”, he said winking. “But let us get back to our meditation, I am sure you will be able to concentrate now.”

“What is the use of this exercise again?”, you asked a little exasperated. The master sighed, having explained it a few times already.

“The meditation is meant to strengthen your connection to the force. In your case, it will help you focus on controlling your emotions better.”

 Groaning you closed your eyes again at which the man in front of you chuckled amused. Taking up the appropriate pose for the meditation, you found that getting things off your chest indeed had helped you focus.

  Later that evening as you walked back to your room, sweaty and exhausted from training you heard two familiar voices argue. The council had granted you more freedom meaning that you were allowed to retreat to your quarters on your own. The halls of the temple were contrary to the living quarters opulently designed. Large pillars framed the walls, leading to the high ceiling and the floor was covered in a long carpet that muffled your footsteps .

The voices, now louder the closer you got, could be identified as belonging to Ahsoka and her Master Anakin Skywalker.

Hearing your name being dropped you hid behind a broad pillar, too curious to know what was being said about you. The two figures just rounded a corner becoming visible to your eyes.

“I told you I want you to stay out of her way.”

 “I understand, Master, but I don’t think that she is trying to deceive us.”

“She was Count Dooku’s apprentice. If all those years of fighting against the separatists should have taught you anything it is that you cannot trust them no matter the circumstances.”

The Master’s voice was unmistakably angry and aggravated, just as the man himself was rumored to be often. The Count had once called him unusally emotional for a Jedi.

“I know that you are only trying to protect me, but I do believe her. I just feel that she is being honest about her intentions.” Turning around to face his padawan the young master looked at her sternly, running a hand though his chestnut hair.

“Ahsoka, keep your distance.”, he admonished, before turning and leaving without another word.

 You heard Ahsoka huff in frustration before walking in the opposite direction, vanishing from your view as well.

You sighed returning to walking back to your quarters. Would the Jedi ever accept you?

 To be continued ...

Tags:

@rockyrocket15 @hellotheregenerallkenobi @glitter-rian @blue-space-porgs@rainyrebelconnoisseur @irrelevant-86​ @whatsasetitoff​​

 Tell me if you would like to be tagged!

[miss-lumiere]

Redemption | Masterlist

Obi-Wan Kenobi x female!reader

Summary: A young sith apprentice on their first mission. Although a chance to prove yourself to your dark masters presents itself, you do the exact opposite of what is expected of you. Putting yourself at the jedi master Kenobi’s merci, you plead him to lead you from the dark side and show you the way of the light. But will your attempt to redeem yourself be futile and the pull to the dark side be too strong?

A/N: I try to include as little discriptors of the physical appearance of the reader as possible. If you notice something not inclusive pls let me know! Also she/her pronouns are used.

Chapter I

Chapter II

Chapter III 

Chapter IV

Chapter V  *NEW*

To be continued...

Let me know if you would like to be tagged!

[miss-lumiere]

Redemption | Part II

Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x reader

Summary: A young sith apprentice on their first mission. Although a chance to prove yourself to your dark masters presents itself, you do the exact opposite of what is expected of you. Putting yourself at the jedi master Kenobi’s merci, you plead him to lead you from the dark side and show you the way of the light. But will your attempt to redeem yourself be futile and the pull to the dark side be too strong?

Wordcount: 3.3k

Warnings: angst, canon-violence

A/N: Let me know how you liked this part! Stay healthy and enjoy <3 Masterlist   Part III

This had been a disaster. Ventress had completely destroyed you during the training with her this morning, leaving you angry and frustrated. At least Count Dooku insisted you made progress, which alone, although you doubted it, made you a bit proud. The Count was usually not easily impressed or prone to praise. But you were not satisfied, far from it actually. Maybe you would improve if you finally got to go on a mission.

Seeing your Master look at your fellow apprentice with a look of pride made you slightly jealous. You wanted, no needed someone to look at you that way. Maybe even with more than pride, maybe even ... affection? Yet the master always had a list of things about your fighting technique that he found fault with.

You were quite strong with the force, but needed more discipline to show real potential or pose an actual threat to the enemy.

That did sting.

Putting your lightsabre on your bed that you had been fiddling with, you walked towards the mirror in the small adjacent bathroom, staring at yourself. A bruise had already formed on your jaw and your body generally hurt. With an angry grunt you balled one hand into a fist, punching the mirror, its glass shattering in the process.

Trying to calm yourself you shakily exhaled, closing your eyes. Today was the day of your first mission and you had woken up early to prepare yourself before stepping onto the transport shuttle. The mission was pretty simple: Reach the surface of the planet, destroy the new military outpost of the Republic, kill the posted troopers. The master didn’t expect any complications, since Ventress was leading an attack elsewhere in the system, thus distracting the enemy. The troops wouldn’t suspect a thing until it was too late. You would be on your own.

As the shuttle you and some droids had been transported in landed you pulled the thin, silver necklace that hung around your neck from underneath your tunic closing your hand around it. You took a deep breath. This was only a training mission; you would be just fine.

You were supposed to be fast and efficient. The droids and you would attack from two sides, already parting into two groups with you tagging behind. In that very moment you felt a shift in the force. You just knew that something was very wrong. Just then a hand full of republican ships appeared above you lowering to the ground, Clones exiting. This had been a trap, they had known of your arrival since you touched ground.

The sound of the ramp lowering itself shook you out of your thoughts, making you step out in front of the droids that were lined up in orderly fashion. Positioning yourself at the side of the shuttle, you let the droid squadron pass you by you, taking a moment to take in the planet. Multiple other separatist transport shuttles had landed behind you revealing more droids to back you up. Although it wasn’t exactly an army it would suffice for this mission.

New plan: you would infiltrate the building on your own while the clones were engaged in battle. Just as you came closer to the building force-pushing the enemy out of the way, another craft appeared. But it didn’t lower itself to the ground, no the ramp lowered in mid-air, a single figure coming into view before jumping out. Jumping out of a shuttle from that height? Oh no no no, Jedi weren’t supposed to be a part of this you weren’t ready.

“Engage!”, you screamed not letting fear get the best of you. The droids followed

The planet’s surface was mostly uneven lacking vegetation, instead the area was made of stone, sand and coarse gravel. The biome was mostly hilly until it finally led into a range of mountains in the distance. The sky was hidden underneath a thick layer of clouds cloaking the planet in a yellow hue. Relief was forming a defensive wall at the back of the small outpost.

