I feel like if I'm going to feel this way in my relationship I should just be alone.
I feel alone, unwanted, disliked, unlovable literally everything. I cant do anything right. Every word that comes out of my mouth is followed by his sigh, eyeroll, or just rude tone. Its fucking obvious he doesn't like me, even if he does love me. We don't have fun. I can't remember the last time I didnt feel like I was bothering him. He feels trapped with me because I want to be monogamous. Im fed up with him wanting to be polyamorous. Its doomed.
I dont know why we ever made plans for our future, building a house or anything. We are supposed to buy property together next month but I don't think I can do it. Its not going to last. Especially not like this. Im getting to my limit of how I can take of another person making me feel like shit.
When I told him last month there was absolutely no way im going to include other people in our sex lives it changed everything. Its weird to see an instant shift in how someone views you. Maybe im just a fucking sex object to fulfill his unhealthy unrealistic fantasies. Because he can't think of me and another girl fucking our sex is shit. Ive never had sex with someone and they just look bored. He doesnt touch me hardly at all. He doesn't go out of his way to spend time with me. All he does is get mad at me, follow girls in our city's sex work twitter, tries to get girls to be into him, and make me feel like shit because I don't want to have sex with other people.
Im done trying to please people i love at the cost of myself. Im finished trying to convince people to love me. Im tired of getting into relationships with fucked up people. Im tired of being fucked up myself. Im just exhausted.
I've never loved someone so much i dont want to lose him, but I really don't want to put myself in a bad place. This have only gotten worse.
At the end of the day I will figure things out for myself.
vaporwave
yousharknotpass