You pulled the hood of your black cloak back, your lips quivering angrily. The figure came closer igniting their blue lightsabre, droids fearfully making way for the jedi. Nevertheless, you were going to stand your ground.

As the hooded figure was in speaking range, he lowered his hood exposing a rather handsome face with sandy hair and a beard.

your command storming forward, the sound of blasters going off filling the air. With an angry shout you ignited your red lightsabre sprinting towards the enemy, cutting through the troopers armour as if it was made of paper. The air was filled with the irony smell of blood as troopers and droids alike littered the ground.

With a battle cry you began running towards him, red plasma clashing again blue plasma. The jedi’s movements seemed almost effortless. While you were giving your all, he didn’t even seem to break a sweat.

Kenobi, you thought gulping. You had seen him fight before, he was a skilled fighter, maybe one of the most capable jedi you had ever seen.

“No introductions? How rude.”, he exclaimed sarcastically almost entertained. Oh yes, you had heard of him and his notorious witty banter during battle.

As you prepared to deal another blow, he reached out with one of his hands, force pushing you through the air.  You jumped back up after you had hit the ground starting to pant from exhaustion. He dodged your next blow, grazing you with his lightsabre himself. You screamed in pain as the plasma blazed through your clothes burning your skin slightly.

“Hello, there.”, he exclaimed in a charming voice. “I don’t think we have met before?”

He used the moment to kick you to the ground, but you recovered before he could drive his weapon through you, aiming for his legs. But you weren’t quick enough as he dodged the blow by doing a flip backwards, landing a few feet further away. In that moment you knew that you wouldn’t win this fight, but there was no going back now.

 Kenobi started walking towards you, but before he could reach you an avalanche of boulders and debris came crashing down the relief threatening to hit the exact spot in which your opponent was standing.

Kenobi easily evaded your next strike again, making you release a shout of frustration.

In the fraction of a second you elevated your hands, force-pushing the Jedi out of the way. Not a second too early. You scrambled to your feet coughing, trying to rid your lungs of the dust that had been raised as the avalanche crashed to the ground. You froze, the realization hitting you that you had just saved your enemy’s life. It hadn’t been an active decision; it was purely instinctive.

Although viewing you with an incredulous look, the Jedi jumped back to his feet approaching you hesitantly. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion, his lightsabre lowered beside him.

“My, someone is angry.”, he exclaimed as your sabres clashed, the two of you struggling for the upper hand. Yet the Jedi master prevailed, shoving you back with a strong push making you fall on your back.

“I can’t be their pawn for any longer. Please take me with you.”, you pleaded desperately, offering him your lightsabre. “I don’t want to be pulled into this vortex of darkness any longer.”

In that moment you knew what you had to do. You sank to your knees, deactivating your lightsabre.

You were ashamed to beg, but this was the only way to relief you of your misery. That and dying, but you were not prepared to die for a cause you didn’t believe in, a cause that had never done you any good.

 As you made your way to the space craft the Jedi started destroying a few of the remaining droids which had been mostly dominated by the troopers. Seeing the two of you walk side by side, they started panicking retreating to their own transportation shuttles.

You raised your eyes to his that had narrowed into slits, surely sensing a deceit.

Although his eyebrows rose in surprise, he approached you taking your lightsabre while offering you his other hand. You didn’t know what you had expected, but certainly not this level of kindness. Taking his hand, he pulled you up, before fastening your lightsabre on his belt.

“Are you coming or are you going to stand there for all eternity?”, he asked amused, shaking you out of your surprise-induced stupor.

“You..trust me?”, you queried as you had reached him, now walking side by side with him. You were still shocked that he had even shown you mercy. You were a sith after all, even if only an apprentice.

“I wouldn’t call it trust as much as having faith in the force.” Of course, there was no reason to trust you. Not yet, anyways. You would have to earn it.

“Besides, I don’t think you would safe my life just to turn on me, without a weapon no less.”

As you were both seated in the interior of one of the republican shuttles, one of the clones stepped in front of you putting your hands in restraints. That gave you time to eye the jedi carefully. He was at most a good ten years your superior, but maybe the beard aged him. Pretty young for such an accomplished warrior.

„Where to, General?“, one of the higher ranking troopers you were sharing the shuttle with asked the Jedi, sneaking a few looks at you.

Following the clone’s line of sight, he replied. „Coruscant, the Council will be awaiting us.“

“I’m afraid, I will have to search you for weapons.”, he stated, before carefully approaching you. As you showed no resistance, he began patting you up and down and searching your pockets. When he was assured you didn’t have any weapons on you, he turned around walking away from the compound.

 Reaching a landing platform, you stood up making your way to Master Kenobi, who had already exited the craft waiting for you on the landing platform. The clones behind you were trying to hide their curious glances.

You had always thought Coruscant to be ugly. It had close to no vegetation and grey and silver buildings as far as you could see. Even the sky was the subject of steady traffic.

Far too many people in one place for your liking, still you would have to admit that there was a fascination to the city-like planet, if only for the fact that the Jedi council resided here and you would get to have a glance at them yourself.

“That the council will have to decide.”, the older man answered with a thoughtful look on his face. Gulping you shook your head absentmindedly in affirmation.

 Just as you had crossed the way to the temple’s entrance, you were met with two other figures followed by a coruscant guard. You immediately recognized them. It was Anakin Skywalker and his togrutan youngling. You swallowed, Skywalker had always made you uneasy and standing face to face with him now was more than just mildly terrifying. He was impulsive, volatile and hot-headed. He was much different than most Jedi that valued a mild temper and rationality.

“What will happen to me?”, you questioned trying to hide the shaking in your voice but failing.

You were terrified. So, it was possible you would spend the rest of your miserable life in a prison cell. You didn’t know what would happen to you, if the jedi would take you in. You didn’t even believe in the Republic’s cause, since you had never been one for ideologies. All you ever did was trying to survive.

It was a forbidden luxury to think of your life as anything else.

“She was one of Count Dooku’s apprentices. She surrendered herself.”, the older one explained as Skywalker reached for his lightsabre.

Kenobi resumed walking towards the entrance, but the other knight waited for you to pass him so could watch you closely. He apparently didn’t trust you one bit, but you couldn’t hold it against him.

“Who is that and what is she doing here, Obi-Wan?”, the mentioned inquired eying you distrustful.

“How do you know this is not a trap.”

“I don’t, Anakin. But she asked for asylum and it is not the Jedi way to turn down those in need for help.”, he clarified sending the other Jedi a warning look.

Before you could step into the temple Skywalker stopped you.

“If you even think about doing something funny, I will personally stop you.”, he said in a cold tone making a shiver run down your spine.

  “You have already told us of her rescuing you, but how can we be sure that this isn’t all part of the Count’s plan?”, Windu asked rightfully suspicious. The jedi had let you to the council, Kenobi pleading your case, but the masters seemed to remain sceptical.

Skywalker hesitated for a moment before relaxing visibly, even if his expression stayed the same. The Togrutan examined you curiously but did not approach you, knowing her master would most likely not approve.

“We cannot. But as I said before she could have let me die, but she decided not to.”, Kenobi assured, the Masters staying silent as they contemplated what to decide. “She isn’t strong with the dark side, there is light inside her, she simply needs the right guidance.”

“That may be so, but who will assure us that one day you won’t decide to switch sides again? I think we all can agree that the risk is too high. We cannot let Sith into our ranks.”, another Master who’s name you didn’t know stated, a few affirmations could be heard from the ranks.

“If I may say something, Masters.”, you opened your mouth for the first time stepping forward, your hands still held together by the metal restraints.

“I know you have no reason to trust me, but I assure you I will prove myself to you. I am not loyal to the separatists nor my sith masters, as I didn’t support their course willingly.”

As the latter had shown you to an adjacent room, the council erupted into lively discussion. The wall on the opposite of the door you had just entered through was traversed by clari-crystalline windows. The room was otherwise spare and reduced to an elongated table with chairs sitting in the middle of the room.

You leaned on the wall sinking down to the ground putting your head in your hands. Both wrists were still in restrains, already chafing your skin a little. You had had so much hope that you would have the chance at a real life, anything better than what you had fled from. Maybe the chance of real companionship, someone who didn’t use you for your power and appreciated you for who you were.

“Discuss we will have to this difficult topic.”, Master Yoda finally joined in. “Leave us now. Lead you outside, Master Kenobi should.”

Before Kenobi could leave, you stopped him grabbing his arm.

“I know it doesn’t look good for me, but I want to thank you for everything that you have done for me.”

Letting your eyes roam over the room you suddenly noticed that one of the windows was slightly ajar. Standing up you furrowed your brows in confusion before walking towards it. Had someone left it open on accident? In the distance underneath the window you could clearly make out another part of the temple. You would probably survive the jump. This could be your last chance to flee.

You grasped the window, but drew your hands back in hesitation.

Anything was better than going back. What did it matter that you would most likely end up in a prison cell. At least you wouldn’t have to fear for your former Master’s wrath every waking moment. You knew that Count Dooku would find you anywhere. Back at his side waited another prison for you that wasn’t confined by physical restrictions.

“I am truly sorry. I wish I could do more for you, but the choice isn’t mine.”, he replied with a sad smile, before he finally left you alone.

Sighing you walked back towards the spot on the wall imitating your earlier position.

The minutes turned into hours and the sky outside was painted in vibrant colours as the door opened again. Out came Master Kenobi followed by the small, green Master. Anxiously you stood up, waiting for the two to say something.

“The council has decided to keep you here at the temple to keep an eye on you. I will personally oversee your... rehabilitation, but you cannot leave the premises and guards will be posted on your quarters at all times.”

“You will have to thank Master Yoda for that.”, the older man retorted with an amused twinkle in his eyes before leaving you to speak to the before mentioned.

You were speechless. You had expected to be send to prison, but here you were having an actual chance to turn your life around.

“... Thank you.”, you replied not really knowing what to say as tears of joy threatened to spill from your eyes.

“Seen your arrival, I have.”, he finally broke the silence. “You being here, the force’s will is.”

“This was a test, wasn’t it? Leaving the window open for me. You knew I wouldn’t run away.”, you exclaimed with a fascinated expression.

 The small individual stepped forward, a mysterious smile playing around his lips.

The Master simply smiled mischievously.

Two guards were leading you to the room you would be staying at. I wasn’t big and was just like the rest of the temple’s interior sparse, but it was yours. On your bed laid a neatly folded bundle of clothes, that you picked up and went to put on in the tiny adjacent bathroom. It was a pair of beige and brown Jedi robes that did surprisingly fit alright, you decided after taking a look at yourself in the small mirror. You pulled the necklace from the robes and started fiddling with it absentmindedly. You knew that Jedi didn’t think much of possession, but that you would definitely keep.

Kenobi, who apparently was now your supervisor, waited for you outside the room.

“Two guards will show you to your quarters. There you will find a set of new clothes, I’m afraid you will have to change your look if you would like to stay with us.”, he sassed with a smirk, as he finally removed your wrists from their restraints.

Slumping exhaustedly on the bed on the floor, you fell asleep almost immediately, having the first dreamless night in a long time.

Tomorrow you would wake up to a new beginning.

To be continued...

“I will pick you up to assess your skills early in the morning so get a good night’s sleep.”

Let me know if you would like to be tagged!

@rockyrocket15​ @hellotheregenerallkenobi​ @glitter-rian​

[cil-confirmed]

A request for help.

(04/24/20)

Hi. As I'm sure you have seen, I am really in a tough way as a result of the current health crisis.

My place of business is considered essential, and I am working as a result of this. However, due to living in a state with very restrictive distancing guidelines (which I do believe serves a greater good) I am working extremely reduced hours, have made close to no commission, and am spending more on daily transportation to get to work.

To make matters worse, I will not be receiving a stimulis check.

I am running extremely low on food. I have approximately enough to last until the end of the week if i eat one small meal a day.

I have transportation covered until about midweek next week, and I have bills due come the first.

I've been choosing between necessities and i'm reaching a point where too many plates are spinning and they're beginning to fall.

If you can comfortably help me in this time of need, you can do so here (https://www.paypal.me/deadnamed), but PLEASE do not give if you cannot explicitly afford to do so.

Pay jared bednarczyk using PayPal.Me

Go to paypal.me/deadnamed and type in the amount. Since it’s PayPal, it's easy and secure. Don’t have a PayPal account? No worries.

I don't have any hardline goals, as the realistic number I would need to hit to stabilize the situation fully would be beyond what I feel comfortable to ask of you all, but $100 would buy me a week of food AND at least another 2 days of transportation.

Reblogs and signal boosts help greatly.

Thank you so much, and I'm sorry for the e-begging.

[miss-lumiere]

Are you still writing hidden affection?

Yes, in fact I am writing the next chapter at the moment. :)

[miss-lumiere]

Hello I'm a fan of your works especially the ”Hidden affection” and I'm wondering when will you update the next chapter of hidden affection

Hey, "hidden affection" was on a hiatus for some time, but now I have more time, I will continue the series. :)

[miss-lumiere]

wow wow wow!! I love redemption so much!!!

Thank you, that means a lot to me! :)

[miss-lumiere]

Redemption | Part I

Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x reader

Summary: A young sith apprentice on their first mission. Although a chance to prove yourself to your dark masters presents itself, you do the exact opposite of what is expected of you. Putting yourself at the jedi master Kenobi’s merci, you plead him to lead you from the dark side and show you the way of the light. But will your attempt to redeem yourself be futile and the pull to the dark side be too strong?

Wordcount: ~2400

Warnings: angst, canon-violence

A/N: Hey guys, I hope you and your families are healthy. This is somewhat the prequel to a longer series I have planned, it will be a slow burn but Obi-Wan will appear in the next chapter. Sorry I haven’t posted in some time, uni was very stressful and I was lacking the motivation, but now in times of quarantine I found some time again to write. I hope you enjoy this, I am always happy to receive messages and feedback :) Masterlist  Part II

Alongside your sister in training, Asajj Ventriss you had been send to a planet on the outer rim that was currently under the protection of the Republic. The goal of the attack was to weaken the hold of the Republic on the planet, since it was rich in resources, which the seperatists wished to aquire. Yet Ventriss was the only one allowed to get her hands dirty. For now you would have to be satisfied with observing the fighting, since you were not cleared for missions yet. Although your master had assured you would join the fighting soon.

It would be your first mission and to say you were nervous was an understatement. No, you were terrified. Terrified you would fail and disappoint your master, for failure would often result in punishment. On the other hand, you were curious to get the chance to fight a jedi yourself, or even better, defeat one. The prospect of impressing Count Dooku, as unlikely as that might have been, nevertheless overshadowed your fear. You had been trained by the Count for a few years now and your fingers were itching to finally aide in destroying the jedi.

You were currently hidden atop a higher building amidst the lush vegetation of the planet, your dark cloak flowing in the wind. The droid squadron marched further into the city engaging the first clones breaking out of the treeline. The clones managed to hold their ground neither fronts having the upper hand. Thats what you were here for.

Ventriss was beside you, a sadistic smirk forming on her face as the first jedi revealed himself. It was Skywalker, as calculated by your Master, followed by his togrutan padawan. Not having noticed you yet, the two jedi reinforced the clones, sprinting to the front, slashing droids in their way. As the two were seperated, Ventriss let out a malicous laugh, jumping of the building to engange the younger one.  As the jedi master noticed the two fight, you understood why Ventriss had enganged her first. It seemed her master was fiercely protective of her. Skywalker slashed his way through the oncoming droids trying to reach the girl yet was held back as they seemed to swarm him. No doubt your master’s plan. Storming towards the young female with a battle cry, the red and green of the two lightsabers clashed together.

Asajj Ventriss was relentless, hitting her opponent with fast and strong strikes, but the apprentice seemed to be able to stand her ground, parrying her attacks elegantly. The jedi apprentice was strong with the force and skilled, you had to give her that, but you knew that Ventress’ had a few tricks up her sleeves herself. She wouldn’t hesitate to fight dirty, while trickery wasn’t the jedi way.

Skywalker’s padawan had just gotten the upper hand through a mistake Ventriss had made, as the latter shifted her weight to one of her legs while the other kicked dirt up in the togrutans direction, hitting her in the face. The girl was stunned, lowering her guard just for a second, but that was enough to make her trip, landing on her back. The mistress pushed forward ready to deal the final blow, as an invisible force pushed her backwards flying through the air. Skywalker had finally managed to reach the fight between the jedi and the sith, reaching for his Padawan, helping her up, making sure she was fine. Hastily looking around herself, Ventriss noticed the absence of her lightsaber, instictively grabbing a blaster off the ground before pulling the trigger. Everything after that seemed to happen in slow motion: The jedi master leaps infront of the shocked girl taking the hit for her before going to the ground.

In that moment your smirk vanishes, and your mouth opens in surprise. Nevertheless, the jedi being hit, as impossible as that feat itself seemed, wasn’t what surprised you. You knew that the Mistress was a force to be reckoned with. No, what surprised you was the master taking a hit for his apprentice. You had never expected him to protect her, while threatening his own life.

Meanwhile the scene before you unfolded further, Clones forming a protective circle around the pair as the apprentice helped her master up, who was apparently not fatally wounded, before retreating hastily into the woods. Yet you were frozen. You couldn‘t fathom what you had seen before you. You had known that the jedi were sentimental but you had never expected the extend of the bond Skywalker seemed to share with the young jedi. What irked you more, was that you were aware that your „sister“, let alone master, would not once hesitate to sacrifice you for the „greater good“.

Following the jedis’ retreat, the sound of a landing craft approaching your position filled your ears, informing you to leave. You turned towards the commotion, pushing your black shawl over one shoulder before approaching the edge of the roof you had been observing from. Landing elegantly on the dark grass afoot the building, you rushed towards your fellow apprentice, who was already waiting for you at the boarding ramp, meeting your eyes with a triumphant smirk.

“About time we showed those jedi where they belong.”, she announced as she turned away, you following her up the ramp. “I bet you can’t wait to report back to our Master.”, you retorted with a scoff, although a humorous undertone hinting at your amusement. You wouldn’t exactly call her a friend, since there was already a growing rivalry for Count Dooku’s favour even if you hadn’t been allowed on any missions yet. Nevertheless, she was the closest thing to a companion that you had. It wasn’t that you spent a lot of time together outside of training sessions, but at least she had never chosen you to be become the target of her anger. Yet, you thought. Your relationship was about to drastically change as you would gain more power, a thing you already sectretly dreaded.

“Get out of my way.”, she snapped at a droid before pushing it angrily away. You followed her further into the inside of the ship before daring to speak again. “Sorry, Mistress.”, the droid responded shakily, before backing up slowly.

“How did you know attacking the young one would have the effect it did?”, you asked hesitantly. “The Jedi are predictable. Their compassion is their biggest weakness.”, she spoke with her back still facing you before turning around completely. “You can use it to your advantage.”

“How foolish of them to form attachments to their apprentices.”, you added absentmindedly. “Oh, it will cost them greatly, especially after I am finished with them.”, she laughed coldly. “Oh and you will surely get a chance at that yourself.”

Somehow the prospect of killing jedi didn’t bring you as much joy as you would have liked. Yes, you were angry when you had to be, but that passion that fueled your power didn’t come from your hatred for jedi, no matter how hard your master had tried to indoctrinate you. This anger was often accompanied by fear, the fear to not rise up to expectations, since your failure would not be without consequences.

“I will let the Master know of my success.”, she announced in her usually cold tone before retreating further into the ship, leaving you alone.

 Smoke filled your lungs as you crawled your way out of the burning shack, screams filling the air as tears fell freely from your eyes. You turned around to search for someone. Someone important to you, more important than anything else. You started rushing forward, pushing past anyone stumbling in your way, panicked voices reaching your ears. A deep fear reached your mind almost paralyzing you as you reached the burning hut, about to collapse. A shrill scream reached your ears as you fell to your knees, attempting to reach the remains of the building. Suddenly, a cold, strong grip held you back by your arm, pulling you away. You turned around to see a man with a sadistic grin on his face, making you respond by kicking and screaming. The man tightened his grip, the last thing you saw a glowing red light near your face before you were engulfed in darkness.

 You jolted awake, sweat soaking your sheets. The cry that left your mouth shook you out of your paralysis, making you draw in a deep shaky breath. As you clutched your thin blanket to your chest, your knuckles turning white, you closed your eyes. It had only been a dream, you told yourself over and over to calm yourself. But it wasn’t just a dream.

You remember it as clearly as if it had been yesterday, it just felt as real. You had laughed and played together before it had happened. Before the beginning of the end. Before you were made into this shell, a ghost of the person you were, you could have been.

You had tripped and your mother craddled you in her arms to comfort you as the first blasters went off. She had immediately clutched you to her chest tightly, whispering how everything would be alright, as tears escaping her eyes. Now you knew that she had just tried to protect you, but back then you believed her. You didn’t know that from then on nothing would be the same anymore, your life in shatters. Your mother had picked you up before making you hide underneath the bed, assuring you she would return for you. That was about 17 years ago, but you couldn’t be sure.

A tear made its way down your face, before you angrily rubbed it away with the back of your hand. You couldn’t be weak right now, you had to be strong to get through this, to become powerful, powerful enough so no one could hurt you any longer. And still you couldn’t help but feel trapped. A different life was after all just that: a dream.

Worse yet, you were sure you would never have such a meaningful relationship with anyone as you had with your mother, someone that really cared. You yearned to feel the warmth of someone’s embrace again, remembering your mothers touch only vaguely. Someone to remind you of why you were still fighting.

You thought back to the fight against the jedi earlier, how the master and padawan seemed to care for each other so deeply. They would’ve died for each other, something that none of your acquaintances would even consider, not your master nor Ventress.

With a sigh you turned back around, making yourself comfortable again. You would have to get at least a few hours of good nights sleep to not get your ass handed to you in tomorrow’s training session.

To be continued...

  If you would like to be tagged, please let me know!

[miss-lumiere]

Heyyyyy! So I just binge read ‘Hidden Affection’ and I am obsessed. The interaction between Jim and reader sent shivers. Please tell me youre still writing this?? Also could I be added to the tag list? Thank youuuu :)

Thank u :)

[kaworin]

[surfdog2000]

what th

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I’VE BEEN TRYING TO find this again for THREE YEARS but once Free! came out I couldn’t google ANIME SWIMMING CLIP ANYMORE

[tierradelatrasero]

This is such a god damn amazing piece of animation

[justatechnowizard]

[chazzfox]

Oh myfdb c

[littlehobbit13]

Honestly, Golden Boy in general is an underrated masterpiece.

[skeletonize]

i was looking at old photos and i wanted to show you how our story went, a little

bronwyn and i met at age 12 but i dont have any photos from then, really, but this is from grade 9 science class when we were being goofs and i was 13

this is from our first ever sleepover, we couldn’t stop laughing and we were sleeping on a mattress on the floor and we went to boston pizza and got plastic rings that we both still have (bronwyn kept hers on a necklace after that)

i went to bronwyn’s cottage for the first time in the summer after grade 9

we had our first kiss in grade 10 when i was 14 and were in a weird kind of dating limbo period

then i moved to the states and turned 15 and told bronwyn i was in love with her and we visited every chance we could and she sent me flowers and packages

then i went to junior prom with her and bronwyn cut her hair

then we had the most beautiful summer where i spent 5 weeks at her cottage and i cut my hair

then i went back to miami for 12th grade and turned 16 and bronwyn was 17 and we went to senior prom together

then i moved back to canada for university when i was turning 17 and we finally lived in the same place again and we loved each other so much and got breakfast together every day

then after a beautiful summer we started living together when i was 18 and bronwyn was 19  and we went to bahrain together and bronwyn dyed her hair brown and now i get to see her every morning and every night and we adventure in our city and have a coffee shop and love each other more than i could have thought. there were periods of scary intense darkness but we love each other so much and i’ve never been happier. i’ve known bronwyn since i was 12 and now i’m almost 19 and i love her more and more.

[skeletonize]

i’m never on here anymore, but i wanted to share that almost a month ago bronwyn and i got engaged!! under a beautiful tree on a perfect day and for the rest of my life i get to pursue her and care for her and make her laugh. i’ve said this so many times but now more than ever: if this is all i get, it’s so much more than i could have hoped for.

[hopeful-weirdo]

This makes me so happy

[castielsteenwolf]

this is the future gays want

[sarahlouiseghost]

This is amazing! 😭🙌🏻👻

[miss-lumiere]

Hidden Affection - Chapter Five

Sherlock x reader x Moriarty Synopsis: Sherlock’s and John’s lives are about to drastically change, when John’s younger sister he hasn’t seen in years, appears at their doorstep. After living with the two for a while, Sherlock grows fond of the younger, intelligent woman. He feels connected to her like he never did before with another human being. But will the attention of a certain criminal mastermind get in the way?

Wordcount: 4k Warning: mention of minor death, bit of angst, fluff A/N: Guys!!! I honestly could have never imagined that so many people would read let alone like this story. Thanks to every single one of you who is still sticking around, this means so much to me. It motivates me immensely to know that you guys enjoy it, pls feel free to message me. Thanks for 200+ Followers, and pls let me know if you’d like to be tagged! Also a special thx to my friends that spend their valuable time to beta-read my stuff, lov u! P.S. The pool scene is nearing and I’m already so excited for writing it! Enjoy!

Masterlist  Chapter Four

The Realization

The car from the ominous picture the bomber had sent as a hint had been found near a river on some sort of empty parking space. As Sherlock, John, the Detective Inspector followed by Donovan and you arrived at the scene, forensics were already examining the car. “The car was hired yesterday morning by an Ian Monkford. Banker of some kind; City boy. Paid in cash.”, Lestrade explained as he led us to the car while looking through some notes. “Told his wife he was going away on a business trip, but he never arrived.” Sherlock followed him towards the front doors of the car, starting to examine the inside, while John, Donovan and you stayed a little behind. “You’re still hanging round him.”, Donovan suddenly stated towards John in a judging tone. “Yeah, well…”, John said awkwardly turning towards the car as if to try to evade the conversation. “And his ‘Fanclub’ grows bigger.”, the female Officer snarled studying you with a stern expression. You simply huffed not giving into the temptation to give her a speech. “Opposites attract, I suppose.” “No, we’re not..” “You should get yourself a hobby – stamps, maybe. Model trains. Safer.” “Well, but where would be the fun in that? If you didn’t like it that way yourself you wouldn’t have taken this job.”, you dead-panned with a shit-eating grin not being able to resist the possibility of annoying her at which she simply rolled her eyes. Then she turned to you. “What about you, are you his girlfriend? Pf, who am I kidding as though the psychopath would be capable of such emotions.” First your facial features showed an expression of confusion and disbelief before you broke into laughter. Both John and Donovan seemed to be taken by surprise at your outburst. Soon after, contrary to John, who couldn’t stop a crooked smile from appearing on his face Donovan threw a death-glare your way before turning to leave. “What a bitch.”, you mumbled, still half a grin on your face as Donovan returned to the Detective Inspector followed by an amused chuckle from John. Donovan could not keep her mouth shut around the three of you. You could understand why she would dislike Sherlock, but did she have to use every opportunity to insult him and judge you for being his friends? People like her were surely the reason why Sherlock turned into the person he was now. And as little as you knew about her, she certainly wasn’t the most charming person either. Though, as the two of you followed her closer to the car, you couldn’t seem to focus on the scene in front of you. No matter how sure you were that Donovan’s opinions were simply shallow-minded means to insult you, her words had left you thinking. You knew that her question regarding Sherlock’s and your relationship was dripping with sarcasm, but it hadn’t been the first time someone had referenced a romantic intention behind your bond. People had asked you that questions on various occasions now and each and every time had left you in a mix of confusion, embarrassment and amusement. You hadn’t thought about Sherlock in that way and the same surely applied the other way around. The thought of Sherlock in a romantic relationship with anyone seemed far-fetched and somewhat comical. Whether Donovan was right about Sherlock being incapable of falling in love you were not sure. Nevertheless, Sherlock was the least sexual person you had probably ever met. Basically you knew a whole lot of nothing regarding Sherlock and romance. The rest of the case you weren’t much of a help since you were to distracted to focus on the case. Nevertheless, you tagged along trying your best to be of any help at all. You hadn’t been sleeping well the past days, too concerned what the bomber’s next move would be, but of course you were far too proud to mention anything to your brother or friend. You knew that the guy liked to play games, to rub it in your face how close but still how far you would always be away from capturing him. He got off on the rush of someone chasing him, someone getting close, especially someone as brilliant as Sherlock Holmes. Nevertheless, you knew that he would want to show how much in control of the situation he was. Naturally sooner or later you would find yourself face to face with the monster. And that thought kept you awake at night. But as brilliant as Sherlock was, he managed to solve the case with or without your help in no time. You would honestly never get tired of watching Sherlock on a case. There was this glimm in his eyes every time and it made him seem so much more alive. It turned out the banker had in fact staged his abduction and had fled to Columbia. Of course the bomber had called again, luckily releasing his poor victim, which would surely grant you some sleep that night. After the call, John left having decided to stay at his girlfriend’s now that there was no case. With the case on your minds John had been spending less and less time with her and she had complained to him multiple times that he was putting the cases before her. Before walking out the door he left a kiss on your forehead telling you he’d be back in the morning. As much as you loved your brother’s presence you really had been looking forward to the time you would be spending with Sherlock. “So, what are we doing now that we have the apartment all to ourselves?”, you asked the latter expectantly who had been sitting in his chair for the past twenty minutes starring off nowhere. You stood up from the sofa pulling your coat tighter around yourself - since the bombing incident it was terribly cold inside the apartment - before stepping closer to the detective. “Please tell me you are not going to stay in your mind-palace all evening.”, you added grumpily. At that the detective’s lips curled into a smile before he slowly stood up disappearing into his bedroom for a minute. As he returned his arms were crossed behind his back and a mischievous smile was plastered on his face. “What are you up to?”, you questioned both curious and a little unnerved. “Come here.”, he simply stated stepping in front of the coffee table. “What for?” “You’ll see.”, Sherlock answered cryptically with a mysterious closed-lipped smile on his lips. Hesitantly and with narrow eyes you moved to the spot in front of the sofa where Sherlock stood with his arms crossed behind his back. “As you had asked me during our conversation in the ambulance, I will teach you how to wield a gun.” “Seriously, you will?”, you reacted excitedly. “But what about John?” “He doesn’t have to find out, does he?”, the black-haired man replied with a chuckle winking at you which made the blood rush to your face. Before you could ask any further questions Sherlock pulled his gun from behind his back examining it absentmindedly. He took a few steps closer to you handing you the gun. It was heavier than you expected and at the realization that it was a potentially deadly weapon you held in your hands a shiver ran down your spine. You had never held a gun in your hands before and this excited and frightened you the same. Seeing how awkwardly you held the gun, your friend stepped behind you putting his hands on yours showing you the right positions for your fingers. His chest was now slightly pressed against your back and you could smell the scent of his aftershave. The closeness made you almost forget the gun you held in your hands and your hold loosened making it almost drop to the floor. “Careful!”, Sherlock warned you and his warm breath was slightly fanning against your ear. “Oh, sorry!”, you responded nervously never having been this close to the man before. “You don’t have to be afraid. If you’re lucky you will never even have to use a gun. This is simply for your own protection.” You nodded inhaling deeply before straightening your posture. “Alright, let’s do this.” After removing the safety he slowly lifted your arms higher towards the yellow smiley on the wall in front of you before pulling the trigger. You were glad that Sherlock’s hands were still around yours because the knockback was stronger that you had thought and the bang made you jump slightly. “I will explain the components of a gun to you and show you how to remove the magazine later, but I will let you calm down first.”, Sherlock said with a tiny smile as he lowered the gun carefully taking it from your hands. Before vanishing back into his bedroom you thanked him. Were you imagining things or was he seriously smiling more recently? After the first shock had surpassed you calmed down feeling the rush of adrenaline passing through your veins. Holding the gun had made you feel in control and powerful despite being somewhat frightened by the potentially deadly weapon. You knew you would probably never get used to that and maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. Anyways, you would try to use this knowledge as little as possible. After you had calmed down a little bit drinking a cool glass of water in the kitchen Sherlock returned with the gun and you both sat down on the sofa. The rest of the evening was spend talking about gun, Sherlock explaining the different components of a gun and how to load and reload it. Since the last days had been very exhausting and emotional you both went to sleep soon after. Knowing that you now knew at least how to protect yourself made you feel a little safer and that night you drifted off into the first dreamless sleep in days. The next morning, John had met you in a Café – not Speedy’s this time – where you discussed the case and waited for any further instructions from the bomber, as much as you disliked it. The three of you were seated at a small table, John and you munching on some breakfast as Sherlock refrained from getting something to eat like he always did when he was focused on a case. “Feeling better?”, Sherlock asked John causally while drumming his fingers on the table in front of him. He had been on edge from waiting for the call all morning, although you were sure it was rather excitement than tension. “Mmm. You realise we’ve hardly stopped for breath since this thing started?” “Didn’t get much sleep yesterday, I presume.”, you jumped in wiggling your eyebrows suggestively making John choke on his food. “Has it occurred to you ...?”, John started ignoring your previous comment about his nightly activities but not without sending you a death glare. “Probably.” “No – has it occurred to you that the bomber’s playing a game with you? The envelope; breaking into the other flat; the dead kid’s shoes – it’s all meant for you.” At that comment you rolled your eyes. Sherlock had been right, John was truly amazing at stating the obvious. “Yes, I know.”, Sherlock responded looking somewhat proud. “Is it him, then? Moriarty?” “Perhaps.” “What, who’s Moriarty?”, you exclaimed confused looking between the two men. The two exchanged worried glances before Sherlock answered. “A fan of mine. Supposedly the reason behind all the killings in the first case John and I solved together.” “But I thought that was that cabbie John mentioned in his blog?”, you questioned even more confused than before. Why had the two kept this from you? “It was, but he was the one who pulled the strings.” “Why didn’t you tell me? So there is this weirdo that is obsessed with you and now potentially the bomber and you keep that information from me?”, you exclaimed slightly annoyed. “We didn’t mean to keep this from you but we didn’t want to involve you in this more than you already are. I just want to keep you safe, (Y/N).”, your brother explained with regret written all over his face. This was typical. Of course, the two would withhold crucial information that could potentially prove essential for the case from you treating you like a delicate flower. “Honestly, I am as much a part of this team as you two even if I may not have that much to contribute to the cases, I’m giving it my everything. I deserve to have this information, I am not some damsel in distress!”, you exclaimed pissed off after standing up. The time in which you had lived in this questionably strange and potentially dangerous yet in its own way charming world you had gotten into quite a lot of fights with both or one of them. You and your brother had your differences in the past. It was especially his – in your opinion – misplaced protectiveness that annoyed you. Although you had spent quite some time arguing with him about how you were old enough or smart enough to do this or that, you had given up on wasting your anger on it. Especially since you knew he only meant well, something you had tried to ignore as an irritated and self-centred adolescent. Thus, you couldn’t stay angry at him for very long. Sherlock was a whole different thing. While some of his behaviour still irked you and probably always would, his words had the ability to reach into the deepest corners of you heart. Your admiration for him made you more vulnerable than you would ever admit to yourself let alone someone else. You knew it was not healthy to be dependent on someone else’s opinions. It was inevitable that you would get hurt sooner or later. Despite everything Sherlock seemed to see some kind of potential in you, he had this trust in you that you couldn’t comprehend. Every time he encouraged you or uttered a word of defense regarding you, you felt that his trust was misplaced, that one day you he would see how wrong he was. You wanted to have this trust in yourself, but the thought of disappointing him and thus yourself filled you with fear. “I’m sorry.”, John answered with the same expression from earlier a little shocked at your outburst while Sherlock simply looked a little caught off guard. “I need some air. Bloody hell…”, you mumbled while leaving the café to calm your nerves. About ten minutes later the two men left the café, turning to you. “You were right. You deserve being let in on matters of such importance.”, your brother proclaimed as he approached you with an apologetical smile. “It’s fine, just please don’t keep things from me because you feel like you need to protect me, especially not things as important as this.”, you replied with a tiny smile playing around your lips putting an arm around your brother. “You know, you not being a valuable addition to us is anything but true.”, Sherlock chimed in with an encouraging smile. “Did Sherlock Holmes just indirectly compliment me?!”, you mouthed to John in fake-disbelief and with wide eyes which earned a chuckle from the somewhat retired doctor. “As much as I would like to stay here chatting we have more important matters to attend to.”, Sherlock interrupted somewhat stern as he always did but with a contradicting cheery undertone, before directing his deep voice at you. “The bomber reached out to us: We have a new case.” The next case apparently revolved around a TV Star named Connie Prince who was famous for her make-overs and who you’ve never heard about before. You were not sure if you were supposed to be surprised by the fact that John knew so much about her show. He was the one in your “household” that watched crap telli the most, to your amusement and to Sherlock’s annoyance and frustration. He never understood how someone could “waste their time on something so trivial and insignificant” as watching TV. Your first stop was the St. Bart’s morgue to examine the body of the former famous woman. You had never been in the morgue before, and you were already tense not sure how you would react. As Lestrade led you through the door of the morgue, her body was already laid on a table for you to examine her, more for Sherlock and John for that matter, since you had no more anatomical knowledge than Neurobiology required. As the Inspector Detective opened the file he had picked up the four of you stepped closer to the body. “Connie Prince, fifty-four. She had one of those make-over shows on the telly. Did you see it?”, he started but you didn’t really listen. Everything somewhat a blur as your focus was solely on the body. You had seen corpses before but never one that had died a violent death and the thought was sickening. You had been able to distance yourself but now disturbing thoughts and pictures started to flood your mind. How could someone take a life? How did she feel before she died? Was the killer someone close to her? The thought ran a shiver down your spine and you only noticed a single tear had made its way down your cheek as a concerned voice ripped you out of your thoughts. “(Y/N)! (Y/N)? Are you alright?”, said the voice that was now relatively close to you. As you turned in its direction you acknowledged it to be your brothers who had put a hand on your shoulder. “I- Yeah- I just…”, you trailed off blinking and shaking your head as if to clear your mind. “Hey, we’re going to step out for a second.”, John announced probably to the other two men in the room who you had almost forgotten about. The two of you turned towards the door, John leading you with an ensuring grip on your shoulder while his thumb caressed you soothingly. Before you left you turned your head around to Sherlock and Lestrade who were still standing near the body, Lestrade was watching you with a slightly worried look while Sherlock’s expression was didn’t give anything away except for perhaps underlying surprise. John closed the door behind the two of you and you leaned on the wall next to the door drawing a shaky breath. “I’m fine.”, you retorted in a shaking voice that was weaker than you hoped it would be. “Look, I know you’re not and there is no shame in admitting that.” “…I just- all these feelings and thought’s occupy my mind – Its not… easy to explain.” Another tear escaped your eyes and you made an effort to aggressively wipe it away. You couldn’t just cry again, you had so many times in the last month and you were ashamed of that. You usually were so strong but all this made your feel so vulnerable and weak. You wrapped both your arms around yourself not daring to meet John’s eyes as he positioned himself next to you on the wall. “I remember the first time I had to see a corps who had died by another human’s hand. It was years ago and I can tell you it wasn’t easy for me either, it never is. But it will get better, you will get used to it, the first time is simply overwhelming.” You wanted to show him a thankful smile but it didn’t reach your eyes. John was a great brother and his words comforted you but you were still a little shocked by the experience and would need a while to calm down and wrap your head around everything. “Look, I am going to call us two a cab and you can spend the rest of the day in the apartment recovering. I will return to Sherlock once I dropped you off. I would rather stay with you, but the woman’s life is at stake and we only have so much time.” “Okay.”, you simply answered with a weak smile. “Thanks, John.” Half an hour later, John had dropped you off at 221b hugging you affectionately before having stepped back into the cab and taking off to wherever Sherlock was now. As you stepped into the apartment you went into the kitchen, brewing yourself some tea before sitting back down on the sofa grabbing a blanket and curling yourself in it. After taking a much needed sip of the hot beverage you grabbed your phone texting John. Please keep me updated on the case. And thanks for earlier, John. (Y/N) You grabbed one of the books that you were currently reading when you weren’t running about solving cases with the two questioningly crazy men which had grown on you. Of course John was your brother but the distance of the many years spent without any exchange of words left its toll on your relationship. You were very happy that the two of you had grown closer, it was almost as if the military thing didn’t happen and you were glad for that. Reaching the end of the first page you noticed you hadn’t a clue what you had just read since you found it hard to focus on a single word. The thoughts that still pestered your subconscious pushed any word you’ve read away. With a sigh you closed the book again. You knew what would help you: A warm bath would definitely comfort you and relax your aching muscles due to the countless hours you spent on the cases and the lack of sleep. Lowering yourself in the steaming water, you sighed and closed your eyes, letting the warmth embrace your aching body and soul. You were still a little shook by the events of the last hour. Sure, you had seen corpses before at university, but this was different. Also, you had mostly to do with brains and less with the corpses themselves. You were still quite disappointed in yourself. You had been touched by so many things these past weeks and the urgency of the current cases didn’t help you very much to get those disturbing memories out of your head. You needed to relax and time to process everything. You were ashamed of yourself. Ashamed of the fact that you weren’t stronger than this, strong enough to help rescue the poor woman’s life. At the thought of your brother and especially Sherlock, guilt filled you. What would he be thinking of you? He had recognised your intellect and therefore potential and now it turned out that you were just like the other, just ordinary? No, you were not someone who wasted your potential. You were an intelligent and kind woman and even if your were “just” ordinary you were still great the way you were. And you would make sure to become the possibly best version of yourself. You would not disappoint the people close to you. But you were human and humans have weaknesses. All you could do was be brave and stand up to your fears, stop running away like you did from your former life. Take care of the problem instead of the symptoms. A ring ripped you out of your inner pep talk. Unlocking your phone you noticed it was a text message from John. I will keep you updated, but try to keep your mind of it a bit. It's fine, (Y/N), nothing to thank me for. John The following hours you made yourself something to eat, watched some telli and tried to read on the sofa (that was turned into a make-shift bed) which ultimately ended up in making you fall asleep. Later in the evening – you were fast asleep – a certain Detective put a blanket over your sleeping form putting the book on the coffee table that still rested on your head partially hiding your face, the tiniest smile and an amused expression adorning his features.  Tags: @angeloftheopera1800 @singe666 @everevening913 @riridmanngrl @littlepsycho6666 @science-hoes @whatababeleia @igiveupicantthinkofausername @spencercollective @deanskitten @maturity-is-overrated-27 @protectteamfreewill @thequintess @weird-goff-girl @eagleandthebutterfly @the-queen-procrastinator